Like special hugs, eating out together, and slumber parties!
Looking across the pristine, smooth crystal surface of the round map at her friends, Twilight Sparkle was pondering. While it was certainly not unusual for all to be present, a few key factors made this a little special.
Well, different. Different was perhaps more appropriate.
For starters, the magical holographic display was nowhere to be seen. Meaning there was no known friendship problem that needed anypony’s attention. Faint snoring from within the table meant that its tiny, canid groundskeeper was likewise uninterested in the goings-on outside.
However, what was even stranger was that Twilight didn’t call the meeting.
In fact, it was called by not one or two, but literally all of her six best friends who insisted they get together to discuss a matter of some importance.
“Sooo… uh… everypony…” Twilight began meekly, with a hint of nervousness. “What, uh… what seems to be the trouble?”
Several beats of awkward silence followed as the ponies and dragon present all exchanged glances.
“So, uh…” Applejack interjected. “Who wants to explain—”
Rarity interrupted. “All in favor of Applejack handling this one?”
Four hooves and one claw shot up. “Aye!”
“What?! NEI—Oh, dagnabbit!” Applejack sighed heavily with a tone that suggested this was a several-times-a-week occurrence for her and that she really shouldn’t be surprised. “Fine, ya lily-livered... Alright, Twilight, you know we all love you—”
“Just not in that way!” Rainbow Dash blurted out. “I mean, that way, sure if you asked - or even hinted - or just… I don’t know… threw me on a bed, or a cloud? You’re a pretty attractive mare, Twilight. There’s no WAY I’d say no to—”
“Rainbow,” Applejack interrupted in a chastising tone. “Could’ja not, fer like… a minute?”
Rainbow Dash thought for a moment. “Thirty seconds is my limit.”
Applejack smacked a forehoof against her face. “Anypony have something that can keep Rainbow in check fer just a bit?”
“You’re the one with the rope, Darling,” Rarity pointed out filing a hoof.
Rainbow Dash smirked. “Rainbow Dash likes where this is going!”
Applejack took the trouble to balance on her back legs and raise both forehooves to her face. “Any other bright ideas?”
Pinkie spoke up, “I have five ‘guilt pies’ stuffed in my mane for just such an occasion!”
Rainbow Dash’s face turned a slightly paler blue than usual. “I’ll be good…”
Applejack nodded.
“Still lost over here, girls...” Twilight stated, feeling less nervous and more curious by then.
“Uh, right.” Applejack refocused her attention towards Twilight. “Look, Twi, we’re just… Everypony here, including Spike—”
“Especially Spike!” Spike chimed in.
“Right, especially Spike. Well, we’re gettin’ an awful lot of odd looks and having strange conversations ‘cause you keep telling everyone we’re all ‘Friends with Benefits’.”
There was another beat of silence as Twilight took a long and measured look across the faces of the ponies and dragon present. “Why in Equestria would that result and all of you having awkward conversations with ponies?!”
Again, silence as everypony else exchanged glances.
“OooooooOOOOOOOoooooooooOOOOOOH!” Pinkie said as realization struck. “Twilight doesn’t know that the phrase means friends who fu—”
“Pinkie Pie,” Applejack interrupted, “I got this.”
Pinkie grinned and nodded. “Of course, Applejack! This will all be over soon if we just straight up tell Twilight what the phrase means.”
“Exactly,” Applejack agreed.
“And where’s the fun in that?” Pinkie continued giddily. “Go ahead, AJ.”
“Uh… thanks… Ah think…” Applejack turned back to Twilight. “Twi, erm… that phrase… ‘Friends with Benefits.’ It erm… it’s reserved for a special type of friend… Like… really, REALLY close and comfortable with each other friends.”
“Doing good, Applejack!”
“Shut it, Pinkie!” Applejack snapped.
“But, we ARE a special type of friend,” Twilight countered. “And really close! Like, closer than family, really!”
“Well, d’uuuh!” Rainbow Dash said with a smile. “Just… plantnotically…” She frowned. “Kinda, unfortunately.”
Pinkie giggle snorted, "Are trees now SAILING boats instead of being boats?" she frowned. "Oh, I made myself sad."
Fluttershy whimpered. "Me, too..."
"That's not a word, Rainbow," Twilight informed.
"What?!" Rainbow Dash protested. "You know... When a group of people love each other but unfortunately don't have sex together!"
Applejack sighed. "Like a normal friendship?"
Fluttershy sighed and muttered, "...'Unfortunate' is right..."
Applejack nodded in agreement, "Right, Fluttershy." She did a double-take. "Wait, what?"
“It’s ‘platonically’, darling,” Rarity corrected Rainbow Dash
Rainbow Dash turned to glare at Rarity. “Stop hanging out with your sister!”
"Where do you think she got it from?" Rarity countered smoothly. "My father thinks 'couture' is edible, and my mother believes that anything above three syllables is 'fancy.' "
“Could we focus, please?” Spike interjected. As troubled as he was by the need for this intervention, and as annoyed as he was by how badly it was being botched, he couldn’t help but smile at Twilight’s naivety. “No pony's doubting that, Twilight. Just, maybe there’s more to all this than you’ve really given thought to!”
“Oh, nice one, Spike!” Pinkie cheered. “Keep it vague, that’ll draw it out!”
“We all love you, Twilight,” Fluttershy interjected sweetly.
Twilight smiled warmly at Fluttershy. “Yes! I know that. Did you have any point to add…?”
“Erm, that’s all I got.” Fluttershy replied, adding a forlorn, "Unfortunately, it's all any of us are getting..."
“Oh! Okay, then! I love you all, too.” Twilight said. She frowned slightly. “I’m still not sure what you all think I’m missing, though. I mean, we’ve been through so much together and with that friendship and love comes extra benefits! I really think ‘friends with benefits’ sums up our relationship nicely!”
The atmosphere of the room changed in an instant as everyone stared at Twilight blankly.
Rainbow Dash sighed. “She’s not getting it.”
“Getting what?” Twilight asked, clearly still confused.
Spike nodded. “Yeah. Definitely.” He looked back at his pony compatriots. “Anypony else want to take a crack at this?”
“Yes, please,” Applejack said.
Pinkie Pie’s hoof shot up.
Spike’s mouth wrinkled. “Somepony who’s confident they can explain this without making things worse?”
“Worse?” Pinkie began with a smile. “Or better?”
“Pinkie’s disqualified on that comment alone,” Spike stated.
Pinkie responded by folding her forelegs across her chest and looking away with a pout on her face.
Rarity cleared her throat as she took a few steps forward. “Okay, Twilight, let’s try this. You understand how Starlight and Trixie are clearly friends with benefits, right?”
Her happy expression not changing a muscle, Twilight just nodded. “Yes, they’re very close!”
Rarity nodded. “Quite a bit closer than us seven, don’t you think?”
“I…” Twilight trailed off for a moment as everypony watched the gears turn in her head. “Oh, OH! I get it now!”
Rarity breathed a sigh of relief as most the ponies and one dragon present put on an expression one might wear if they wear staring at a boulder that was speeding down a hill towards them.
“I really need to make sure Starlight knows how much I enjoy our friendship with benefits!”
A collection of audible gasps, groans, and exhales of alarm went up through the crowd.
Twilight shook her head. “I can’t believe that me - the Princess of Friendship - let this slip for so long! Thanks, everypony! You’re all wonderful advisors! Especially you, Rarity! I have to fix this RIGHT now.”
Rarity raised a hoof. “Twilight! No, slow—”
With a magenta glow of her horn and a ‘Pomff!’ Twilight was gone.
"—down." Rarity felt her stomach reach new lows then keep digging as she sensed six pairs of eyes where suddenly all focused on her. She swallowed and slowly turned to face the music which she was the accidental conductor of.
“What did you do?” Spike asked in an annoyed tone.
Rarity let out a heavy sigh. “Okay, but who could have predicted she’d interpret my words that way?!”
Spike motioned to the other ponies present. “Literally every pony in this room! Probably a bunch of ponies OUTSIDE this room!”
Rarity frowned. “Even Fluttershy?”
“Oh my, especially me,” Fluttershy answered. “Honestly, I’m surprised it took this long for everything to go completely wrong.”
Rarity’s nose scrunched in annoyance. “Pinkie Pie?”
Pinkie giggled to herself. “I figured that was EXACTLY what was going to happen if I tried to explain things to Twilight!” she said as she trotted up to Rarity and patted the white mare’s shoulder knowingly. “Thank you for taking that magic beam blast for me.”
Rarity pressed a forehoof to her forehead. “Okay, I’ll admit this is a bit of a pickle we find ourselves in, but if we just rally, track down Twilight before she reaches Starlight, and be more direct with her, I’m sure the six of us—”
Rainbow lifted a forehoof and interrupted, “All in favor of getting Sunset Shimmer to fix this for us.”
Three hooves and a claw went up. “Aye!”
Rarity let out a sigh and added her hoof to the mix. “Agreed.”
Applejack spoke up. “Ah vote we have us meet up at Rarity’s, on account of this being Rarity’s fault and that Sunset might start burnin’ stuff.”
“What-what-WHAT?!” Rarity exclaimed. “Oh, that is just MOST unfai—”
“AYE!”
Rarity let out a defeated sigh and got out of her seat. “I’ll just… Uh… Okay, we’ll reconvene at my flammable home mode of wood and filled with fabrics, then, shall we?”
Pinkie bounded after Rarity chirping, “It’s really no worse idea than any other pony has had today!”
“I know, right?” Rainbow Dash agreed as she flew after the group.
“And I’m fireproof!” Spike announced proudly.
“And Ah have run out of bucks to give!” Applejack interjected.
Fluttershy slowly followed the group, concern written across every inch of her face. “I er, erm, um… okay then…”
Starlight stared listlessly at the ‘four-story’ tall house of cards she had created as she added cards to it here in there with all the enthusiasm of someone whose activity was barely more entertaining than repainting the walls a fourth time just to watch them dry.
Bored, bored, bored, bored… She thought as she began another triangle support at the button of the structure by effortlessly adding three cards to the side and bridging the new point and old structure with a fourth card as if it was second nature.
Trixie’s schedule has her out of town, Sunburst wants to take a short ‘restraining order’ from each other, I needed to take a short ‘restraining order’ from my dad, and to top it all off, all of the students seem perfectly well adjusted, and everypony else had to ‘borrow Twilight’ for a while… whatever that means. Starlight added mentally as she physically and effortlessly added a whole column of cards to her structure.
Reeeaaaally could use something to save me from this boredom, Universe.
With a magenta flash and a ‘Pomff!’ Twilight Sparkle appeared in front of Starlight’s desk.
Sweet, merciful horse apples! Okay, but warn a mare next time, Universe!
A not unfamiliar voice that sounded much like an unfamiliar-by-design draconequus suddenly reverberated in Starlight’s head. “Hey, you tried to obliterate me! I wasn’t likely to warn you before, but now I actively send chaos your way and eat popcorn. Have fun with that for the next TWO lifetimes!”
Starlight paused for a moment as her lips pulled into a tight frown. What?! Discord?!
“No, this is the universe, which you also tried to obliterate!” The voice countered, utterly marinated in sarcasm
Only Equestria! And only accidentally! And WHY ARE YOU IN MY HEAD?!
“Oh, there’s just so much room here I thought you’d never even notice!”
RUDE!
“ECHO! ECHO! Echo!”
I SWEAR I will figure out a spell to banish you from this entire PLANE if you don’t—
“Hi, Starlight! Sorry, am I interrupting?”
“Oh, Twilight!” Starlight said with a jump, collapsing the house of cards immediately. She hastily followed this up by clearing her desk of the cards with one swipe of a forehoof. Said cards more or less fell into a wastebasket by the side of her desk that immediately had its contents set on fire courtesy of a quick electric blue glow of Starlight’s horn. She slapped on a not-at-all convincing grin. “Those cards were like that when I came in… scattered on the floor, in the garbage, and also on fire.”
“Not unlike your life!”
Don’t you have anything better to do?
“No, not really. Watching the chaos you ponies create in your own lives has proven to be the best use of my time and… No, wait! My Fluttershy’s-Acting-Sexy Sense is tingling! I must go now! My mare needs m… well, to be observed. Ta-ta!”
Uh… bye? I mean! YEAH! and STAY out!
Twilight simply let out a mirthful laugh. “Oh, Starlight. I’m not here to talk about that!”
Starlight’s eyes snapped back into focus. “Right!” she agreed with a smidgen of over-enthusiasm “How would you know or even care about what I was doing with cards in here?!” Starlight thought about this for a moment. “Wait… Why WOULD you care?” Starlight looked down at the potential fire hazard in her office. “Why did I do that?”
With a magenta glow of her horn, Twilight manifested a fire extinguisher into existence and used it on the trash-can fire with the casual indifference of one who does this several times a week and has simply accepted it as a normal occurrence in her life. “I’m here to talk about friendship.”
Starlight let out a sigh with the weight of someone who heard that phrase several times a week and really wished it would leave her life entirely. “Go on.”
“Specifically, friends with benefits.”
Starlight’s eyes shot open wide with the speed of someone who never knew she needed to hear something in her life so much, yet didn’t know it until this moment. “You had my attention, but now you have my interest”
Twilight smiled warmly at Starlight. “Look, I know how close you are with Trixie, anypony with eyes can see that.”
Starlight looked at Twilight blankly a few times then let out a laugh. “Well, sure! I’m just surprised to hear you talking to me so openly about this, Twilight.”
Twilight let out a good-natured chuckle and shook her head. “I know it took me longer than it should have to accept your special friendship with Trixie, but I think it’s beautiful how you two are such good friends with benefits!”
Starlight snickered. “Well, even I know Trixie’s not the easiest mare to get along with, but she is easy if you catch my meaning.”
Twilight frowned slightly. “I’m… hrrmmm… I’m not sure that I do.”
Starlight simply let out another laugh. “Twilight! I’m just talking about how sleeping with Trixie is the best! I mean, you should really try it sometime! I know Trixie would be over the moon if say… you were over the Lulamoon.” Starlight punctuated her joke with the grin of a pony who had sat on a line a little too long and was chuffed with herself that she finally had a chance to use it.
Twilight dwelled on this for a moment. “Huh… Well, I’ll admit I’ve been hesitant about spending time with Trixie in the past, but who doesn’t enjoy a good slumber party?”
Starlight snorted out a laugh as she floated over a gently steaming mug. “Right?”
“Oh! You’re friends with benefits with Sunset, too right?”
Starlight spat out cocoa all over her desk and sputtered out a cough as she tried to compose herself. “Uh, Sunset and I are close, but not as close as you two even…”
Twilight nodded. “Oh yeah, Sunset and I have been friends with benefits ever since the whole siren attack.”
Starlight’s eyes widened. “Oh, details, please! I mea—” Starlight attempted a blank expression as she sipped her cocoa, but was unable to hide her curious smirk. “I see,” she deadpanned.
Twilight continued, “I’m sure if I talk to Sunset a bit, she’d be more than happy to become friends with benefits with you.”
“I uh… wow…” Starlight sat down heavily with her cocoa. “You really think Sunset would be okay with that?”
Twilight let out a laugh and shook her head. “Starlight, it’s SUNSET! She loves everypony!” Twilight smirked slightly. “You know… in her own Sunset way.”
“Er, I knew that…” Starlight said. “I mean, I thought I knew that, but I didn’t know THAT meant that Sunset was just down to… well… that!”
“I’ll talk to Sunset, you can talk to Trixie, and I’m sure the four of us can really explore being friends with benefits with each other!” Twilight said as she pumped an enthusiastic foreleg in front of her chest.
Starlight picked up her cocoa mug with both hooves and immediately dumped it all over her head.
“Starlight, what in Celestia’s name…?!”
“Sorry!” Starlight said, spraying a bit of cocoa over her desk. “I had to make sure I wasn’t dreaming! Also, ‘ow’! Also ‘yay’!” Starlight took a deep breath to relax as her horn glowed electric blue once more. An aura washed across her face not unlike a towel as she magicked away all the cocoa from her face she could. She gave Twilight a sheepish look. “Twilight, I’m really grateful and really looking forward to this!” Starlight glanced away for a second. “I mean… Sunset’s hot as hell in an almost literal sense of the phrase…”
Twilight laughed again. “Of course! What are Friends with Benefits for?”
“Uh… Are you being rhetorical, or…?”
Twilight’s expression suddenly turned serious as she took a step forward and locked her amethyst eyes with Starlight’s deep lavender ones. “Starlight?”
Starlight swallowed as she felt her heart pound in her chest and an unexpected, but not unwelcome warmth a stir up near the other side of her body. “Ye-yes, Twilight?”
“I’m sorry I never expressed how much you are a friend with benefits to me.”
“Erm... no time like the present?”
Twilight let out a soft chuckle before her face went serious again. “No, I mean it! I know you don’t always get along with my other friends, but just because I’m friends with benefits with all of them, doesn’t mean I can’t be a friend with benefits with you, too!”
Starlight found her eyes drifting upward for a moment. “Wait, all of them? Even, Spike?”
“Especially, Spike!” Twilight said in a somewhat desperate and breathy tone.
“Wow! I had no idea! To think all of this was happening right in the castle where I lived."
Twilight laughed and swatted at the air dismissively. "The castle, my friend's places, train rides... anywhere, really."
"Okay, now I feel a little left out!" Starlight declared.
Twilight frowned heavily. "Yeah, Rarity helped me realize I was making a mistake while all seven of us were sharing just how great it was being friends with benefits with each-other and I decided I needed to fix this right now."
Starlight tried to blink away her confusion. Failing that, she tried to see if words would help things. "R-really? All seven of you? All at once? And it was Rarity who said you should include me?"
Twilight nodded. "She was quite clear on that!"
Starlight's jaw dropped. "Uhh... You know what! Questions for later!” Starlight refocused her eyes on the mare who was already inches away from her face. “So uhh… should we maybe ‘discuss’ these benefits elsewhere? Say… your bedroom? Mine?”
Twilight took a moment to look around her surroundings in befuddlement. “What’s wrong with right here?”
Starlight’s eyes shot open wide and her body went rigid as only one word marched through her head.
Jackpot!
Before Twilight had clue one what was going on, Starlight cleared the surface of her desk with a swift and powerful tiny tidal wave of electric blue energy. She reached over the desk, pulled Twilight on top of it, and was suddenly on top of the mare all while Twilight’s brain desperately tied to piece together this very sudden and very dramatic change in events. Desperate for answers, she managed a quick “Starlight?! Wha—”
And then Starlight covered Twilight’s mouth with her own.
Rarity gulped and took a measured look at her house guest who already had a look like her time was being wasted and that the ponies present couldn’t seemingly get through even one semi-awkward confrontation without dragging the orange alicorn across time and space to fix their problem.
Which, to be fair…
Rarity took a small breath, composed herself, and smiled, “Sunset, dearest, it’s so GOOD of you to join us, and on such short notic—”
“Save it,” Sunset replied brusquely. “Which unicorn or alicorn is it this time and what is it they did or may do that’s more than likely will get you all killed if I don’t intervene, again?!” Sunset said, stressing the last word as if this was a weekly occurrence because it certainly was a weekly occurrence and it seemed she had inherited two sets of near-identical friends that were utterly incapable of staying out of trouble and solving their own problems without her help.
Spike cleared his throat, “Twilight is using the phrase ‘friend’s with benefits’ super wrong, and none of us want to deal with how awkward it is to talk about sex directly in front of her.”
"Well, I do!" Pinkie said. "But no pony will let me."
"And I'm still very, very shy when it comes to these things," Fluttershy added.
Sunset’s eyes shot open wide as they seemed to fill with angry red veins and drift across a small collection of colorful heads nodding up and down in agreement. Taking a moment to collect herself, Sunset raised a forearm to the bridge of her muzzle and sighed heavily. She looked over Spike then all the ponies present. “Okay, thank you for bringing this to my attention, but is it impossible for all of you to try to talk to Twilight about this yourselves instead of dragging me across worlds every time she or Starlight does something the least bit batty?” she enunciated carefully, being careful to lace her words with every bit of irritation she felt at the moment.
The group shifted uncomfortably while Pinkie gave a megawatt smile. “It’s not impossible, silly! It’s just super awkward and we’d rather not do it! And that’s what we have you for!”
Something behind Sunset Shimmer’s eyes broke as her face contorted in rage and she glared at Pinkie’s smiling face.
The other ponies immediately ran for cover. AJ hid behind the gently wafting lacy curtains, Rainbow shot to the ceiling, Fluttershy became a small yellow ball under her hair, and Rarity overturned the nearest couch.
Yet, Sunset’s expression shifted again as her anger codified into something pure and borderline incandescent. “There’s a part of me that gets, understands, and even RESPECTS that answer, and I HATE myself a little bit for it! And for the record, I still hate YOU a little bit for it, too!” she growled out.
Pinkie continued to smile and simply nodded. “The important takeaway is that you’ll do it and will continue to do it in the future!”
Sunset threw forehoof up in the air. “SURE! At the possible eventual cost of me setting FIRE to this mudball for entitled and spoiled ponies!”
“I’ll take it!” Pinkie replied cheerfully.
“Wait...” Rainbow Dash said as she poked her head up from behind an ottoman. “Aren’t you like, the Princess of being an Entitled and Spoiled pony?”
Sunset grit her teeth so hard there was an audible crack.
Applejack likewise braved the potentially very literal line of fire that might erupt from the alicorn princess at a moment’s notice. “Ah’d just like to say as the Element of Honesty that I often appreciate Rainbow Dash’s complete lack of filter between her brain and mouth.”
Still hiding behind her couch, Rarity sighed deeply. “I want to disagree, but…”
Still hiding behind Rarity, Fluttershy chimed in, “Oh my, yes. She often says what we’re all thinking.”
Rainbow Dash rubbed a forehoof against her chest proudly. “It’s what I’m here for.”
Sunset threw her forehooves and wings up in a sign of complete frustrated defeat. “Let’s just go before I have to concoct a story about how Rarity’s boutique attacked me first, and Twilight does something we all regret.”
“OH MOM DAMNIT!” Sunset exclaimed as she laid eyes upon the pair of purple mares who were substantially more sweaty-looking, sticky-looking, and wrapped in each other’s limbs than usual.
Starlight looked on with a blank expression as Sunset, Spike, and everypony else filed into her office. “So uh, is knocking just not a thing anymore, or…?”
“Good news, everypony!” Twilight said in an upbeat tone. “I see now where the language disconnect was coming from!”
Twilight’s comment was met with a series of groans.
Twilight continued. “Also, Starlight and I just had sex.”
Sunset rolled her eyes in annoyance. “Well, obviously.”
“And it was great,” Twilight added.
“Yeah, seconded there!” Starlight said.
“… Well, obviously,” Sunset said, a touch of jealousy maybe in her tone.
“Uh, everypony?” Starlight interjected. “Could I maybe request that you all decide if you’re out or in? It’s my office, and Twilight and I are kinda doing a ‘friendship’ thing, so…”
“Oh, sweet! An orgy!” Rainbow Dash declared.
Applejack rolled her eyes, “Let’s go, Rainbow,” she said as she pushed the enthusiastic light-blue mare out of the office.
“BuuuuuuUUUUuuuuuUUUUUUuuttt oooorgy!” Rainbow Dash flailed impotently.
“Ooo-ooo-ooo, ‘Butt orgy!’” Pinkie said chipperly as she bounced out of the office. “Now there’s an idea!”
“What?!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed. “I didn’t…”
“… I’m in…” Fluttershy whispered.
Rainbow Dash’s eyes widened. “No, no, disregard. I like where this is going.”
Rarity’s cheeks flushed pink. “… Same.”
Applejack groaned as the five mares filed out of the room. “Fine, Ah suppose I better at least keep an eye on things to keep the rest of ya out of trouble.”
“HAH!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed. “Applejack likes to watch.”
A series of chuckles poured from the group as Sunset watched them go, her eyebrow raised. She just rolled her eyes. “Bunch’a nymphos trying to stuff themselves into a broom closet…”
Spike cleared his throat.
Sunset glared down at him. “No, see. I don’t hide my desires.”
“Does that mean…?”
“Do I look hot and bothered to you?!”
Spike guffawed. “Bothered? Yes. Hot? Always.”
Sunset’s glare cracked into a smile. “You’re so lucky I find that wit of yours endearing, Benefits Buddy.”
“Oh, Sunset!” Twilight called out.
Sunset looked up. “Uh, yes? Twilight? Erm… Maybe we can talk later? You and Starlight look, well… like you just got busy and are working up to be busy again.”
“Oh, I’m alright!” Starlight said. “Don’t mind me!”
Twilight gave Sunset a sort of embarrassed smile. “I erm… Kinda said somethings in regards to our ‘Friends with Benefits’ relationship to Starlight before I knew what it meant and—”
Starlight’s eyes lit up. “I take it back! Mind me! Mind me please!”
Twilight looked down at Starlight. “Uh… Starlight do you uh…”
Starlight grinned wickedly. “Mind? Don’t mind if I do!”
Twilight sighed. “You’re lucky you’re so skilled with magic.”
“Oh, I’m getting the picture she’s great with her tongue, too,” Sunset said.
Twilight’s smile went full glimmering nebula. “Oh, you have no idea.”
“Hoping to fix that in a bit here,” Sunset said with a smirk.
Twilight’s eyes widened. “Wait, does this mean…?”
Sunset let out a laugh. “Yes, Twilight. I’ll ‘friends with benefit’ the both of you. Just let me and Spike wrap up some business first.”
“Oh thank the mother, the sister, and the fiery daughter,” Spike said, his face perspiring and body rigid.
“I mean… just thanking one of us is fine, Spike,” Sunset said with a chuckle.
“Okay, but seriously,” Spike continued. “I felt like both my boys were going to burst just listening to you three!”
“You two don’t have to go!” Starlight blurted out. “I mean… it’s a reasonably large desk!”
“Uuhhhh…” Sunset glanced at Twilight. “That might be a tad awkward.”
Twilight shrugged. “It’s Starlight’s office.”
Within the barest of instances, Starlight’s door was slammed shut and then barricaded as Spike rushed to grab anything loose nearby and wedge it in front of the door.
Sunset and Starlight glanced at Spike then at each other for a moment before silently sharing a nod in agreement that his action was understandable and more than likely warranted given the ‘quite a bit more shenanigans in a short amount of time than usual’ for the day.
Spike turned and looked Twilight dead in the eyes. “Kinda Brother-sister/Kinda mom-son/Roommates/Friends with benefits? I mean… I’ve got the weirdest double-boner brewing right now, but the twin genies are almost out of the bottle at this point.”
Twilight guffawed, “Weren’t you the one complaining about how awkward the conversations you’ve had to have been?”
“Yes, but they weren’t worth it up until hopefully a few minutes from now!” Spike complained.
Sunset blew a dismissive gust of air and patted Spike on the back, ushering him forward as they approached the desk. “Minutes? Someone is going to have to hose down this office sometime tomorrow when we decide to un-barricade that door.”
“Well, three of us can teleport,” Twilight pointed out. “Oh, also, I know many cleaning spells that—” Twilight was suddenly cut off as Sunset covered the Princess’s mouth with her own.
Sunset broke this kiss and smirked at the clearly dumbfounded Twilight. “Twilight, less talking, more benefits.”
The End
“When we're done here, can we all go to the human world?” Starlight asked. "Think of all the fun we can have with two Twilights, Sunset! Once for each of us!"
“That’s ludicrous, Starlight,” Sunset said. “We can take turns with both!”
“...Yay!” uttered Twilight excitedly.
“I hate to be that guy. No, I really do, but I’m a DOG in the human world, Starlight,” Spike pointed out drolly.
“That wasn’t a noooooo~!” Starlight purred.
Oh my crap. The END!
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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...Ah, shit, um... I might've done that one too
This was great! I was worried that having the long description basically sum up the joke for the whole thing would leave it lacking, but it totally worked.
Ok, What the hell I just read?
I think it's one of the weirdest things I've read in a while, and that's a good thing I suppose
Best Line imo
Christ...
*Smashes like button*
A classic chapter in the Mad Universe. Frankly, sometimes I find it better than canon.
That went in a VERY different direction that I thought it would...
I think I just fell in love with an actual story. This was definitely an incredible story.
And Rainbow just reveals one of her fantasies. I still can’t believe that she isn’t the Element of Honesty.
10 bits and she’s yours for the night.
Yes.... I quite want these details myself.
Can’t argue with that.
And thus, a million Sunlight shippers keeled over with massive nosebleeds.
Follow-up chapter with Trixie, please? It looks like that “CURSE YOUR KISSABLE MOUTH, TWILIGHT SPARKLE!" I've been waiting for is about to come through, and I'd like to see that.
This was everything I'd hoped it would be and more.
You are the fastest pony in Equestria.
Kinky!
Which is not going to happen.
Platonically.
Wait what?
That explains a lot.
As usual, he's the only one with any sense.
Oho, I like where this is going!
Oh wow, Rainbow being clever.
A poor idea.
Because you are near sociopathic.
You know what, I'm proud of you for that.
Uh?
Oh my!
Oh dear.
To say the least.
You would.
Fair enough.
Oh I have no doubt about that.
So,
Genius.
You worry me.
How does it go again? Oh yeah!
AND THEN EVERYBODY FUCKED!
GODDAMMIT JUSTICE!
9618905
Oh! Good call!
Adding that to the author's notes...
Bow down before the power of Pinkie.
Or be crushed by her jolly hooves of doom.
A
for anyone gets this.
This was fun! Starlight was so great here
Yelling Bird strikes again.
That was awful. Do it again.
*Clap**Clap**Clap**Clap*
The Laughs and Smut Award is forever yours!
100/100
P.S. You put "button" instead of "bottom" when Starlight was building the card castle, and "Once" instead of "One" when Starlight talked about sharing, Twilight's.
I Blame Starswirl for this.
And THIS is why I love the MADverse. Hilarious, completely ridiculous, and utterly reveling in it.
9618936
TOTALLY worth it
I'm loving that Spikes not the butt monkey/the too young for this talk so you have to go character in this work...just wished he was a bit bigger.....
I’ll be honest. I only liked this story because of the art cover you chose. It’s so goddamn adorable
Makes me miss girls talking dirty
Would the order dog mind if they do it on his table?
Poor Spike. But hey, it's all good!
9619323
goofy, but adorable, :D
9619313
overall or just in a specific place? :3
................................. (inhales) RAINBOW! XD
iz dis just a more lewd version of Skittles here? cuz if so, i KINDA like it............. i need halp,
really? that’s great to hear Twiligh-
............... oh Jesus Christ she’s as clueless as ever, XD
(insert “ooohhhh good for you” meme here,)
ya know.......... if ya are aiming to be a building constructor i’d think making a card tower should be a MANDATORY skill to have, cuz just with a real building, a card tower don’t take no shit from anybody, and if it tumbles, just try and try again, ya can’t exactly do that with a real building, well....... maybe ya can if your lucky and it doesn’t just EXPLODES when it hits the ground, BUT NOBODY AIN’T GOT NO TIME FOR THAT!
This was a kind of funny, I got a couple laughs. I like comedy of errors and it went alright, and of course the line "Also, Starlight and I just had sex."
For a short CoE it was fun and the notes summed it all up nicely.
Some things felt a little off with me for the main 6 but since I'm writing they're competing with my versions of them in my mind. And they served their roles and the comedy well.
Have a good day.
noooooooo,
noooooooooooo,
noooooooooooooooo,
TWILIGHT! YOU CLUELESS TWAT! XD
Don’t for the love of anything that’s holy Justice, DO. NOT. let her meet Diamond Tiara and SilverSpoon when they were snotty brats, or she’ll blow a hole in Equis big enough to rival the Yucatan Peninsula meteor impact that killed the Dinosaurs, i just gave you an idea, didn’t i? shet, which btw left a crater 11 miles deep, now for those of you that don’t know how big that is, 11 miles is the normal flying altitude for the standard airliner, also, there has been found traces of highly combustible explosive compounds in that crater, which may or may not explain why it went........ ya know, BOOM!
Also, for those of you that uses the Metric system instead of the Imperial system such as myself, 11 miles is 17 kilometres,
9619432
I was referring to his size; I was thinking his canon size and shape when I was reading this and picturing the characters, so I would liked to see him a bit bigger, maybe Smolder's size ideally. Plus since he is gonna get into a bit of a sexual romp with Starlight, Twilight, and Sunset Shimmer at the same time, it would be appropriate for him to RISE to the occasion...if you get my drift
9619627
i do, :P
9619627
Spike is fine as he is. If you want him bigger, just imagine him bigger. Otherwise, well, there are position, stools, levitation, wings, hell, Twilight could outright change his race... there are various ways to deal with size differences.
images-wixmp-ed30a86b8c4ca887773594c2.wixmp.com/f/6d0ae404-11e8-4d55-9b50-0700df88bf87/dd58ec3-22ba43b0-d6b5-4e55-97f1-db76efdf0e0c.png?token=eyJ0eXAiOiJKV1QiLCJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiJ9.eyJzdWIiOiJ1cm46YXBwOjdlMGQxODg5ODIyNjQzNzNhNWYwZDQxNWVhMGQyNmUwIiwiaXNzIjoidXJuOmFwcDo3ZTBkMTg4OTgyMjY0MzczYTVmMGQ0MTVlYTBkMjZlMCIsIm9iaiI6W1t7InBhdGgiOiJcL2ZcLzZkMGFlNDA0LTExZTgtNGQ1NS05YjUwLTA3MDBkZjg4YmY4N1wvZGQ1OGVjMy0yMmJhNDNiMC1kNmI1LTRlNTUtOTdmMS1kYjc2ZWZkZjBlMGMucG5nIn1dXSwiYXVkIjpbInVybjpzZXJ2aWNlOmZpbGUuZG93bmxvYWQiXX0.fyDA1QGpXdqmqWPEti1jkJPpxb6kDZONoQ4ATAX1VAY
this took longer to read while laughing.
And her lady boner.
I will admit. I expected the ending to be significantly different than it was. Possibly with more violence.
All I could think about when I first saw this was, "God damn it Justice."
Halfway through I was like, "God damn it Justice."
And at the end I was like, "GOD DAMN IT JUSTICE! WHY DO YOU HAVE TO MAKE ME LAUGH!?"
Great story, as always.
So...
Explicit version/continuation when?
I love that cover art. Twilight is such a dork!
Rarity is responsible for expaning Sweetie's vocabulary? I like it.
Every day, DWK's "Twilight and Spike share a set quantity of common sense" theory gains more ground.
... Huh. That works to a surprising degree.
In any case, that was definitely a thing that happened. At least someone broke through Twilight's obliviousness. And remember to bring enough purple nerds for the whole class.
God I hate you for this. It's even worse than the Beanis Cinematic Universe. Also like the BCU, I hate how I now have to smash that like as hard as they're all smashing!
Ha, this is why you don’t ever use the term “friends with benefits.”
Gotta love it though.
*squints*
Here's the question... Was Twilight actually a FREAKING idiot, or was she PRETENDING to be...
Also, the griffon at the end was a nice touch.
That was quality
Hum
I hate myself for enjoying this. Great story as always
Goddamnit Justice! Why you make me laugh at work?
9621171
What they do gets no rise out of me personally(not humanoid enough) but its still funny to see them depicted this way.