Paul's Thursday Reviews CCLXXXI · 6:04pm Jan 27th, 2022
And there goes another one.
As you may or may not be aware, longstanding review group Seattle's Angels has officially shut down shop. They’ve been around longer than I have, and I even participated in a few of their blogs. Seeing them go is saddening, but not unexpected. It begs the question of how much longer such services will last. It’s funny, you’d think as a reviewer I’d be in the know of what the review groups are doing, but the fact is I don’t pay them too much attention. The only reviewer I read with any regularity is PresentPerfect.
Which makes me question: how many review groups, as in multiple people writing reviews, are still around and, most importantly, active? I haven’t a clue. I do hope the community isn’t only being supported in this vein by individuals, but at the same time I’ve seen so many groups die down after only a year or less that I don’t have much faith in them. SA was always the exception.
In the meantime, my house-hunting activities just went from 0 to 90. After nearly six months of waiting, it looks like I’ll finally have a place to move to sometime next month. I was surprised to learn that new builders tend not to install that most basic of modern household requirements – read: a cable connection – so I’ll have to pay someone to install that, but otherwise it looks like I’m going to stop being an eternal renter at last. It’ll be nice to no longer have my rent raised by some faceless corporate bureaucrat. Instead, I’ll have my taxes raised by a faceless government bureaucrat! I think that’s progress?
In unrelated news, I recently got inspired to try and do a romance/slice-of-life one-shot. I’m thinking I might submit it to Bicyclette’s crackship contest, if only because I think it’ll meet the requirements. At the very least it’ll stop me from getting anymore of those eye-rolling “dur-hur, you got 69 stories!” comments. Bunch of twelve-year-olds, I swear…
Alright, enough about me. Let’s talk about reviews.
Stories for This Week:
Crisis of Infinite Twilights by defender2222
Useless by Rated Ponystar
Stare Master - Extended Cut by AdmiralSakai
Total Word Count: 119,161
Rating System
Why Haven't You Read These Yet?: 0
Pretty Good: 2
Worth It: 1
Needs Work: 0
None: 0
Crisis of Infinite Twilights
85,828 Words
By defender2222
Sequel to The Many Secret Origins of Scootaloo
Why do one experiment when you can do many? Princess Twilight gets it in her head to run experiments on multiple artifacts in her world, from the Mirror Pool to the Mirror Portal, all in the name of saving time and SCIENCE! Meanwhile, Scootaloo decides to try an extremely risky trick right outside the Golden Oaks Library, in the name of having fun and AWESOME! When these two events collide, the combined magics all work together to break the fabric of space and time. Now Equestria is being invaded by a seemingly infinite number of multiverse Twilights and only Scootaloo can send them home.
The Many Secret Origins of Scootaloo was crazy. Apparently, defender2222 saw that and decided “I haven’t gone crazy enough!” That is the only excuse I can imagine for this massive crackfic to exist. Not that I’m complaining.
If you’re willing to turn your brain off so as to read this with minimal fuss, what you’ll discover is a nonsensical ride in which the author tries to cram in as many cultural references and crossovers into a single story as possible, without regard for such things as making sense. We’ve got Cadance the pervert, Chrysalis the maybe-but-not-quite good, a Spike whose pee apparently tastes like caramel (how it is everypony knows this is, mercifully, left unsaid), an entire army of Evil Twilights fighting against an entire army of Good Twilights, regularly occurring singing (with surprisingly decent ponified/contextualized lyrics), and so much more I can’t possibly list here because I’d be at it all day. This story is so whack it somehow manages to take all the whack and turn it into something resembling an actual, easy-to-follow plotline, which might just be the craziest thing it does.
I had fun. This was a nice bit of relief compared to all the heavy stuff I’ve had to read recently. If you’re looking for something a touch insane for the sake of it and maybe get a chuckle or two, you may find something worthwhile here.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
The Many Secret Origins of Scootaloo — Worth It
Useless
3,155 Words
By Rated Ponystar
Sequel to Truth
The bombs are dropping on their heads and the human/pony coalition is fast approaching. Somewhere out there, Rainbow Dash is fighting, probably dying. And all Applejack can do is sit at a table in her bunker with a bottle and wait for the end.
Set two years after Celestia is executed for her crimes, this story is set in an AU of the Conversion Bureau series in which we find Celestia was attempting to eradicate the human race. I don’t want to go into too much detail about the past this story is based on, partially due to spoilers but also because there’s a lot of history to go over. All you need to know is the humans won, Twilight and Fluttershy surrendered (not exactly, but close enough) and are now part of a human/pony coalition, and Rainbow Dash and Applejack are rebels who still believe the propaganda Celestia fed them all those years ago. Doesn’t help that they never got over the deaths of their friends and families in Ponyville years ago to the bombs of the humans.
While this story is essentially the end of their rebellion and their lives, I think the more important element and what Rated Ponystar was really going for here was showing us their perspective of the events. We, as the readers who have (presumably) read the prior stories, know that Celestia lied to everypony, that she instigated the deaths of potentially billions, and that Twilight discovered this and is now trying to rectify the crimes committed by her people. But Applejack and Rainbow don’t know any of that. To them, the stories of Celestia’s crimes are nothing more than enemy propaganda.
This series still makes me slightly uncomfortable, as it is built upon a foundation of inherent human superiority. That’s not Rated Ponystar trying to deliver a message, it’s merely the world on which this series is based. If anything, the author goes out of their way to distance themselves from this perspective, but they are obligated to hint at it once or twice by virtue of setting alone.
Yet it was still fascinating to read from the perspective of “seeing things from the other side”. As far as AJ and RD are aware, it’s Twilight who is the traitor and the humans who are evil. We can see how wrong they are, and AJ’s admittance that she committed crimes completely ruining her relationship with the concept of Honesty only cements that notion, but in their eyes...
I liked this for that if nothing else. I’ll admit it felt a little heavy handed at times and the writing could use a little work (as is the case with everything I’ve read by this author), but for what it is I have few complaints.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
The Assassination of Twilight Sparkle — Pretty Good
Negotiations — Worth It
Reunited — Worth It
Truth — Worth It
Aftermath of a Fallen Star — Worth It
Stare Master - Extended Cut
30,178 Words
By AdmiralSakai
Cowritten with Serketry
Sequel to Feeling Pinkie Keen - Extended Cut
Somepony has been stealing from Twilight Sparkle’s excavation headquarters. It’s been a frustrating time for all involved, but that only gets worse when Twilight herself goes missing. Spike is desperate to find her. Fluttershy, regrettably, finds herself recruited to assist. Frequently.
This was an interesting and somewhat unexpected addition to the EC series. When the story begins, the entire focus is on the mysterious thieves. Then other strange events occur, like some animals being killed, a terrified Apple Bloom, and of course Twilight (and others) going missing. The story shifts between Spike and Fluttershy as the apparent main characters, with the occasional perspective of Twilight’s direct subordinate Captain Marigold. I don’t want to spoil too much, but I will say that almost everything is resolved by the end, and the two things that aren’t resolved are left as fuel for the inevitable next story.
There were three highlights for me. The arguably least impactful was the demonstration that bureaucracies exist to resolve nothing, if not outright cause problems. This entire scene felt like a big joke, a sort of nudge-nudge-wink to the readers. Or so I thought. The ending comes along and Twilight makes a comment revealing that maybe, just maybe, there was more to it than meets the eye. I thoroughly approve of this, as it completely reshapes what we thought we were seeing.
The second highlight is the same one that I’ve always had for this series: Spike. I’ve already noted how much I enjoy his depiction in this story as a mature assistant to Twilight who, while not quite as brilliant as her, demonstrates a significant intellect of his own. This story takes that a step further, because when Twilight disappears he effectively becomes the leader of her team by default. Of course, his best fiend – sibling? – is missing, and that’s his number one concern. Yet I really liked how he handled himself in the situation, never panicking, trying to forge solutions, being aware of the resources left available to him. The strain wears on him, of course, and I think the episode’s lesson about rising to the occasion and taking on more than you can handle is largely centered around him. I appreciated that angle.
The third is, of course, Fluttershy. This rendition of her isn’t so much “shy” as she is introverted, and yes, there is a difference. This Fluttershy is almost never afraid to do what she has to do; when ponies call upon her to assist with the ongoing investigation, she does so without even an internal complaint. This is a Fluttershy who sees a problem and attacks it rather than avoids it. When she does hesitate to do something, it’s not out of a terrified sense of being noticed but out of consideration of what she knows of the situation and what a better option may be. I really liked this depiction of her; it gives her a certain sense of authority in her areas of expertise that ponies visibly respect.
I also like the description of what Fluttershy is in this world. She’s identified as Ponyville’s only ranger, a task that she proves perfectly suitable to with talents like tracking, field medication, and wilderness survival. She was even able to act as a makeshift coroner in some instances, a task she approached without the squeamishness one might anticipate given her typical interpretation. Fluttershy is also a druid, which is by no means an unusual or unexpected explanation for her unique talents, but was handled as well as one could hope in this instance. I particularly like how her druidic abilities are utilized as a direct explanation for her ability to communicate with animals. And while Fluttershy doesn’t have “the Stare” – which I would argue is as important for her character as Pinkie Sense is to Pinkie and thus should under no circumstances be removed – all the previous things I mentioned about her sheer capability gives her the presence and capacity to have a natural and perfectly suitable alternative.
In summation, this isn’t a cowardly pony even her friends look upon as weak and helpless. This Fluttershy is a capable and, above all, respected member of her community. She’s still an introverted pony who would much prefer to be left alone than go on adventures, but when the time comes to step up she does so without so much as batting an eye. She’s not overbearing unless tested, she doesn’t keep quiet for fear of being heard but instead of a desire to listen, and she’s surprisingly hard to intimidate. Is she the Fluttershy we all know from the show? No, not really. But I feel like the changes made are tasteful when considering the changes this AU brings to Equestria, and I found myself really appreciating the characterization.
Do I have any complaints? Eh, one or two. There’s the blatant removal of the Stare, although I’m not too offended by that considering Fluttershy’s new characterization means such an ability is no longer needed. A bigger deal was the outright odd behavior of seemingly everyone in Equestria regarding the disappearance of Twilight Sparkle. This is another thing I feel is somewhat justified by the somewhat… I’ll go with “realistic” interpretation of Equestria, for lack of a better term. Still, when you see Applejack suggest that it’s time to stop searching for the missing Twilight Sparkle and then Rainbow Dash, Miss Element of Loyalty herself, quietly agree and both seem to move on with their lives after less than a week of proper searching, I wouldn’t be surprised if some readers react negatively.
Clearly, in this Equestria friendship is not magic. And I’ll admit, that bugged me. It bugged me a lot. Kudos to Rarity for going out of her way to help Spike in this trying time, but everypony else seemed to treat Twilight’s disappearance less like a disaster and more like an inconvenience. I got the distinct impression that if they never found her or the other missing ponies none of them would have lost any sleep over it.
To be fair, I don’t think the authors intended for this interpretation. I suspect that the writing style, which puts a premium on Show but I suspect doesn’t always Show enough, simply failed to demonstrate how these ponies truly felt about the scenario. That doesn’t lessen the problem, but it does point to a potential cause for the issue.
None of these issues are enough to keep me from really enjoying this one. It was interesting, particularly with its interpretation of Fluttershy and Spike, and it translated the titular episode to this AU to great effect. I find myself really looking forward to the next one.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good!
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Friendship Is Magic - Extended Cut — WHYRTY?
Feeling Pinkie Keen - Extended Cut — Pretty Good
Stories for Next Week:
Forbidden Melodies by Rego
Puppy Dog Tales by Pegasus Rescue Brigade
A Shadow Hangs Overhead by BronyWriter
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As best I'm aware, the answer to this is one and two halves.
Nailah's crew at the Reviewer's Mansion is, far as I'm aware, the one that's doing most of the lifting these days. Good size of team, solid output, all that.
The My Little Reviews & Feedback group was big a while back, but has largely fallen away. They're not terribly active anymore, though they've been trying to reorganize lately and get back to their pace.
And there's the Fillydelphia Oracle, which spun off of Quills & Sofas. They were on hiatus for about six months before coming back in the new year to rebrand and reorient. Still to be seen if it takes, but initial glances are looking positive.
Huh. You're right, I guess we did fail to explain that Fluttershy's big showdown was in fact The Stare, from her perspective. If we'd cut away to an external perspective, it might've been more obvious. My apologies. Glad you enjoyed it, regardless. It's a little too late to put these changes into Griffon the Brush Off, but our next EC, Boast Busters, is in the final editing stage, I'll see what I can do.
Thanks for joining in on Seattle's Angels when you could. I know you think it wasn't much, but it helped get those posts out regardless. I'm happy it lasted as long as it did, but people lost interest and needed to move on. At least Wanderer gave us a nice sendoff with his blog.
And I'll continue to check out these reviews! I may not comment often but they are a highlight and have introduced me to some stories I can't believe I haven't read yet.
That's a very legitimate criticism, and something that we were aware of when writing the story and tried to avert. It's really kind of a fundamental problem with the story's premise. The cockatrice isn't some brilliant guerilla tactician or etherial phenomenon nopony's ever seen before; I decided early on in writing the story that if a serious search was ever made of Ponyville, either it or the Expedition ponies it petrified would be found and the story would come to a premature end. So I tried to set up ways for that to not happen. The problem is, Spike has direct lines to Princess Celestia and Shining Armor, who would immediately be able to summon pretty much the whole Equestrian Army to track down what happened to Twilight, and I'd already burned the "Celestia, Shining Armor, and so forth are incommunicado on a high-stakes diplomatic conference" plot point in Feeling Pinkie Keen. Eventually, Serketry and I decided that the measures we put in place in the story were sufficient to prevent that from happening, and they were not, and I think it came through as the "point" characters being apathetic about Twilight's vanishing instead of going up against outside forces as hard as they could. A few options now present themselves that could have resolved this:
And, yeah, other ponies definitely need to have a stronger reaction to Twilight (and the others) being gone. She's not the center of their emotional universes the way she is to Spike, but she's still a fellow pony who they fought Nightmare Moon alongside.
Hindsight is, of course, 20/20. If only there was a way to revisit old material, reinterpret things, and patch up plot holes, like some kind of an Extended Cut version of a work or whatever... oh. Right.
Otherwise, I'm glad you liked the characterization of Fluttershy here. It's very hard to keep what I'd consider "later seasons" characterization of her from bleeding into EC Season 1, but now I'm starting to think that might not be such a bad thing...
I didn't really ever intend to remove The Stare completely, although I am still not sure if I'd ever call it explicitly by that name. The idea that Fluttershy has a different, cutie-mark-related ability that goes above and beyond usual druid magic (or at least allows her to perform very advanced feats in it without a lifetime of study) is in no way incompatible with anything in EC. However, that distinction is never actually used here, and I do think that's to the story's detriment.
Another thing I would've liked to do more with is the fact that druids other than Fluttershy exist; Princess Luna in particular was described as having those skills in Feeling Pinkie Keen EC. However, we never see anypony actually commune with an animal other than Fluttershy (except for Luna, once, offscreen).
Despite the praise you heaped upon the pilot story for the Extended Cut series, even calling it the best retelling of S1E1/2, I still haven't been able to bring myself to read it. Like many, I have no appetite left whatsoever for AU pilot episodes at this stage, they clogged the fandom's early years, even if they're obviously far rarer now (a similar reason has prevented me from giving the Lunaverse a go). After a fashion, even quality can't overcome repetition. Despite many facts about it, especially Spike being realistically competent from his experience alongside Twilight, being very interesting.
Also, I'm reluctant to commit to any ongoing series that still has so long to go it very likely won't ever finish. Like, I respect and admire the well-ironed out plans AdmiralSakai and Serketry have, but whoa, the list of episodes they have planned for Season 1 alone. At their current pace, it'll take a few years just to get through those, and they have plans for doing this up to at least Season 5! I cannot see it lasting even close to that long, far too many longform series have burned themselves out and halted long before then, and they had substantially bigger viewer bases to stoke authorial motive.
But hey, if by some miracle it does get that far, or even to a nice "I'll stop reading here" point, maybe I'll give them a look. I'll gladly welcome being wrong here.
Oh, A Shadow Hangs Overhead is next week, let's go! I have oddly fond memories of the Secret Life of Rarity and its associated works being among the first novel-length fanfictions I read here. Even if they are just as flawed as BronyWriter says nowadays, they remain quite compelling. And this AU of his AU is easily the most technically competent of them all, and also the best structured. Though it does lose a little steam towards the end, courtesy of a very overlong denouement a good two chapters more than it needs. Still comparatively early in BronyWriter's career I suppose. But deserving of having a cleaned-up printed version for sure.
5631627
I accept your challenge. Hope you enjoy our series, sometime in the future.
In light of Seattle's Angels closing down, I want to say thank you for all of your reviews and for making your bookshelf's visible to the public.
If it weren't for your detailed reviews I would be reading a lot less.
Your reviews really are a highlight of this site and keep me coming back.
Well, at least you'll still be kicking around for a while, at least until you move on to original fiction.
It's a shame to hear about Seattle's Angels, but understandable. It makes me realize once again that I am writing in the waning years of this fandom, but I still enjoy this space as I have stories that won't leave me alone. For what it's worth, I still appreciate seeing your takes and recommendations on possible fics to enjoy myself when I partake in a little reading. I know there have been a few sitting in my "Read Later" that moved to "Read Now" because of it, though it will be interesting to see if there will be any other players here on the site to help sort through the schlock to get to the good stories that are still written here.
Like TCC56 says, there are some other review groups out there, but they vary a lot, in several ways. One, a couple of them are ones you ask to review your story, versus taking third-party recommendations or seeking out stuff on their own. And two, they have incredibly mixed results. I've read over some of the reviews for all of those groups, and while some of the reviewers seem to know their way around writing, a disturbing number of them don't. Like... some of them are ridiculously bad, for instance praising stories for perfect grammar while an excerpt they put on display for a different reason is riddled with very basic errors. Or giving out advice that's blatantly wrong. While some individual members of most groups are good, SA was the last group that was consistently good across the board.
For that matter, it really irked me when The Royal Guard nuked all their posts. I understand needing to shut down, but why obliterate the result of all the work everyone put in to review those stories and remove an archive of recommendations lots of readers would have wanted to look for?
5631738
They did what
5631769
This was years ago. When TRG shut down, they deleted the group and all their posts. The round robin reviews are still up, as they were site posts, but there weren't very many of those.
5631614
Ah, I recall MY Little Reviews & Feedback. I might have even sent a story there or two. I've... heard of Reviewer's Mansion, but that's as much as I can say on the matter. I must guiltily confess I've never heard of Fillydelphia Oracle.
5631616
That's the thing. I saw the scene, I realized "this is the Stare", but because of the way the story was written and you two's penchant for taking things in a "everything is explained" manner, I assumed it wasn't actually the Stare. I thought that you had intentionally designed Fluttershy's character so that she doesn't need some presumably magical passive-aggressive (?) "attack" like the Stare because she had the mental fortitude to pass off such intimidation naturally. So you and 5631622 acknowledging that it was the Stare is kind of surprising.
5631617
What do you mean you haven't read them yet? Get on that, you fool!
Happy to help where I could. I might have been there more if I weren't already reading so much regularly for this blog.
5631622
I kind of like Option #3 the most. Spike's and Marigold's antagonist reaction to one another during these events felt like perfect material to give them a stronger bond later, so I'd be hesitant to remove it, The high-stakes diplomatic summit still going on seems like a stretch, and having the "full might of Equestria" fail to achieve anything of real worth can be a valuable demonstration that steamrollers aren't adequate for killing a single sparrow.
But as you said, this is all speculation after the fact. I liked the story for what it is, even with its flaws.
5631627
I have to admit that, as someone who has failed to deliver on everything I wanted to do for a few of my own series, I balk at the scope of what they are planning. But there have been far larger successes, so it's definitely not outside the realm of possibility.
I think it would be okay to just read Friendship is Magic - Extended Cut. I feel like it stands up well on its own without advancing any further. Had AdmiralSakai and Serketry not bothered with any continuation I think it would have been fine. That being said, reading it could tempt you to keep reading, so take that advice with a grain of salt.
5631629
5631639
I do think I'll be here for a while, although I anticipate that the frequency of these blogs may go down once 2023 rolls around.
5631717
That's one thing that bugs me. I like writing reviews, but I'm an author myself and I'd like to get reviewed myself. As the number of reviewers steadily drops, who the heck do I have to turn to who shares my standards?
I wanted PP to review BPH, but the size scared him off.
5631738
I recall TRG doing that. I was pretty bummed about it. At least the Round Robins remain, because I participated in a few of those and I'd be unhappy if they removed my reviews without contacting me about it first.
I've run into the "mixed results". I recall requesting a review from one, can't recall which, and got back something that felt... eh... Shall we say amateur? Their feedback, while positive, didn't feel constructive, and the writing of the review itself left me feeling like I wasn't exactly dealing with a literary expert. I still appreciated that they took the time to read and write up something, but it honestly felt more like it belonged in a comments section than in a "review".
5631902
Very much this. There are a couple of people who have somehow gained prominence as reviewers despite being bad at it, though if you're a beginning writer needing advice, you're not really in a position to know whether that advice is bad. That led me to reading through a sampling of reviews from groups they were a part of, and most of the rest of the reviewers were even worse. They give what seems like arbitrary numerical ratings based more on how much they enjoyed the story than any concrete explanations of literary merit. In the end, most of it came across as submitting your story to see if anyone liked it, whereas your comment section and vote ratio will already tell you that.
5631890
Yeah, I just never thought that the Stare was particularly inexplicable; it would be sharing a story with a lizard-chicken capable of turning living things into stone on eye contact after all.
I realize now that I could've just included the "Don't make me use the Stare" line when Fluttershy is trying to get the CMC to go upstairs; it fits the tone of the scene and would've gone a long way towards showing that the Stare still existed... such a pity.
5631738
Yeah, I followed some of those groups a while back, but I rarely want to read their posts any more. It's hard to explain in words, but something about them just gives me a very childish, amateurish vibe that's quite offputting. It's not the quality of advice they give, either, since I picked up on the issue before I was finished reading even my first post. Weird.
5631932
Though I do think quality of advice is still an issue in most cases. It does take reading through more reviews to get that impression though.
Paul, please don't publish another story! You're at 69, a feat very few authors can brag about. Memes > writing career
5631890
It also doesn't help that, in Stare Master, Fluttershy may not have come up with the term, herself. Rarity uses it first.
You and PP are the only ones I always read, and PP and I have different tastes. TCC seems legit but they don't put which stories they're reviewing up top so I haven't clicked through on most of them.