Paul's Thursday Reviews CCLI · 11:36pm May 27th, 2021
Turn out the lights, the party’s over.
I have been informed by my boss that my company has decided it does not like money and thus will begin forcing its office employees to return to the offices instead of letting them work from home and shutting down unnecessary office space on which they’re blowing hundreds of thousands of dollars of rent (at least). Seems like an odd move for a company that’s spent the last decade trying to become financially stable, eh?
I have mixed feelings about this. On the one hand, I know I’d be a more productive worker bee if I was at the office, as home has far too many distractions. I like making money and having job security, so being more productive is a good thing. On the other hand, I’m going to lose an hour of every workday on my commute and I’ll be back to having to waste money on gas. It will, of course, also have an effect on my reading/writing time, which is the most annoying part in all of this and, if I’m honest, the only thing I really care about in this arrangement.
The good news is that this whole ‘go back to work’ thing is slated to occur gradually over the next four months. I’ll probably be one of the last made to transition back because my boss is cool and really doesn’t care about where we work so long as we are, in fact, working. He’ll probably delay the whole thing until his boss tells him he can’t anymore.
So. Who wants some reviews?
Stories for This Week:
Aftermath of a Fallen Star by Rated Ponystar
Ponemurdered by The Gentlecolt
Twilight's Sleepless Nights by L_Wolf
A Word to the Wise by Melon Hunter
A Distinct Lack of Chaos by ArgonMatrix
A Brief Exile by Broken Phalanx
The Right and Righteous by Shakespearicles
Time Enough by Shrink Laureate
Sleeping Arrangements by Monochromatic
Tally Marks by Slateblu1
Total Word Count: 169,615
Rating System
Why Haven't You Read These Yet?: 0
Pretty Good: 3
Worth It: 5
Needs Work: 1
None: 0
Aftermath of a Fallen Star
100,829 Words
By Rated Ponystar
Sequel to The Assassination of Twilight Sparkle
Only a year after her coronation, Princess Twilight Sparkle is dead. She was murdered by her own subjects, snuffed out due to fear of the changes she sought and how she threatened the status quo. This is the chronicling of how her death affected Equestria, the wider world… and those who knew her.
I reviewed The Assassination of Twilight Sparkle waaaaay back in October of 2015. It’s a shame it took this long to get to its sequel.
Anyway, this is an anthology of short stories, each told from a different perspective and relating what happened to Twilight’s friends and family after her death, as well as what her death means for the world as a whole. Needless to say, it is not a happy story. It is also not one-sided, which is perhaps my favorite thing about it. We’re not just hearing from the Mane 6 and the princesses, nor is the subject strictly Twilight. Cadence, for example, devotes her chapter to remembering Prince Blueblood, one of the conspirators whom she laments as having once been such a good, true friend. Shining Armor’s story, in turn, is about the stallion who personally killed Twilight and what that stallion reveals to him about the dangers within Equestria.
Others relate to the future, and this is perhaps the most frustrating part of the whole anthology: Rated Ponystar was using it as a giant commercial for upcoming stories involving war, including a civil war in Equestria, a war against a kingdom of unicorn supremacists, and the rise of a new, evil alicorn hell-bent on conquering Equestria. A lot of time is devoted to foreshadowing these events. Which is terrible considering they will never happen: Rated Ponystar has already cancelled all projects related to this AU.
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t blame Rated Ponystar for using this anthology in such a way. It’s very effective at fleshing out this universe, putting the pieces in place, and hyping us up for what’s to come. I also don’t blame the author for having their ambitions outgrow their ability to support it. I’ve done both in my time. It’s just a shame that such a promising AU got cut off just when the author has finished producing all the hype.
Still, the stories are interesting enough in their own right. Applejack lamenting having kept her feelings secret, Flash Sentry unwilling to live with his failures, Luna’s covert efforts to limit the damage, Amadeus Bloodblood’s heartless scheming, every story has something interesting to add to an ever-growing whole. I love how Rated Ponystar utilized the anthology format to paint a broad picture and show us so many different aspects of society and how those individual ‘worlds’ are affected by or affecting the future after Twilight’s death.
The only major issue I’d point to is the writing. The good news is that your average writer probably won’t notice the problems and keep going without any awareness that anything is wrong. But if you’re the kind that pays attention, you will be bothered. Incorrect verbs tense, incorrect words, missing words, and homophones litter the story. A common problem is weird sentences with unclear subjects, such as how an eye can look at an object and then sit down because the author didn’t realize that the subject was not, in fact, the pony the eye belonged to. The issues are more or less constant from beginning to end, and may be enough by themselves to turn away the more persnickety readers.
Ignoring this and the fact that we’ll never see the promised future come to be, this is a great story overall. My favorite parts were usually the ones with political maneuverings and consequences being discussed, but Rated Ponystar does a decent job with the more emotional, personal tales. I enjoyed the majority and lament it all stops here, but that’s alright; it’s not like Rated Ponystar doesn’t have a myriad of other stories for me to take a look at.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
The Assassination of Twilight Sparkle — Pretty Good
Never Forget Me — Worth It
Sanguine Kindness — Worth It
Negotiations — Worth It
Ponemurdered
31,863 Words
By The Gentlecolt
In collaboration with far too many authors to list here.
Fourteen authors write a story together, each taking a turn at writing a chapter. The catch: each author only has the previous chapter to go on, seeing nothing that came before it.
I can’t help it. A scene near the end made me think of this, so now I must share it.
That probably makes this story sound more epic than it is. But just imagine it: over a dozen different authors, each with no idea of anything that happened before the one chapter they are given to continue the story from and given no controls whatsoever. Chaos, my friends. Pure chaos. Events range from Twilight quad-wielding chainsaws in an attempt to murder elite martial artist Vinyl Scratch to Rarity going Captain Ahab on flying whales to the presumed starship Enterprise waging space battle against an army of StarTavias.
I was highly entertained. I can’t help but wonder what was going through the heads of the authors as they finished their entries and then got access to everything that came before. Speaking of, the contributors for this story are some pretty well-known individuals including the likes of Cold in Gardez, Blueshift, Obsolescence, Pen Stroke, Wanderer D, and whoever else I’m forgetting because I don’t intend to list them all here sorry guys. While I enjoyed most of the chapters to some degree, I will note that Ponydora Prancypants wrote my favorite chapter – the fact that Ponydora contributed is also a blatant sign of just how old this story is.
What’s interesting is how the minds of the authors worked with each chapter. For the first several, the events are chaotic, each chapter being only peripherally related to its predecessors and usually taking the story in entirely new, insane directions. Then there’s a period of four or five chapters where the authors of the time are trying to make some sort of controlled, linear, logical, serious story. They’re failing due to the loss of information over time, but it was still neat to see them try. Then you get another “just wing it!” chapter and shit goes off the rails again.
Obviously, this is a crackfic. And I will rate it as such. But dang, if it’s not a fun one! I may be tempted to read the sequel.
Bookshelf: Crackfic
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
Twilight's Sleepless Nights
15,478 Words
By L_Wolf
After an accident with a magic experiment hurts Spike, Twilight begins to have nightmares. In the real world, Spike recovered almost immediately, but in her dreams, he dies. Which, y’know, nightmares will be nightmares. But this one keeps coming back, playing out like its own reality, and Twilight begins to wonder why.
This was… strange. The vast majority of the story is nothing happening. Oh, sure, Twilight wonders about what her dreams mean, but other than that? Nothing important happens for thousands of words. It’s Twilight and Spike going about their regular day. The story only evolves during the dream sequences. Even stranger is that when Twilight finally does consider talking to her friends about it, the most obvious pony to talk to isn’t even considered. This is made all the worse when we find out that Luna does, indeed, have a role to play.
At first, I was willing to ignore the nonsensical plot logic of Twilight’s nightmares. Because, you know, nightmares. But then that twist ending comes and suddenly those mistakes in plot matter, which means all my skepticism and incredulous reactions were valid. Apparently the fact that Spike’s death was an accident is of no consequence: Twilight is deemed a murderer, treated as a pariah, and hunted down by the Canterlot Royal Guard. Who, might I add, were originally dispatched to Ponyville only to respond to a fire, as though Ponyville somehow lacks any form of emergency measures on its own.
That’s only one tiny insight into the plot’s many issues. Nothing makes sense in the “dream world”, which isn’t really a dream world and apparently is supposed to conform to logic and common sense but stubbornly avoids doing any such thing. Then you get the twist ending, which comes completely out of left field and had me scratching my head and saying “that’s it?” We get a Big Reveal that feels forced and there’s zero climax or sense of conclusion.
Consider the entire opening scene. It doesn’t have a single sentence that advances the plot or tells us anything that will matter then or later. It’s literally just Twilight and Spike waking up and starting their day. It doesn’t help the atmosphere, it doesn’t hook the reader in, it doesn’t introduce any new concepts. It just… exists. Which, in truth, is a large number of the “real world” scenes, which can be summed up as “nothing happened”.
Aside from the plot issues, the writing is poor despite having apparently undergone two separate revisions in the past. To emphasize, the point, imagine if every sentence, was written with commas, thrown all over them not unlike, how they are for this sentence, which isn’t exaggerating their commonality, near as much as you might think. There’s also consistently incorrect punctuation throughout the entire story. Top that off with a writing style that tells us a whole lot without telling us much at all:
She opened the door and made her way outside as she closed the door behind her and started on her way to Carousel Boutique to visit Rarity.
So yeah, the writing is boring, overly wordy, and demonstrates zero awareness of comma usage. The plot is two thirds of nothing happening and one third utter nonsense. The conclusion, if you can get to it, is not shocking but does require you to not so much suspend your sense of disbelief as cast it into the fires of Mount Doom. And somehow I’m supposed to be interested enough at this point to want to read a sequel?
I don’t think so.
Bookshelf: Needs Work
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
A Word to the Wise
4,162 Words
By Melon Hunter
Daring Do is on an expedition to a jungle temple, and this time she has company: a rock expert. Why a rock expert? Because she wanted to go, and the other members of the expedition team were insistent. Daring never expected this mere rock farmer to be quite so good at temple exploration…
Daring Do and Maud Pie on an adventure together? That sounds unique enough a pairing for me to want to give it a go. The majority of the story has Daring underestimating and feeling upstaged by Maud, who consistently uses her rocktorate to make Daring’s regular job look shockingly easy (fun fact: Google says “rocktorate” is a word).
While I enjoyed the story in general, I can’t help but feel it rushed through its ‘lesson’, which in turn diluted said lesson considerably. The final moments where Daring is apologizing to Maud for her behavior felt forced, because nothing really happened to change her outlook. Sure, Maud saved her life, but it’s not the first time it happens so there’s no reason to see this time as anything unusual to warrant a sudden change in perspective. And since Maud fails to grow in any perceivable way or call Daring out on her behavior, she also fails as a catalyst for a change in that behavior.
To summarize: A Word to the Wise has a great premise, but doesn’t quite manage to live up to its potential. The central theme really seems to be “rock farmers are awesome”, rather than any character growth Daring or even Maud might have gotten out of the deal. It really feels like a squandered opportunity.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Elected To Bat — Worth It
More Than She Could Dream Of — Worth It
A Distinct Lack of Chaos
5,057 Words
By ArgonMatrix
Discord never helped when the Storm King invaded. Which was annoying. But he also hasn’t been seen for quite some time since either. In fact, nopony knows where Discord is, and after a while they start to worry that something serious might have happened to him. Then, out of nowhere, he shows up with a gift. Boy, does he have a story to tell…
This is a story that makes good use of the “where was Discord” conundrum of the movie to take things in a wholly unexpected direction. ArgonMatrix is missing a few tags, but I don’t blame them in the slightest as those tags would have spoiled some things. And yeah, I don’t intend to reveal anything. All I will say is there’s a twist at the end that I did see coming, but only after a little over half the story was done.
It’s a good twist, it makes great use of what we see in the show/movie (with a few liberties taken, of course), and it is well delivered. I have nothing to complain about, save perhaps that I’d have liked to have seen the final results. Still, leaving it up to reader imagination is by no means a bad move.
An interesting and well-delivered read. Well done, author.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good!
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
A Draconequus' Guide to Immortality — Pretty Good
Don't Feel — Pretty Good
The Glimmering Gardener — Worth It
A Brief Exile
1,468 Words
By Broken Phalanx
Princess Twilight has been banished from Equestria. Temporarily. She doesn’t understand why. Luna might have an idea, but… she’d rather not tell.
Hah! It took me a minute to figure out exactly why Twilight had been banished, but once I did I was thoroughly entertained. This story is a testament to the pettiness that is Prince Blueblood, yet also an indicator of how dangerous he can be if he actually sets his mind to something. Celestia’s reaction to his antics is also quite appealing.
The only real criticism I have is that Broken Phalanx is heavy handed with Luna’s dialogue in the first third of the story, giving her a needlessly archaic manner of speaking that I don’t think works well with her canon dialogue. They ease up significantly before too long though, and thank goodness for that.
Otherwise, this is a fun story at both Twilight’s and (mostly) Blueblood’s expense. If that sounds appealing to you, then by all means give it a go.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
When the Stars are Right — Pretty Good
The Right and Righteous
1,977 Words
By Shakespearicles
Vinyl Scratch storms into Berry Punch’s bar on Hearth’s Warming Eve, ready to drown her sorrows in drink. Berry has seen enough angry ponies waltz in like that to know what’s up... and what to do about it.
This is a brief bit in which Berry knocks some sense into Vinyl. Not much more complicated than that. The general theme is “being right isn’t as important as saving the relationship”. We all know the rule: if she ain’t happy, ain’t nopony happy.
This one is short and sweet, so to speak. It was nice to see Berry as something other than an uncontrollable drunk and able to dispense wisdom, even if she at least partially did so by blatantly stealing lines from the Trans-Siberian Orchestra (that’s not a complaint). If you feel like seeing Berry Punch as the wise barkeep assisting a post-fight Vinyl Scratch in solving her relationship problem, this will do it for you.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Rarity's Cat is Evil — Crackfic
Time Enough
3,350 Words
By Shrink Laureate
Requested by Shrink Laureate
Starswirl never wrote a time travel spell. Upon realizing this, Princess Twilight and her student, Luster Dawn, travel back in time to make sure there’s one in the Canterlot Archives for a much younger, non-princessy Twilight to discover. This would be a lot easier if the Royal Archives didn’t already have an intruder.
The story is set in two parts. The first part is fully-grown alicorn Twilight Sparkle distracting twelve-year-old unicorn Twilight Sparkle. As you can imagine, it mostly involves a discussion about how awesome books and libraries are. Filly Twilight is as perfectly adorable as she always is in these kinds of stories, complete with the kind of self-confident “I’m always right” only children can have. Shrink Laureate did a wonderful job giving her all the snark and sass that made Seasons 1-3 Twilight so endearing. Having her older, alicornicated self reacting to her manner was delightful.
The only issue I have with this conversation is that it ends with a strange abruptness. There’s no conclusion to the Twilight/Twilight conversation, Shrink just… cuts it off. I get that their conversation isn’t the real meat of this story, but as a transition it felt a bit rough.
The second half of the story is Luster Dawn meeting past Princess Celestia, who is pretty quick on the uptake regarding the whole time travel thing. The princess shows a remarkable restraint in regards to any desire to speak to her much older student, to the point that she even devises a perfectly reasonable excuse to not be in the room when said student comes along to check on Luster Dawn (note my confidence).
While the Twilight/Twilight conversation is highly entertaining, I can’t help but feel that the Luster/Celestia conversation was the real story here, not least because of how Shrink jumps to it so sharply. It’s Luster and Celestia trying to avoid causing any time paradoxes while the latter tries to come to grips with everything this meeting must mean for her future by virtue of having happened at all. I especially like how Luster doesn’t treat Celestia like some celebrity but handles the entire conversation as if it were ‘normal’ (well, aside from the surprise of being discovered).
I have nothing (serious) to complain about. The story is at times fun and cute, at times serious and perhaps even deep. Fans of filly Twilight in all her adorableness will get a treat out of watching her interact with her older, wiser self. Those interested in Celestia – her relationship to Twilight and what her ascension means to her – will enjoy the second half. If the latter topic doesn’t interest you… fair enough.
If the first doesn’t interest you I question where you buried your heart.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good!
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
The Fishbowl — WHYRTY?
Left Behind — WHYRTY?
Cold — Worth It
Sleeping Arrangements
2,662 Words
By Monochromatic
Sequel to The Masquerade
Twilight Sparkle, personal bodyguard to Princess Rarity, has a secret. Namely, that she’s also Princess Rarity’s romantic interest. Which would be fine, even if it is kinda-sorta taboo and there’s no way they’re going to let Rarity’s parents know about it. Tonight will be just like any other night, with Twilight watching over Rarity while she sleeps (which, yes, would be totes creepy if it weren’t literally in her job description). Or, it would be if the princess hadn’t suddenly decided that Twilight needs to stop losing sleep in favor of watching over her.
Mono strikes again! This time it’s a brief interaction where Twilight and Rarity debate the sleeping arrangements of the former, or lack thereof. At least that’s the way Rarity phrases it. We all know that it’s nothing more than an excuse to get her knight in royal guard armor into her bed for some snuggling.
There’s not much to add. This is as cute as anything Mono tends to create. If you like the Bodyguard AU or just want to see Twi and Rares have some fluffy together time (with a dash of snark and marshmelodrama, respectively), then this will be the story for you. Read its predecessors while you’re at it.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
The Enchanted Library — WHYRTY?
The Princess's Gift — Pretty Good
The Masquerade — Pretty Good
The Princess's Choice — Worth It
The Queen's Secret Crush — Worth It
Tally Marks
2,769 Words
By Slateblu1
Sequel to Colors
Sunset goes through yet another day. She doesn’t expect it to be any better than yesterday.
This is, essentially, a depiction of Sunset living with severe depression. No, really. That’s it. There’s no happy message, there are no friends coming to help, no overarching lesson learned. It’s just Sunset being depressed with the addition of some self-harm.
Two things come to mind with this story. The first is that we’re clearly in Alternate Universe territory now, even if it’s not tagged that way. The first two stories were fine and made sense. They were Sunset facing herself after the events of Equestria Girls. But now the story’s moved past Rainbow Rocks, and this Sunset? Absolutely not the Sunset we see in Rainbow Rocks. I have full confidence that if this were the Sunset that went up against the Dazzlings the Rainbooms would have got their asses thoroughly kicked at the Battle of the Bands. So yeah: Alternate Universe.
The second thing that comes to mind is that it’s getting to feel like Slateblu1’s beating a dead horse. First story: Sunset’s depressed, let’s talk about it and try to get her help. Okay, fair enough. Second story: Sunset’s depressed, let’s talk about it and show we’re there for her. Alright, there’s some sense of progression there, I can dig it.
Third story: Sunset’s depressed and cutting herself with a knife. The end.
...Okay, author. We get it. Sunset’s depressed. Is that all we’re going to be doing for this series?
To be fair, there’s nothing wrong with the story. It’s well written, provides a great sense of mood and atmosphere, and really lets us see how deep Sunset’s depression is. If this were a standalone story set before Rainbow Rocks, I’d be giving it a high rating. And it still warrants a decent rating. But I don’t see the point in keeping on with this series if there’s no sense of progress and growth, and Sunset has been pretty much static so far.
Before anyone challenges me on this, I’m not saying that Sunset needs to get better and recover in order for this story to be good. When I say ‘progress and growth’, it doesn’t have to be in a positive direction. If Sunset were to get worse, that would count. It’s about a character changing, for good or for ill. But all I see here is Sunset being the same brand of miserable she was in the last two stories, which is a problem. I get that Slateblu1’s whole shebang is helping people be more aware of depression, but there are limits to how long I’m willing to follow a trend before coming to the conclusion it’s not going to go anywhere.
Fortunately, it appears that the next story will address these issues. And in Slateblu1’s defense, it does seem that the vast majority of people reading this don’t share my… concern. Again, the story is strongly written and makes excellent use of its themes. As such, I have no reason to grade it poorly.
I just hope the next story offers the progress I’m looking for, in whatever direction that progress may end up being.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
The First Step — Worth It
Colors — Worth It
Stories for Next Week:
The Rise and Fall of the Dark Lord Sassaflash by Dromicosuchus
At the End of a Tough Day by Summer Knight
Pinkie's Potty Problem by Eddy13
A Study on Chaos Theory by Novel-Idea
Big Mac Comes Out of the Closet by Dreadnought
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I'm in academia and blessed with unusually pleasant coworkers (and also live a block from the engineering campus), but I actually always really enjoyed going onto campus to work and have hated working from home. Every day I'd cut through University Hospitals and stop for lunch in the cafeteria, and watch all the different types of uniformed staff busy around. As opposed to my apartment, where the radiators won't turn off in the middle of summer and which apparently is located across the street from the Cleveland Society For Motorcyclists With Ongoing Domestic Disputes.
Also, I think remote classes have made students much more entitled and litigious when it comes to their grades; they say things to me over email that I absolutely cannot imagine someone actually coming down to my desk and demanding in person.
I "yandex'd" rocktorate and hit gold on the mlpwiki:
https://mlp.fandom.com/wiki/List_of_puns
Same thing is happening to us, although I've been 50% on-site/50% from home the whole pandemic...
Oh hey a story I actually know. Mostly. I read The Assassination of Twilight Sparkle long ago and also started reading Aftermath of a Fallen Star but at the time it wasn't finished. I think up to the Pinkie Pie chapters at the time? And then in the manner typical of me I forgot to keep following along with it. I really ought to go back and finish it sometime, I remember it having a lot of interesting ideas about how characters deal with grief and the political machinations were fun to follow--kind of a lot like what you have in stories like Reddux the Tyrant and Bulletproof Heart honestly. Too bad about the larger series getting canned, I know that feel when it comes to biting off more than one can chew and losing the motivation for it.
That's why it's so hard for me to attempt to work on more ambitious projects these days. :^)I haven't been out of the office since the the Plague started, since I'm in tech support, and everybody with their computer dragged home promptly forgot everything they've been taught and started calling. Besides, I'm not very efficient in the office with all my stuff within reach. Put me at home and I'd be useless.
5525986
At first, I was not impressed. Then they got into names and places and I was like, okay, yes, this is gold.
Glad you enjoyed my story! It was an idea that manifested in my head pretty much immediately after watching the movie for the first time. I've thought a few times about writing a continuation of some sort since the ending could definitely benefit from a follow-up, but I don't have enough ideas for where to take the story from that point, so I'm happy just leaving it open ended for now.
I've never really written a twist ending before either, so I'm happy that it was effective. Planting the seeds and foreshadowing was a lot of fun and honestly a lot easier than I anticipated. I know twists can fall flat on their face if not done properly, so I needed to make sure to get it right.
Thanks again for the review!
Pretty sure it was just the one line, but you still noticed.
I've actually developed the headcanon that after 1,000 years as a statue (plus however long it was, in-universe, between Return of Harmony and Keep Calm and Flutter On) that Discord has--understandably--developed some trauma about being petrified. And while he might try to hide it/play it off, as he is wont to do, Fluttershy, at least, is aware of it, if not other girls and Spike.
So, I figure that at some point during the movie, off-screen, Spike sent him a letter--or just called him, maybe--and Shy/the rest told him to stay away from the Storm King's forces. And they convinced him by framing it as staying somewhere he could keep Sun and Moon moving, so that the planet doesn't cook or freeze, which neatly solves that dilemma, too.
(And yes, I know he helped petrify Chrysalis, Cozy Glow, and Tirek in the penultimate episode, but it's my headcanon that his contribution was making sure they weren't conscious during their imprisonment, as he was implied to be.)
5755350
Id' like to argue that this idea still feels like a Bad Move overall, but then the movie was pretty much a Bad Move Factory. Pretty much any excuse is better than none at all.