Paul's Thursday Reviews CCLII · 8:47pm Jun 3rd, 2021
Anybody here have Ace Combat 7 on Steam? I’m on an achievement hunt and it’s (one of) the games I’m playing lately, trying to net that sweet 100%. Only problem is that some of the achievements are multiplayer in nature. AC7’s MP scene is juuust alive enough that I can do the deathmatches, but Team Deathmatch is past rigor mortis. So yeah, I’m looking to see if anyone’s interested in playing a few team-based rounds. All I need is to play 50 and win 1, which is surprisingly and pleasantly lenient. I’m not even sure if we need more than one player each for the “teams”. PM me if you’re interested. Maybe we can discuss it on Discord.
In the meantime, how about some reviews?
Stories for This Week:
The Rise and Fall of the Dark Lord Sassaflash by Dromicosuchus
At the End of a Tough Day by Summer Knight
Pinkie's Potty Problem by Eddy13
A Study on Chaos Theory by Novel-Idea
Big Mac Comes Out of the Closet by Dreadnought
Total Word Count: 184,431
Rating System
Why Haven't You Read These Yet?: 1
Pretty Good: 2
Worth It: 2
Needs Work: 0
None: 0
The Rise and Fall of the Dark Lord Sassaflash
116,127 Words
By Dromicosuchus
Alternative Title: Ahorr'eog Chtenff
The Ponyville Mule saw the ad. He figured it couldn’t hurt to apply. He figured anypony who could refer to themselves without irony as a “dark lord” is probably a harmless nutty. He figured he’d get room and board while cleaning cabinets and maybe hauling some materials to one place or another. He didn’t expect the Dark Lord Sassaflash to be a proper necromancer and student of the lore and magic of the Elder Gods. In all fairness, neither did she expect her new minion to be so opinionated and capable and, perhaps worst of all, personable. No matter. Surely they can work something out.
Now this is my kind of fun! Here we enter an AU in which all the horrors of the Lovecraftian mythos are real, but ponies in general seem to be completely unaware of it. Except for the pegasus Sassaflash, who has become a master in the dark arts. She seeks to end the rule of Celestia and Luna and the current reality.
The Mule, on the other hand, just wanted to try not sleeping under a bridge for once. He’s a rustic, simple-minded sort, but wise and honest in his ways. He answers the Dark Lord’s ad for a new minion and, as the only applicant, gets the job. Before he knows it, he’s helping concoct noxious potions, trying not to touch or even look at certain books, and learning far more about disemvoweled beings of non-euclidian origination than he’d have ever wanted, to say nothing for looking after his own physical and mental wellbeing.
In this dark fantasy setting we watch as Mr. Mule does what he can to break through the hard walls of the Dark Lord Sassaflash’s manner. The more he learns and helps, the more he whittles away at her defenses. Gradually, our persnickety and gruff Dark Lord is reminded that she is, in fact, a pony, and that she might be able to have a friend if she could just find it in herself to open up a little.
The end result is a delightful romp in which a powerful necromancer sees her ambition checked by friendship and a (questionably healthy) dose of reality. Watching Sassaflash gradually soften up to her new ‘minion’ and his simple but heartfelt efforts to earn her friendship and respect was a treat from beginning to end. This is topped off with a pleasant demonstration that having a taste for the morbid and dark does not, in fact, make one evil by default.
Other characters help out with the story. We’ve got Angel Bunny (because of course) assisting Sassaflash with the gathering of certain… resources. There’s the ghoulish creature Parchment who takes on a fearsome visage and yet never seems to be anything but helpful. Then there is the Mule’s wife, who has the amazing ability to both be and not be dead in tandem. And let us not forget Sassaflash’s adorable and ever-eager protégé, Sweetie Belle. Yes, Sweetie Belle. Though her presence in the story marks her as little more than a side character, I thoroughly enjoyed her scenes.
As if that weren’t enough, we’ve also got some great worldbuilding propping all of this up. My favorite by far is the ancient city of Unicornia and its culture, but Hollow Shades was a nice touch, and the revelations of the great threats hidden within the folds of reality make the whole Lovecraftian theme that much more interesting. I loved the idea that ponies, because they are ponies, feel the need to use hearts in their decorations even in ancient, dark times. There was a certain charm in the dichotomy of Sassaflash’s dark knowledge and the loving pleasantness that is most ‘normal’ ponies.
We’re still not done, because as the story goes on we come to learn that Sassaflash is a brilliant necromancer. Seriously, some of the solutions she comes to, especially in relation to the climax, are incredibly resourceful. In this vein I must also praise the author, who made sure that all the tools were established in-story long, long before the Dark Lord and her Minion actually had need of them. If something comes up in this story that seems like a mere easter egg then log it in your brain because you’ll probably be seeing it again later.
I loved everything about this story. The characters, the steadily building relationship between Sassaflash and the Mule, the worldbuilding, the way the plot weaves together in a precise conclusion, how it somehow all fits into pre-Twilicorn canon seamlessly, the way Dromicosuchus keeps the plot interesting from beginning to end. All of that with a taste for the dark and gothic, complete with some black humor, without ever sacrificing the reality that is MLP:FiM.
This was a great read and I can’t recommend it enough, especially for those with a fascination for the Cthulhu mythos.
Bookshelf: Why Haven’t You Read These Yet?
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
At the End of a Tough Day
2,105 Words
By Summer Knight
Sunset comes home from the funeral of her uncle in Equestria. Home to her beloved girlfriend and housemate, Twilight Sparkle.
This is a short and sweet story that utilized the death of a loved one for some SunLight (or TwiSet, if you prefer) fluff. There’s not a lot to it in terms of events: Sunset comes home, she’s sad, Twilight makes it better, the end. Yet Summer Knight makes it a worthwhile read by not rushing the events. They take their time so that we can properly appreciate what Sunset is going through, and that puts it a step above most stories of this sort. There are few things as annoying as a rushed fic.
Nothing new or special in terms of plot, but very well delivered. I wave my wand of approval.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
The Shortsighted Princess — Worth It
Pinkie's Potty Problem
5,519 Words
By Eddy13
Requested by Eddy13
Pinkie has to go to the bathroom. Now. This wouldn’t be a problem normally, but today it seems literally every toilet in town is unavailable.
This story was getting more downvotes than upvotes, so Eddy13 asked me to give it a look to help them figure out why. There’s no point in trying to explain the story itself because, let’s face it, you already know everything you need to. I am reminded of a Tiny Toon Adventures short starring Hamton.
The first thing I’ll note is that I don’t think the problem is its juvenile toilet humor that makes up the central premise. Sure, people like me will turn their noses up at an entire story about having to take a piss, but I imagine the average reader will find it humorous at the very least and, more likely, hilarious (note my lack of faith in my fellow man). The subject matter alone probably isn’t enough to warrant the vote ratio this story has.
I could point out how the cover art depicts pony Pinkie but the story is actually in an Equestria Girls setting. I am not bothered by this, as I imagine finding an appropriately themed image that isn’t intended as fetish material would be hard given the subject matter. Some people may consider it a strike against it, but I seriously doubt this alone is the problem.
I could note how Eddy13 still has minimal-to-no awareness of dialogue punctuation. But I know that’s not a major factor; it doesn’t seem to have harmed their ratings in the past, so why should it now? If it does, it would only be due to the more obstinate grammar nazis out there, of which there aren’t near enough to account for the poor ratings this story has.
There’s the matter of how the story insults certain characters, namely the Apple Family by depicting them as living in the kind of unsanitary conditions as would get restaurants and hotels shut down by health officials. That scene might say something about Eddy13’s views on rural/farming people which in itself could be deemed offensive (and having been raised rural, I wouldn’t blame them). But again, this alone won’t be enough to warrant the huge negative reaction this story has earned.
There is also the complete dissociation of this story from logic and common sense. For starters, why can’t Pinkie go to her own house to use the bathroom? She literally visits the homes of all her friends sans Fluttershy (for contextual reasons), which means she went all over town including outside of it in Applejack’s case. So what the heck was preventing her from just, y’know, going home? This is the most obvious and biggest flaw in the plot logic, but it’s not at all the only one. Eddy13 has Pinkie go through all sorts of nonsensical, unrealistic things in her quest for a toilet, the vast majority of which were more contrived than Luna throwing the moon into Tartarus.
Now, obviously Eddy 13 did all of this for the sake of the joke. You might argue that the story outlives its premise, especially after the third time Pinkie is bombarded by insinuating imagery. But still, it’s a giant joke. I think your average reader would be willing to forgive the nonsensical shenanigans for the sake of their own immature humor, right up to the point of Pinkie using a bathroom that doesn’t exist. So still, this alone is not enough to me for the story to get such a negative ratio.
So… what is it? Why was this story downvoted into oblivion?
My guess is that it’s all those things combined. If the story only suggested the Apple Family live in filth and squalor, it might have been fine. If the story just had ceaselessly poor dialogue grammar, the vast majority of viewers would have enjoyed it. Heck, even if everything else went perfectly but the author maintained the total nonsense that is the plot, it would have probably gone without too much of a hitch because people are willing to accept some contrived antics for the sake of humor. But you put all of these things together – toilet humor, nonexistent logic, giant plot holes, insulting beloved characters, poor dialogue grammar, deceptive cover art, anything else I’ve neglected – and what do you get? You might get a wave of downvotes from a wide variety of audience types. But I want to emphasize that’s purely a theory on my part; I honestly can’t say for certain what straw broke the figurative camel’s back.
For me, the thing that is the most burdensome is the dialogue issue. Okay, and the insult to the Apple Family, but only a little. I’m not fond of the subject matter but don’t see any reason to rate against the story for that alone, I can understand the reasoning behind the cover art, and while I don’t care for the blatant ignoring of common sense I get that a lot of people think that only adds to the humor. Somehow. In short, a large number of the issues are, I think, subjective and not enough to warrant this story earning less than a middle rating. But you put enough things together that are knowingly, if subjectively, bad to enough people? The separate factions might just join forces and blast you into downvoted heck.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
This Is Gonna Be A Blast! — Worth It
You Call That A Costume? — Needs Work
Always The Quiet Ones — Needs Work
A Study on Chaos Theory
56,753 Words
By Novel-Idea
Sequel to Tactics of Snowbound Unicorns
Sunset has chosen to make the worst decision of her life. It will not only have profoundly negative impacts upon herself, but on all of her friends and maybe Equestria as a whole. At least she’s doing it for a good reason. She thinks.
Yeouch. Up until now Novel-Idea’s Wavelengths of Time stories have all been about Sunset Shimmer’s positive growth as a person in a world where she never quit Equestria and stayed on as Celestia’s student. Sometimes times were hard, sometimes she made mistakes, but every story has helped her evolve in an affirming, good way.
Until now. In this story, we learn that Sunset still has a romantic interest in Twilight Sparkle. Yet she’s also aware that Moon Dancer also has eyes for the adorkable unicorn. To make matters worse, Sunset fears her feelings may be nothing more than the intense side effects of a very personal spell she and Twilight cast together a few months back, so what she’s feeling might not even be real. With all this in mind, she decides the best thing to do is make sure Moony and Twi get together and she… stays alone. It is, obviously, the absolute worst decision she could have made under the circumstances, and the story makes it very clear that nothing good can come of it.
But what’s really damning in all of this isn’t Sunset, who despite being a big dummy here at least had some deep and intensely personal reasons for making the decision. No, the terrible thing is Celestia, who knows exactly what is going on and pushes things in such a way as to make absolutely certain Sunset makes the wrong choice, even knowing it is wrong. On top of that, Celestia is in a position to understand the situation better than Sunset does and is thus painfully aware of how this decision can potentially (and most certainly will) backfire in the future, and she still goes through with it.
As maddening as it is, I approve of this. I have always stood by my view that one of Celestia’s major character traits is incompetence, and this follows through with that nicely. It’s perfectly in line with her character and I wouldn’t put it past her to take this momentously bad path. What it will mean for the Wavelengths arc when the shit finally hits the fan, as we all know it inevitably will, has yet to be seen.
Ignoring this, which is truly the center of the entire story, is the ship between Moon Dancer and Twilight. Novel may have had it come to be in a terrible way, but that didn’t stop them from taking full advantage of a cute ship. It was immensely entertaining watching these two awkward bookworms try to figure out what to do about their burgeoning feelings. I especially like Twilight’s constant recitation of facts in her mind, her arch-nemesis the table, and her ever-present struggle to understand the most basic of social standards. Couple that with an ever-snarky Moon Dancer and we end up with quite the treat in the romance department.
And because it can’t not be mentioned: Coco Pommel is adorable. Abso-fucking-lutely adorable. Her obvious-but-unspoken relationship with Coloratura is the icing on her megacute little head. I could read an entire story based just on this Coco Pommel doing cute things. Give us an unrelated “the daily life of Coco & Rara” story, Novel. I’ll take the diabetes with a grin.
Anyway, this one is certainly unorthodox for the series. There’s no positive lesson, no great joy to be had (other than the ships and Coco). It’s hard-hitting and leaves you worried about whatever may come next. Is this a turning point? Will the next story also lead to more trouble among the friends as we begin the slide towards the endgame? Or will it be a return to business as usual, just with this negativity sitting over the girls’ collective heads? It’s impossible to say. But it does throw a monkey wrench in everything we’ve been seeing up to this point, and Ilike that. It reminds us that character growth doesn’t have to be positive. These stories were always interesting, but now they’re going to be interesting for entirely different reasons.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good!
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
The Cloudsdale Report — WHYRTY?
Bards of the Badlands — Pretty Good
Grading on a Bell Curve — Pretty Good
Habits of the Equestrian Phoenix — Pretty Good
How Not To Use Your Royal Prerogative — Pretty Good
Big Mac Comes Out of the Closet
3,927 Words
By Dreadnought
Sequel to The Talk
Big Mac is spending the weekend at Rainbow’s place. Which would normally be a great thing. Except this weekend Rainbow’s parents have decided to drop in for a surprise visit, and Rainbow’s not too keen on introducing them to her coltfriend. Into the closet he goes!
The first story in this series was Rainbow Dash hiding from the Apple Clan in Big Mac’s closet, so now it’s his turn. It’s pretty much everything you’d expert, complete with Mac getting outed (in a pretty awkward way, might I add), Rainbow’s parents having long-held assumptions that their daughter is gay, and Bow Hothoof giving Mac “the talk” in stereotypical fashion. I was rather amused to see him threaten Big Mac with physical violence considering, y’know, it’s Big McIntosh.
A nice rounding out of the series. While the whole thing is nothing spectacular, it’s a good source of brief amusement at Rainbow’s and Big Mac’s expense. Nothing wrong with enjoying that, methinks.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Rainbow Dash Comes Out of the Closet — Worth It
The Talk — Worth It
Stories for Next Week:
Crime and Funishment by Aragon
The Dread Chitin by Karazor
Sunspawned by Masterweaver
Moving On by thatonecoffeemachine
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Dark Lord Sassaflash is still one of my favorite stories on the entire site. And in my opinion, it's not even Dromicosuchus's best. I hope Mendacity is on your to-read list; it's well worth it.
Yeah, I'll give it a go
Thanks for the review. I didn't intend to insult the Apples like that. I was just making a little joke over Granny Smith eating a lot of high fiber bars. Also, I believe you meant Wakko from Animaniacs, I don't recall that ever happening to Hampton.
5529459
I’ll have to second this. They consistently produced stories that earned their place on my favorites easily.
Sassaflash is indeed WHYRTY-worthy. It's a shame Dromo didn't/doesn't write more; both of their stories are simply wonderful.
I haven't read Potty Problem, but if I had to guess why it's so heavily downvoted, I'd wager it's because the title and description make it sound like it's gonna be a diaper fetish thing. If you asked me how to avoid drive-by downvotes on FiMFic (or much of anywhere, really), "don't make it sound like it's gonna be a diaper fetish thing" would probably be near the top of my list.
5529478
I was going for alliteration!
Only one I've read is "Big Mac Comes Out of the Closet," and yeah, it's pretty standard fare for what it is, but not a bad example. Worth It sounds about right.
Thanks for the review! I appreciate your feedback as I mature as a writer. If you have any more suggestions or plan on reviewing any other stories, please let me know.
V/r,
5529459
I'm considering adding Mendacity earlier than would be normal. I do have some slots in my long term schedule in need of filling.
5529460
I assume this is in relation to my AC7 query? If so, it is much appreciated! Shoot me a PM with your Discord and/or Steam ID and I'll shoot you a friend request.
5529462
Well, I already covered the whole toiler bowl humor bit, and cartoony results is pretty much your style, so I won't complain there. It does add to the list of potential turnoffs, though.
I guess I could be misremembering. I was confident this happened to Hamton at one point, but now that you bring it up I do recall something similar happening to Wakko.
I didn't even consider 5529478's point on the whole diaper fetish, but it's absolutely valid. I can see a lot of people immediately linking the word "potty" to diapers, that is indeed a fetish that inexplicably became popular on the site, and there are people who will downvote it on sight. I also wouldn't put it past people to make immediate assumptions based on a title and cover art without bothering to read a story's description. This alone could be responsible for a good chunk of your downvotes. Your alliteration has my sympathies.
5529706
Well, maybe I could change it to "Potty Panic Pinkie".
God, I love these. They're fantastic. Feels like it's been several lifetimes, but hey, 2020 was several lifetimes for most of us.
Noted. With a grin.
I love that you realize that Sunset's still growing, but sometimes character growth doesn't happen the way it should. Sometimes we're so certain of things, we damage ourselves... and where that path leads...
Well... it either remakes you... or it breaks you.
Huh, I remember starting on Dark Lord Sassaflash when it was first posted, but I never went beyond the fourth chapter for some reason...
Looks like it's time to give it another go.