• Member Since 14th May, 2012
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Wanted: Porter, assistant, jack-of-all-trades, minion. Applicants should be strong, loyal, pain tolerant, cold tolerant, unambitious. Must be capable of following simple instructions. Ideal applicant should be of low to average intelligence and mildly deformed, but exceptions will be made for extraordinary candidates, with extraordinariness to be determined by employer. Must be willing to begin work immediately.

Remuneration will be in the form of room, board, and insight into the true nature of the cosmos. Extremely generous bonuses up to and including subcontinents may be awarded if merited and if circumstances permit. Interviews for the position to be conducted at 108 Haybale lane at 10:00 AM sharp on 4/7. Applicants are expected to be punctual.

—The Dark Lord Sassaflash

Editing and indispensable writer-prodding by The Masked Ferret

Chapters (22)
Comments ( 587 )

I’m here for to answer an advertisement done by a pony living here.

Don't know if it was intentional for the way he talks or accidental, but you put "here for to answer".

“I know I specified low intelligence as a desirable trait, but I had hoped that any applicants would have at least
a book before.

"seen" is on its own line. Unsure if it was intentional.

R’lyeh! Yuggoth! Pnakotus! Ghatanothoa! Equunomicon! Glaaki!”

You have all the words but "Equunomicon!" italicized in the story. I am unsure if that was intentional, since I am assuming it is possibly the equivalent of the Necronomicon, or accidental and figured I would point it out.

Al-Hisan! Yog-Sothoth!

Same as above with "Al-Hisan!".

“Yes. Well.”

You have multiple spaces here.

With a vague smile he turned his attention to

I believe there would be a comma after "smile".

decided that the other bits about previous employees

I think you meant "previous employers".

Feel free to delete this.

YES!! FINALLY! I was ecstatic when you said this would be posted soon. And it has lived up to what I expected from you (so far...). That moon needs to hurry up and get filled. I can't wait for more. I have no other words to say. The awesomeness has frazzled my thought. I bid you adieu.

:rainbowderp: You have my attention. I can't say I've ever read Lovecraft, but have at least one friend who tells me they're good. And I never thought about what it must be like for mules in equestria. I've always felt that their existence in our world was an ugly example of mankind tampering with superior natural processes, but I suppose the fact that the creation of such a creature, and by extention even the romantic relationship between ponies and donkeys, would be sort of taboo. I appreciate an author willing to dive into such controversial topics as race and make a point with them. Reality Check was doing a 'Hearths Warming History/Why all the Chrystal ponies are Earth' thing in his story Nyx's Family. Anyhow, please continue.

Hold on a moment, I just noticed the Sweetie Belle tag.

Deicide... god killing? If I'm reading that right, then this will likely be quite exciting. :pinkiehappy:

I'm not entirely sure but I think I like this Sassaflash character. I can't wait for more!:twilightsmile:


Ooh, many thanks. I was half-asleep when I was finishing this up, so it's only inevitable that a few errors should have slipped through the cracks. I fixed the last two issues and the "seen" formatting problem, but the rest are actually all intentional; "here for to answer" is due to Mr. Mule's dialect, and the unitalicized words are due to the fact that they, athough associated with the Mythos, are still pony words rather than alien phrases, and don't require three tongues and chromatophores to be properly pronounced. The two spaces between "Yes." and "Well." are basically a formatting choice on my part; I prefer to separate sentences (or in this case, sentence fragments) with two spaces rather than one.

Anyway, thanks for mentioning those points, and thanks all for your kindly comments!

I actually figured most of that is what it was, just figured I would point it out for if it wasn't. And I figured those double-spaces were probably formatting choices, but it seemed as though they were the only parts that had them (maybe because they were fragments so they stood out to my eyes. Meh.). (Ruirik use to use double-spacing. It can be a BITCH to edit. Plus, I didn't know the rules for it (I use single) for certain things.)

But yeah, glad to be able to help a bit and can't wait for more.

Yes. This is awesome and I will require more of it.

I'm enjoying it so far, and all of the racial notes you've put in seem to be coming through just fine.
All in all, I'm very much looking forward to more.:pinkiehappy:

Well, so far so good. Effective use of humor, good characterization. And it's not like the inhabitants of Ponyville haven't been racist in the past (Zecorah comes to mind, but for that matter just using 'everypony' around Spike should probably count). Lovecraft's racism always amused me, since many times the poor savages turned out to have a better grasp of the universe than the educated white protagonists. Maybe that was supposed to be another point of horror, I don't know. It did end up leaving me forming inverted opinions of which group was actually superior in his universe. Well, inverted compared to what I suppose his to be.

If I have any complaints it's that I would have called Sweetie Belle off-white (or one of the not-really-colors in that end of the spectrum) instead of pale-grey so I didn't realize it was her at first and pictured someone darker.

EDIT: No, wait, complaint number two: The job advertisement being answered should be reprinted in the story itself and not just in the summary. Several reasons for this include that it's really best to have everything you want your audience to see present in the work itself and also that anyone who archives this using the site's 'save chapter' features won't get it as things stand.


Ooh, many thanks, ForSpite. Both are excellent suggestions, and the story'll be adjusted accordingly forthwith.

The things some ponies will do to get their cutie mark. :unsuresweetie:

Cutie Mark Crusaders Necromancers YAAAAAY!

Ah, when you realize why the common folk has no knowledge of the sea ponies.

Tekeli-li! Tekeli-li!

The first characterization of Sash was as Caramel's marefriend, so this fic will be the first to actually define Sash's role and characterization as a standalone character.
I hope it spreads out like (your) changeling-Bonbon and gigolo Cloud Kicker.


Sassaflash is nothing if not ambitious. And I'm glad that you brought up that particular line, actually. I rather shamelessly appropriated it from Ursula Venon's phenomenal webcomic Digger, which I can most heartily recommend to anyone who finds pirate queen shrews, pragmatic wombats, sentient statues of Ganesh, and vampiric squash to be appealing concepts.

That actually does sound pretty interesting. I'll be sure to check it out later when I get the chance.

I almost skipped over this, but decided to read it after deciding I was bored enough. I'm now glad that I didn't miss out on this story, because it has piqued my interest.

A side question: How does one kill a god? I've always thought of it as "even if you kill them, they'll just regress back to an elemental state and eventually have their physical state restored after a certain amount of time." The only plausible way to "kill" a god would be to absorb its essence, and even then it would technically still exist. Granted, mortals are the ones granting the title of "god," so anything that seems to be obscenely powerful and displaying even a small god-characteristic is labeled accordingly, but may actually be incredibly weak in reality.

This is excellent as always, and I'm excited to see you writing again. I am curious as to why Sweetie Belle is the only Acolyte, and why her fellow Crusaders aren't. But I guess all shall be revealed! :pinkiehappy:

2339629 There are such things as mortal Gods even in regular mythology: the Norse Gods, for instance. And I wonder if the "Deity" in question is the one that raises the sun...

No reference here to cutie marks: I wonder if Sweetie Belle already has a mythos-related cutie mark Mr. Mule failed to take notice of (which would explain why her friends aren't hanging out - the mention of a filly on a scooter at the start indicates they haven't just been, say, fed to Tsathoggua). Perhaps as a mule he doesn't find such things particularly important.


Aye, but can one truly kill a god?

Oh, this is pretty unique! I'm intrigued, and I'll be following along! :pinkiehappy:


This takes place a bit before Discord's return to Equestria, so Sweetie Belle is still very much markless; you're right in that it's the sort of thing that the Mule typically wouldn't pay attention to.

Oh, and another note for y'all; I've changed the cover image to something that is hopefully slightly less of an assault on the eyes, and I've also made some minor edits. Most of them are insignificant, just little bits of polish here and there, but I have made some significant changes to the Aklo/R'lyehian/Cthuvian spoken towards the end of the chapter--and Yes, it does actually mean something. Nothing terribly plot-relevant, but if any of you are keen on a puzzle, then googling "R'lyehian" might be a good first step towards getting a translation. Mind, considering the squishiness of the language, I can't guarantee that anything you extract from what I patched together will necessarily make much sense.

Oh, and one final note; with an acceptable cover image now in place, I've submitted this to EqD, so if it proves acceptable hopefully it'll show up there sooner or later.

2346177 For Pete's sake, I pointed out that there are killable gods in actual mythology. You are apparently using some sort of definition of "god" that you made up yourself, which is fine for you, but is irrelevant to the story unless it's author says "I fully agree with and endorse KingoftheMuffins views on gods". From the Merriam-Webster online: "a being or object believed to have more than natural attributes and powers and to require human worship; specifically : one controlling a particular aspect or part of reality"

Nothing there about unkillability.

Now, if we're speaking about Lovecraftian deities specifically, there is some evidence that they are may be impossible to ultimately get rid of: Cthulhu dies when the stars are wrong, but returns to life when they are right, and if Yog-Sothoth is indeed "coterminous with all time and space", it's hard to see how there could be a time and place it would be dead in. Of course, much is left often to interpretation...

For the purposes of this story, I'm going with the idea that it is indeed possible to kill at least some deities--just like, as B. Munro pointed out, the various mythological deities who were very emphatically killed, dead, ended, kaput, no more, not comin' back. Now, whether "killed" in this context means something like mortal death, or is more akin to a Cthulhuesque "dead but dreaming" state (whatever THAT means)...well, you'll just have to wait and see.


Woah, dude... don't bring Pete into this. :twilightoops: (yes, I know it's a colloquialism)

That first paragraph felt like a cannon hit me D: (perhaps I should have added a [teasing] tag after the previous comment) I suppose my original and very vague question is whether a "god" is actually a "god" from the start, or just a title bestowed from lesser races. You know what? I give up on trying to communicate what I'm thinking-- words have failed me (or have I failed them? Gah, I don't know...) and my mind is about to self-destruct.

( side note: I generally refer to Lovecraftian lore when I think "gods" though, so yeah. I should be more open to other ideas as well)


We're back to square one now. Why u do thees 2 us? :C

This is the closest I could translate the R'lyehian

"I invite you to our brotherhood.
Do you not speak Aklo? Worthless [inhabitants] of Earth, their worthless servants, worthless insects. [something about her followers' minds and sharing answers] Understand?
You don’t understand... yet you’re not useless."


Considering the agrammatical and fragmentary nature of Aklo/Cthuvian, that's actually a pretty durn good translation. You got the beginning and end exactly right, and the middle bit was supposed to convey something along the lines of the following:

"Worthless are the inhabitants of Earth (this, I had trouble with. It's ambiguous/misleading as it is, but 'Sash is actually talking about minor Great Old Ones, here; Things with a capital T that, despite their powers, are still parochial beings that don't approach Cthulhu/Tsathoggua levels of importance), worthless are their servants, worthless are the (not really translatable, but an intended sense of childishness combined with a lack of awareness of their place in the universe). Followers of (the way of) the mind (scholars, the curious, etc.) I will share answers with (this last emphatically, with the sense that it is ONLY those with inquisitive minds that will find answers)."

I should probably have joined "hrii" and "lloig" together into a compound word, to indicate that the two concepts were closely bound to one another; that'll be something I'll be trying to be more careful of in future. There WILL be more Aklo showing up in the story, and although it will never be critical to the plot itself (it really wouldn't be fair to my readers, I don't think), those who take the time to translate it may end up coming away with a slightly more complete understanding than the rest. In a perverse sort of way, though, I'm glad that it's still obscure enough that you weren't able to come away with a completely accurate interpretation of what she said. There should always be unclear, half-hinted things in any Cthulhu Mythos story, and I have to admit I like the idea of expressing such things using partially translatable dialog rather than just writing out a few fragmentary English sentences and baldly stating that they're hard to translate.

Now, speaking of being unfair to my readers...Yeesh. The Moon has continued in its accustomed course through the sky, and not only is there no new chapter describing the lives and times of Sweetie Belle, Mr. Mule, and Miss 'Sash (I love that nickname for her, Farrier Nails; would you object if I borrowed it for later chapters?), but Mendacity has not received its promised epilogue and spit-shining. The latter was delayed due mostly to the fact that the school year is wrapping up and assorted physics classes were making demanding, baby bird-esque noises (also, setting its arrival to the New Moon was a bad idea, largely because the New Moon is typically not visible in the late night sky, and thus isn't something that forces itself on my attention. You would think that I would have thought of this. You would be incorrect), while the former is due to the fact that I heard back from the kindly reviewers at EqD, and they had some very valid criticisms of the first chapter of this story that I'd like to fix. So, the current plan is to finish the polishings of this chapter and Mendacity, complete chapter two of this story, and then release them all at once in one grand suffocating avalanche of purple prose (Actually, pruning down the purple prose is something I've been focusing on with the editing, so hopefully it'll be only about a meter deep or so in most places and y'all will be able to easily keep your heads above the surface). I'm very sorry about the delay, but hopefully it won't be too long before we get this fool's errand on the road.

Somehow I managed to read and be fascinated by this but not leave a comment. Thankfully it was pointed out to me again so I can remedy that. This sounds incredibly appealing and I love the character of the mule. I do hope we'll see more of this? *hopeful*


Thanks! You're in luck, as it happens; I've finally gotten my act together, and both the latest chapter for this story and the necessary edits to the final chapter of my previous story have been attended to, and I'll be posting both once I've completed the epilogue to said previous story (which is moving along pretty well). I won't give a date, because when I give a date I invariably end up unintentionally lying, but...soonish, shall we say. Expect more soonish.

2725897 *Squee* Sounds awesome to me!

This...this is interesting. I'm liking the writiing style; I'd almost dare to call it Pratchett-esque, and that's always a plus for me.

2747219Pratchetsque?...ok i must read this shite

Ah, a fellow Pratchett fan?

2748251 I am new to pratchet, just uo to the weird sister (seventh book i think)


I'd almost dare to call it Pratchett-esque

I certainly agree. The general barmyness with Sweetie and 'Sass reminds me of the Elucidated Brethren of the Ebon Night scenes in Guards! Guards!.

I cannot wait to see where you will go with this.

Enthralled is a good word.

I'm psyched to see Sweetie Belle in a new role, and based on what little you've presented so far, you've got her personality down.

I always thought racism would be a fun topic for ponyfics, but it should never be the sole issue, so I'm glad to see you're using it sparingly.

Not far enough in to make a judgement call, but I want to see the end no matter what, now.

1 dislike.
FIND THE TRAITOR!:flutterrage:

Soonish? Well that is heartening to hear. I just had to look this story up again because one of the lines popped into my head and got me excited about it all over, so it's good to know it's not dead yet.

Intrigued, but not quite enough yet to definately give a thumbs up or down. I think I'll wait for more before making a judgement on this piece.

Ooh. Mister Mule has unplumbed depths, apparently. Me likey. :pinkiehappy:

Ah, I see Mr. Mule's going to have a couple of interesting perspectives on the unfolding events. Looking forward to reading about them.

Sadly, I have no tales of derring-do today; it's mostly talking and vague Lovecraftian hints.

Heh, you captured that theme perfectly. I'm waiting for the eldritch abominations to start showing up... :scootangel:


Interesting chapter. It's quite funny to imagine Sweetie Belle getting her cutie mark in necromancy. :rainbowlaugh:

Well, this is fantastic thus far. Definitely looking forward to more, whenever it may come. Especially given the hints that, in Equestria, mules are just a little bit eldritch.

This chapter was great, as per usual. I found myself laughing a bit more than I probably should have, but that is exhaustion for ya.

Can't wait for the next chapter, though I expect to wait a while. Something like this can't come to you too quick lest it have... issues (can it?). I shall await it with eager anticipation and read more Lovecraft to pass the time.

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