• Member Since 2nd Jul, 2012
  • offline last seen 10 hours ago

adcoon


I stumbled into a strange, friendly world where I was oddly drowning in ponies and other small, sparkling equines.


E
Source

"Have you seen a butterfly around here?" I asked Derpy one day. Next thing I don't even know, we're saving Equestria from the fairies in Fluttershy's chicken coop!

Featured: Equestria Daily, The Royal Canterlot Library
Translations: Polish

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 59 )

I enjoyed it, frankly. Quite the wild ride, with some parts requiring me to read over it a few times, but good as a whole.

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The style is certainly different, and there are no doubt a few places I could improve it, but I'm glad you enjoyed the ride :pinkiesmile:

" this one seems interesting."
Read, read, read.
"It's kinda like poetry, rather refreshing!"
Read, read, read, read, read.
"Aaaannnnnnd this went from mildly interesting straight to FREAKIN' AWESOME! With an Epic Glaze."

^ That was my thought process for this entire story. My enjoyment was immense. :rainbowkiss:

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Hehe, thanks! :twilightsmile:

This deserves more views. It was a very creative concept. Add to that the way you decided to write it, and I'm impressed. I can't say that I understood all of it, but it's quite interesting.

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Thank you :) Views can be hard to come by, sadly

Interesting story! It does read quite different, but after thinking about it, I tried reading it in the mind set of an old Shakespeare story and it made more sense that way. Maybe it's just me? Very imaginative with the faeries and their little world.

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Thanks :twilightsmile: I'm no great reader of Shakespeare, but it is intended to read a bit like a poem or old fairytale, in a way. Like someone whose mind is caught up in old fairy tales and poetry, but who isn't really a proper poet or writer herself.

Read this and Stitch at the same time and you get a nightmarish whirl where you can't tell what's real and what's fake.

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I can only imagine :rainbowderp:

And this goes on the favorites. Thank you.

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You're welcome :twilightsmile:

Hey look., everyone. It's the fandom's latest masterpiece.

Fantastic story, with an amazing and original concept. I like it! (PS, Babs would totally be one of these watchers of Manehattan.)

-The Librarian

I think this would make a great horror game. It'd be like Slender but instead of dark trees we'll have bright colorful mushrooms and instead of static we'll have giggling...

SHUT UP, COLORS SCARE ME! And giggling too. Honestly, Alice in Wonderland ruined my childhood.

I don't know why but I felt like I've read what Dr.Seuss would write if he made a MLP fanfic, but that may just be me. :derpytongue2:

A weird, whimsical yet wondrous story! :yay:

Thank you for sharing! :twilightsmile:

As for me, I have a new book now. It's a little empty, but Flitter knows how to fill it. Fill it with fairies! All the little fairies pressed nice and neat between the gilded pages!

:pinkiecrazy:

Uhhh... that is not creepy or anything. Is Flitter building a fairy gibbet?
She should get Twilight to organise a butterfly collecting club at the library; nothing like roving death squads of pony lepidopterists to cool the enthusiasm of any fairy infiltrators..

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Heh, thanks. We haven't really seen a lot of Manehattan ponies, but I'm sure Babs would be a fine fairy watcher

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Childlike giggling can be freaky scary, no doubt about that

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Glad you liked it. Always nice to be compared to awesome writers :twilightsmile:

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Maybe she's just drawing pictures of them ... :derpyderp2:

This was a really challenging read. Someone should do a live reading so more people can experience this gem of a story.

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Someone should do a live reading so more people can experience this gem of a story.

I double-plus agree. Flitter is awkward to read, but you get a delightful feel of how unhinged (or touched as Derpy calls it) she is when you read her lines aloud with the proper inflection.

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It would have to be someone who's really good at reading aloud, and would definitely require a bit of rehearsal first to get anything good. It would be a lot of work, but definitely awesome, I think :twilightsmile:

She's truly crazy in all the right ways.
This strangely explains more about Pinkie than it should, the random appearances, twitch-a-twitches, et all. Just a result of her fey stains.

I agree that this should get a reading done, but it really needs the right voice and tone. Grown but childlike and touched with a hint of alien thought.
Verymuch like /)

This was fantastic, and when I read the line about the hummers I was :rainbowlaugh:

2692760 I've just put that on my to-do list. Fortunately, it's the one thing on there I feel like doing at the moment.
Unfortunately, I can't seem to remove what small amount of bass exists in my voice, sounds weird. I'll keep trying, unless you can find someone better suited.

I almost stopped reading about ten percent in, as the repetitive style of Flitter's narration was kind of tiresome. Glad I didn't though. As the action picked up that tick seemed to lessen, and the unique ideas presented made it a really enjoyable story. Pinkie has invisible fey limbs... explains so much. :pinkiehappy:

I wish I could have this as a book to keep on my shelf. It's quite wonderful.

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Glad to hear it :twilightsmile: It would be a pretty small book, though.

Very nifty, original idea. I enjoyed greatly.:twilightsmile:

Ponyville was restored—I think the mayor has several spare Ponyvilles stashed all over the place, in case of emergencies just like this

Of course! It all makes sense now!

What a great story. At first I found the repetitive nature of Flitters lines quite challenging but after a while I hit the right rhythm and they really started to wow and feel almost poetic.
The quiet battle with the prince and Fluttershy was my favorite scene. You have very eloquent silences.

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Thank you :twilightsmile: I'm glad you liked it

After a great deal of time, sat in my "read later" list, as I'm stuck at my sister's for three days (and bereft of my email access and thus story updates), it seemed like a good time to get this out and dust it off for reading...

An entirely unique take on Derpy, I have to say!

I concur with what some of the others had said - this has a very "Alice in Wonderland" feel to it. (I did until things settled in, start reading Flitter's voice as Foghorn Leghorn in that first paragraph...)

Nicely done.

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Foghorn? I can certainly see how it made you think of him, he does talk a bit funny too.

Glad you liked the story. It's a strange little piece

This story had so many elements going for it that I really should have enjoyed it more than I did.

The whimsical and fairytail-like narration was spot on (and I can imagine the sort of headache your editors must have gone through to properly edit this). You also kept faithfully to the perspective without drifting to the POV of different characters. I also liked the mixing of the high-fantasy elements with the mundane things like pizza. Overall, on a technical level, well done.

The choice of characters and how you presented them was also highly believable. Obviously your rendition of Flitter herself was largely original, but seemed to fit easily to the overall show's feel. Quite probably my favorite depiction of this pegasus, though that isn't saying a whole lot since you're competing largely with porn-without-plot.

Pinkie was a super obvious include, but I was surprised by but quickly accepted Lyra as touched. I also accept readily Fluttershy's role.

Which leaves us with Derpy. I must say this is probably the first time I've ever read something about her that was actually enjoyable. I've seen her depicted so often as either outright retarded to completely serious and unfairly discriminated against for an "eye problem and nothing more." None of them really felt... right.

I also am somewhat a fan of faefolk and their lore. Your presentation of the often silly/serious nature of them was very "right' feeling. I think you completely nailed that tone and married it to MLP and the characters perfectly.

As I said, I should have enjoyed this more than I did. With all these things I liked about it, I'm somewhat confused as to why I didn't. I finished the first chapter and had to force myself to continue. On some level I am glad I did, and I especially liked the scene in the tall grass when Flitter finally snapped. I can't really point to any flaw or anything I can honestly say I didn't like, but for some reason I was happy to simply have finished the story once it was over with.

Still gave a thumbs-up. I wish I could figure out what it was I disliked to offer better feedback.

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Hard to say what it might have been. Maybe you just weren't in the mood or something. Either way, thanks for your thoughts on it. I'm glad you think it had something going for it, at least :twilightsmile:

Now this was an enjoyable story to read! A fresh and unusual take on the narration, the protagonists (a Derpy-Flitter pairing? Are there even other fics out there with these protagonists?), and most of all, the mood. It had a novel atmosphere, like a fairy tale, or rather, a nightmare -- but a cute, cozy, (mostly) child-friendly nightmare at that! :pinkiehappy:

If I had to say one thing that could've been improved, I would cut down on the memes and references (such as the troll saying "you mad?"). They have their places, but in a story like this, they stuck out and broke the immersion more than they helped.

That said, I still enjoyed your work more than I'd thought I would. I liked your take on Derpy, and that's something to say, for she's not exactly one of my favorite characters. I also think you balanced the jokes pretty well: enough to keep the story amusing (and then some; the one about the mayor and the spare Ponyvilles made me struggle not to call attention to myself on my workplace :pinkiehappy:), but not so much that the comedy would overshadow the adventure. Well done, and keep up the good work! :twilightsmile:


P.S.: This is the first time I've ever heard of the English word 'brouhaha', and I'm already fascinated by it.

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I'm glad you enjoyed it. It's a strange little story, so it's always nice to hear that it worked :twilightsmile:

Brouhaha is a funny little word, the best kind of word for a funny little story :pinkiehappy:

Hoooooooooly shit why haVE I NOT READ THIS BEFORE. :pinkiegasp:

*ahem*

The writing style in this had me hooked from the first line. It's such a wonderfully lyrical style, and a pleasure to read. That alone would make this fic worth reading, but the actual story itself is jaw-droppingly good. You have done some fantastic world-building, explained the eccentricities of Lyra, Pinkie and Derpy, and told a entrancing narrative to boot.

I knew there was a good reason I was following you. :pinkiehappy:

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

Sir! Yes, you, sir, or madam should you so be inclined! How do you do it? Thank you!

Wow.
That was amazing. I don't think I have any words for it.

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What can I say? When the stars align and lightning strikes at midnight ... :raritywink:

I'm glad you liked it, and thanks for the review. Btw, may I use your description of it? It's much better than mine.

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

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Well... sure, if you think so. :O I thought mine was pretty similar though, and it doesn't have the benefit of being in first person.

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I liked it for being to-the-point, but you're right, it does lack the charm of matching the story's voice. Hmm, at least it's something to consider.

This was amazing, and it goes directly to my favourites!

It also deserves a lot more views and recognition.

It's no Johnathan Strange and Mr. Norrell, but it'll do. :ajsmug:

I wonder what Fluttershy would feel about it if she knew there was a magical passage to a strange fairyland in the back of her chicken coop.

This story reminded me of a magical place called The Lost Forests. I read the stories of Timothy, the trapdoors, the Flying Pig, and Catastrophe Cat when I was a wee lad almost two decades ago. Incredible how you managed to bring up the memory of such a long-buried remnant from my past.

I have one little nitpick about the story: you're missing some commas for direct address. But really, if that's all I have to point out, it means you did a bang-up job with this. A lot of things confused me in regards to the scenery initially, but things always seemed to come together soon enough. And the pictures in my mind were just grand.

What a ride. Thank you.

Left you a review. Hope you like it.

The narrator talks very... poetically. Makes them seem a bit disconnected from reality, or childlike or something. Then again maybe that is a requirement to be able to see certain things at all?

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Yeah, I think it's a requirement to be a little bit different too :derpytongue2:

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I'm glad you liked it, and thanks for the review.

Damn commas, no matter how closely you watch them I guess some always slip away or escape attention.

I rather like this story! The narration was odd, but it fit quite well with the theme. I do wonder what the "normal" ponies saw instead of faries, though.
Also, the trots kind of remind me of the paths in a story I read long ago. I think it was called the Ruby Key? Worth a read.

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