• Member Since 17th May, 2013
  • offline last seen 9 minutes ago

Summer Knight


Sequels1

E

Sunset Shimmer has just returned home from a short trip to Equestria, where she was attending her uncle's funeral. Her girlfriend, Twilight Sparkle, was giving a nerve-wracking presentation at an important scientific conference. The two have a conversation, offering mutual love and support.

Tagged sad because Sunny is sad. There's nothing super heavy here, just a bit of SunLight.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 9 )

A nice, if sad, little look at SunLight's future.

Keep up the good work. :)

This needs more appreciation! Ah, this is the definition of adorable! Loved every ounce of it.

<3

9683651
Thank you!

I'll admit I'm a little disappointed that it didn't get more traction, I was pretty proud of this one (I thought it was pretty good for my first pure shipfic). Still, I'm glad that the people who did find it are enjoying it!

This review is brought to you on behalf of the group: Authors Helping Authors

Name of Story: At the End of a Tough Day

Grammar score out of 10 (1 is grammar that needs to be worked upon as basic principles such as
capitalization and spelling is an issue, and 10 is impeccable): 10

Pros
This story is a heartwarming take on a very difficult subject matter: lost of family, and shows how important and wonderful it is to have someone by your side during these harsh moments.
Sunset's special power is used in a pretty clever way to characterize Twilight.
It's a smooth and easy read.

Cons (list three cons)
The POV isn't exactly solid, and it wobbled a bit between Sunset and Twilight.
Descriptions tend to be fairly surface-level.
Unfortunately, using a random character's death who we don't know didn't affect me as much as if it was, say, Twilight Sparkle mourning Twilight Velvet.

Notes Section
I quite enjoyed reading this story. Although I don't usually read stories where characters are sad and EQG stuff in general, I'm glad I bothered to check this one out. If anything, it's not what I expected as the focus is much more on how important and meaningful Twilight is to Sunset, which was very cute and a good focus on both characters. However, the main problem I have here is that despite there being pretty good passages, a lot of the descriptions and actions are surface-level and don't exactly delve very deeply into the characters' psyche and emotions. I would contrast the passage where Sunset reflects on the symbolism of the fragile grief in a box (which is really good) vs the paragraphs at the start, which are basically a beat-by-beat of what she does. More of the first, less of the second. To rehash a common advice, try showing your character's emotions through their actions and thoughts.

Another thing, the emotions don't quite hit because we didn't know Sunset's uncle and it's a bit hard to feel bad for him, but you made Sunset sympathetic enough to make me feel for her, and so this one isn't really all that bad.

I'd say it lacks a bit of meat maybe? In the end the story could have been a tad shorter and crisper. It's not bad in any way, but it does leave me wanting for more.

But in the end, this was very enjoyable and I feel perfectly justified in leaving a green horsepoint and a fave.

Hope you enjoyed this review, and if you want to help me, you could look at my story and give me your thoughts.

Adorable Sunlight fic. Thanks for writing

Gorgeous stuff. As has been noted, using Sunset's uncle who she always had rather than someone the audience knows was a bit emotionally exploitative, but you do a lot with hinting at the reconciliations and reunions that happen between EqG and this story. Including introducing Sci-Twi to Sunset's extended family, which must have been an interesting experience for everyone involved.

And that moment of pure, telepathically recieved love? Excellent work. Thank you for some lovely Sunlight.

9710885
There were two reasons I invented an uncle instead of using, as was suggested, Twilight Velvet or somepony we knew.

First of all, I needed it to be Sunset who experienced the loss, so that she could use her magic as part of the healing process. As far as I know, we don't know anything about her family.

Second, losing a parent is devastating, and can take years to move past. It was too much for what I was trying to do here. An elderly uncle was much more in line with the level of grief the story needed.

But regardless, I'm glad you enjoyed my stories, and thanks for the follow!

I got the Brooklyn 99 reference

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