• Member Since 1st Aug, 2019
  • offline last seen Monday

applezombi


I think it'd be better if I just shut my mouth, cuz I hate how I look, how I sound.

T

Pinkie Pie breaks her leg while hiking.

Twilight Sparkle falls in love with a mystery girl at a concert.

Sunset Shimmer carries on a long distance relationship with a magical pony princess from another dimension.

Multiple melodies, weaving in and out of one another, sometimes overlapping, sometimes competing, sometimes complimenting one another. Voices join in then fade away, adding to the collective whole. And in the end, maybe this symphony will lift the heart and dry the tears of an old foe.

Chapters (13)
Comments ( 34 )

I'm liking this so far keep it up

10186868
Thanks for reading, I'm glad you're enjoying it!

Awww I love Twinata.

I'm liking this so far!

Maaaan. It kills me a little that there's a sloppy, lazy siren-focused story in the feature box right now and this one's been so ignored :facehoof:

But anyway. Liking it so far! Obviously I haven't seen enough of the sirens to have much of an opinion on them, just one chapter in, but I liked the back-and-forth going on with all the not-sirens in the café, and Sonata's line at the end is a nice hook. There are some bits I'm inclined to be skeptical of, but as a whole this felt competent enough that I'm gonna not fuss too much over them.

I do have some nits to pick, though!

farm girl and fashionista

I didn't notice this kind of thing happening often, but as far as I'm concerned it's still too much. It's a lot harder to overuse names than you think, and if you are overusing them, this is the laziest way to fix that.

“It’s the body’s physiological response to injury or extreme stress. Basically, the body’s organs, like the brain, aren’t getting the blood they need and can start to operate weird or even begin to shut down. It usually shows up with an injury, but it can happen with stress or panic attacks as well,” Rainbow said. As soon as she stopped talking, she noticed the shocked stares from the five girls around their booth. “What? So I know a bit about first aid. That doesn’t make me an egghead. Look, this thing,” she gestured to her body, “is a finely tuned machine, like a sports car. Ya gotta know how the bits and pieces work in order to take care of it, right? And that sometimes means reading the owner’s manual, and knowing when you can tinker yourself, and when you gotta see a mechanic.”

This part threw me for a loop at first because it wasn't clear who was speaking right away. In a shorter paragraph, I think that's fine, but when you have almost three whole lines of dialogue before you clarify who's talking, it gets confusing.

“Well, the Captain Marevel movie just hit the cheap theatres, and I’ve already seen it a few times, but I thought it’d be fun if we all went together.”

ok so I was about to be like eww real-world reference in eqg world blah blah immersion shattered but then I realized that'd be kind of, uh, not a thing I should say here because it'd make me look like a dumbass. So I won't say that.

10210468
I really appreciate the time you took not only to read my work, but also to leave some very insightful and constructive comments. I'm really grateful.

I hope that everyone's influence finally gives Sonata the courage to tell her sisters to get a job or get out of her home.

So when's the next chapter?

10222379
Sorry, was delayed due to internet problems. I'll be trying to post the next chapter later today, once I've done some finishing touches. Thanks for reading!

10223553
Thank you for the reply :)

So, what's the upload schedule for this fic usually? Could you explain, please?

10224143
TBH, a little erratic depending on inspiration and other real life things. I was going to finish this chapter up and post it yesterday, but I ran into some issues with my internet. The next chapter is about half done, but also my quarantine has ended and I'm going back to work full time tomorrow, so I don't know.

In a perfect world, I'll be posting once a week after this point, until the story is complete. Maybe more frequently depending on how inspired I feel.

I like how you write Sonata in this story

10224517
Thanks! I've always seen Sonata as a bit of a blank slate. I feel like she's kinda like tofu, absorbing whatever's around her. She's a bad guy because she lets other bad guys push her into being a bad guy.

I hear the winds of an uncertain sequel come forth.....

10237256
I agree. A follow up sequel, even if it's composed mostly of vignettes, would be nice.

Well done, Applezombi. :twilightsmile:

10237256
I actually do have plans for a very short sequel, and a much longer prequel. I have no idea when I'll have time to get to them, though.

The sequel's going to be about Agent Oracle spending her weekends and free time chilling in a park in Ponyville, reading Equestrian books and maybe falling for a pegasus pony.

The prequel is probably going to be the story of Sunset and Princess Twilight falling in love over the course of a friendship map mission. It's going to have a bit of a mystery element to it.

A good combination of both verses meeting and a positive outlook for the future.
And Sunset doesn't have to choose she can and should be part of both worlds.

Would love to see more of it :yay:

I saw your other fic update, which prompted me to check this out. A great start, so far, you really captured all the characters well, such that you don't even need to specify who's speaking. And don't think I didn't see what you did there with the meal orders.

You wove together all these separate plotlines using the shared theme of pushing through internal roadblocks to be there of others and form relationships. Which is basically the theme of EQG as a whole, so the result is a story that feels very real to the franchise. And I'm only halfway done!

Damn, things got real tense, real fast. My heart aches for Twilight and Sonata both.

Great chapter I really liked it, just wanted to say that

10353551
Thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed it.

Review
Yay! A review made just for YOU. <3

10237310
Absolutely cannot wait!!!:pinkiehappy:

This was a nice chapter and truly a well written way on writing the whole “Princess and Sci are not the same and how others, especially romantic, can see them” and must say you handled it quite well :twilightsmile:

I’m always fascinated to see the different ways people write the Sirens, especially Sonata and I quite like what you’re doing with her so far in this story

Such an emotional rollercoaster of feelings this chapter had and it kept me hanging on every word!
Also shoutout to having Spike get some of the spotlight(of the fics I read, most don’t include Spike the dog which I think is a shame cause Spike is cool and believe one can have some fun writing dog version of him :moustache:

10971279
Thank you!

The Sirens are, without exception, my favorite MLP villain so of course for my first story on Fimfiction I had to play with them.

Sonata in particular is fun because I've always seen her as a sponge; absorbing whatever she's near. So put her in a circumstance where she's not absorbing her sisters' evil any longer, and she starts to shine.

I also thought about how she might have developed in the wake of the unending verbal and emotional abuse we see Adagio raining down on both her and Aria in Rainbow Rocks. What might she have become in a wholesome and supportive environment?

This was an incredible read from start to finish and I’m so glad I found it while searching for something to read while at work.
Each character was well written and fully had a solid grasp on each of their personalities that didn’t go too astray that would make one question “who so-and-so really act that way?”


Another point I would like to make is how well you handled Midnight Sparkle and not treat her as a malicious evil but an actual part of Twilight that feeds off her emotions and isn’t something to be banished away but accepted as a part of her(best reference I can make is P4’s Persona Awakening 😅)


Another point is how well you did the Sirens. I truly love what you did with Sonata and Aria, making them not just a ditz nor just a tsun musclehead, but actual people doing what they can to accept their new mortality albeit in different ways that is befitting of their characters. We didn’t see much of Adagio but I think that helps. Other fics do have her going through a downward spiral of failing the BotB and usually have her come out of it but here she just doesn’t and just wallow away, which I think would be a more realistic way for someone like Adagio to go through after centuries of being around and having the failures stock up to BotB…..what else would one do when your leadership is finally shaken to its last peg?


Also I’ll like to point out on how you handled the therapy sessions and feelings of reaching out when one needs it and not feel bad about it or going to do something to better yourself for a next crisis(Sunset learning first aid) I do hope that anyone who happens to read this and is struggling a similar way can take what’s said here and make that first step, which is always the hardest but worth it in the end.




And I can’t forget to mention the ending with that good sequel hook. I would love to see where, if ever, that goes as it certainly do wonders on setting a great world building.

Howdy, hi!

A review from the mansion to you.

I consider it important to say that this is a complete whitewashing of Sanata. The whole point boils to: "Sanata is a good girl who just fell under the evil influence of the other sirens. The poor thing is also offended by such beeches, probably out of envy...". We in fact, do not know the history of the life of this group and for what reason they acted in this way, and not somehow differently. I am empathized witn the theory that the sirens could not have acted differently simply because they had the opportunity to feed only on "evil" amotions, and when the elements destroy the "villain" amulets, they essentially doom them to starvation. A link to a high-quality fanfic, albeit written in Russian, but you must understand, because I understood your speech: https://ficbook.net/readfic/4825523

Great story! Enjoyed reading it. :twilightsmile:

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