• Member Since 6th Nov, 2016
  • offline last seen 7 hours ago

Allykitty


Just a quirky Kitty in a wide world of possibilities. SciSet, ShyLight, ShySet and AppleDash shipper. Message me if you want, I don't bite >^.^<

Sequels3



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Sunset Shimmer recieves devastating news from her previous world of Equestria. Twilight Sparkle of the human world accompanies her on her journey back home to help support her in her time of need. Neither returns to the human world the same way they left.

Continuity: Homecoming, Origin story.


September 22, 2017 - new chapters and chapter revisions completed.

Featured December 28, 2016, September 13, 2017

Chapters (16)
Comments ( 128 )

So in Interlude, Walls Fall First, and Homecoming, you called 'Sunshine' by Sunlight. The first time I ticked it off as Fluttershy having a Freudian Slip, but after the second...

Overall, good story.

7828952

Yeah, I've been trying to go through and fix it. Thanks for finding those! :twilightsheepish:

The author's note was very...
( Wait for it ...):pinkiesmile:
...filly-sophical!
:facehoof:

“I don’t always use big words,” they both said in almost perfect unison.
The laughter was only renewed.

Huzzah! The adorkablness has been DOUBLED! :yay:

7829576

I approve this pun. Good show!:pinkiehappy:

Sunset Shimmer's flaws are her pride and her stubbornness. Pride is easy to see because she was the princess's student. Twilight ( the pony one) and now starlight glimmer has it. We have no clue what caused her stubbornness but with pride that is a downright dangerous choice combination. I think sunset was just broken when she was defeated she lost her pride. But she regained it at the battle of the bands.
She wasn't healed. Sunset needed to be brought down to the lowest point. Her pride and stubbornness had to be shattered. Although the human cmcs did that they went about in the wrong way. Or it could be sunset's destiny stepping in to get her ready for her real destiny? The cmcs made sunset better. Kind of ironic by trying to destroy sunset they made her a more capable hero?

7830516

While I agree in spirit and will likely touch on this in a later story, I am somewhat confused by your mention of the Cutie Mark Crusaders are supposed to be doing. Do you mean the Mane Six?

7830899 He's referring to Anon-a-miss I think.

7831462

Ah....I only heard about that after I started writing this a while back, so I really didn't find a way to incorporate it.

so.... which ship is on this fic... since was added to Step Into the SunLight.... Pony Twi x Sunset or Sci-Twi?... geeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeez DX!!!!!

I'm confused, why aren't Dash and Flutters on their way to Appleoosa? Was there a time skip?

I think they would have told you if they were getting married, Twi.”

LOL, nope.

7832288

A very small one, maybe a days worth. The day of the memorial they are absent and that only shows about two or three hours of that day. The rest of the day and the mission? I have those as one shot jumping off plot threads. I double checked some of the other missions in seasons five and six and they seem to take place inside a day or so.

I reached up and brushed my hand across my collarbone, forgetting that I had left my pendant at home to avoid inadvertent epmathic or telepathic visions.

I think you meant "empathic".

I closed the book and pushed it away, and without meaning to I found myself wondering to a cabinet drawer that I hardly ever opened.

I think you meant "wandering".

Might want to correct these.

Minor thing. You consistently spelled Pinkie's name as "Pinky". Tiny difference there...narf. :pinkiehappy:

Oh and you might want to replace the comma at the end of this line...

“I just miss her, and maybe if I hadn’t run away,”

...with one of the things that I had at the start of this line.

Seeing as how the girl was unused to her new form the didn’t have perfect motor control yet.

Think you meant "she" there. Also, another "Pinky" when you meant "Pinkie".

7834610

Autocorrect is my enemy at times....some chapters I tweaked at work on my phone :twilightsheepish:

Thanks for those catches!

I would enjoy a sequel, should it be in the cards. I really liked the short and simple story. Well done.

7836486

I'm doing a few one-shots leading up to another multi-chapter story. Probably going to be focused around Dawning Dew's wedding. Just finished another Slice of Life fic that should be posted soon.

I fought a long battle in the hallway that night, wondering towards Human Twilight’s room, then stopping and moving for mine.

Wandering, I think, is what you meant there.

“No greenhouse effect here to pollute the air, so things grow a bit more healthy.”

Completely unrealistic. No incarnation of Twilight could possibly let this go by without a lengthy rant.

7837803

Yeah, you're right. I tweaked Sunsets speech and added how Earth ponies magic is connected to the ground and crops.

and I'm sure it's what caused much of her self-doubt during Rainbow Rocks

That might also have had something to do with the fact that everyone (even the Humane Six) was treating her like dirt at the time. It's a bit hard to feel good about yourself when your closest friends are constantly telling insensitive jokes about your past, excluding you, and even disowning you in front of the whole school. The Sirens even spend some time rubbing all that in her face. Twilight was an exception, but she was too busy suffering from exactly the opposite problem to offer anything more than a friendly ear, and occasionally backing her up.

pointing out most of the interesting points of interest

This amount of word repetition in such a tight space always pulls me out of the flow a bit. It very well may be that my eyes are just too jumpy these days. It's a perfectly clear sentence, it but it does feel weird compared to the word choice going on everywhere else. I'd swap out "points of interest" with "landmarks," maybe.

Again: perfectly clear sentence, so if nobody else says anything just chalk it up to my neurosis.

"Some SunLight beginnings" indeed.

7832430 Try using [hr] for timeskips, scene changes and the like, like this:


It makes them more obvious and the story just looks nice.

Also, that story description is a bit of a misnomer, since this story really isn't about Sunset attending a funeral or dealing with grief at all. She spends a bit of time being sad, but it's mostly just a backdrop to her attending random events with Twilight in Equestria. I feel like this story is sort of stuck between two things it wants to be, one as a story of Sunset revisiting Equestria and the things she left behind with a very supportive friend at her side, and the other as a general ship.

One other thing: Princess Twilight gets a ton of screentime in this story. She's constantly pulling strings to make Sunset's trip pleasant, is willing to talk and give advice at late, late hours of the night (better advice than human Twilight ever gives, at that), and is generally extremely helpful, useful and friendly. Sunset keeps saying they're not that great of friends because they never see eachother (at times, prompted by human Twilight), but at the end, she resolves to make a ton of extra visits to Equestria... and she can only visit when Princess Twilight's around to open the portal. I doubt this is what's intended, but Sunset has better chemistry with your PriTwi than your SciTwi and it really feels like human Twilight is deliberately trying to steer them apart. Like, seriously, listen to this:

“From everything I’ve heard from you and from reading the entries in the book, it’s a safe enough place for a few days. And I think you could use a friend to be there with you.”

“I’ll have the princess and her friends, my family,”

“Are you listening to yourself?” she said, more forcefully than I had ever heard her speak before. “The princess and HER friends. They may look like our friends, act like them, but THEY’RE NOT OUR FRIENDS!”

In the light that human Twilight has a crush and Sunset is oblivious, that absolutely comes across not as her being worried about Sunset being lonely, but about spending more time with Princess Twilight and potentially getting waifu-sniped.

That's totally not a bad thing. There's some delicious drama to be had in a scenario like that. It's just either out of place in the land of silly fluff, or uncapitalized upon in the realm of drama, depending on what this story wants to be.

7839530

I'm willing to discuss ideas in a pm. All I want is to provide a good entertaining read but that is no excuse for waffling and poor writing.

Besides, how can someone with Russian ancestry ignore the words of a czar?

Well Done. I wouldn't mind seeing a sequel of them coming back for Hearth Warming. and how their relationship is goin

Very sweet story, and well done.

7840993

Your wish is in the process of being granted. The Hearth's Warming tale is going to be a few chapters worth of 'The Wooing of Sunset Shimmer".

7841053

Okay, posted that before I looked at the stories you had written already *WolfishLOL*

7841054

It's all good, those chapters are still just notes on a timeline thus far.

7834574

You're right about empathic, but the author used wondering correctly here.

You "wander" through the house and "wonder" what's for dinner.

Edit: whoops. Totally read that wrong. You're right on both counts!

I’ve got to get a message to Twilight and ask her if i’s ok if I crash at her castle for the funeral.

I’ve need to get a message to Twilight and ask her if I can crash at her castle for the funeral.

Oh, man..... starting this right after Thespio's mom died......

This chapter felt... extremely rushed. "Nightmare again." Okay this is fine. "Luna appears." Okay, fine... but that's where it breaks down. Luna is immediately gone and replaced with Sunset's mom, and getting to say goodbye to a sort of... imprint of her mom's consciousness/soul felt like it wasn't a very important event, and then it was subsumed into "Go follow the romance path already, gfdi girl." The time to sit with Princess Twi and get a read on SciTwi was also over too quickly.

The story sells itself as mainly dealing with the issue of Sunset losing her mother, with a side of romance. But this far in it feels like the two have switched levels of importance.

7832288 (this may be inaccurate, as it may have been edited since you read it) The first sentence states that it is two days later, and they were called at dinner time of the day before the funeral, so it has been three days since they were called.

“Like a glove, Rarity."

"What's a glove, darling?"

I can't believe you missed that joke.

7848788

Humans would call them leg warmers. They were very popular in the 80's. :twilightsmile: (sorry, lame attempt at humor.)

I've just finished reading this. I must say I am quite disappointed...

...that this beautiful story was not already in my favorites! :rainbowlaugh:

The error has been corrected. :raritystarry:

There was really nothing I would mention as an issue besides perhaps a few minor things others have already brought up and have been fixed. (Misspellings, word repetitions, and all manner of tedious nothings that plague us all. Reminds me of a chapter of Hive Alive I wrote a long time ago that I had to rework an entire paragraph because I wrote myself into a hole in which I had to find at least four synonyms of the word "occasionally." :fluttershbad:)

Seriously though, it was a very fun and heartwarming tale. The seriousness of the loss early on only made me all the happier for Sunset's recovery from it and the opportunity both Sunny and Sunshine now have. I go on to the sequels with much enthusiasm. :heart:

7840993

If you haven't seen already, the Hearth's Warming chapters are done...

Speaking of which...

Sci-Twi comes into the Eqg world, why not Sunset Shimmer's actual human form?

What happened to her, or is she going to come in later?

7862069

I'm sorry, I'm not quite understanding the question.

“Besides, with Starglight Glimmer out on a show with Trixie, I’d have nothing else to do today.”

Whoops, extra 'g' in Starlight's name there!
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Holy moly, this is a pretty good story so far~

“I don't think asking to see a show with a friend if pushing anything,”

That should be 'is', not 'if'.
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This is turning out to be a really good story!

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