Paul's Thursday Reviews CCXLII · 9:38pm Mar 11th, 2021
Hello again, peoples. The good news lately is that my writing has been steadily improving in terms of productivity. I decided to start tracking my wordcounts in a new way, one with ever-shifting goals based on productivity, and have managed to improve my output steadily over the last month-and-a-half. Graned, this still means such a weak performance as 600-700 words/day, which compared to how I used to be is shit, but I’ll accept what progress I can get. My hope is to rebuild my momentum and finish the next BPH before the year is out.
In completely unrelated news (and again in keeping with my self-promise to talk about my other interests), the following trailer has me far more excited than it should for someone who has only played one game in the franchise:
I imagine most of you look at this and are like, wut? Or are rolling their eyes because it’s a Five Nights at Freddy’s game and what’s so great about a bunch of dumb Chuck E. Cheese rejects jumpscaring you?
Then there are those like me who are seeing things and questioning every brief moment and being like “Purple Guy, it’s Purple Guy!”
Confused? I don’t blame you. What a lot of people won’t know is that FNAF has a shockingly convoluted lore. We all originally thought it was nothing more than some malfunctioning robots violently stuffing security guards into empty suits. But at this point we’ve got a dozen games, plus over a dozen books that are of questionable canon but which are intended to provide clues as to the lore of the games. And what did the uninterested miss?
They missed the mystery of the child serial killer who started the entire story off: who is he, what was his motivation, how is he related to these animatronics, how did he die, did he die?
They missed the mystery of the Bite of 84 vs. the Bite of 87: who was bitten, do we know their names, do we even know the correct order, is one somehow still alive, have we seen them before in early games and didn’t realize it?
They missed the mystery of the crying child: why did he seem to hate Freddy Fazbear’s, if he hated it so much then why was he always there and why did he have stuffed toys of the animatronics, what’s the deal with the miniature Fredbear, where does he live, where is his sister, why does he never stop crying, is what he saw even real?
They missed the mystery of the graveyard names: six headstones in a secret ending, who do they belong to, why are two of them unreadable, how do they connect with the overarching story, are they the ghosts of the slain children, what does a children’s book have to do with them?
Point is, there’s always a lot going on with the FNAF series. Its creator, Scott Cawthon, constantly weaves in secrets and mysteries and clues to keep the fans guessing as to what’s really happening behind the scenes. This was prevalent even in the very first game with strange paranormal events like words scrawled on walls and a golden animatronic capable of appearing out of thin air. Say what you want about the ridiculousness of the central concept, there is always something fascinating going on for the interested party to pick apart, theorize, and argue about. It’s so interesting that even a guy like me, who only played the first game, has become invested in learning more (I intend to rectify my lack of gameplay experience soon). And that trailer, for those who know what FNAF is really about, was a treasure trove.
Want to know more about the history of FNAF? I highly recommend Game Theory’s long-running series of videos following the lore. But be warned, there are more than 40 videos at this point, so it can be quite the dive.
Alright, my mild obsession has been satisfied. Let’s get to the reviews, shall we?
Stories for This Week:
Arrow 18 Mission Logs: Lone Ranger by AdmiralTigerclaw
Fallout Equestria: Pink Eyes by mimezinga
Needle and Thread by Storm Butt
Negotiations by Rated Ponystar
Odds Are. by Overlord-Flinx
Horn Marrow by Sapidus3
Old Times Sake by thatonecoffeemachine
Walk in the Darkness by Rose Quill
In Her Shadow by LuminoZero
Freeport Venture: Blood and Iron by Chengar Qordath
Total Word Count: 264,238
Rating System
Why Haven't You Read These Yet?: 2
Pretty Good: 3
Worth It: 4
Needs Work: 1
None: 0
Arrow 18 Mission Logs: Lone Ranger
66,018 Words
By AdmiralTigerclaw
Captain Randy Edwards won the lottery, so to speak: he’s the lone crewmember of the Arrow, which has been sent to survey a distant anomaly in far-off space. He never expected to find a star orbiting a planet! That shock will be nothing compared to what he finds planetside…
I didn’t know what to expect with this one, but this most certainly wasn’t it. The story, told entirely in journal format as mision logs, retells how Randy comes to meet the ponies (and other creatures) of Equestria, learning about them and being learned about in return. I’m presuming this story is set in an idealistic future where humanity is now united in peaceful coexistence, as it treats the entire idea of humanity with kiddie gloves. But in return for that idealism, we get quite the entertaining story.
What I love the most is how well AdmiralTigerclaw managed to capture the nature of the pony characters so effectively despite the formatting. Twilight is ever-adorkable, Rainbow is ever-excitable, and Pinkie is ever-inexplicable. All our favorite ponies (and then some) make at least a cameo, and they feel like they were plucked right out of the show. That’s commendable character awareness and atmosphere conversion, and it alone puts this story a step above.
The only things that gave me pause were the way Randy regularly allows the ponies to walk all over the most basic and obvious security and safety protocols (although in some cases he can’t be entirely blamed) and the attempts to explain things with pseudoscience. Every now and then our protagonist goes into a bunch of technobabble and, to be honest, it went entirely over my head half the time. I get what the author was trying to do and don’t blame them for it, but I fear a lot of readers will find it more distracting than anything.
Ignoring those issues, I had a ton of fun with this. Enough so that I was a little disappointed it was over, and very disappointed that the sequel was never finished. If more of AdmiralTigerclaw’s works are similar to this one, I see a lot of entertainment in my future.
Read this for a pleasurable blend of science fiction, comedy, and diabetes-inducing cuteness.
Bookshelf: Why Haven’t You Read These Yet?
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
Fallout Equestria: Pink Eyes
134,575 Words
By mimezinga
Puppysmiles Days knew her mother wanted her to get on the airship to the stable-place, but she wanted to see the fireworks and try out her new space suit! And there was this pretty pink fog coming from the castle, too! It kinda made her feel sleepy though, so she took a nap. Now she’s awake and everythings wrecked and the sun won’t come out and she can’t leave her space suit and, worst of all, Mom’s nowhere to be found. But Puppysmiles is a smart filly! She’ll find Mom and everything will be happy again.
This is the story of a little filly who, by luck and circumstances, became a sapient Canterlot Ghoul in kkat’s Fallout: Equestria universe. Puppy’s age is hard to pin down: her manner is like that of a four or five-year-old, but the ponies she meets throughout the story seem to think she behaves far younger than she appears. This may have been mimezinga’s way of telling us that foals growing up in the Equestrian Wasteland are more mature by default because of their living conditions. It could also be a sign that Puppy is clinically rhetarded. We never get confirmation of either, so I can’t say for sure.
I think the story is set at the same time as Fallout: Equestria. There are mentions of other things happening during the story, most notably the epilogue referencing an “Enclave Event” occurring after Puppy’s story, but it has been so long since I read the original that I wouldn’t make any concrete declarations. It may also be referencing other FO:E fictions, but again, I just don’t know.
The good news is that you don’t really need to confirm any of this to get the story. It’s all about Puppysmiles as she travels south on Route 52, following her radsuit’s interface that does its best to point her in the right direction despite not being an artificial intelligence. Puppy is naive and innocent as only a child born in comfort and security can be, and never loses that sense of childlike wonder and faith in her fellow creatures. For anyone else wandering the wasteland this would be a death sentence, but Puppy is, if unwittingly, a Canterlot Ghoul fused inside a self-repairing radsuit. It takes a lot more than some bullets to do her in.
...A spanking might do it.
The end result is an adorable mutant filly “Ghost” trying to make friends with every creature she comes across, altering the lives and worldviews of many as she does. And, by virtue of being an immortal, unkillable crime against nature, she can also punish those who don’t want to be good ponies. Usually by smashing them with a Rock of Destiny.
My favorite aspect of this is that Puppy really is nothing more than a child and never stops being one. In the face of murderers, monsters, and some of the worst the wasteland has to offer, she is always positive and friendly. Of course, this is partially because she is too young to understand anything that is happening around her. Her talent for completely misunderstanding the situation and yet still managing to do exactly what is needed is the heart and drive of the story, be it helping ghouls she’s technically been asked to kill or befriending a megalomaniacle, murderous artificial intelligence. It can be a little annoying, but it also makes you hope she’ll be okay when it is all over.
So long as you can put up with Puppy’s ceaseless ignorance and total inability to understand what is happening around her, you’ll find a nice story that clashes the cold ferocity of the Wasteland with the guileless innocence of youth. It’s frequently funny, but it also has its moments of gravity, mostly centered around Puppy’s increasingly desperate need to find her Mom, blissfully unaware that it’s been two hundred years since she took her nap and Mom might not be around anymore.
There’s a lot going for this story. A new lead character, a complete isolation from the original FO:E story (i.e. no fan-wankery), a surprisingly strong combination of lightheartedness and dark, an ever-looming villain, and a steady stream of new and interesting side characters to meet. The story does assume you already know the background of the world, but FO:E has been around so long that if you don’t know it then I question what rock you’ve been sleeping under these last ten years.
All in all, I thoroughly approve. Pink Eyes is certainly one of the better FO:E fanfics I’ve read and one I will happily recommend.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good!
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
Needle and Thread
2,684 Words
By Storm Butt
Smarty Pants locks herself in her room after a particularly bad day of teasing. Desperate for a friend, she decides to make her own.
This is a cute, if perhaps incomplete, story about a little filly earning her cutie mark. It is apparently set in a world with no Celestia or Luna and no Mane 6. Smarty Pants apparently resembles the in-show doll so much that the other foals pick on her for being a freak.
It’s a cute story, to be sure. Yet it all ends when she gets her cutie mark, and I’m like, “that’s it?” Is there no resolution to the bullying? Smarty Pants makes fake friends and she lives happily ever after? It feels like there should have been something more. Adding to this is Storm Butt’s questionable writing style and frequent grammatical errors, which include incorrect verb tense and strange terminology. The most eye-catching are the contradictions; how can something “sometimes always” be there?
Still, people looking to read something “cute” like a cutie mark story will no doubt get something out of this. I think it’s good enough to warrant a middle-ground rating.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Twilight Sparkle Accidently Loans Out Homosexual Erotic Literature — Pretty Good
OH CRAP OH CRAP OH CRAP OH CRAP — Worth It
Negotiations
4,588 Words
By Rated Ponystar
The battle for humanity’s soul is over. Now Twilight, the only princess not dead or stuck in a coma, must represent her species at the negotiating table as the defeated party. The meeting will force her to come to terms with just what she was a part of.
The story repaints Celestia as a genocidal maniac with delusions of superiority who manipulated and lied to those around her for the sake of wiping out any race that was not pony. She even tricked Twilight into moving all of Equestria to Earth, which both made it easier to dominate and ensured the extinction of every race that didn’t happen to live in Equestria at the time.
That’s not the disturbing part. I’ve seen plenty of “Celestia is Evil” stories.
The disturbing part is watching as Twilight gradually comes to realize that the mare who was her role model, the image to which she compared herself, the symbol of all that is just and good in her life and world is a monster.
It’s a hard read, and I can see it being viewed negatively by some for its seemingly backwards comprehension of pony culture from the show. To be fair, Rated Ponystar did write this as a counter to anti-human fics such as The Conversion Bureau, the AU in which this story is set. I get the additionally disturbing feeling that the whole thing is written as a form of political rant in the ongoing argument that story produced. I don’t like reading those.
On a semi-related note: it seems the lore and debate of the Conversion Bureau is greater than the story itself. Seriously, just try to look up the original story. I’ve been through five pages of stories and have come up with nothing but “corrections” and other pieces inspired by the original and/or the debate surrounding it. Nor do any of the stories provide a link to the original. Which begs the question: does the original even exist anymore? And even as I ponder that, people are still writing stories about it. Talk about a legacy.
I digress. Negotiations is an interesting piece, but I also find myself unhappy with it. The way it’s written makes it feel largely like a “correction” story with the lone human character as a mouthpiece to lecture us. Worse, it seems to be a story centered on anger and making us feel bad. At the same time, it does seem to be more a gut feeling; the story goes out of its way to remind us that not all ponies are bad and not all humans are good, most notably in the form of Fluttershy and Lyra defying Celestia and there still being humans who want to exterminate all ponies in a form of counter-genocide.
I’m ultimately not sure what to think, I just know there’s something hidden in there that makes me feel negatively towards this story. It could be as simple as me being disturbed by the idea of Equestria being defeated, even if the Equestria in this story clearly isn’t the one in my headcanon. Or perhaps it truly is something about how the story is written. I just can’t put my finger on it.
I don’t want to punish Rated Ponystar’s story for something that may not be their fault at all, so I’m willing to put this on the middle ground for ratings. I encourage you all to read it for yourselves and come to your own judgement.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
The Assassination of Twilight Sparkle — Pretty Good
Never Forget Me — Worth It
Sanguine Kindness — Worth It
Odds Are.
1,069 Words
By Overlord-Flinx
Rarity visits Sweet Apple Acres because things are quiet at her place of business. And… that’s it, really.
Anyone else think that AJ makes that vest/tie combo look really good?
This one is short, and feels like it. What I mean is, the writing style is such that the story feels like it should be much longer than it is. Overlord-Flinx uses a lot of words to set the scene and get the conversation between Rarity and AJ started, only to rush through what seems to be the whole point of the story, i.e. AJ cheering Rarity up and giving her advice.
I think this story needs two things. In terms of plot, it needs another 500-1,000 words so that Applejack and Rarity can have an actual, realistic conversation in the supplied context. In terms of writing, the author needs to get a handle on how to use their words properly. The writing style leads to a lot of repetition, incorrect word choice, and using far more words than needed to get a point across.
The idea behind the story isn’t bad at all, it just needs some better directing. Written as-is, it’s hard to take in and appreciate the situation.
Bookshelf: Needs Work
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
I Hate You, Twilight Sparkle — Worth It
Horn Marrow
4,061 words
By Sapidus3
Shining Armor was caught in a changeling attack. He’s largely fine, but was poisoned, so he’ll need a transplant of horn marrow to get over it. By sheer coincidence, Rarity finds herself with the Sparkle family and the royals waiting for the results of blood tests to see who is most compatible and thus a suitable donor.
The results… are not what any of them expected.
There are a number of surprises here, first and foremost being that Twilight and Shining are not biological siblings. This leads to the discovery that Twilight is not only adopted, but wasn’t even born in the traditional manner. Rather, she exists because of a few ponies wishing upon a star and the pony who knows a thing or two about stars deciding to grant that wish.
Overlapping all of this are the two core elements of the story: Rarity being a stellar pony and friend to Twilight and the entire Sparkle family, and Twilight coming to terms with the unexpected nature of her existence. And in these ways the story is pretty good. It’s slice-fo-lifey and warmhearted and family bonding-y, and those who enjoy those kinds of stories will love it.
But I have to admit: the thing I most enjoyed about it is the subject Sapidus3 tiptoes around from beginning to end. Namely, the outrageously low odds of Rarity being compatible with Shining Armor, the discovery that she too is adopted, and the lone stallion in the room with only a single line of dialogue and who I couldn’t help note was sweating when such facts were brought up. Nopony in-story connects these dots and begin asking the appropriate questions, and I think that was a good move on the author’s part, because it leaves enough absent to make my firm belief little more than a theory. But oh, I was grinning at the dropped hints.
Not bad at all, author. It certainly entertained me, if mostly not for the apparent primary purpose of the story. Seeing Rarity being Best Pony (tied with Luna, of course (Praise the Moon!)) was just the icing on the cake.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Influence — Pretty Good
Not an Adult — Pretty Good
One Night a Year — Worth It
Plus One — Needs Work
Old Times Sake
3,427 Words
By thatonecoffeemachine
Sequel to Losing Sight
In Losing Sight, we learned that Princess Twilight was going mad with an obsession for perfect order. With Discord being the exact opposite of that, she decided to betray him and her friends with trickery. Now Twilight’s friends believe he attacked Twilight without cause, and there’s not a chance in Tartarus they’ll believe the truth. Alone and friendless, he ponders what to do next.
And then Celestia reminds him that he’s not friendless quite yet.
On the one hand, this is a touching story about two lifelong friends trusting one another despite past mistakes. I found it interesting that Celestia claims Twilight is falling down the same path she once trod, a path that led to Discord’s imprisonment to begin with. It’s nice to see her unwilling to make the same mistake again, even as I find it unforgivable that she is allowing Twilight to fall into evil like this.
On the other hand, the writing of this story is just as bad as its predecessor. I’m reasonably certain thatonecoffeemachine didn’t even consider an editing/proofing run, assuming they even understand the concept. Incorrect verb tenses, incorrect verbs at all, typos galore, the story is a mess. This isn’t helped by the author’s attempts to squeeze every last drop of sympathy they can from the reader with overlong scenes that lay the atmosphere thicker than cotton candy clouds. I’m all for generating atmosphere, but there comes a point where you wish the author would move on.
Even so, I feel this one is overall superior to its predecessor, though only because the story feels far clearer. And while the writing is certainly abysmal, the story is interesting enough that I intend to read on for the sake of knowing where thatonecoffeemachine is going with it – plus if Twilight will ever get her due comeuppance.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Losing Sight — Needs Work
Walk in the Darkness
1,420 Words
By Rose Quill
Origin Story of Tactics
Princess Rarity just returned from a diplomatic mission, and she’s not happy. Mostly because her convoy got attacked by brigands and her bodyguard thought the best reaction to this was to throw her Lady into a river! But now they’re home and safe, so Rarity intends to demand of Twilight exactly why nearly drowning her seemed like the prudent move at the time.
I read Tactics first, and so had no choice but to start from the beginning. I do so enjoy these various Bodyguard AUs. At any rate, this is a short scene in which Rarity faces what it truly means for Twilight to be her bodyguard. Specifically, the whole “I will take a fatal blow in your place” part. The revelation hits her hard, as it should.
The story is short and straightforward, acting as the start of the potential romance we all know this is leading to. There’s nothing particularly unusual or special about it, but I’m fine with that. It captures the two characters well enough, teaches our leading lady a valuable lesson, and trickles in the first hints of that ship we’re all here for. What’s not to enjoy?
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Tactics — Worth It
Homecoming — Needs Work
In Her Shadow
7,209 Words
By LuminoZero
Sequel to A Little Push
Prism Bolt, elder son of Rainbow Dash, has been feeling a little off lately. So when none other than Princess Twilight Sparkle herself arrives at the Ponyville Schoolhouse to lecture on Starswirl the Bearded, he’s not as interested as the rest of the ponies. Princess Twilight’s visit will bring some important things up, however. Things that Prism Bolt is uncomfortable with confronting just yet…
This was a curious one, mostly because of how LuminoZero decided to approach it. Most of the story involves Prism Bolt being frustrated with his mother’s fame and what it will mean for him and his future. But the subject is too big for him to understand at his age, so he can’t figure out how to deal with it. And just when it looks like we’re about to get to the bottom of this with Twilight teaching Prism an important lesson… we’re going to… uh… skip it entirely and focus on Rainbow Dash for the final scene.
Who-a-wut?
In truth, I liked the way LuminoZero did this. The primary topic was still thoroughly addressed, but with the benefit that we get to know Prism’s reaction and Rainbow’s side of the story. It felt like a smart, if unusual approach. Although I do find it curious that the author chose to end the story specifically saying Twilight’s and Rainbow’s relationship was being ‘rekindled’, as if it had been strained lately for some unknown reason. Way to add unintended layers there, LuminoZero.
Still, this was an interesting slice-of-life about a little colt struggling to come to terms with his place next to his world-famous mother who, eventually, comes to recognize the problem. I’m looking forward to more.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Subconscious Desires — Worth It
A Little Push — Worth It
Blood Brothers — Worth It
The Longest Day — Needs Work
Freeport Venture: Blood and Iron
39,187 Words
By Chengar Qordath
Sequel to Freeport Venture: More Equal than Others
Sunset Shimmer, the only officially sanctioned magus of Freeport, receives a guest from one of the outlying islands. The stallion claims that his little commune is being attacked by a mysterious new strain of powerful undead. Unable to deal with the problem and lacking in funds, the stallion begs Sunset’s charity in helping to solve the crisis. Luckily for his commune, Sunset isn’t in the business of abandoning ponies to death (and potential undeath) simply because she won’t get paid.
The fact that Starlight Glimmer happens to be exiled to the island does put a damper on things, though…
I am annoyed. He Who Defies Pronunciation wrote several sequels to The Freeport Venture that I completely missed, so there are some events going on in this story that I was unprepared for. Sunset having an adorable changeling apprentice, apparently having a run-in with Chrysalis of all buggies, and so on. Even so, none of it was so important that it made the plot unintelligible, so they feel more like optional side quests than anything. I intend to backtrack and read them at the first opportunity.
So what of this story? Chengar Qordath maintains a lot of what makes the Freeport Venture world so interesting, not least of which includes the morally-questionable-yet-entertaining characters. We get more of the greedy but ever-resourceful changeling Puzzle. We also have the deadly Strumming Heartstrings, who is capable of switching between friendly troublemaker to heartless killer and back in a blink. Alas, Kukri Doo is lovable but only appears briefly. And we can’t forget Starlight Glimmer, who has had her beliefs and worldview tempered into something that is somewhat more realistic than it was in the previous story; getting her flank kicked by Sunset was apparently the best thing that ever happened to her. For the characters alone, the story tends to be a lot of fun.
There is, of course, the action, which is both competently written and helps build up some of the existing lore regarding how magic in this AU works. But what really kicks things up a notch is the villain, who is not at all what I was expecting. At first I thought the surprise cameo indicated that this AU was going to be related to Season 6’s finale, and it is… but even then, not in the way I expected. Then there’s the subtle suggestion of who the villain really was. I’m really looking forward to seeing how this develops in later stories. But first, to go back and catch up on what I missed.
Another all-around excellent story in the Freeport series. Fun characters, exciting action, ever-growing lore, and unexpected villains portending a larger scale of conflict than we’ve seen in this series before. If you haven’t been reading this AU, I suggest you get started.
Bookshelf: Why Haven’t You Read These Yet?
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
A Moment in the Sun — WHYRTY?
The Freeport Venture — Pretty Good
Freeport Venture: More Equal than Others — Pretty Good
Stories for Next Week:
The Bridle Path by Penalt
Marble by the Roadside by Glen Gorewood
Shipfic Folder Series by SS Nomad
Understand Them by The Sleepless Beholder
"Bring Trixie the Blue Pages!" by shortskirtsandexplosions
Empty Claws by CalebH
Afterword by Decaf
Our Day in Disdain by Rainb0wDashie
A Unicorn Filly And An Alicorn Mare On The Moon by Twilight Star
Pinkie's Popeyes Preference by RhetCon
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I must admit I'm rather positively biased towards Arrow 18, not just because I did a bunch of art for it, but because it's one of the best HiEs out there, with a core concept that avoids most (not all, but most) of the traps that HiE tends to fall into. It was a fun read as it developed. It's still fun to read even today.
Now I have to demand that you review Outside The Reaching Sky, which I think is another scifi fic that goes above and beyond. It's a sequel, but reading the previous isn't necessarily necessary.
Demand!
if, um, that's ok with you...
For once, I have read the first one already, and it is quite excellent. :D
Turns out I've read Erotic Literature as well, so there's Storm Butt for ya. :B
I usually skip over reviews of stories by authors I follow, since my goal is to read all their work. But I will, for once, take your recommendation against Negotiations. That sounds like a fic that will just make me angry.
Hell yes she does.
You know, sometime I want to encounter a CB 'fic where Equestria's fusion with Earth is an unexpected natural event, its expansion is unstoppable, conversion is inevitable, and both sides treat the whole thing as one big chore that nobody is really to blame for. The people who'll freak out and riot do so, the people who'll seek out new opportunities find them... and in the end it all averages out. Life basically continues on as normal. Everything looks different, but nothing has changed because humans are humans, ponies are ponies, both are people, and people are people.
The only downside I can think of is that it'd probably be really boring to read, but that'd also be kind of the point.
I don’t know if the original Conversion Bureau is on fimfic, or ever was, but it is definitely on EQD. I found it by following a link on the story’s/verse’s TVTropes page.
5473014
You say that, but because Outside the Reaching Sky is more than 70k words it has to go into my Long Schedule, which is booked solid. Earliest I could squeeze it in is May 2022. With that kind of wait time, I might as well go ahead and read The Dread Chitin; it's shorter length means I can get to it a lot sooner.
5473072
Yeah, I wanted to see if this Storm Butt guy had the chops to write something not silly or dumb, hence this latest review.
I'm still on the fence regarding Negotiations. Again, it feels almost preachy, yet at the same time goes out of its way to point out things that someone preaching probably wouldn't want acknowledged. Maybe it's just me.
5473090
I disagree on the point of it being a boring read. Even if it was a natural phenomenon and nobody was to blame, you could still create heroes and villains, people who might capitalize from the situation. How that happens can be based upon the exact re-imagining of the CB setting. As you say, people are people, but as real life has shown us, some people are just bad, be they two-legged or four.
5473472
For just a moment, I as kind of excited. I could read the damn thing and finally see what all the hubbub was about!
Alas, that is not the case. Good on you for trying, but those GDocs links on EqD? They obsolete.
5473522
Sorry about that. I didn’t even think to check that kind of thing. The TVTropes page does have a working link to an MST version of the original. Which, if you’re not aware, (like I was not), means giving a fic a Mystery Science Theater-style treatment. A quick glance looks like it’s got all four chapters that were ever published. If you can ignore all the comments in bold between every paragraph, this might be your best bet for reading this never finished story.
5473520
Yeah, I also think a lot of CB stories (including anti ones) massively underestimate how much of a logistical undertaking converting the whole planet would actually be- and in the right hands, that kind of deep dive into policy and management from an explicitly neutral perspective could be really fascinating. Maybe a series of small, interview- or piece-to-camera-style vignettes.
Here's what I was kind of idly tossing around as an opener.
5473624
That is absolutely the kind of wasted, nonsensical action I can see the U.N. – or any governing body anywere, really – doing in response to something like that. Very entertaining idea! A shame I have no time to capitalize on it.
5473547
That... might work. The hilarity of an MST-ing of it would likely interfere with my overall reaction, but it's better than never seeing it at all. Consider it considered.
Also, I am mildly shocked that someone didn't know what it meant to MST something.
Also, I finally got around to actually reading Negotiations, and... while I can understand the logic behind it, I think you're right that there's something off about it.
My issue with the CB setting has always been less its 12-year-old-who-just-picked-up-the-newspaper "warfare is happening, so everything sucks, I don't want to live on this planet any more" attitude towards humans, although that was certainly annoying. I always had greater problems with its portrayal of Equestria as this saccharine utopia that can't even fully comprehend the ordinary vicissitudes of IRL life. That's not, I think, consistent with the show, which even in early seasons had monsters fully capable of killing ponies and indications that just living in a world where effort is required to cycle the Sun and summon rain was in a lot of cases tough. Fanfic writers are of course entitled to their own interpretation, but I don't think CB's is a useful one to have, at least not played so completely straight, precisely because it candy-coats everything and eliminates meaningful conflict with meaningful stakes. So I am not going into the story with any fondness whatsoever for the thing it is set up against... and I still wasn't impressed.
By keeping the ponies in their saccharine CB portrayal it really does not do much service to them as characters- without any kind of awareness or acknowledgement of how defective they are (either serious questioning-and-answering of how a society like that could possibly exist and how it would interact with a more balanced one, or parodic joking about the absurdity of it) it comes across as the story making them weak and dumb to bash them. Additionally, it creates an extremely weird dissonance in terms of how much damage they did to the humans- how does a society terrified by the very thought of guns destroy entire cities, and how did the situation get so dire that nukes even needed to be used against them? Finally, it severely undercuts "Doyle"'s anger and generally tragic tone- beating a strawman specifically set up to be easy to defeat is unimpressive; getting your ass handed to you by that strawman is pathetic. Because of this, it really comes across less as a serious reflection of deep ideas and more Twilight having relatively mundane things about the modern IRL world paraded in front of her and being wowed by them anyway.
This is something I see a lot in the "Gary Stumanity" genre in Mass Effect fanfiction. Classic Gary Stus have outrageous powers and infinite resources, but around, I don't know, maybe 2013-2014ish people started to write more "serious" stories where being literally Superman in a relatively hard sci-fi game franchise would not fly. So, instead, they made more "reasonable" weapons and ships and tactics and stuff (often ripped directly from modern military promotional materials) and then made the Council species or whoever they were fighting just have never thought of these obvious technologies to preserve the disproportionate power dynamic. This is often couched in terms of the other guy being just totally amazed and appalled by how brutal and warlike humans are, when witnessing behavior they themselves display in the source materials and that I am having a hard time imagining an intelligent species that isn't a literal hive mind incapable of any conflict would not at least be intellectually aware of. Twilight gawking at nukes and assault rifles and pollution (shock horror!) here while "Doyle" kind of just flexes about how tough the UN is and how much adversity it's endured really reminds me of that. There's more points made by the story, of course, but this kind of content is still like half the wordcount.
Lastly, by continuing in "straight" CB's views of both IRL and pony society, falls into what I'd consider the third-weakest attempt at parody/deconstruction*: "all the same flaws that were present in the original work exist here, but now everybody is really angsty about them". In this respect, it reminds me of those terrible "anti-Fall of Equestria" 'fics that are still, at their core, Fall of Equestria 'fics. The caribou are still OP, the ponies are still SADWAIFU, thousands and thousands of words are still being expended on bizarre sex acts, and then I guess we're supposed to feel better about all this because Dainn dies at the end. All the premises are still the same and never get fixed, addressed, or even really discussed among alternatives (as opposed to just stating what they are and providing examples), so nothing new is said.
I realize I am being mostly negative here, but that's just because Paul's original review already covered the more positive elements of the story, I basically agree with what he said, and I don't feel the need to restate it.
*IMHO, the only things lower are two attempts at parody: "all the same flaws that were present in the original work exist here, but now LOLRANDOM stuff is happening, probably including memes that were already unfunny ten years ago when they were new", and "all the same flaws and even just neutral tropes that were present in the original work exist here, but now we point them out as they show up- that's the same thing as making a joke, right?"
As far as I can tell, this was the original Conversion Bureau story:
https://fimfetch.net/story/35030/the-conversion-bureau
I don't know the details as I wasn't in the fandom when it was in it's heyday, but from what I've pieced out, the original author, Blaze, left the fandom and deleted the story. Other authors have continued using the general setup, and as you might have noticed already, it tends to be quite... controversial.
5474062
That's a vastly deeper analysis than I would have ever offered in terms of the negative aspects of the story. I'm also not sure any of them are directly related to my own discomfort and frustration while reading it, though they may have contributed on a subconscious level. Still, a very interesting look at the flaws. I'm glad there are people out there willing to make a proper note of them. My only discomfort now is the awareness that I don't consider myself a deep reader or writer, so if this level of analysis were ever aimed at one of my stories I'd probably get butchered.
5474114
Ah-ha! I knew there was an archive of that variety, I just didn't know where it was. Many thanks! Now I can finally see what's really going on and, more importantly, have a proper basis against which to compare all the fan-fanfiction that claim to be set around it.
Ooh yes, I remember that one! It was a nice detour from all of the really angsty FO:E spinoffs.
Speaking of which, if you're interested in other quality spinoffs, may I recommend taking a look at FO:E - Make Love Not War and FO:E - The Chrysalis?
Make Love Not War is actually a sequel to a straight-up satire of the original FO:E, but it's self-contained and indulges in a more sincere (but still quite self-aware) exploration of the FO:E setting. It's also got a hilarious protagonist, and at 140K words is of a much more digestible length than other entries in the subgenre.
The Chrysalis stands out because it's one of the best entries featuring a changeling protagonist, and it does a great job of integrating them buggies into the setting. Lots of fun supporting characters and extensive worldbuilding, and it's more in the spirit of the original in terms of being a long, epic adventure. It's a much bigger time investment at 533K words, though.
5480106
Luna's starry plot, that's frustrating! I have no room in my schedule for something as big as The Chrysalis. I mean, I could add it to/near the end of my Long Schedule, but that would put me not reading it until the latter half of 2022. Which is tempting. But dang it, I was rather looking forward to not having any gargantuan stories on my lists after Starlight Over Detrot was to be reviewed in May/June of that year. It's stories like those that are making my reading schedules so tight in the first place. I'll have to think about it. Not sure if I want it to be Future Paul's problem.
On the other hand, Duck and Cover! is exactly the kind of length I'm looking for in longer stories, and Make Love Not War, while longer than I'd like at this time, is not a big enough deal to make me hesitate. So yeah, I think I'll read them.
5480128
Perfectly understandable.
Between The Chrysalis and the other two, I'd say that Duck and Cover! and Make Love Not War are the more unique experiences of FO:E, so you're still in for a treat.
thanks for the kind review! i'm sorry that i dont' lurk on fimfiction as much as i used to, so i've seen it only today, shame on me, but thank you for folloing puppy's interesting adventures ^_^
5524892
Thank you so much for your work. From the scene where Puppy found her drawings on the wall, I literally cried...