• Member Since 10th Jul, 2011
  • online

Flashgen


Struggling to edit and write, and starting to read.

T

Calligraphy, a unicorn scholar, is informed of a strange book in an ancient language. He and his colleagues embark on a quest to discover its secrets... secrets that are buried perplexingly deep.


Expanded from my finalist entry for the 5th Quills and Sofas Speedwriting Contest, for the prompt "We Tried".

Special thanks to Petrichord, FloydienSlip, Syke Jr and Lofty Withers for giving it a good look and some proofreading/suggestions on the first draft.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 15 )

Pneuma; an undescribable, unfathomable deity?

Sounds like an Eldritch Abomination to me.

You a TOOL fan? XD

9866362

My favorite song on the new album. Just had to get something out listening to it on loop.

The whole captilized letter code thing is kinda old but here its not too bad, it's more a expression of Pneuma(possession, obsession?). Instead of a conversation repeating back to Pneuma, the sentences are structured to say Pneuma over and over again letter by letter.

It exists not in the words but in the fevor of intrigue, obsession. I think. Given they say the name more than once before Pneuma manifested.

Interesting story, although I felt the ending was a bit abrupt.

and it was only thanks to my help that he managed to maintain a passing grade. Still, he had considerable resources from his position at Vanhoover University, and I was able to make great strides in a short time.

I hope I'm not being foolish—is the 'I' here supposed to be a 'he'?

9867079

Tried to make some edits to clear it up a little. Calligraphy is talking about his efforts with the book in the present in the second sentence, and Bristle's current situation as a professor.

9867152
Thanks for the edit—I'd erroneously mistook Calligraphy's progress as an improvement in Bristle's grades.

Alondro #8 · Oct 5th, 2019 · · 22 ·

A rather typical 'Oh noes, we accidentally an Elder God' story. Whatever dread they might have inspired in my died 40 years ago when I found out Santa wasn't real either.

This turned out exceptionally well. I'm glad I finally read it.

Personally, it's a pretty good story...but I feel like it could have a bit more to it. At least at the end there, to explain a bit of what happened, what he saw or experienced, or what went so damn -wrong- with things. It is clear through the story how things are being influenced, guided along to the end result with the various dreams or unconscious drifting to things like writing, tinkering and jewelry making, but not so much the end results. There were others with them, what happened to them, the diggers that were still on site? It's a little unclear, and while vague to the point of allowing one to make up their own imagined outcomes of what might happen, it wouldn't hurt it to still have some details filled in. Even just vague mentions of things to help one's imagination grasp onto some prospects.

This was not a place of worship...

Pneuma Pneuma ie...Pneuma Pneuma ie...Pneuma Pneuma Pneuma ie...

Comment posted by FarmFreshAppleTarts deleted Jun 25th, 2020

10227795
The danger is unleashed only if you substantially disturb this place physically. This place is best shunned and left uninhabited.

Finally got around to reading this mate!
I think this was a great expansion of the original version. You subtly bring the dread well throughout the whole piece, there's a crawling sensation as things start to go more and more wrong and this is something I've noticed in many of your fics. You always nail it and this is no exception! I mentioned via DM to you about the cosmic horror feel of the piece, and I think you brought it together well at the end.
Great stuff man! :D

Login or register to comment