• Member Since 29th May, 2012
  • offline last seen 20 minutes ago

Knackerman


I am the Knackerman. Most of my writing deals with horror, suspense, and tragedy. And yes, there will be gore.

T

Apple Bloom thought it was just a game at first. That was what Sweetie Belle had said anyways. It was just something to bring out at sleep overs to scare each other silly before going to bed.

But then Apple Bloom started playing with the Ouija board by herself... or so she thought. At first she’s thrilled when her parents contact her. It gives her a connection with them she always wanted but never had. But as time goes on, the things they say sound less and less like what a parent would say to a child. The things they ask her to do become more and more unthinkable.

When she decides to throw away the board game, she thinks that will be the end of it. Unfortunately, she might be done playing with it, but it isn’t done playing with her.

- Inspired by a series of artworks by xxmarkingxx

Chapters (10)
Comments ( 51 )

You now have my attention :twilightsmile:

the picture's style looks like braeburned, who's the artist please? :eeyup:

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xxmarkingxx
I linked to his gallery in the story description.

I searched for that pic in his/her gallery before asking you but maybe I was unattentive... though his/her big mac really looks like braeburned's.

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The link in my previous comment will take you straight to them. Or you can just type ‘Ouija’ into the search bar in his gallery.

Nice to see you writing again, dude.

Knackerman, you've done it again. A great story! Can't wait until you start really getting into your groove, if you catch my drift (i.e. creepy stuff :pinkiecrazy:) :raritywink:.

I actually know the pictures your talking about on Deviantart and I've even thought once or twice about making a one-shot series based on them; looks like you beat me to the punch with "Ouija," :twilightblush:, but maybe I can do some others. Who knows?

Good luck with the next chapter (as I said, can't wait for things to start getting freaky; that's when things get good in your stories.)

It's more like “breaking all the rules when playing Ouija board" to me...:facehoof:

Bad things happen, like, REALLY BAD.

“Are you moving it!?”

Called it! Freaking “Playing Ouija Board and asking everyone if they're moving it"-cliché:rainbowlaugh:

Man, I really love how it started.
Actually, I've been waiting for someone making a fic about Ouija Board since FOREVER and FINALLY it's HERE:rainbowkiss:

You know what? I was actually planning on writing a fic like this myself. And guess what, it also happens to be revolving around the Apple Family. But instead of Applebloom, it's Twilight and Spike holding a seance with Applejack.:twilightsheepish::moustache::ajsleepy:

I'd really appreciate it if you could keep this up. Looking forward to more updates!:twilightsmile:

- Inspired by a series of artworks by xxmarkingxx

So... It's NOT based off of the movie?

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This story? Nah.

The artwork might be.

It was wonderful seeing this story updated, keep the good work up mate!

So glad to see a new chapter. A happy ending :pinkiesmile:... or is it :pinkiecrazy:?

This is a fantastic take on an old idea (Apple Bloom contacting her parents through dark means, only to have it turn out completely wrong :twilightsheepish:.) Can't wait for the next chapter (don't take too long, though :raritywink:.)

Two new chapters, back to back. I must say, Knack, I'm impressed :pinkiehappy:. I knew the story was far from over. Can't wait to see how this turns out. Will it be like "SStB?" Or end a little happier?

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I haven’t decided yet. But you can expect things to get worse before they get better.

9065945
Can't wait. I just love your horror stories :pinkiecrazy:. There's a reason why so many are in my Crème de la Crème folder.

Can't wait to read what it was that moved into their farm.

Well. THAT just happened :applejackconfused:! I SO did not expect that to happen. Hopefully Applebloom's okay. Good job at getting back in the game. :raritywink: Can't wait for mooo-oooore :pinkiecrazy:.

Interesting story. Have a upvote sir!

There we go. Thanks for the story sir! It was a good reading creepy read!

Good ending. I was honestly expecting a bad ending like "SStB," and you didn't disappoint. Great job on ending.

Well, that was depressing...

That good sir was a delightfully traumatizing read! Have a mustache! :moustache:

This is one of my favorite scary stories now, from start to finish this story was very well written! And it honestly kinda spooked me. Keep up the good work! :pinkiehappy:

I like how you don't ignore Sleepless in Ponyville and have Scoots actually be scared of ghost stories.

Too bad the CMC aren't genre-savvy, or else they would know not to trip the obvious horror/supernatural flag. Of course, it's kind of a little weird for them to be accusing one another of moving the board when the board is spelling out phrases word-by-word or words letter-by-letter instead of just pointing to one word :trollestia:

I'm mildly surprised Apple Bloom didn't point out the whole Babs Seed episode where AJ was pretty blind to the bullying going on, but, well. Still, it's moderately refreshing to see the adults actually notice something's going on, though in this case it's pretty blatant with Apple Bloom. Applejack attacking Apple Bloom's performance from even before Abby's personality change though is going to be something she can never walk back.

So, dream, hallucination, or supernatural forces from the great beyond now encroaching on reality and at least tainting Apple Bloom's perception? So far, it's a nice, slower burn that's building up.

Hmm. That kind of takes some of the fun out of the story. I guess I'm kind of in-between between 'the adults should actually listen and take things seriously' and 'the ouija board setting off the Cutie Mark map just makes it too obvious to Twilight and Starlight something's up and that it's not just some mass hysteria'.

I wonder if Sweetie Belle got into anything she wasn't supposed to, since she was the one who originally had the ouija board.

Well. That went from sort of slow-burning creepy in-the-corner-of-your-eyes horror to straight up gorn pretty quick :applejackconfused:. I can't imagine what Apple Bloom was thinking when she said yes to the dark entity taking her to her parents. Dead ponies and meeting them again never goes well in this kind of fic!

And so Twilight's 'adults are idiots' trope slipped in at the end by not making sure Apple Bloom was alright then :trollestia:

Well, that didn't really define any new boundaries for pony horrorfics or anything, but that was still a fun read

0-1000000 real quick I was expecting something completely different but I really like this.

All this trouble to save her and she just gets casually abducted?

How unfortunate.

So is that an alternate AB in the last chapter or did they.... Skin her and wear her skin?:pinkiesick:

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Which do you prefer?

9945620
Then it is that one.

Creepypasta survival guide.
Rule 46
Burn ouija boards, but be sure to have one of those car fresheners handy. The real reason why spirits get pissed off is because of that foul aroma that it produces when burned.

Imagine being a ghost ok, you are all alone in your world for all eternity silently watching Humanity progress around you. Finally one day 3 little girls reach out to you and this is finally the first communication you get to do with living things since as far as you can remember and the first thought that comes to your mind is to mentally torture the girl with dead parents. What the actual fuck.

Well I finished the story turns out I was wrong. What a fool I was for assuming I apologize and beg for forgiveness.

“That filly has been findin’ all kinds of excuses to get out of chores lately. Ah’d hoped she was done with those shenanigans but Ah guess she’s just gettin’ ta be that age,” Applejack said in a too loud 'conciliatory' whisper, prompting another sigh/groan from Apple Bloom who was still in ear shot. “Why don’t the pair of ya follow me to the kitchen. Y’all can fill me in on what’s goin on while I work on lunch."

Hang on a second. The only two competent ponies show up to save the day.
The main character being separated from said competent ponies.
4 more chapters left.
Gore and Violence tag
"Lunch"

TWILIGHT LOOK OUT APPLEJACK IS GOING TO EAT YOU. Oh god she has AirPods in.

Ouija board are like Palatirs. Those who use them freely usually don’t understand that there are other things out there watching. And they are usually all too willing to communicate.

I have very strong feelings now that this is a demon of sorts, a corrupter of children. :twilightoops:

Well, I guess she won’t need to try to prove her story via having Starlight and Twilight repeatedly incinerate the board.

Lost in such thoughts, Apple Bloom didn’t notice the strange changes going on around her. How the sky was steadily darkening despite there not being a cloud for miles, or how all of the wooden fences seemed to twist as the seasoned wood warped and grew grey and worm eaten. There was a clammy dampness to the air that hadn’t been there a moment ago, and the dust that Apple Bloom kicked up as she trotted across the yard seemed to rise slowly into the air behind her rather than settling back down to the ground like it ought to.

You in Silent Hill, son.

Well then, this was a roller coaster of a tale.

Before I begin with what I can only imagine appears to be a wall of text, I want to say very plainly that I liked the whole story. That being said, some of what I have written below is critique. Said critique is meant to evoke thought and to shed insight on how an overly verbose person such as myself might view your story. Under no circumstances would I ever demand a change in your views or writing style.

And with that:

I especially enjoyed the slow burn terror of the beginning chapters. They were an excellent example of the creeping dread that is common to the better works of Lovecraftian horror out there. It was gripping to watch Apple Bloom wrestle with the possibility that she might actually just be going crazy. The parts where she started to see realities bleed together after having believed that she’d rid herself of the Ouija board are superbly done, right up to the very end of her trying to explain everything to Twilight and Starlight.

What made the early chapters so compelling was that regardless of whether she thought she was making progress or not, Apple Bloom was alone. Her family is who she is at odds with, she’s alienated her friends, and when she goes to Twilight and Starlight for help, her tale is deemed fantastical, and Twilight laughs at it. Even Starlight, who seems more sympathetic and understanding, doesn’t seem to wholly believe Apple Bloom’s telling 100%. The isolation made the terror all the more poignant for Apple Bloom, and for us, the reader.

Now, you switched gears hardcore when the board changed the cutie map, and the scenes directly afterward actually made me feel as if that particular scene hadn’t originally been part of the story. A big example is that at the farm, Twilight and Starlight dismissed Apple Bloom, which would be gross negligence after seeing the cutie map display a shadow hellscape with Sweet Apple Acres as its epicenter. Twilight’s sudden exclamation that something supernatural might indeed have been going on after all also felt out of place because of that map incident. I’d be interested to know if that particular bit was a later addition during your writing process.

It is at this point that I believe the story tries to switch genres, from “mystery dark horror” to “action pulp horror.”

To be more clear about why I said these two genres:

Mystery Dark Horror: At first Apple Bloom is the sole perspective character. The beginning chapters emphasize her thoughts and feelings as she struggles to understand the horrible things what are happening to her. All the while, she is confronted and thwarted by her own powerlessness and lack of agency. Apple Bloom’s primary villain is an undefined quantity that pits her against her own family and friends, isolating her from those that could actually help once she realizes that she actually needs it.

Action Pulp Horror: Twilight becomes a secondary perspective character after Apple Bloom is separated from her and Starlight. Her scenes are almost exclusively visceral action sequences, where both she and Starlight have a fair degree of agency even if the odds are unfairly stacked against them. There is blatant expository dialogue, usually while characters are running or somehow while fighting. The villains are all well-defined, monstrous, all up in their faces, and hammier than William Shatner. I get the strong feeling that you may have realized how hammy things had gotten, because you started dropping exclamation points at the end of narration sentences in these scenes.

Now, there is nothing wrong with either genre. I like both, to be honest, which is one of the reasons I love the story. But I said “tries to switch” because as the story hopped back and forth between scenes featuring either Twilight or Apple Bloom, the genre also flipped back and forth. It was a bit jarring, to say the least, and led to a little mood whiplash as we went further underground and into the shadow temple.

I felt that the showdown with the Pony of Shadows was, unfortunately, a missed opportunity. When Starlight inexplicably pulled off a last minute blast of magic while in a plot-established dead magic zone, I do have to say that I was disappointed. It seemed unfair that Starlight was the one to somehow overcome this final obstacle, when from the very beginning this had been Apple Bloom’s story.

Now, the epilogue was very well done, and more in line with what you wrote towards the beginning of the story. It had all the right hints of everyone thinking that victory was a sure thing, and punctuated it with that final reversal.

All be told, I think the story is very well written and as many good elements. I think that you have a superb talent for writing horror, something which has me eyeing the other stories in your library.

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Thanks for your comments, and the criticism, it is appreciated. Honestly this is a story that I wrote more or less on a whim. It ended up going places I didn’t expect myself and kind of revolved into its own beast as it ticked along. There are some stories I write and I am satisfied with them just as stories, just as they are, and then there are other stories I sometimes wish could be told in a more visual format (like a comic or an animation). This story is one of those latter.

If you do decide to peruse some of my other writing then if you want more like this I’d suggest Just Beyond the Surface or Zephyr’s Job Interview. Although if you haven’t read it yet, I’d highly recommend reading at least the first story in the Something Sweet to Bite series - which also has some of that ‘slow burn’ horror you mentioned.

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Yeah, I tracked the Something Sweet to Bite back to some of your earliest works. I’m gonna have to schedule them back to back so I get the full experience without switching to something else between each one.

Apologies again for the wall ‘o text, but I typically only write so much if something really hooks my interest.

Interesting! I like the turn the story has taken, and how sympathetic starlight is! The (maybe sad?) Thing is, is that twilight is completely on character. She'd totally act like this in canon.. sigh. She's really got a hard head

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