• Member Since 25th Apr, 2013
  • offline last seen Jun 30th, 2020

Akashic Brony


I am but a humble weaver of words hoping to expand the loom of understanding. What are we but strings in a greater fabric?

T
Source

Applejack has always been protective of Apple Bloom; especially after their family has endured great tragedy. When a Social Worker comes calling to collect her sister; how will the Apple family handle this new development? What happens when AJ and said worker fall in love?

Some experimental fiction with parts of my personal pain mixed in.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 20 )

A story in which a main character falls in love with an OC? Hot damn, this might be interesting.

This looks interesting.

This looks awesome! :rainbowkiss: Also, I have a question: Is this story- in someway- apart of your Akashic Universe, or is it a story by itself. Like is it apart of the same universe as your other story's? I'm just curious. :twilightsmile:

Did you get part of the idea from Lilo&Stich, movie 1?

Is that a Fantasia reference I see?

What happens when AJ and said worker fall in love?

Seeing the guy eying AJ in the picture, and the romance tag, this line just really felt like the usual trappings of asking too many questions, which end up giving too much away. Would of been nice to be shown they fall in love, rather then being told they do.

May as well skip ahead to the having to deal with work obligations and the fact they don't allow social workers to work on cases they get too emotionally attached to. Particularly, having romantic interests with the older sister in which you're trying to take the little sister away from.

I'll give it a try anyways, but can't say that didn't sort of make me want to shy away from it.

YbJ

A good start to the story, but you really need to expand on the premise. A social worker is threatening to take away Apple Bloom? Why? Just because her parents are dead? In that case, what about Applejack and Big Mac? Are they adults? If so, Apple Bloom is in a fine home and there's no reason for a social worker to take her away. If AJ and Big Mac aren't considered adults, then why doesn't the social worker also want to take them away too?

Despite their reputation, most Child Protective Services (CPS) workers don't want to take children from their home. It's harmful to the child, for one thing. To take a child away, the child must be in an even more harmful domestic situation, like abuse or serious neglect. It's also a huge hassle for everyone involved, and the foster care system is overcrowded already.

Also, why is AJ having such a hard time getting financial help? I'm sure Princess Twilight would love to help her friend, the bearer of one of the Elements of Harmony, who now shares a throne with the others (and Spike). Or maybe AJ can ask one of the hundreds of Apple family members who poured in from around Equestria for the reunion.

(Side note: Filthy Rich is not a banker. He own's Rich's Barnyard Bargains, "the cornerstone of retail in Ponyville".)

4752689 That conflation and confusion is meant to be a serious conflict point set up for later. I'd tell ya... but then why write the story? :raritywink:

4752997 Expansion comes in chapter two. Have patience. I'm writing as fast as I can. :twilightsmile: The one who made the call may surprise you.

4751766 Lol, actually all more stories are set in the same verse. They intersect at the strangest times.

It has Applejack. I'll give it a chance.

If this doesn't make the feature box I'll eat my hat.:ajsmug:

Looking good Aka', You've got my vote.

Oh boy, this one hits me dead on. I am actually a case worker for foster care and adoption so I know all too well the need to cut yourself off from emotions. It is not easy. You know you're about to rip a family apart, even though it may truly be what is in the best interest of the child. Then to try and work with the family to address the concerns, but having them continuously attempt to deceive you only works against them. Because you're the "bad guy".

Sigh. Anyway, do you plan on having a court system in place for this? Or will that be mostly referenced in chapters? I don't know how familiar you are with this kind of ordeal, but if you need someone to bounce ideas off of for this then I'm willing to help if I can. But at the end of the day, it's your story and what you say goes. :ajsmug:

A pretty darn good start for what looks to be a good story. You take a good concept for a dramatic family tale and do it justice. I like the social worker character, how he's very quickly shown to be a three-dimensional character in the very first chapter. Applejack's plight is very sympathetic and reminds me a great deal of some of the scenes from the Disney film Lilo and Stitch, where a similar situation was a major plot point and also handled quite masterfully. The social worker isn't made into a stereotypical, child-stealing bad guy, which tragically seems to happen a lot in stories, which is a major insult to the hardworking men and women who genuinely want to see children in the loving families they deserve. :applecry:

If I had to make a complaint, though, this story isn't perfect: YbJ made a good point in his/her comment: is this an alternate universe where Applejack never met Twilight or where Twilight isn't a princess or just isn't connected to the princesses? Does she not know Rarity, whose special talent is literally finding precious stones? Or maybe gems just aren't all that valuable in Equestria, given how Rarity was handing them out in Rarity takes Manehatten as just tips. Speaking of Manehatten, does Applejack not want to ask her seemingly-wealthy relatives in said city for some money? Or is this just another case of Applejack's stubborn attitude? Does she just not want to accept charity? Look, I don't like to accept charity either, but if it was either swallowing my pride or giving up my younger sibling I'd swallow my pride every time. :applejackconfused:

Then again, I suppose that there could be some sort of law about princesses not lending money to citizens or something like that, because if she did it to somepony than she would have to do it for everypony and harmony only exists so long as the princess is rich or something. Given how ridiculously, well, flat-out stupid and reckless Celestia can be, it wouldn't surprise me. But that still leaves Rarity, who is a self-made mare and has a natural talent for finding treasure and Aunt and Uncle Orange, unless they're all indebted to Filthy Rich, too... I hope they aren't, because Filthy Rich keeps getting typecasted as a one-dimensional villain. Then again, it would explain why Applejack is completely helpless to get any loans or help from his friends... Though I'm fairly sure that Twilight would say "F*ck the law! Take my moneyz!" eventually... Then again, she wouldn't want to disappoint Celestia, so maybe not... Poor mare's so brainwashed by the totally not a queen that it's kind of sad.

Anyways, back to the matter at hand. The story is awesome but has a few minor problems. 8.5 out of 10 on the Coli Chibi scale! :derpytongue2:

And again AJ didn't ask her friends for help in time ... when will she learn?

Ayyyy I haven't been on, and the first thing I see is this. This new story that is bound to tear my heart to pieces.

Me Likeee.

You write more stories, and I kinda stopped... /kinda/ not really ;)
Well, I'll read it later on the way to camp. And apart from the story, personal pain? Need a listening ear of sorts? I do well in that :3 -hugs- Pm me if you don't wanna put it public xD

I gotta say I love the concept you've come up with and would like to see more if you could ever get back into this genre. Everyone is perfectly in character and the story has a nice flow going for it.

I guess there won’t be any updates for this?

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