• Member Since 5th Jan, 2013
  • offline last seen February 21st

Drakkith


E
Source

Most cutie mark stories are happy, exciting tales of finding one's special talent. But not Mac's story. And after Apple Bloom gets into a fight at school, Big Macintosh decides it's time he told her his own cutie mark tale.

Caution: Feels inside.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 75 )

Is it alright that ah cried? Ah cried so hard durin this fic. This got ta me where Rainbow Factory and Sweet Apple Massacre didn't. In the feelings.

:fluttershysad: all the feels!!!!

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It's okay... come to Pinkie. She'll hold you. :pinkiesad2:

Immediate on Must read list - will read later. Always a fave topic. :eeyup:

Aww this was very beautiful . All the feelz ... :fluttercry:

Those feels, man.

This is beautiful.

That was just plain beautiful to read...:fluttercry::heart:
Now, I'm afraid to watch my own dad pass on...:ajsleepy::applecry::eeyup:

Oh God, the feels. I choked up. :raritydespair::applecry:

Good Job, very good job. :eeyup:

I thought I'd made a good shell. Then this comes along and I have to do everything I can not to cry. Why? Why did this get to me? :fluttershysad:

Good story. I think everybody's been there at least once with saying those words to someone. :moustache: Manly Tears.

No feels for me..

Though it caused no emotional response from me (don't feel bad about that, I've never really had emotion in the first place) I must say that this is well-paced and well-written... and very interesting head-cannon as well. You have shown an ability to capture emotion/mood in writing that is very hard to accomplish without overdoing it or making it unrelatable to the reader... ... ... ... ... Well done...
This is Flanagan approved.

Caution : Feels inside
Hah,whats the worst thing that could happen?

*after reading*
I regret saying that.

... Bravo... That is all:eeyup:

Comment posted by dashiefic deleted Aug 21st, 2013

lay down, roll over, try not to cry, ALOT! :applecry:

This story didn't have as many feels I thought it would I was prepared for the worst.Maybe that's why this book didn't even make my eyes tear up like some other books I've read,or even 3 min long YouTube vids with pretty music.Oh we'll great book I give it a 8\10

Dry throat, burning eyes...
Yep, that fic hit right in the feels. :applecry: :eeyup:

Question.... what happened to the dad? is there something in the story that gives a hint as to what happened? or is it that he died from something we will never know?

Why is this not featured?

This story makes me think of my grandma. I was thousands of miles away deployed with my unit when she passed away. I was one of the last people to ever talk to her, over a cellphone, and the call was dropped before we were really finished or I got to even say 'I love you'. She was like a mother to me in almost every sense of the word and I think that should aptly sum up just how emotional this story made me feel.

Jeez.

I'm going to go hug my niece and nephew now. Maybe play some tag with them out in the yard for a while.

Thank you.

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That is not something this fic goes into. I leave it up to your imagination.

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*shrug*

I thought this is a heartwarming well written story. I love it.:pinkiesad2:

Comment posted by Drakkith deleted Jan 8th, 2015

Thumbs up man. I know the feeling just to well... Fought with my mom over a misunderstanding, and we didn't talk for a while until I got the news she had died....

@everypony: Never forget your family is the only one you have....

I was on the verge of shedding a tear. Then I read the authors note. Damnit why is everyone I love so far away!?

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That mean the authors note sent you over the edge?

:raritydespair::raritycry::fluttercry::applecry:

OH GOD I FEELS LIKE THERE'S ONLY ONE MORE TEAR IN MY SYSTEM!!!

:raritycry:

BEAUTIFUL!!
Its SO amazing. The best sad story, (and I think slice Of Life) story EVER!!!!!
*Clicks Follow Button :3)

Imma go hug my daddy :P
Mainly because when I read the part about Big Mac saying I hate you to his pa, and then running away, only to find out . . . yea . . . My dad annoys me and it sometimes feels like he's treating me like a freaking maid, but I love him and he's my dad :pinkiesad2:

As requested, I'm here to slip you a little review :D

[Spoilers]

You know you've just read a good thesis story when the first thing that you want to say, when you're done, is how much you agreed or disagreed with various characters and their positions. This story is a brilliant example of that. There's an argument that the author set out to make, and the story went through all the evidence toward that point in a way that was really thorough, and focused.

I personally hated the message. Sure, 'go hug your dad' is a nice thought, but I wasn't a fan on the whole 'be loyal to your roots' thing. Although, that's neither here nor there :) If I wanted to do a proper rebuttal, I'd write a story of my own about how self-destructive it is to force yourself to tow the family line, turning away from your own path in life just to please your parents and siblings.

I think part of the problem I had with this was how much I saw coming.

"You're not my Pa!"
Parents are dead.

"A stallion once said 'I hate you.' and it made Big Mac sad."
So either the dad hates Mac, or Mac hates dad. I'm going to go with the second one. He had a fight with his dad, and he died before he could apologize.

So that completely took the momentum out of the gut punch that came later.

But I'm pretty keen on stories that make arguments, like this one, so I can recognize a thesis story pretty quickly, so I'm probably not a typical reader, and looking at most of the other comments, it looks like this story did have substantial impact for most readers, so maybe it was only obvious to me.

I think the subtlety in this story was really well done. It's completely earned its 'Slice of Life' tag, and subtlety is something I'm working on myself. Sometimes writing stories feels like you're eating with chopsticks. If you don't know what you're doing, a little squeeze that feels soft to can actually be way too hard, sending your chicken ball bouncing merrily off the table. It's so easy to jar readers with something that just seems a little too melodramatic, or a little too intensely described when you're trying to go for a story with feelings like this one, and every time it happens, it sticks out like a neon light.

To that end, you might want to be careful with your use of metaphors and similes. This one got me in particular:

The anger drained from him like water down a rainspout.

Just saying that the anger 'drained' (opposed to left, or disappated, or 'was gone') is metaphoric enough, but it got a little symbolism happy at the end and I don't see what that added except to remind me that the author wants to super-emphasize this event.

Also there's this:

Like the first apple falling from the first tree during applebuck season, the first chink broke off from that shell and soared away into the darkness.

It made me wonder if I was reading a story, or poetry.

Here's another one that zapped me:

In the distance a single cicada sang out its lonely song

Here the sentence double-emphasizes that the cicada is making noises all by its lonesome. If it didn't belabor the metaphor like that, I might not have noticed it. The fact that it was lonely and quiet out there might have wormed into my subconscious like it was probably intended to.

In fact, redundancy like that seems to come up quite a bit. Here's another one.

“Apple Bloom!” Applejack cried.

The exclamation point says it was loud, and then the tag says it again. It's possible that this was meant to tag the source of the dialog, so we didn't think that Granny Smith was saying it, but that would be a strange assumption for the reader to make, if there was no tag. Also, this puts unwelcome connotations into my brain. It makes me wonder why applejack cried this, rather than barking, or chastising, or snarling, or snapping, etc, and it it actually reminded me of weeping, because there's some ambiguity there. Because of the exclamation mark, and the capitalization on Applejack's name, it's not clear whether that was meant to be two sentences, instead of one. In which case, Applejack shouts, "Apple Bloom!" then starts to cry. This was a hard lesson for me to learn, myself: Keep it brief, if you can, and never say the same thing twice unless you know exactly what you're doing.

Another thing I really liked about this story was its genuineness. This whole 'having a fight with someone, and they die shortly after' is something that's very real and happens all the time and can truly break hearts like this. The resolution, too, was very genuine. When people take a moment to just put themselves in somebody else's shoes, and think about things from the other side, it can be a truly liberating watershed moment.

But I still had a serious problem with the ending. This was my biggest problem with the story. It was way too 'telly'. It seemed to betray a serious lack of faith in the reader to already have recognized the parallels between the Mac/Bloom relationship, and the Mac/Daddy relationship, and it felt a little insulting, honestly. Like I said, this is a brilliant thesis piece. It hammered me over the head with its message in a really impressive variety of ways, but then when it got to the end, it verbosely summed up the 'Mac should recognize his father's love and forgive himself' thing , as though Mac was, only then, having some kind of genius epiphany that coincidentally sounded a lot like what Granny Smith just told him.

I literally shouted at my screen 'Oh no, it's not just going to outright say what every reader is already thinking, is it?' It was really shocking and disappointing, and that's how you know you're an amazing writer. If you have the ability to disappoint a reader that intensely, then it means your writing is good enough to get them deeply invested in your narrative, and that's an impressive feat.

So, I thank you for the entertaining read :) And I'm sorry for being all negative. I'm just a grumpy guy, I guess. :)

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Awesome! I love good feedback! Thanks!

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Lol
I just met you today and here I meet you again :rainbowhuh:
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Second time I cried, but the bunny hat on my head held in some of the tears :pinkiesad2:

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Thanks again for helping me out with advice on my story.

I love this! I was always pretty upset Big Mac never developed much in the show so thank u for showing some good ol' respect for one big stallion :heart:

Nicely done you made a crack in my feels something that I hope dosnt sound like gloating or anything but only my little dashy and bridge to terra Bitheya have ever been able to make me truly feel you didn't make me feel but you made a crack something that not many ponys can do so in all senses of the word nicely done.
P.S. sorry for the long comment

Omg, this was so good. It was full of feels and a really great and sad story for Mac's cutie mark. I finally got to reading this! And totally worth it!

Ya'll better do it. Do it right damn now. Do it, and fucking do it now. Go hug your loved one. Hug them tight, never let them go. Hold them close. If not for yourself, do it for me. Do it for all of us poor sorry bastards who didn't get to come home to thanksgiving dinner, who didn't get to see their little sister's nightmare-night costume, or play pranks on the neighborhood kids during their trick-or-treating. Who aren't going to be able to go home for Christmas.

Do it for me, the sorry SOB sitting in front of this keyboard and writing it all out, nursing a beer and half-gone liquid pride. Please.

I has a sad now.... :pinkiesad2:

Darn you, you magnificent maestro of melancholy... Stories about fathers and sons tend to hit me hard for some reason.... Well done.... now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go rehydrate cus I seem to all out of liquid pride.... :fluttercry:

Oh shit man... the feels... So well written. You captured the feelings of sadness when someone you loved dies. It feels like someone just fucking tore your heart out and shoved it in your throat. You think about what you would and could have done if they hadn't passed away. People say a funeral will help. Bullshit. Nothing really helps when you lose someone you hold dear, exept maybe time and family. Fuck man. I've read published books that fail to capture the sadness and loss felt when someone you love passes away. I will be looking for more of this.

A few stories have made me tear up. This is the first one that has made me cry. Family, love and forgiveness. Three ideas captured beautifully in this simple, moving story. Thank you.

I enjoy a good Mac story. Though I must admit the ending was just a bit too obvious for my tastes. But, other than that, this was a nice fix with a fine style and narrative voice. You have done well with this piece, and it's a shame it doesn't have more views.

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