- Member Since 16th Nov, 2013
- offline last seen Dec 11th, 2017
Pizzema Forte
You never know where the green beans are going to land.
Pizzema Forte
Joined 16th Nov, 2013 ·
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perfect, just perfect *claps*
3525521 Awe, thank you so much. I always appreciate comments like that. Thank you for reading!
It's a bit rough around the edges; an editor would help here.
The dialogue also doesn't feel entirely natural or IC.
The biggest issue, however, is the sheer suspension of disbelief the premise requires. It's extremely difficult that Rainbow Dash would just give up her wings like that, even for Scootaloo, at least without exploring other, possibly magical, avenues.
Still, it's a heartwarming story if one buys into the premise.
3525682 I'm aware of a lot of things I didn't do correctly. This story was meant to be very short, but I think adding in different attempts to get her off the ground would have been interesting. I'm considering making an extended version to make the conclusion more plausible and earned. Anyways, thank you for the constructive criticism,. I'm always trying to expand an grow as a writer, comments like yours are helping me. Thank you very much.
3525576 no problem man, just keep on the good work and more coments like this will be born, not only from me *solutes*
p.s we need more people like you on this site, the kind that writes good stuff (true story)
Very nice, it's stories like this that really give me the feels
Also, only been here since November I see
I've looked at your stories and a follow is well earned
Keep up the good work
Thank you!! Finally a story that follows along with Faust's original idea for Scootaloo! I had the idea of having Scoot not be able to fly, and it was only confirmed by Faust's twitter post about her plans for Scoot, but now I'm just in awe at how you handled this story! This deserves more than the fav and thumbs up that I can give it!!!
depressing, uplifting, a little creepy, and a lot of overall emotion, an exilant short sadfic
i think that it would have been beter if they asked an older pegasus, or flutter shy for their wings
And then Rainbow has a heart attack.
Choo choo all aboard the feels train
I like this story, and I like the idea. Grammar could use a bit of work, but eh.
My only issue is the fact that you mentioned from the start that Scootaloo had earned her cutie mark for scooter...ing. If she were still a blank flank (or if her cutie mark was completely unrelated to her wings), I could see the rest of this story working pretty well with it; but as it is, Rainbow donating her wings practically invalidates both hers and Scootaloo's special talents.