Paul's Thursday Reviews CCXCI · 9:34pm Apr 14th, 2022
This is the third time my "roll dice to figure out who stars in my desktop background for the day" gave me a pairing of Sailor Jupiter and Coco Pommel. I wonder if God's trying to tell me something. What would that even be called? MaCoco Kino?
So RockstarRaccoon is hosting another Nightmare Night in April event (not a contest this time, I note). I saw it was happening and I was like “oh, I have a story idea that’s perfect for that!”
Then I stop myself, because I realize that my current writing speed is too slow to justify diverting my attention to something that I’ve not already spent literally years working on. Le sigh. I really need to get my writer’s mojo back. I did good yesterday, managing to push out 1,500 words, but pulling that off once every week or so isn’t near enough.
But I am working on some stories. The originalfication of Guppy Love is ongoing and the highest priority, there’s another BPH “short” in the works, and despite what I said a moment ago, I do have a horror story planned. If I can get back into my old writing methods, we might even see that last one before Halloween.
Halloween. And to think, I used to be able to churn out 10 stories a year. How the mighty have fallen!
At least the reviews never slowed down. Let’s have some of those, shall we?
Stories for This Week:
My Little Investigations: Wonderbolts Under Fire by Metool Bard
Monsters Can't Cry by Pale Horse
Advice from Pinkie Pie by HopeFox
Total Word Count: 82,584
Rating System
Why Haven't You Read These Yet?: 0
Pretty Good: 1
Worth It: 1
Needs Work: 1
None: 0
My Little Investigations: Wonderbolts Under Fire
73,827 Words
By Metool Bard
When the griffon stunt team Proud Pride challenges the Wonderbolts to a race at Ghastly Gorge, Spitfire sees no reason to refuse. But immediately after, her team starts to come under a series of strange attacks. An assassin is on the prowl and Spitfire has no idea who is responsible. With teammates falling like flies and an international event coming up soon, the last thing she needs is some wannabe superhero stalking her. Too bad the Mysterious Mare-Do-Well isn’t inclined to stop.
Set prior to the alicornication of Twilight, this story has Spitfire acting as an impromptu sleuth in an attempt to figure out who is targeting the Wonderbolts and why. Told in first person from Spitfire’s perspective, it’s a surprisingly complicated little mystery. The good news is that Metool Bard is up to the task of writing mysteries. The bad news is that the villain of the piece is someone you’ve never heard of, and as such you have no hope of figuring it out before she does. The opportunity for which, in my opinion, is a big part of the appeal in mysteries.
Despite that one hiccup, this was a fun and engaging story that sees our intrepid captain travel all across Equestria in search of answers. Spitfire’s general bitchery present throughout much of the show is set aside in favor of a much more capable individual, which I consider a good move. The individual fliers she interacts with regularly are also interesting in their own ways, making them more than just potential victims.
All in all, I liked this one. The only caveat I’d choose to include is that if you’re looking for a thrilling whodunit where you try to unravel the clues before the main character, you may be disappointed. This is meant more as a drama/action adventure than anything else. If you can get past that, then you’ll probably enjoy this.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
The Truth Hurts — Pretty Good
Monsters Can't Cry
2,582 Words
By Pale Horse
Somehow, Apple Bloom has become a zombie of a… particular variety. Scootaloo also happens to be a changeling and Sweetie Belle’s a robot. How did this happen? Shut up. Now they have to face the consequences of these changes.
I find it mildly surprising that this precedes a certain story that got much more attention. The fact that this is so makes me all the more curious as to why our favorite fillies are in the states they are in, especially considering that it’s suggested none of them started out in these forms. But I digress.
I like what Pale Horse is trying to do here, which is to demonstrate how much the CMC care for one another by putting them in an odd and ostracizing position. I imagine most people will read it and find it quite touching, and more power to them. But for me, there are a few flaws that really stand out and ruin the experience.
The first is the dichotomy between the first and second half of the story. When it begins, the CMC are discussing “what next”, as if they’ve just discovered these changes and are trying to come to a conclusion. Such conclusions include hiding at Sweet Apple Acres, fleeing to lands unknown where people won’t hate them, and outright suicide. Dark stuff.
Then we discover that Princess Twilight has been there all along, they already requested an Orbital Friendship Cannon to the face, and everything they just talked about is moot. So why were we talking about it in the first place? I get that they don’t know if the Elements can fix them, but it’s really odd – worse, needlessly manipulative – that they start off like they have no idea what to do when what they’re doing has already been decided.
Then there are the images. Which… okay, the first and third one are fine, especially since they’re placed at the beginning and end so as to not directly interfere with the text. I’d say the third one would have made for a better cover image, but I get why it wasn’t chosen. It’s the second one that bugs me. Why is Sweetie Belle depicted as all alone? Isn’t she being held by her friends? No, author, this isn’t making me emotional, it’s just annoying me because it doesn’t match up with almost anything you’re describing. This picture is pointless and redundant and distracts from the emotional investment you’ve been trying to build up for the last 2,000 words.
So yeah, I had problems with this one. Those problems took me out of what the author was trying to do. I think most people won’t mind, but for me they ruined what could have been a delightful demonstration of CMC bonding.
Bookshelf: Needs Work
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Insomnia — Pretty Good
Pillow Talk — Pretty Good
Destination Unknown — Worth It
Advice from Pinkie Pie
6,175 Words
By HopeFox
Requested by Eddy13
Rarity’s been dating this fine gentlecolt from Canterlot. He’s charming, he’s respectful, he’s wealthy. Today Rarity has invited him to her place for dinner. This is all great! Until she realizes that he might expect… uh… marshmallows for dessert. This is a problem, as Rarity has never done the thing and has no idea if she should or what to do if she does. As humiliating as it sounds, she decides to ask her five best friends for help.
This didn’t go at all like I expected, but that’s not a bad thing. Pinkie Pie being the wisest pony in the room is not a new idea and often leads to great results. I expected this story to have Pinkie give some heartwarming, mature advice about when sex is or isn’t appropriate. Which, to be fair, does happen. But it’s only a tiny part of a story that’s really more interested in the “sex” part than the “heartwarming lesson” bit, with copious attempts at sex humor.
The story comes in two parts. The first is Rarity asking each of her friends sans Rainbow Dash and Pinkie about their sexual experiences. I won’t spoil their responses (or why Rainbow’s not around), but I will say that they are somewhat predictable. I didn’t mind in the case of Applejack and Twilight. Fluttershy’s felt like it was done purely for laughs, though, and that felt like a real letdown. Of all the characters who could have had a touching conversation on the topic, Flkuttershy seems the most likely, and all that potential is thrown away for the sake of a cringe-inducing one-liner. For shame.
Then we finally get to Pinkie Pie, the purported whole point of the story that somehow takes up less than half of it. We discover that Pinkie is not only experienced, she is very active, and is more than willing to describe all her most intimate experiences. Eventually, when Rarity finally brings the topic up, she also bothers to give some advice on, you know, whether or not she should do the deed at all.
In the end, I think my only serious problem with this one is a lack of preparedness on my part. I went into this thinking it might prove a semi-serious story about when and why young consenting adults should go all the way. While that message does exist here, it’s largely drowned out by an endless stream of comedic elements, particularly sex-based humor. I’ve made no secret that I enjoy sex-based humor, which is probably why Eddy13 recommended this to me in the first place, but I think they misunderstood my meaning. My preferences aren’t jokes about dildoes and crazy positions and well-known characters having unexpected sex lives. I’m more into the tamer teasy-flirty variety.
That’s not to say that I disapprove of this story, its content, or its presentation. Not at all. I think HopeFox knew exactly what they wanted to do and wrote a story that achieved it quite well. It’s just not what I expected going in, and that’s entirely on me. I was expecting something a lot more cerebral and warmhearted than what I got, and that had a significant impact on my appreciation of it.
Advice from Pinkie Pie is not a bad story by any means, but it is aimed at a certain audience. If you’re not in that audience, it may not do much for you. Perhaps you’ll find it hilarious. Perhaps not. I encourage you to give it a try and decide for yourself.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
Stories for Next Week:
Five Score, Divided by Four by TwistedSpectrum
Exes Meet by Soufriere
Freeport Venture: Shimmer-Mare's Birthday!!! by Chengar Qordath
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oh my god, you've gotten through Five Score? D: you poor thing
On the fence about that Wonderbolts non-mystery drama/action-adventure fic, but I will bear it in mind. And while I'm not nearly as into sex fics, I would prefer the lighter teasing/flirting variety myself, and have no issue with it if done well, even if I still am not likely to read a fic where it's the primary draw/attraction. Probably pass on it.
5650795
So, another review of a fandom classic just about everyone except (relative) fandom newbies (
) has read next week, then? I look forward to the debates in the comments, especially with that implication it's overlong and a slog to get through. Have to see if it's Background Pony-levels on that front, though I don't suspect so.
I'm with you on the sexual humour - to me, it's always more effective when it's done in a relatively subtle manner, rather than throwing the minute details and terminology about the act in your face. If sprinkled in the right way, I believe that just the acknowledgement of sex can often make for the best sexual humour. Tamer is usually better. For a relative definition of tame, anyway.
I think PP's own Twilight the Useless is probably my favourite fic in terms of sexual humour done well :V
I've never read Five Score, but I have heard a myriad of very opposing opinions. Will be interesting to see if you're closer to the 'this is garbage' side of the fence or if you'll continue the Past Sins trend of shocking/opposing PP with 'this supposed fandom classic is good actually'. I suppose we'll find out next week.
5650795
Almost. I should be done with it before the weekend is out.
5650804 5650819
I love certain aspects of sex humor. Sucker for a Cute Face is by far my favorite example of that. It's loaded to the gills with Adagio tormenting Fluttershy through flirting and innuendo, and Fluttershy's reactions are priceless. Yet that's as far as it goes: flirting and innuendo. For a story starring Stupid Sexy Adagio at her most flirtatious, in some ways it's surprisingly chaste.
5650804
I should re-read Background Pony someday. I recall liking it a lot. I loved the... idea behind it and Lyra's character. That said, it absolutely did linger far too long on certain concepts. The writing was inappropriately dense and at times the whole thing felt like on overlong pity party. Good idea, meh presentation.
Wow, what a ride this story was
. Can't wait for the review! This has got to be one of the best fanfics this fandom has made in 2013.
I forget with all the stories you have reviewed I forget if you have done Sleepless Bronies "Romance reports" or "World of CHaos" by ugugg93. You have so many reviews I am not even sure anymore. Also did you already post your review of the "the Games We Play" Absoluteannonymous? I know at one point you were going to review it and now I ma not sure if you have not done it yet or I missed it a while back.
Hey Paul, I wanted to give you an update on my latest story (Apropos of the Sinners), since you asked me to let you know when it's finished in order for you to review the complete version. Thing is I have no idea when it'll be finished. Could be this year, or next year, or in 5 years, or whatever. But I do want to finish it no matter what. I have other big projects in mind, but I want to take them one story at a time. The story is currently 55 chapters, and I estimate it'll finish at 85-90, so I need to write at least another 30 or 35 chapters. But I'm super uncertain about what I'm writing, add in writer's block and irl financial responsibilities, and you get a very slow process. Don't get me wrong, I'm not rushing any of it just to get to other stuff I wanna write, if I was rushing this thing would have been over by now. I really do want to write the best characters I possibly can. It just might take longer than expected. I really wish I had your work ethic. Anyway yeah, that's all. Just wanted to let you know.
5651195
I would recommend checking my archive file. It contains a list of every story I've ever reviewed, with links to both the stories and their reviews. Barring a mistake on my part, if it's not there then I've never read it.
5651659
My work ethic isn't what it used to be. Oh, I'm doing reviews just as much as before, sure, but my writing has slowed significantly. Still, it's good to know you're still working on it and haven't given up.
5651777
Thank you it looks like you have not reviewed those stories yet and so I did not miss them. I will continue to keep an eye out for them.