This story is a sequel to Rarity Visits Sunset Shimmer at 4 a.m.
After hitting her emotional limit and being pulled back from the brink by Rarity, Sunset Shimmer is slowly recovering from her breakdown. She's not back to her new-old self just yet, but she is making progress. Unfortunately, Flash Sentry heard half the story and is on the warpath to give his ex-girlfriend a piece of his mind. Rarity tries to keep him away, but fails. How much damage can one man scorned do? Does he even care?
This story is part of Sunset's Recovery Arc.
Rated "T" for depiction of self-harm, and a couple of naughty words.
Chapters (1)
And suddenly i hate Flash Sentry more than i already did. Didn't even think that was possible.
I stand by my earlier comment on a previous story. I know the process will take time, but still. Great job, I look forward to the sequel.
I like how you handled Flash in this story. Whenever I see stories like this I worry that they'll make him act like a jerk for no good reason (which is totally against his characterization). Instead, you made his reasons for being angry understandable and believable and you made his confrontation with Sunset realistic. Plus, the fact that he realized his mistake and apologized for his actions shows that he is a good person. Overall, I liked your take on the character and i hope to see more of him in this continuity.
7758286 - Thank you. I appreciate the compliment.
I try my best to make character actions/motivations justified and believable.
7758121 -
I find him rather sympathetic, actually.
Have you (non-specific) ever had to deal with a former partner/lover/whatever after the end of the relationship? Depending on how bad the breakup was, it can be incredibly awkward. You might assume the worst about their motivations. You could be right⌠or wrong. In this case, Flash was VERY wrong.
To me, Flash is a good guy who's been through the emotional wringer, and he has his own demons to deal with. Shame that he still has terrible taste in women.
PS - I tried to find a decent picture of Flash angry. But he looks constipated. Oh well.
This is actually how I would expect him to react. Still pissed, but stops himself once he realizes her guilt and doesn't push anything else. Great work!
A different language, perhaps? Some old, Equestrian dialect, maybe?
This is an entertaining and well-balanced story. The charecters are perfectly played-out and the timings are perfect. Up voting!
My initial reaction to this story was that it felt kind of rushed. Like there's not much to go off of here; specifically, why Flash was portrayed as being so aggressive? What was even his motive besides he doesn't trust her because she was very manipulative during the entire time they dated (a whole year ago) and it ended badly?
I mean...is that really any reason to seek someone out for a confrontation? Especially when he's been informed of her ill state of being? For one, it doesn't seem like something a normal person would do, and especially not something Flash would do given his typical characterization as a pretty chill and understanding dude, and admittedly he does revert back to that but only after his weird overreactive confrontation with Sunset. I could see him being distrustful of her of course, but going out of his way to confront her about his suspicions seems farfetched to me.
And then I read the author's note:
- "Basically, I wanted to write a story about Flash Sentry. I wanted to explore his character a bit."
- "Your second question must be something along the lines of "What did Sunset DO? You need to explain it! Shitty author! Downvoted!" To that, I ask: Is it really important to know the details right now? I could have given the details, of course, but doing so would have made the story drag."
- And finally, "I promise all will be explained. Just not here or now."
Okay. So yeah, judging from those points the reason it felt rushed was because you chose to leave out crucial details that would have given context to Flash's behavior and pretty much the bulk of this story in general since it largely centers around his and Sunset's past.
I believe what you were trying to do was reveal bits of Flash's character through his reactions and dialogue as the story progressed which could have worked (maybe) but you still limited the details to such an extent that it was still ultimately unsatisfyingly vague.
I think there's a bit of irony here in that the very details and plot points that you chose to leave out to keep the story from "dragging on" would have given Flash the bit of character depth it kinda sounded like you wanted to explore.
In conclusion, apologies for the long-winded response, but yeah context is very important in that without it the way characters are portrayed may come off as out-of-character when their motives aren't clearly given especially considering they're not typically known for acting a certain way. In regards to this story, Flash Sentry's surprising amount of aggression without any real setup or provocation (they stopped dating a year before the events of this story, I don't really count that) was unnecessary.
Honestly in my humble opinion a simple fix might be to take all of the stories of this series and put them together in one big story as individual chapters.
7885935 -
I can't easily do that due to this site's tag restrictions. Also, shifting tone/perspective. Yes, there are professional novels where the POV changes (Poisonwood Bible, for a good example), but those were designed from the beginning to do that. When I started Sunset's Recovery Arc, I never expected it to BE an "arc"; it was just one short. It was nearly a year later that I decided to take it further, and I had no idea what would happen. If I had planned the whole arc from the outset, I could have set the story up your way. But that's not how it worked out, and I'm not about to change it now, especially since I'm currently writing an interquel set earlier than this. Besides, this short in particular is almost a side-story.
You're not wrong for wanting more details. At the time, I felt like what mattered is what I made sure to include: Sunset lied to him, betrayed his trust, and he's concerned she's gone back to her old manipulating ways. Now that I think about it, I could have thrown in a brief flashback to better explain why he's so angry and justified in being so. That I didn't is on me. I'm actually presently working on the story where it's explained, for what it's worth (different from the story I mentioned above).
And I just realized where I could have put a brief flashback to have the least impact on story flow, too. Oh well. Live and learn.
TL;DR - I'm sorry my story did not entertain you. While I respectfully disagree with some of your critique, you make some decent points, and I will try to improve going forward.
Also, I have not seen Legend Of Everfree, where he apparently gets more screentime, so I'm largely going off of his reactions to Sunset in Rainbow Rocks. That "AU" tag is there for a reason.
7886250
Sorry! I forgot to say "Thank you" for writing the story!!
But also if I may clarify, my main point that I was trying to make was that I disagreed with how Flash Sentry was characterized in the beginning because without the proper context or insight, he just kind of shows up with Rarity mad as hell and is a jerk despite Rarity telling him that Sunset isn't okay to begin with and that even though they've been broken up for a year, and everyone else seems to be okay with her now too, he's still mad at her for that. It just kind of struck me as odd is all, but in retrospect he did experience first-hand the extent to how manipulative she could be. Plus I'm assuming that unlike Rarity he's never sat down and talked to her since she changed ergo why he reacted why he did.
Perhaps I was wrong!
Regardless I'll be looking forward to the next story that expands on this one.
...Can Rarity please just keep hitting him? Maybe Sunset could join in, if she's feeling brave?
Can I just say...EMOTIONAL ROLLERCOASTER!!!!!!!! Great story. I like how Flash has an aha! moment
7886404
I know I'm a little late to the party here (I'm just getting up to speed on these stories now) but I got the impression that Flash was not so much unreasonably incensed *at* Sunset as he was angry *for* her.
say what?
let me 'splain.
Consider if after the Fall Formal, Flash is still rightfully upset with Sunset due to both their breakup and her past actions. But he sees that she has received her comeuppance and maybe even recognizes that she's made changes in her life based on her current actions and her dealings with her new friends (Rarity and the girls). And being the nice guy that he is maybe he has even begun to change his opinion of her slightly.
But then... something happens. Sunset suddenly withdraws from the progress shes been making. She stops trying to make amends at school, in fact stops showing up at all. She stops spending time with her new friends, which probably raises a red flag in his mind. Then suddenly it appears rarity is running interference for, her making excuses and dissuading people from asking questions. To Flash, who feels more intimately affected by past events than most begins to wonder, "Is she doing it again? Is she still up to her conniving ways? Did she get me to start thinking better if her, just to disappoint me AGAIN? Did i fall for her lies AGAIN? And shouldn't Rarity of all people know better?"
Overreacting? Probably, but coming from being right in the middle of the situation last time like he was, not entirely unexpected. he's probably also concerned for rarity as he feels she was as deeply hurt by sunset as he had been. But maybe he's also still giving sunset the benefit of the doubt, that she shouldn't throw away the progress shes made and feels maybe a piece of his mind (such as it is) will help her to get back on track.
But if she really is trying to fool everyone again, including Rarity, then he feels justified, as "guy she done wrong", to step up.
Maybe. Just my take on it. Only Soufriere knows for sure
ps- sorry for the TeaL;DeeR
7886404 - Hey, sorry it's been literally months, but I wanted to let you know that your initial comment has been weighing on my mind lately. As you noted, I was very flip in my Author's Notes on the subject of Flash's motivation, but in retrospect I realized your critique was absolutely right, to the point I felt I really needed to do something about it, even six months post-publication.
TL;DR - I've added a flashback to this story to give Flash more justification for his attitude and actions. Give EM a reread if you'd like.
Someone remind me to smack Flash into next week for his comments.
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8300502 - I won't deny Flash was kind of a jerk, but I think he had a right to be suspicious, given what that flashback implies. At least until he realized Sunset really was broken, at which point he immediately backed off. Like a commenter said above/below, he still cares about Sunny whether he wants to or not. He also needs to know that Rarity won't get bamboozled like he did.
For what it's worth, I've completed the final two Recovery Arc stories. The next-to-last one, which I hope to post soon, sees Flash return and adds more dimension to his and Sunset's relationship. It also shows Rarity's retaliation here traumatized him.
honestly i really don't care about there past, flashes actions are beyond inexcusable here, hilarious how he gets no more then a slap in the face for it.đ
8329600
Flash's actions are completly understandable and believable taken into account what he knows about Sunset and how she acted before.
The only reason his actions seen unescusable is because the fic is written with Sunset/Rarity as the MC and we are to simpathise with them.
Any judgement made with emotion will be wrong, even when in good spirits or with good intention.
8858123
I appreciate your responding to idiots in the comments of my stories. It would look like poor sportsmanship coming from me.
The whole PURPOSE of these thirteen stories is Forgiveness. Some readers don't understand that, or reject it. Pity.
Like I've said before, I see Flash as sympathetic. He is a victim. I added the flashback specifically to make him come off as less of a jerk. Given the upvote ratio on this story and other comments, I think I succeeded. These characters are not idealized. They've been hurt; they've hurt others. Flash is acting on correct but outdated info.
The question you should be asking yourself is: What's going to happen when these three meet again? They will.
8858731
Being honest I am expecting something like in the everfree movie: they meet, talk and let the past be the past and go each on their own direction even though Flash wants to try again, or something like that. Not expecting Sunset and Flash becoming great friends or even Flash forgiving Sunset past actions but just moving on from them.
Boy, you done fucked up.
7758477
Personally, I think that all angry people look constipated. They're just too intimidating to notice.
Ok, I've been readin' off THE GUIDE!, and this stuff is awesome.
7885935
Thank you for helping me realize that I was missing something, as until you did, I had no idea the AUs were links. I am very much laughing at myself.
Eventually, Flash Sentryâs brain completed its initial processing of what it had just seen. âOh shit. This really isnât an act, is it?â he said to himself, barely audible.
-
No shit sherlock!
When Sunset was playing the guitar the song that made me think that Sunset might be playing is Elton John's song "Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word".
SONG: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c3nScN89Klo
GUITAR VERSION (WITH NO WORDS): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U34e3NIkhGg
Fight me Sentry! I never liked you even as a kid!
7758121
Finally someone gets us!
She's right, doing it by force wouldn't be the best decision if you ask me, as it'll just make it worse.
Not surprised there she'd remove them.
Is that proof good for you flash. đ
Took you this long to figure it out ain't it lover boy.
Did rarity just slap him?
Yep, and soon enough you'll be over it.
this is my favorite thing about sunset shimmer. she can be anything the writer want her to be. slaver, psychopath, misguided, lonely.
you can write a scene where she got beat down by anybody without giving context and it will come out naturally.
You can has review!
11355157
âŚWhat?? Okay. Your comment was so badly spelled and poorly argued it made my brain bleed from the sheer stupidity of it and the point I think you were trying to make (you failed). Don't try to bring politics into this -- only I'm allowed to do that. You're reading exactly the wrong things into my work and it pisses me off. Are you a MAGAt or a Woke freak? I honestly can't tell.
It IS longer than what I originally posted. Read the damn comments. After constructive criticism from early readers, I added more story onto the beginning plus fleshed out stuff in the middle for the characters, and the work is better for it. My work doesn't need to be "longuer". What would that accomplish? Nothing.
Gotta admit, I've always hated Flashs character since he showed up in the first EQG. Something about I didn't like.
...
11361541
Well itâs been some time and after some soul searching, Coming out of the closet and most importantly MATURING I re read this story under new eyes and all I have to say is
âWhat the hell was my problem with this fanfic?â And âgod flash is a piece of shit in this oneâ
I hope my comments made you laugh a little!
Good bye and wish you a good day