• Member Since 31st May, 2017
  • offline last seen Yesterday

Lambs Prey


Mistakes were made. Most of them were fixed!

T

This is a story about a sheep.

A little sheep, locked away in pony prison. Obviously, he doesn't want to be there. But then, he's had to do lots of things he didn't want to. Still, no one to blame but himself for getting caught...

---[][][]---

Hello, as stated above, this story follows a little sheep who is (for now) pretty jaded and hates everyone and everypony. Especially ponies. Stupid ponies. From his point of view, they're the reason for everything wrong in his life.
Oh, he's under no delusions that he's just as guilty on that front, he just doesn't care. What with the war and all... Stupid ponies. Why couldn't they just leave him in peace?
Too bad they're the ones with the keys to his cell, and now they want something from him. No doubt it's going to be something incredibly life threatening...

---[][][]---

But we're not there yet in the story! So, before we go any further, a word from the author/delusional scribbler. Forewarning, this won't focus on the mane 6, and is about OC's, and the Luna Night Guard. Now, onto the rest:
1st, This will be a long, loooong story, with slow plot building and character development. If that is the kind of thing you like, please go ahead. (Might end up making it into multiple stories)
2nd, First story, please tell me what the heck I am doing wrong and point out grammar and stuff.
3rd, I'm writing this story for fun. That's important. "I do as I please!"
And finally 4th, Story is currently T, might change it to M for blood and gore later on.
Editor in chief kind of guy who I am very grateful for: Sweetolebob18

Have fun hopefully!

(And I own nothing, MLP and all associated products and agencies are not my property)

Chapters (43)
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Comments ( 731 )

im just waiting for our lamb to smah open the head of the guards xD

Comment posted by Sweetolebob18 deleted Dec 1st, 2018
Comment posted by Sweetolebob18 deleted Dec 1st, 2018

9045580
Wow.... I didn't think I had made that many mistakes.....:derpytongue2: (Yikes, gotta' re-read more carefully)
But thank you very much for your help and pointing them all out! It is a great help, since I'm still not too sure what I'm doing yet. (I'm blaming my English teacher. Yes. That's my excuse and I'm sticking with it)

Also thank you for telling me about those Proof Reader's (I will need to go and learn what the requirements are there)

9045970
Hello again,
And also thanks again for pointing out mistakes (Are you one of those proof readers? perhaps? You're quite good at spotting things)

To answer your query on Fleece and Gossamer's resistance name, Fleece is Breaker, Gossamer is Prey. Lance was the name of a donkey in the line next to Gossamer/Prey. Did I not manage to make that clear in the story do you think? If not, I will need to go back and change it.

For the "tact" vs 'tack' or 'tactics', those could work too. Tact was what I originally meant; meaning skill in dealing with someone (somepony) delicately.

Greatly appreciated your help, once again.

9046695
Yeah, I'm one of the proofreaders. I'm retired, it's a hobby. You can pick from a list, they have preferences.
Or, I could do it.

Lance was the name of a donkey in the line next to Gossamer/Prey. Did I not manage to make that clear in the story do you think? If not, I will need to go back and change it.

Well, IDK how clear it was.
It confused me

9046706
Thank you for the offer Sweetolebob. But you are the one who is retired, so I think it comes down to what you want as your preference.
I can go to the Proof Reader's link you gave me, it's no problem. (Have to write the next chapter yet, so there's that of course :P) It is a kind offer regardless, so thank you!

(Tried to make the 'who is Lance and who is Fleece?' question clearer too)

9047491
The usual way that it works is:
You write it as usual
Then
you either send me the link & password for your writing site
OR
you E-mail the chapter to me
I E-mail you any corrections + comments
You make any corrections needed then submit it
For 1 chapter, it usually takes me no more than a day or so

9047669
Thank you for your offer, that is most kind.
It might be a few weeks though. 😅Need to write the next chapter up and all! (Not going to be quite as long as the last two)
Thanks again.

The word you are looking for is dormant volcano.

You are doing an excellent job of making me hate Valour.

9079700
Hello. Thank you for your help! Pointing out things that I did wrong is most appreciated.
Also, you're not supposed to like Valour 😄So I guess I'm doing him right.

Question: Will Prey try to convert one of the Elements of Harmony to his side?

9087693
It might be quite a while (story wise) before/if Prey meet's any of the elements of harmony.
I do have a vague plan-ish that he will eventually, but that not yet. Will just have to see what happens :moustache:

So, he was 6 when he joined the Rebellion, 9 when he started learning magic, 13 when he went to prison for life & he is 70 now.
https://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=lyrics+mama+tried&&view=detail&mid=D2F605BDEFF8E45591F3D2F605BDEFF8E45591F3&&FORM=VRDGAR

9148311
Yep. He is still mentally quite a lot like a child/lamb though.
To the video link: You have a slightly different taste in music to normally of what I would expect (That's not a bad thing though) Do you like Johnny Cash by chance?
Mamma' may have tried but mamma's dead for Prey :'-(

9149455
Actually, my mother was the country/western fan. I can stand it (& even like a few), but overall this is my opinion of CW
https://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=lyrics+so+ill+hang+around+as+long+as+you+will+let+me&&view=detail&mid=8E8B6A0D68F0B63E50258E8B6A0D68F0B63E5025&&FORM=VRDGAR
It's tedious, pointless, & annoying but sometimes mildly amusing.

I like Sunshine, shame he has to put up with a stallion like Valour.

9168079
The Solar Guard are rather fanatical supporters of Celestia, almost to a religious level. "You don't like Princess Celestia? Hersey! Burn the unbeliever!"
Thanks for the comment BTW.

im so looking forward to when prey get the upper hand and makes Valour pay

9172318
Will he? Or won't he succeed? Life is unfair, sometimes the guilty go unpunished, the good guys fail. Which is which and who will win? We will have to wait and see....
Oh, and I am also glad that you seem to be liking the story. :pinkiehappy:

9172845
ha ha thanks i knew life is unfair, but not you with you taunt, :fluttercry:
but in the grand scheme of things prey winning would be bad for equstria, either way you got me hooked so good show

Valour just crossed a pretty big line.

Comment posted by Sweetolebob18 deleted Dec 1st, 2018
Comment posted by Sweetolebob18 deleted Dec 1st, 2018
Comment posted by Sweetolebob18 deleted Dec 1st, 2018
Comment posted by Sweetolebob18 deleted Dec 1st, 2018
Comment posted by Sweetolebob18 deleted Dec 1st, 2018
Comment posted by Sweetolebob18 deleted Dec 1st, 2018
Comment posted by Sweetolebob18 deleted Dec 1st, 2018
Comment posted by Sweetolebob18 deleted Dec 1st, 2018
Comment posted by Sweetolebob18 deleted Dec 1st, 2018
Comment posted by Sweetolebob18 deleted Dec 1st, 2018
Comment posted by Sweetolebob18 deleted Dec 1st, 2018
Comment posted by Sweetolebob18 deleted Dec 1st, 2018
Comment posted by Sweetolebob18 deleted Dec 1st, 2018
Comment posted by Sweetolebob18 deleted Dec 1st, 2018

with each chapter my hate for Captain Valour increases im fully committed to prey side and seeing him win even if he a bad guy

Comment posted by Sweetolebob18 deleted Dec 1st, 2018
Comment posted by Sweetolebob18 deleted Dec 1st, 2018
Comment posted by Sweetolebob18 deleted Dec 1st, 2018
Comment posted by Sweetolebob18 deleted Dec 1st, 2018

All right folks stories over!... XD

I smell opportunity. If the side of justice will not serve him, well. There are others that think themselves superior and would not spurn a fragile little lamb, thinking they could bend him to their will and make use of him.

9209161
You sir, are very insightful. Wait until the next chapter and see if it holds your answer. :twilightsheepish:

never underestimate your enemy lest they destroy you, night watcher is about to learn this lesson, sadly for him it the last lesson he ever learn

9237148
Probably. No promises though. :applejackunsure:
Next chapter is soon though, so it won't be long to wait to find out.

9207136
Agreed.

" What good is an elite fighting force who's scared of a little blood? You're precious equestrian peace has made you blind to the realities of life."

Prey has a point.

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