9045580
Wow.... I didn't think I had made that many mistakes..... (Yikes, gotta' re-read more carefully)
But thank you very much for your help and pointing them all out! It is a great help, since I'm still not too sure what I'm doing yet. (I'm blaming my English teacher. Yes. That's my excuse and I'm sticking with it)

Also thank you for telling me about those Proof Reader's (I will need to go and learn what the requirements are there)

The word you are looking for is dormant volcano.

9079700
Hello. Thank you for your help! Pointing out things that I did wrong is most appreciated.
Also, you're not supposed to like Valour 😄So I guess I'm doing him right.

Your pacing is nice. Plenty of description and yet you're not describing the same thing for four paragraphs. I don't usually like darker stories, but you have my interest.

9248913
Glad that you like it. As you said, they can sometimes go on and on... I usually have to go back and delete half of what I write because it turns out to be superfluous.

Very impressive for a first fic.
Only three points I'd change, and they are mainly just formatting.

First off, it looks much more professional if you use the word instead of the number. (One and 1, etc.)
Secondly, make sure to have it as a new paragraph when you switch who is talking.
(E.g:

"There is no spoon," Eris said, "You're wrong." Ark replied.

)

And finally, make sure to only put speech at the end and start of a pragraph. It looks janky if you don't.
(E.g

"What." She started, "Do." She continued, "You mean?"

)

Regardless, I like it.
Usually the first few chapters of fics are a bit average, but this is quite good.
My hopes are already being fufilled. :D

mediate->meditate
was in ->was I in

Hmm... interesting

Ah, at last, a story I can enjoy for a good long while. Very well done.

Well, I sometimes note every typo I come across in fanfiction, just to have at least something for a review. Other times, I just want to relax and enjoy a good story - not worry about reviews or repeatedly interrupting my reading to copy-paste sentences into a notepad - Which is what I did the first time I read through this story.
Well, here's a proper review for this chapter. I'll probably write some more, though I can't guarantee covering all the chapters. But I feel like it's the least I can do in return for all the story you're writing to my great entertainment.

So, considering how many Zebras and Griffins seem to make up the core of the rebellion, is the implication that this is a minor proxy war waged by, at least elements within, Zebrica and Griffonia? I hope to learn more about the war later on.
I think the griffin in this chapter turns out to be a named character later, but were one of the zebras Snake? Unsure if it's ever mentioned.

Keyword being everypony here

Boulder started this little pet-peeve?

"No, not someone, somepony."

yes, this does indeed seem correct to say when you are speaking of only ponies... I find his later aversion to this manner of speaking just a little too absolute in one or two places.

then come and find us

How? Maybe not important, but I just don't see how potential rebel recruits would get into contact with the "rebel recruiting station".

You know, we wouldn't be having to do this again this year if that lazy rotter Green Fields had gotten round to hiring some good for nothing Pegasus to bring in any rain.

Is that his responsibility? Is that how this works? Or how it's perceived? I'm curious about the world-building, the society. I hope to find out more about this unequine inequity in Equestria.

I'm just trying to do what dad would have wanted.

More like, "who". Sure sounds funnier in hindsight...

but there was nothing to be gained by offering resistance.

Do I see what you did there, or am I just reading too much into it?

close combat had never been his strong point.

"He'd driven ponies mad with just a passing touch before". Maybe not his strongest point, but hardly a weak point, under the right circumstances.

The sheep noted the particular emphasis on 'aggressive.'

but forgot it again not long after, to the detriment of his poor cheek. A bit uncharacteristic.

The dates were all wrong

a mystery I really hope will one day be cleared up.

I know you're not really a child even if you look it. Mind leeches aren't children.

first time I read this, I thought maybe mind-leeching came with eternal youth, but now I guess it's just that Valor chooses not to regard mind leeches as children. Palpatine_Ironic.webm.

"You're darn right you aren't Gossamer anymore.

a bit ironic too, that Valor, of all people, gets him immediately.

a similarly secured toilet

where? It's a pretty small room, and the bed is in the middle of it. It just seems very close to the bed which triggers my OCD.

inmate 452

small number. Not exactly 24601. Really is quite exclusive membership with Dreverton.

even earth ponies didn't get this big.

usually, you mean, right? Or is he really that big?

Now, I know this looks like a lot, but there is a lot of chapter to cover.

powerful waves beat against the sharp, rocky outside the massive structure

rocky what?

the inside of Dreverton were actually quite up to date.

was

crummy rat infested rooms

"crummy, rat infested", just to make clear the rats aren't crummy. At least, I asssume they're perfectly fine rats.

Keeping what ever was in the cell

Whatever. In adjectival uses, only the one-word form is used. "What ever do you mean by that?"

some of the prisoners life stories

prisoners'

with a whist full sigh

whistful

and mediate on the past.

meditate

because as if unicorns would ever let a sheep in to their academy

Not a typo, the "because" just isn't necessary and just makes the sentence a bit colloquial for non-dialogue. It's a minor thing, I admit.

There was a small cross out back for him under the old cherry tree. He had barely been four years old, but he still remembered the ram.

maybe replace that "he" with "Gossamer", for more clarity's sake.

"I'm fine mom, I know I'm not badly hurt, but thanks." He said.

Strange thing to say. Is it really Gossamer who needs to know he's not badly hurt?

Their mother blinked in surprise, as ever surprised by how grown up for his age her son was. It always caught her off guard whenever her youngest son would unbalance her with some observation or some fact that she hadn't ever considered before. She smiled uncertainty, but not because of any lack of trust

Seems like omniscient POV, suddenly? Or is it the way our protagonist interprets his memories in hindsight? And on that note, if I may jump a bit: Also, uncertainly. Only caught that after re-reading my own comment for mistakes.

A few found themselves thinking more about how tough life was

Speculation, informed guess in hindsight, or omniscient POV? His mother gulping, that Gossamer could possibly see from a range, I don't know enough about sheep physiology, but this goes a bit far. I suppose its a statistical certainty...

Mother Kubboard isn't the most amicable ewe around sweetie."

"around, sweetie"

"You know that's not okay to do sweetie."

"do, , sweetie"

He would watch unobserved from the background as the villagers talked, haggled, argued and insulted each other, gaining insights into the hidden lives of those around him. Gossamer revelled in being able to figure out what made someone tick.
But it wasn't to be today. He'd barely gone ten paces when there was a hush. A bad feeling stole over his wool. Immediately slinking behind a line of barrels on instinct, Gossamer looked back to see why.

Seperate paragraphs, but here there's no space between them for some reason.

Everyone drew back, then as one tried to look like they were busy

"then, as one, tried to"

still half way through setting up the stall

"halfway" is more common.

"My question, our question, the Resistances question, is-"

"the Resistance's question"

especially his mother who was the closet to the griffin

closest.

Boulders still taking

Boulder's still "talking"

The Griffins claw shot out

Griffin's

half his older brothers size

brother's

after we're done this row

we've done this row

Gossamer saw his brothers face twitch.

brother's

Even his smaller water pails and half sized yoke, it still left his small frame sweating and sore.

"even with his" etc

not like we can do anything about our poor lifestyle.

This line just bothers me. The word "lifestyle" somehow doesn't seem in character for an enlightment-era peasant boy. And the words "poor lifestyle" in and off themselves just don't seem right together.

Fleece grabbed Gossamer's shoulder, turning him till he could look down at him, "You know I wouldn't leave you or mom. Ever! Especially after what that griffin said." Fleece told him.
Gossamer gave a weak grin and gave his older brother an awkward hug, "That's good to hear. Perhaps you should tell mom that, I think she worries that you might leave one day." He said."

very minor, but I think you can remove the "Fleece told him" and "He said" from these sentences, unnecessary and superfluous.

I think how tough life is on her.

colloqial, or "think about how"?

especially when there's those who do far less and have a lot more than us."

Possibly there're instead of there's. Depends on what's more natural for Fleece to pronounce in speech.

I know nothings changed

nothing's

maybe it's just us who's different now

Probably who're, but it depends on Fleece.

a tired smile, "But I'm sorry

either period or lowercase b in "but". You usually use period.

this resistance then Fleece?

"then, Fleece?"

you did just say you hated things as they were right now didn't you

are right now, didn't you

You mean actually thought

you mean you actually thought(?)

preferable over the uncertainty

"preferable to the uncertainty"

it was unlikely they would do little more than delay the news anyway

"unlikely they would do little" means they would likely do a lot. It's either "unlikely they would do more than delay", or they simply "would do little more than delay".

The enchantments from the cells

on the cells

There was definitely more guards

like 85% sure it really should be "were definitely more guards"

three sets of them

what is a "set of guards"? Unclear.

'Somethings different today.'

Something's

'Where was in my recollection this time?

something's missing here.

This must make the fourth time re-living my life through.

don't see what the "through" is doing here. Also, "fourth time of re-living" probably.

every aspect of the villagers lives

villagers'

one of the towns militia

could be alright, or did you mean "the town's militia"?

but the Rams family

Ram's

Around this time, came the rumor

pretty sure you can take off this comma.

The Border Guards increased presence

Guard's

No one dared asked the Resistance

ask

head way

headway, defintely one word.

"to putting down"

in putting down

Captain Fire Strike

On a little hunch, I made a search, and sure enough, you spell it "Firestrike" in chapter 52.

The sheep in the cells' eyes

Whoa. I don't even know how to search for the rules to this possessive. Very cool. But it should at least be "cell's".

night stick

some do spell it in two words, yes, my only complaint is that it hurts my eyes. I leave this comment in here because this is in part a review. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

while the two unicorns horns crackled

unicorns'

un-spotted

I'd go with "unseen"

at the doors threshold, he hadn't stepped out

- "door's threshold. He"

emerging out onto the peek

peak

the Guards armour

Guards'

hear by

hereby

You now belong to me inmate 452.

"to me, inmate 452"

they snapped of a crisp salute

snapped off

resistance to the captains abrupt order spoke volumes for their respect

the captain's abrupt order spoke volumes of their respect

No doubt he'd brought them many prisoners over the years.

but they only stay for 2,5 years at most, right? I guess that's a plurality of years, technically, but...

Something about Captain Valors words

Valor's

Sunshine grasped the trailing chain him his magic

something's wrong or missing.

each drawn by two Pegasus

Pegasi

with Pegasus a similar time frame

Pegasi

Also some inconsistent capitalization of "resistance". Would perhaps make sense for lower case R in Prey's narration, and upper case in rebel dialogue.
Same for the "guard" part of "Border Guard". Interestingly, the "Border" part is always spelled with a capital B.
And lastly the same goes for "unicorn", "earth pony" and "pegasus". I'd just Ctrl+F these through all chapters. griffin, zebra and whatever else, too. dragon?

Left out the most minor issues. Like

"To try and make"

It's clearly colloqial dialogue and from rebel scum no less, so it could be intentional for all I know.

... this may be the most monstrous comment I've ever written.

10409405
Hello and thank you for pointing all those out. I blame this being my first chapter. I haven't edited them yet, but I will. (Currently away for a week and replying to this on my phone) is ridiculously hard to edit a chapter on a phone as opposed to my nice easy convenient computer. But seriously, thanks. 😄

10409405
Okay, phew, finally got back today and can correct all those little mistakes you've raised. Thanks for that.😄 I know it's a week late, but in answer to the questions you asked at the start of your post:

-Fixed the "rebel recruiting station", had Boulder say they'd be back to take on recruits.
-The "resistance" mention was a slight joke, yes. Well spotted.
-The mixed up dates... That's going to be a thing at a... later date. Ha! Ha. Ha. *Wheeze*
-Fixed the toilet placement and along with the size of Valor when compared to any random Earth pony.
-The number 452. Yeah, Equestria doesn't have much in the way of serious criminal elements. Also, Dreverton is fairly new. (Not that it matters storywise, but about 200 hundred years old. And Prey was in there for 57 of those.) Also, number relates to how far down the cell block you were. The closer you are to the bottom, the worse the criminal is. Roughly speaking.

Thanks again, and have a nice day 🍎

Well, it starts intresting. Will read further on.

If you were stored on the deeper levels, you hadn't a chance in hell of ever getting out. The lower levels were reserved for the worst of the worst.

Murderers, cannibals, dark magic users and the like. Many a newly recruited guard lost their lunch over the course of their first few weeks on the job. Hearing about some of the prisoners' life stories from the older guards, they were finally able to figure out what they'd let themselves in for.

I mean, hey, it beats getting executed.

Seriously though, never understood why in so many stories Equestria has the death penalty, pretty sure that goes against their morals.

ok is that a really big pony or a really small sheep? or a bit of both?

10916757
Yes, both. 🙃
(It's kinda' a really bad and dated drawing now.)

i love your ART, your style; you´re genius!!!!!!! <3

This looks like an interesting fic. And a long one too, that's always a bonus. Good fics always tend to end too soon.

11106993
Thanks and good luck! (I like to think that the writing got a bit better over the first few thousand words, but sorry if you end up cringing still. 😄)

I've got more edits because me and some friends are reading this out loud in a discord chat! Edits in bold!

Gossamer saw one of the quiet black and white fighter's heads turn to track Fleece's dash.

Missing apostrophe and thus the plural on head.

The resistance had attacked a small pony expedition in the forest up north past the river

In, not into.

and apparently neither did his older brother.

Missing i.

Guards' armour matching the grey of the volcano's surface.

The, not they.

Oh boy I feel sorry for the guy trying to do Prey's voice, nine-year-old is a tall order.

11171953
Save it. Make it a professional reading. Publish it for 5$ per chapter. You'll become a millionaire I guarantee. Once you reach the cliffhangers you'll have an audience for life.

Too bad, it would probably fall under copyright for making money of a universe based on Hasbro's intellectual property.

Going back to finally reread this, wow… How much has changed in almost 100 chapters

leave replace tray —> place the empty tray

Their village had been on the wrong side of the border —> Forest maybe? He was still in Equestria

two possible exit—> two possible exits

for the village—> to the village

Celestial personal elite guard—> Celestias’ personal elite guard?

11173815
Thank you for the edits. 😄

How I would love that Prey erased my memory (Prey And A Lamb) and be able to "read" this with the innocence of the child ; If so, I would be the happiest ignorant and envied by everyone.

Alright, there's chapter one recorded. Had some fun with my power supply dying and losing my audio. Unfortunately we never got Tara Strong to voice Prey, despite our most mediocre effort. Anyway, I've got two edits I remember from this, only one of them being because it induced a flub. Anyway, those two edits in bold.

Locked away within the towering prison fortress of Dreverton, down in a cell on the second deepest level of Equestria's most secure dungeon, aside from the pits of Tartarus itself, slept a sheep.

Extra plural.

The sheep kept his face blank even while he mind raced, 'So in other words the captain has hit a dead end with no leads. Celestia has specially tasked him with this case, and he's getting desperate. She probably doesn't know about him coming to retrieve me either. Something dangerous is going on, and he's unwilling to risk his own people. Which is where I come in. Something to do with mind magic, most likely. Although where his lieutenant dug up a fifty-seven year old report on me, I'll never know.'

Missing an s on that there seven.

Man this is gonna be a lot of work.

11192575
Thank you for the edits, unfortunately, it seems those will always be needed. There is always "One more" mistake to correct it seems. But thank you and good luck.

He should have seen that trap coming from a mile away, but no, the temptation of forbidden knowledge had seemed far too enticing at the time, and he'd had nothing but time ever since to bitter regret.

I want a side story depicting how Prey got caught.

This is literally the only paragraph in the whole story (i think) that tells how he got caught.
What “Forbidden knowledge?”
What was the trap? Was it an ambush or something more complex?

I'm doing a re-read, so this question has spoilers in it for the end of the story:

I thought he was imprisoned by Celestia's decree? I don't recall that it's ever stated how he wound up in Dreverton, but Celestia saw straight through the glamour on him to his true form when she forced an audience with him; Luna was on the moon when it happened so she wouldn't know anything about his original imprisonment. And everyone within the prison knew of Prey's abilities. So who exactly put him here? Wouldn't Celestia be well aware of a mindleech being at Dreverton and wish to see him?

11601521
No, it wasn't Celestia directly. If you recall, Prey never actually went before Celestia to be sentenced. It was the Border Guard command who sent him to Dreverton directly. Hence, Celestia would've only received a report after the fact, and would not have seen Prey in person. Maybe a photo, but that wouldn't let her see through the 'glamor' second-hand.

now I can take Prey with me <3!

https://www.deviantart.com/ilubatar/art/Gossamer-Prey-Presa-y-un-cordero-camiseta-1019495831

11820385
Ha, would you look at that? 🙂 It'd be funny to hear if anyone recognizes the reference when you wear it.