This is a story about a sheep. A little sheep, locked deep in prison, put there by ponies. He doesn't want to be there, but then he's had to do a lot of things he doesn't want to. It's a shame he deserves to be in there.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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How scared would prey be of a competent unicorn battle mage?
When you do finish this story, will you ever go online and sell physical copies? This would definitely be a nice thick book to keep on the shelf.
There is a typo in the middle of a sentence towards the beginning. Something like βblahblah the however blah blahβ the phrase makes no sense and looks like it got dragged in through a bad copy and paste
I'm really rooting for prey to escape, I wonder if he can pull it off.
Will prey have any effect on the main six story or will they be seperateted?
9967423
To answer your question: In the long, round about sort of way yes. but it's not going to be until some time down the line in the Seasons. Currently, this is still Season 1 time line wise.π
9967309
Very. Prey is terrified of unicorns because of the devastating toll they reaped on the Resistance, and almost burning him to death with fire magic. To go the whole hog with a full battle mage, now that would scare Prey even more.
Equestria doesn't have many battle mages even if it's got a lot of powerful unicorns, they're not one and the same. Plus, you know, Equestria being mainly peaceful and all... But yeah. π
9967416
Ha ha, thanks! But unfortunately no, I'm pretty sure you can't make money off selling FiMfiction, since all rights are reserved. π
9967547
I'd love to see a one-on-one encounter between Fluttershy & Prey. I can already see Fluttershy being terrified of his Totally Innocentβ’ smile.
9967557
I can't recall any specific examples off the top of my head, but I'm pretty sure a few people have actually pulled that off before. That being said, if this is really only the beginning of the story, then you'll probably be looking at a multi-volume set. War & Peace is just under six hundred thousand words, and you're rapidly approaching that.
9967613
There are a FEW people who pull that off & sell micropublished MLP books. Much depends on how much you use their characters (which you pretty much have to do. This story has less than most but even so they've got Luna & Canterlot) & how much you're doing.
However, I've heard that if you get TOO ambitious, Hasbro gets nasty about it.
If you are interested, talk to Admiral Biscuit. He's done it, so he knows the details.
https://www.fimfiction.net/user/72053/Admiral+Biscuit
Y'know, I can't help but really dislike Taffy in this chapter. Just, wow, I shouldn't dislike her this much. But her complete and total refusal to acknowledge that racism could ever be a real problem without ever having had to deal with it personally, combined with what seems like upselling the boys into impractical furniture just paints her as someone who lives in their own little world - one only tangentially related to reality - and drags everyone with her along.
So, kinda like the polar opposite of Prey. But I like Prey. (And his worldview is rooted in experience, rather than happy funtimes.)
9967557
Dawww. At least I can still read the story though. Keep up the good work!
Bric-a-brac, not brick-a-brack. It comes up as wrong, but that's because it's an unusual phrase. Also, his mind had been 'wandering', not 'wondering'. Roaming around and not focusing, rather than overwhelmed by awe.
Other than that, I spotted no typos. Very good chapter; thank you for writing it.
These days, nothing make me happier to see a new chapter of this story.
the plots grows, a new base, a new company very soon and all that jig
Lemon is getting some personality back too, dangerous, very dangerous.
Good work, as always
Wandering?
and used her magic
least
as they waited
lose the however
lay clutches (of eggs), or just eggs
to kidnap
Veropedes
cramps
aisles/aisle
welp this chapter was a bit odd. Tense with some creepy body modification followed by... furniture shopping. A bit dull that.
This seems like a typo. You also used "alot" instead of "a lot" at one point.
9967894
Hello once again,
You've been quite a help again, thanks. Think I've got to start putting you on the list in Authors Notes.
Thankyou for taking the time as you went through to help me out there.
I am also open to constructive criticism. You said that it was a bit dull in the second half of the chapter. In what way? And what would you perhaps have done differently? Make it shorter? Longer? Abbreviated them getting a flat altogether? I am interested to hear what people think. π Thanks. π
9967915
Thank you a lot for pointing out the mistakes, (See what I did there? 'alot', 'a lot') It is very helpful, especially for that, quite frankly, dumb mistake with "hatchedhowever".
π
9967860
Yeesh, I've made quite a few typo's on this chapter π. But thanks you very much for letting me know!
9967828
Hi. Thank you for letting me know about that, I have gone and changed it. Hope you enjoyed the chapter otherwise! π
9967681
Well, I guess you're identifying with the Characters even if you hate them so I guess I'm doing something right? π Love or hate 'em, it's always better than a luke warm character.
Yeah, Taffy is a positive, optimistic airhead who wants to live life to have fun. Nothing wrong with that per-say, except other people aren't her.
9968662
Well the characters are commenting on it being dull as well but I think taffy is a bit obnoxious. I curious if she's going to have a bigger impact later though, given how much she's been written.
Ugh I got to stop reading new chapters the same day they release now I got to wait another 2 weeks
... I was once bitten by a Saw-Scaled Viper. I would guess that less venom was injected into me than Prey injected into that response.
9967557
That's odd, I've seen numerous authors selling physical copies of their FIMfiction works. Compiling lists of those interested and printing for them on their own or just putting the option to print yourself on someting like Lulu.com
Did something change in the rules while I wasn't looking?
9969462
Haha! π
Error Report: Not being able to feel your legs real threw your sense of balance for a loop. (Really)
9968702 personally I really like Taffy she's got the right idea of it, racism is way up there on the list of dumb evil crap people have come up with even if she's a little naive.
Honestly I have a harder time liking Prey, he has my sympathy but not my support, dude needs serious help
I see several of these have already been pointed out by sesquipedalian.
and used her magic
contain
least
as were
because you should always
gotten Lemon Pink to
disguised
11326730
Thanks. That was a fair few edits for this chapter. π