This is a story about a sheep. A little sheep, locked deep in prison, put there by ponies. He doesn't want to be there, but then he's had to do a lot of things he doesn't want to. It's a shame he deserves to be in there.
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Hmm that is not really nice... It means that someone MAY start reading this on a Rating and then find themselves out of the Rating...
If you chose a Teen rating you are fundamentally promising that you will keep things at that rating. The most fair way would be to rate at the highest expected level and, if once finished the rating is too high, just go down then.
A bit of a quiet chapter, but we got some cryptic messages, creepy smiling lamb and info on the shackles. Nice.
I do wonder who would even know or be interested in Prey. He was in Prison for the lifetimes of anyone from his old life, presumably. And Rocky bed was kidnapped bevore or righ as he was released from his anoynomous imprisonment.
Maybee it was just a friendly maid giving Prey a flower he might like and wool... Cause he is a poor lamb cough in scary adult guard business.
9476248
On the other hoof, if a bit more... Vivid scenes were to appear raising it would be an appropriate call. I don't expect, or want the author to not write his story as intended because he misjudged the rating at the beginning.
And we already had puddle Ponies and forcefully wingless pegasi.
Mint Tea
Minty
i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/001/068/362/702.jpg
9476335
Hm hale means healthy
https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/hale
stayed up from 7-8pm to now which is 1:23 am … I go to sleep now school for me at 5:30pm-8:20pm
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Thanks for clarifying that, I’ll remove my comment so that it doesn’t take up space.
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Yeeeaaah, It's just a maid. Random maid. Totally.
Hello, yeah, it was a bit more of a quiet chapter. Seems that I have gotten to more of the 'having built the story and now have to fill everything in' stage with explanations, plot, and exposition.
As a question from reading over the questions between the T and M rating, do you personally feel like this story should be moved up? I may ask a couple of people and see what they judge of it, but what do you personally think?
Regards 🍋
9476374
Why yes, yes I did do something.
I thought it was rather 'Punny.
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To one so dedicated as yourself, I am sure that little sleep 'Tis but a scratch.
I hope that meant it was worth reading and that you enjoyed it. 😇
I was rereading the past chapters because something has been bugging me. The situation he’s in seems a little ridiculous and convenient. I can only wonder what is on his file that would warrant two different people seeking him out yet being unaware of his past crimes, talents, age, or personal history.
Though to be honest Luna’s depiction so far has her coming off, to me, as ignorant, arrogant, inconsiderate, and she walks the between naivety and stupidity. I’m not pointing fingers here I enjoy the story especially how prey interacts with the othe characters.
Anyways currently my head-cannon for the story is Prey’s stalker has orchestrated his release from prison so he can have access to Preys knowledge and/or skills. That or Ponies are equally atrocious at reading paperwork and deductive reasoning.
9478575
Hello, glad that you like the story. 🍅To answer your sort-of questions (were they questions or just observations? IDK)
Anyway, The Solar Guard and Valour sought him out because he was a mind mage, and they had the case with the mind mage (Night Watcher) on their hooves.
Luna wasn't seeking just Prey, she was looking through the other prisons for ones she judged worthy of a second chance, like she got from the elements. (i.e. Crimson)
I'll be honest, I agree with I don't think I did Luna very well. Wasn't sure what to write or not write. And I rewrote that chapter like four times. 🤣
However, and this is important, Luna wasn't supposed to be 'nice'. She's been in prison for 1000 years. That changes a pony. (It certainly did for Prey and he was only 57 years) She is, well, I have plans for the future, that's all I'll say.
As to how they don't know about his record... And who's stalking him right now.... Well, that's also in the future! 😊
Regards
9476768
Well.
Just read through everything again and I would narrowly rate this as Teen so far.
Sure we got adult themes and psychological lambs, but all the more... vivid passages about living maggot farms and puddle Ponies were actually pretty nondescript and short.
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They were modeled observations but I understand how they can come off as questions.
1. That makes sense, having a consultant who is a mind mage is good idea since they can be very dangerous. Yet I agree with Prey, how Valor used Prey’s expertise was really stupid. This is a person who has first hand knowledge about how dangerous a Mind Mage can be. Instead using Preys knowledge to avoid a disastrous situation when they inevitably encounter the Mind Mage, i.e. Gold bits subsequent brainwashing and death. Valor just threw the case at him told him to solve it since all Mind Mages think alike apparently.
Sorry if I ranted a little. I just hate Valor, not because he’s an antagonist but because to me his actions so far in the story makes me see him as a terrible person.
2. I understand Luna not being nice, between the two sisters she always came off as the sterner/meaner of the two. Like Prey I can see how their imprisonment would have made them harsher to the world around them. She arguably made Prey her slave, not to mention it sounds like she trampled all over his legal rights, even criminals have rights that must be up held. Which makes me think that if and when Celestia or other influential people learn about Preys involvement and the circumstances surrounding it. She will likely be facing backlash since it looks like she pressganged a minor into military service for undetermined amount of time. Regardless I’m looking forward to future chapters of this story, thinks for replying.
Noooo! I'm out of chapters! ;-;
9478828
""Puddle ponies'', Ha Ha, that made me laugh, I like that. I may use it at some point 😄
More please
This has got to be the best fimfiction story i have read so far and i have read lots!!
Will the mane 6 be involved futher on in the story? I can imagine them seeing when they find out he practices banned magic or when he is in a branch of the guard
9482467
Why thank you. That is very nice (and encouraging to hear) 🤗
To answer your inquery regarding the Mane 6 in this story... Well, I have "vague" plans about what might happen. Emphasis on vague. But it will be a ways away in the future time line yet. But who really knows? 🍣
This might be better with a "for instance" added on. Also, there is a "to" in the preceding paragraph that is meant to be a "go."
As usual edits are in bold. But, in a break from tradition, a stylistic suggestion was made too. And the intro to the comment was placed at the bottom. On purpose, and not because it would be a pian to fix on mobile, obviously.
10173228
I'm always open to suggestions, (doesn't mean I'll always use them, but hey, they're suggestions), so thanks. ✌ And, you know, thanks for listing out the mistakes you could find so I could correct them too. It's always extremely helpful when people do that, more than you realise. 🍎
From the number of times I emphasise 57 years, you'd think I'd get it right, wouldn't you? It wasn't even listed in numerical, I actually had to type of the word "one" instead of "seven".
Honestly, it feels like the pony who foalnapped the colt decided that Prey was going to be his next target. Frankly, i really want that to be true simply because it would be absolutely hilarious.
10698669
Hello there, glad you are having fun. 😄 And yes, that would be hilarious, for Prey.
i can imagine that scene jaja you're a mage with the letters<3
Nice!!!!!
i loved your "runic fire" <3, pretty dark.
Ensure
Lose
Im assuming you meant contrived here, but I don't think thata the appropriate word.