This is a story about a sheep. A little sheep, locked deep in prison, put there by ponies. He doesn't want to be there, but then he's had to do a lot of things he doesn't want to. It's a shame he deserves to be in there.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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An update! LP has listened upon our prayers and has seen to grant us a chapter!
New chapter yes
Love to see a new chapter, great work as always! Interested to see what rocks Prey's world next and if he'll need to try and use the pincushion to save Crimson.
... I kinda wanna see Prey being a drill sergeant nasty now. Because he'd be the worst damn thing to happen to recruits since the dawn of time, and cute as a button, all at once.
That said, towards the end i found myself thinking "Prey is Tsundere for Crimson", and then I suddenly realized that Prey could totally be an anime an/protagonist. And now I'm trying to imagine all the silly anime tropes he could trigger.
I'm loving teacher Prey. It seems despite his best efforts, Prey is still very good at giving the right words to those that need to hear them.
I'm glad I stayed up late, despite having work tomorrow.
Thank you for another great chapter LP, hope you're doing well!
10796129
I also very much enjoyed teacher Prey. I wonder if being too good of a teacher will bite him in the future.
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Drill Sargent Prey. Manufactures, and I mean manufactures, the best soldiers in the entire Equestrian army. The only cost? Why, merely you arm, leg, first-born child, and soul.
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I can imagine the conversation where Prey is told that he needs to keep on teaching...
"I tried to get a unicorn to kill herself. She now praises me for my efforts. I tried doing my job well enough to be left alone. So I was sent in against a warlock. Now I try teaching thestrals well enough to let me get back to my work, and you want me on permanent education duty? I would say I would much rather stick pins into my eyes, but I'm sure doing so would somehow discover a method of removing cataracts."
10796125
Prey being up to his shoulders in a geriatric corpse's chest cavity, swishing around organs and sighing dreamily about Crimson is hilarious.
Syroc at this point Prey is straight "dere" without any of the "Tsun" for Crimson. Gloom on the other hand...
I've just had a thought. Lemon Pink is almost Prey. The way Prey views her relationship with Randy, is probably how she views his friendship with Crimson. That Prey latched onto the first person he came across.
10796143
Well that doesn't seem right to me, it took quite a bit of built up for them to get where they are now, in the beginning the most they could do was tolerate each other, they became friends because of how both of them could relate on how harsh life can be.
Pain.
cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/565982371208364047/837978432213090354/u2kjhbdnn0d11.png
10796136
Great comment, the fact that cataracts are cured by actually putting needles in someone's is the hight of irony
Did you mean Nightmare?
He woke up late the morning,
watered his pot plants (unless I missed Prey getting into the narcotics business ;P)
Prey knew the Screech
himself into a l
oosing contestWhat could the ex-Nightmate possibly (nightmare?)
someone like the other Lieutenant (comma needed here) Starry Wing.
yet, so
nnowscouring his hooves clean just yetknew a long list of desires and illnesses, (diseases)
No body can say no to Luna if she refuses
Hoo gave me a lot to work with this time. I'm also surprised Prey didn't consider using dragon fire to try and send his message since they have a bottle and could likely include his cure with any exchange. Also throw me in for enjoying Teacher Prey, even when he doesn't want too he still does a rather good job at teaching, he didn't even get overly pissy aside when his students weren't getting it. I suddenly find myself tempted to draw Prey in a teacher's uniform teaching a class...
Crimson: [Gets Sick]
Prey: My grandpappy instincts have now activated. I now feel an overwhelming desire to ensure that my darling baby boy is getting enough to eat. Dispensing homemade cureall. Fabricating wing warmers.
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Why yes indeed, I did mean Nightmare, not 'Nightmate'.
Also, thank you for the other corrections. Although the idea of Prey with "pot" plants certainly is amusing. 🍀
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Quite a few people seemed to have enjoyed Prey in lecture mode, instructing others. Perhaps because he dislikes it so much yet has to smile while doing it, it seems.
*Prey* "I can solve all of your problems. Your enemies, your defences, your worries... I can solve it all. All you need to do... Is give me complete control." 😇😈
10796125
Prey is just a tiny-weeny bit unhealthy obsessive, isn't he? But then, having a healthy mindset has never been something he's been able to lay claim to. He firmly believes he is fine, and that it's everyone else who is wrong for not being more like him, and not the other way around.
10796136
Ahh, the hard-workers dilemma: Being productive and successful has a cost. And that cost is, if you're a competent worker, management will just give you more work to do.
WOOO AN UPDATE
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It appears Prey has gotten access to the patented Tanya Degurechaff Misunderstanding Field. With this new technology, we shall no doubt soon see the Changelings plotting to take out such a loyal Night Guard, who is obviously a traitor Changeling due to his ability to recognise them as suspicious on sight, because no one would actually higher a lamb as a Night Guard, would they?
In more serious news:
I'm pretty sure this is the first instance of Prey actually telling someone the name of his village, and this will probably come back to haunt him.
Hehehe...
Anyway, thanks for the chapter, he had to teach 40 new guards who saw a fearless lamb, poor Prey.
And poor Crimson for being sick, I wonder if it's not the feather going all wonky ? Who knows. I just hope Prey won't use the nail to teleport him back, it would be ill-advised and flashy but hey, I'll see.
Great chapter, as usual, thanks for the good read.
It just hit me that Prey was actually willing to spare someone on his list, for the very first time Prey was willing to spare someone who had willingly hurt and endangered him, and yet captain Valour threw that away.
To think that Captain Valour was even more extreme than Prey, Prey was willing to give him a chance yet Valour never would've even considered giving the same chance to Prey, no matter how much Prey wanted to be good.
Before I read any more, judging from the first paragraph or two alone, I bet that the Pincushion’s ‘wish’ removed Valor from the collective consciousness of everyone, leaving him a no name ‘good citizen’ who had died. Not even the fact it was a GUARD was mentioned, after all.
When I clicked on the artwork link, I instantly thought "Oh, cool, Prey as a drill sergeant." Then I read its title and realized that's not a cigar in his mouth, but a piece of candy.
Still.
Imagining Prey going "Listen here, ya maggots!" while smoking a cigar, tickles my funny bone.
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That's rough buddy.
So, if Crimson is wearing an item that slowly pulls ambient magic from around him and filters it into his body, what would happen if he was filled with too much magic? Or, what would happen if there was something wrong with the magic that was around him?
Is there something wrong with the magic around Crimson? Or worse, is that pin cushion taking things important to Pray to power the new "pin"?
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Gloom had him send a letter to his family shortly after they discovered they were paid. They probably knew the name Rushweed.
Also, you've got nebulas instead of nebulous again, and also twined instead of twinned.
‘That was the first short paragraph, a dethatched summary made in as few words as possible.’
Detached*
Only spelling error I found, all in all good chapter. Good seeing Prey playing with the new recruits. pleasantly surprised by Crimson falling ill, knew something was going to go wrong but didn’t expect sickness though possible to happen.
10796217
I'm convinced that this is a minor setup towards a 'Prey will eventually be a teacher of Runes at that university he always wanted to attend' ending. It certainly lends credibility towards that ending, at least.
Aaahh that was a long two weeks! I greatly enjoyed this. Thank you. Seeing Prey teach was a unique and enjoyable experience. I imagine it would have been even more interesting without his mask.
First off, I'm sure you already know it but I would feel remiss to not mention that ctrl-f allows you to jump to specific words on the page, would make for easy editing. That said, now onto corrections
Wasn't shouldn't be there.
Captains. This is made confusing as the next use of Captain's is correct, with 'and your Captain's not here', but the first one isn't.
Your.
'Much more [a practitioner] of the' more properly references it, as in essence saying 'screech was much more of the communication style' is a bit broken. The comma should also be after Lieutenant, to become 'someone like the other Lieutenant, Starry Wing.'
Emphatically?
Either twinned or entwined, depending on what you were going for.
Magically.
Should be 'get away with the first instance', or 'get away with the second/latter.' As it is, it implies he will get away with being pushy.
Immediately.
Quartermaster's.
Nebulous, as nebulas is the plural of nebula, whereas nebulous is the characteristic of being nebulous. A should also either be the, or it should be 'a much more nebulous and unmeasurable piece of advice'.
Sex of the thestral changes between paragraphs. Also something I've noticed, now I'm thinking about it, is that thestral has inconsistent capitalisation through the page. Sometimes it's thestral, sometimes it is Thestral.
Who's, as whose is used for describing ownership of something ('Whose is this litter I found on the table?') whereas who's is a contraction of who has, 'who has been in Canterlot' etc etc.
Immediately.
Changes to her halfway, should be his.
Those private gem miners, or that private gem miner.
Detached.
Nor implies two somethings to compare with, should be 'but whatever afflicts Crimson, it isn't something he can just fly off'.
Cut-offs.
Another case of inconsistent pluralisation, should be a sensor array or sensor arrays.
Knew it would happen.
Leylines, as used before.
One last thing is that you for some reason have split up all the compound words into their constituent parts, like timescales into time scales, byproduct into by product, overlook into over look and so on. There were a few others I forgot to note but are still in there, at least two. Splitting the word changes the meaning of them, instead of overlooking something- over look implies to look over it, as does by product imply it is a product by something as opposed to being an unintended/unwanted secondary product of a process, etc etc. The whole is more than the sum of its parts, in essence, and it should be whole for what you're trying to do.
With how the Changelings are being teased, it can't be too long until Shining announces his wedding to Cadence (if he hasn't already and the thestral/prey nature of the night guard and ISND has prevented them from knowing or caring) in order for the threat to happen against it for him to put the shield up around canterlot, Cadence to be replaced, the invasion to happen, and generally just allow the S2 premiere to happen. Canonically the Nightmare Night episode happens after the wedding and the Nightmare Night party is coming up in a few months, and although there is temporal consistency issues in canon (Winter Wrap Up happens in the middle of S1, before Nightmare Night) the events of the show seem to be going along more or less as usual, what with the dragon threat and the gala and the Best Young Fliers and all that. It's generally accepted that the season finales and premieres happen after each other in order, even if the individual season episodes are a bit jumbled, so it should be soonish. That said, the S1 finale must be very very soon- especially as how it was teased with Prey noticing the Chimera statue, and Crimson's old clan prophecies.
On a separate note, I wonder how 'bucking' hard Prey will panic when he realises there are THREE alicorns, not just two. (And a note on that note, when the fourth Ascends: the Sun Wolf's private student- coming from nobility, a Canterlot Unicorn at birth and the alicorn of Magic itself! Twilight may as well be Prey's antichrist, boogeyman, and the epitome of everything he hates all rolled into one. Can't wait to see his reaction to that )
.....to see your family......
I really loved Prey as a teacher (even though he hated it), firstly because he’s so good at it and secondly ‘cause it’s a way to show that the Night Guard command respects his abilities. That seems to be the crux of Prey in the Guard, the urge to fade into the background so no one notices how strange his behavior and backstory really is, while also needing to be recognized by Luna (and the hierarchy) as someone worth keeping and listening to.
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I should read the comments more often, I didn’t know that there were theories with a happy ending. (Well, the current Prey would disagree that living in New Unicornia is a good ending). I tend to assume that the happiest ending that we can get would be a bittersweet one, for ex. he would escape to a forgotten forest on the border but leaving Crimson behind (who would know the truth and hate him for it).
I’m liking this chapters with a more introspective aspect and Slice of Life, they (kind of) remind me of arc one.
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"An alicorn of... love? Heh. Heheh. Kehehehehehe ahahahahahahaaaa! That was a good one!"
...
"What do you mean, you're serious?"
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I wonder if his view of alicorns would change to be a toss up between world ender and 'merely' super person, or if it would stay the same and instead give him questions about how powerful love actually is magically.
Also, would he call her the Love Wolf, Emotion Wolf, Northern Wolf, some other Wolf name, or would Wolf be specific to the diarchy? And if so, what animal would she (and later, Twilight) get?
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lmao, "Just how big is this damned pack?! Will there be a Alicorn of Paperwork? An Alicorn of Tuesdays?!"
I just love the part where I have not seen a single person talk about Prey preparing the corpses he got at the morgue. I just think that might be important. Really now, I'm excited to see what he's going to do with them, except stuff them full with slimy wicker goop and then letting them lie in sewer water.
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Yeah Jog, looks like Slice of Life beat Horror this chapter.
According to Prey, what he is making from the corpses is worse than any of Hard Baked creations. A parasitic, mind controlling, torture chamber is pretty hard to beat, so I don't think we're in for garden variety zombies. Prey has at least 10 so far and can easily make more.
Knowing this story, it's not going to be enough.
Plus whatever side project with the unicorn horns
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Thank you for the big assist there, and yes, it seems there were quite a lot of mistakes. Sorry you had to take the time to relay them all. 😌
And yes, splitting up conjoining words is a problem of mine when I'm writing fast, sorry again for that. 😂 I like to write, it's fun, but believe it or not, I actually didn't do that well in English Lit. and Lang. at school. I blame the school for all my faults! (That was a joke, mistakes are on me)
Thanks again for the help there.
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I think that's because no one is surprised by the first, but everyone is slightly surprised by the second.
"Eh, Prey's doing something horrific and despicable again."
"What?? Prey is now an adorable teacher?"
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Ah yes, welcome back after that two week wait. 🍎 (was it the two full weeks? Can't remember, but happy that you enjoyed)
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Thanks. Have fixed those now.
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*Prey* "I fear no person. But that 'thing'..."
*Pulls chair closer* "...It scares me."
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You should make Panem a proofreader
Prey doesn't need go back but it doesn't sound like he's ruling out the possibility he might want to someday.
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It's fine, I enjoy the story and I enjoy helping make everything just so
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I wouldn't mind :)
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