This is a story about a sheep. A little sheep, locked deep in prison, put there by ponies. He doesn't want to be there, but then he's had to do a lot of things he doesn't want to. It's a shame he deserves to be in there.
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I cannot wait to see what happens, also there was no response because this is probably happening around discord’s return.
Some of what is to come could be avoided if Prey were to open up and tell the whole truth of his past most likely.. also wow for the tonal whiplash..
Equestria
towns
weren't
thats 5 mph, that's not sedate for a human, I have trouble imagining a runt lamb seeing that as sedate too.
'cause
imminent
10009810
Yes, prey being a murder familliar with dangerous forests will go over so well with his companions.
Is it strange how the Royal Guards never got the message? I mean, if Shining Armor has received the message instead of the ISND, he would've appeared with an army and the Mane 6 in order to solve the mystery. Anyone know what I mean?
Interested to see where you take this!
I am loving this story!
I wonder what the deeper green was based off?
10009810
Bad idea, if he told them about his past gloom would likely follow protocol and report his findings to the captain of the night guard when they return from their assignment, therefore prey would be back at square one: in the inescapable prison
10010000
Hmm.. tell them about his past and the forest of perpetual death in order to keep everyone alive but at risk of getting sent back to the inescapable prison for the rest of eternity, or say nothing and everyone including himself dies?? If given the option I know I would pick the first one, and that's due in part to me being a good person, and another part because I am straight up coward when the risk of my life ending goes a bit to high.
Aaaaaggh! You are such a plot-tease! You're so cruel, leaving us hanging like that!
The tone of this chapter, in order:
!. Things get really bad at some point.
2. Lilly Blossom is probably responsible in some way given the way she acts
3. Prey's poetry is deep dark
4. Yes, things are actually really bad everyone is gone
5. It looks like things could go better if they just leave, but dammit it's their job to stay
6. Racism
7. Even tho Prey is probably a villain, I really hope he doesn't get killed or worse (oh and also crimson, gloom and scenic are pretty cool... not lily)
10010100
He doesn't have to tell the whole truth. just a variation of it. It's already been established that he came from a border town so he could probably come up with a believable reason for why he would know so much about the forest.
Whatever happens I love the fact that Gloom and Crimson are basically in Prey's territory now. They're going to learn so much!
10009923
Hi, thank you for being helpful enough as always to help me by pointing out those mistakes. 😇
As for the 15 miles and 5 mph, well, I kinda' thought it would be okay? You of course correct about that not being a sedate human walking pace, (Personally, 1 mph for me sounds like too much 😆) However, the ISND are equines, and Prey isn't a softie. He's a weakling, sure, but he's had to work and travel hard in his life before.
Thanks again for your help and sharing your opinion. 🍒
10009995
No one thing in particular. It was more of a combination of all the ghost stories about haunted trees and those joking but still deadly serious warnings about; "Don't go into the woods after dark." 😱 A combination of all that really.
10009933
Yes, that does seem to be how things typically go in Equestria. Mane 6! Problem! Solved! Happy song! No one hurt! Yey! Go Equestria and Friendship!
However, this is on the border, outside of Equestria proper. Shinning Amour is the Captain of the Royal Guard and very busy with other, more important concerns much closer to home, so to speak.
So it's up to the Night Guard. Remember, this case was considered to be a dead end, and the ISND were only sent here to keep them out of the way of the inspectors and the Gala. 😊
Also, the first fifteen villagers disappeared over three months ago, which was before Nightmare Moon and the Mane 6 were formed into a thing.
10010155
Yeah! Screw Lilly Blossom! No one likes her.
Oh wait, that's my character I'm insulting. Oh. *Eherm* Umm... We'll have to wait and see what happens to her? Maybe? 😅
10010495
But wouldn't Celestia want the problem solved even if it's outside of Equestria's borders and it involves her ponies?
Maybe the ISND could do missions that involve them traveling to other kingdoms and solving problems? Also, it seems like they're doing missions that Celestia doesn't seem to have her Royal Guards solve. I mean, it's morning time and the Royal Guards are nowhere to take care of things outside of Canterlot. She has a ton of Royal Guards working for her. Having the Night Guard take care of it throws off Prey and the others sleep schedules.
I have a feeling that Prey will get involved in the battle against Queen Chrysalis during the Canterlot Wedding. Or maybe the ISND will be on a mission during the wedding?
She won't get that promotion since she's a newbie. You don't just get a promotion after working for a few days. It takes lots of hard work. Besides, Prey and Crimson has been working for the ISND for months and they don't want or even ask for one. Meanwhile, she just wants to rub it in the Royal Guards' faces that they lost out on a great pony like her.
Even if they're busy, Celestia would put in some time to help her ponies in times of danger like this.
It's per se not per-say. It's Latin, so spellcheckers don't recognise it that way.
Good chapter! Wonder who built the Reaper King, and why. Does Prey know how to make one? Has he made one in the past? If he did, what happened to it?
I’ve just came up with the crappiest joke about gloom’s amulet thing
10010686
Celestia's a busy pony unfortunately, and Equestria's a biiiig country. There's a lot demanding her attention, so she has to delegate and trust to her underlings to solve the lesser problems. Why else have a Guard at all? Celestria can't be everywhere at once, even if her ponies do literally worship the ground she walks on and think she's omnipotent.
Besides, she's much too busy drinking tea to deal with a small problem on the border.
Really though, Celestia probably doesn't even know about Mayflower. Maybe it came up in a report once, but she must read a hundred of those every day.
10010686
You would think so, but I'd point to Celestia's habit of letting the Mane 6 deal with stuff like, oh, dragons (Dragonshy), Nightmare Moon, Discord, & Sombra
As far as C knows, this is just a few missing persons. Why would she even bother to check it out?
IMO, the villagers are lucky to get the Guard to investigate
9997076
10009923
ARGH! Seems that no matter how I try, A few sneak past me every chapter!
9998006
I'd go with Chaotic Neutral. He doesn't care for Good or Evil just "What's in it for me?"
But, he does have some scruples -just not many
10010477
Ah yes, those childhood fears of getting lost in forests when playing and those imaginary monsters that lurked in the darkest parts that came out to roam after dark. the deeper green makes a great representation of those sort of fears and anxieties, good job on that one!
10010674
Oh yeah, that could the ISNDs new groove
10011326
Nah I agree with him here. Celestia is running a country about the size of America without hierarchy aside from lords and nobles. She really doesn't have time to go investigate every little uprising.
It's not on purpose(Except with the Mane six stuff) she just tries to delegate as much as possible.
10012184
You have. From chapter 1-13(Current one I'm on) You've improved your prose that it doesn't actually happen often anyways. But you still sometimes put dialog from two people into the same paragraph.
It wasn't too awkward, though it did get confusing sometimes, the story was never actually in the dialog for me, which is something I enjoy. You've put a decent amount of emotion into the text between dialog and I like that. It does work with when he's listening to thoughts. It adds an uncomfortable 'who's this thought from' which I also enjoy.
Honestly, my only gripes were the updated/inconsistent terminology he knows and the dialog spacing. I love the story and your writing style is actually enjoyable to read.
Ah, the famed wolf wood maybe ?
Thanks for the chapter, as always.
Wait, I'm a bit confused. This scene is yet to occur, so that means Prey already knows that both shimmer and the other guard are dead. So either more guards will come in the future, or there is more about the border guards we don't know, more then simply shimmer being a changeling.
Or maybe I'm just reading way too much into it and it's just a small error.
10216903
To answer your query: that Scene was a forward flash. The Border Guards Prey is referring to are Shimmer and Atlas, since yes, Shimmer does count as a Border Guard in Prey's book, even if he was secretly a changeling. Also, I didn't want to go giving out big spoilers like that right at the start of this Arc. 😆
Error Report: The father in you looked, the thicker and deeper they got. (farther or further)
This was very spooky. But I cannot help but feel like it would have been spookier and more mysterious without the flash forward at the start.
10747493
Yeah, that has been a staple comment to me about the flash forwards. Live and learn I guess, huh?
Why yes , my name is Very Luck, it’s a Samoan name
Honestly say I haven't had a story that gave me a chill in years and I can't wait to see where this goes
10860461
Thanks. 😊 It was some amazing fun to write, and an inspiring challenge to do.
Uhhhh are we sure scenic paint isn't a cannibal? Why does he like his marefried?
I fully expected this in preys poem considering the tone of the rest of the book.
disapproved
Something he got from absorbing Snake? Certainly seems like something the Zebra Resistance Leader would say/think.
11197069
Snake was one of the 3 Resistance leaders, but yes, it is a learned behaviour on Prey's part you could say.