This is a story about a sheep. A little sheep, locked deep in prison, put there by ponies. He doesn't want to be there, but then he's had to do a lot of things he doesn't want to. It's a shame he deserves to be in there.
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It took me half the chapter to realize this was someoneβs memories.
My final judgment is that prey Is true neutral.
I think Randy lives so thatβs nice, I think.... but hey return of the ISND.
Ooh, we're back in Night Guard business, nice. Looking forward to the next update
I like this development.
Lets see where the road takes them.
This has a lot of potential to create interesting plot points.
Keep up the gold work. π
another amazing chapter. I love the perspective change for this chapter and let me just say for this being a first attempt you pulled it off amazingly well. I can't wait for the next update!
Honestly loved this chapter, lots of good character building and I didn't catch any obvious spelling/grammar mistakes. Very excited to see this continue.
I really enjoyed lemons interactions with randy, itβs also really nice that randy gets to live and possibly go on more dates with lemon
I was nearly about to shout obscenities at Prey. Thankfully, he proved he's a better person than even he seems to think he is. I hope Lemon gets to grow into this new person for her only friendly contact in the universe.
First time in a long time a story gave me actual chills, and doubly impressive that it did so with only text, without the aid of a score or visuals. I really believed Prey was going to have Lemon Pink kill the poor sap, and that feeling didn't go away after Prey rescinded his order. The whole scene felt like a wrecking ball bursting through one wall and going out the other leaving us to stew in an awkward air of terror.
It's also a feat to create and flesh out a character in just one chapter like this. It's a great sign when an author can make the audience fall in love with a character on such short notice, reminds me of how Hirohiko Araki of JoJo's Bizarre Adventure fame spontaneously reinvented Iggy from stupid coffee gum fart dog to omni-beloved hero, in the span of a single fight.
That scene wouldn't nearly be as effective if I didn't want to see Lemon Pink and her little boyfriend end up happy. You made me care about Randy Pickaxe and his plight, you bastard. Lemon Pink may feel little of anything about anything now, but I can't help but hope for her to evolve into her own person.
The shift away from Prey's perspective in combination with this desire to see her grow puts the audience, for the first time really, into a position where Prey is our sort-of enemy, and it's a shocking change of perspective. Being on the receiving end, even indirectly, puts his villainy into much less abstract terms than usual. Living in Prey's head makes you think about Prey's actions like Prey does, understanding that they're bad only in abstract terms; always excusing them as a necessary evil. It's refreshing in a stressful sort of way to feel Prey's evil first hand.
To do all this while departing from the relative comfort zone of Prey's narration and to venture out to this series of vignettes style of storytelling only compounds how much of a knockout this chapter was. Who knew that the humble story of a simple nervous gardener falling in love with a mind thrall robot would be amongst the very best chapters in the whole 800K word fic while coming off the tail end of the climactic magical showdown with vigilante paladin cultists.
Bravo, truly.
With total honesty, I picked this story up the summer of 2020 and Iβve followed it faithfully everyday since. Every chapter. Reviewed every word. Developed my own theories, picked up on slight references to previous chapters. This is single handedly, my favorite story on this site and could very well be one of my top three stories ever. Iβd be a dream to hold a physical copy of this one day and I will patiently wait ever eager for the next chapter. An absolute dream this story has been. Thank you and I canβt wait for it to continue
Error Report:
The ducks quaked in the pond, (quacked)
I am fine as you can see, thankyou."
He sat, and enjoyed the companionable silence as the ducks qwacked and the trees swayed. (quacked)
facing forwards, "H-Hell Lemon."
'Huh? Thankyou? For what?'
"You are my friend." There is nothing wrong with this but the intense spike of emotion I felt reading this needs to be mentioned. I literally stopped, put my hand on my heart, and muttered a happy little "oh no." In fact most of this chapter had me wearing a big happy smile at the shear raw wholesomeness and saccerine nature of Randy and Pink's relationship, at least from Randy's point of view. I do have some hopes that this will help Pink become more of a complete person maybe even develop actual affection for Randy, after all the subject of this story does seem to be that "You are never to tarnished or broken to be better, even if it's hard" so there's always a chance of a good end there.
Though I must admit I chuckled a bit when I realized my joke about Pink having a colt friend turned out to be true.
This one had the feel of a SAC episode of Ghost In The Shell. Very rarely do freshly introduced characters have any weight to them but you managed it :D
Well, that's a start!
I get the feeling that this arc is gonna bring some massive character growth
That....was a rollercoaster of emotions. Great work!
would say this chapter was still above average outside of the "arc enders" . Would not say no again for a future chapter in the same style if it fits in proper
Tsss, another loose end.
I mean uh... great! No one died! Happy!
it was pretty good, open to the last moment, I also think this kind of action will serve him well in the end, he'll get caught, no other way around, he won't be able to escape this. And somehow, everyone will know what he had done today, and it will be good, a good proof of Prey being ruthless just to survive and not for kicks.
you also managed to make a random new character interesting, that's a nice skill, I think bringing him in only to kill him would just be drama fuel, even if it could work out.
Good chapter, always a good chapter.
Lemon Pink will remember that.
As many have previously stated you are a master word weaver and I think this is an amazing chapter. I am sure we would all love it if you end u doing another chapter like this
There is nothing I can add that wasnβt already said....astounding. Completely out of left field and yet... it fit perfectly in the story...
"Khe-khe-khe-khe."
'I didn't murder anyone today.'
Really, what a stupid thing to be happy about.
Ps: it seems Pink has her own little Crimson
Prey's heart grew three sizes that day.
Then promptly shrunk two sizes down due to the Jaw of Hearts.
Thanks for all the work that's put into this. Really appreciate it!
The dreaded Hell lemon. Some say that it's so sour, every sphincter in your body will seal shut from proximity alone.
Oh thank f***. Finally, something happy in this pic that prey doesn't f*** up. I'm also happy that lemon is becoming a person. She deserves it, after all the s*** prey put her through.
Huh. You know, it's funny...
I went from "Who's this earth pony guy and why should I care?" to "If anything happens to Randy I'm killing everyone and then myself." In a span of a single chapter.
Really shows just what kind of a talent you wield.
Also, oh, how I wish my work would look so without an editor.
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my thoughts exactly
10619957
I would spend exactly 5 minutes at the edge of the Deeper Green for a physical copy of this fic.
... I can't lie to myself, there's no way in hell I'd go within 100 miles of the edge of that place.
This is easily one of my favourite chapters and I fucking love Randy! I'm also glad that this is the secret thing Lemon Pink has been up to, making a friend, and I love that she isn't in love with him just curious and interested. But there is something there as she made the decision not to use her magic with the cushion and instead went for a hoof on approach. I also have to mention that I really like the test Prey did. He needed to make sure Lemon Pink was still his tool and she was willing/starting to kill Randy just like Prey ordered. If possible I hope Lemon Pink will have more loyalty to Prey since he rewarded her with Randy's life after she proved her loyalty to Prey.
Side note-
I really want someone who knows nothing of this story, Pret and a lamb, to read just this chapter to see what their reactions would be.
I've been thinking about this fact for a while, and it certainly wouldn't be the first time Prey opposes what would ultimately be in his best interest, but letting Lemon Pink develop into her own person isn't a matter of trading her effectiveness for some abstract sense of doing the right thing.
Letting her develop would make her a more effective tool from a pragmatic perspective. Lemon Pink's biggest pitfall is just how heavy-handed her solutions are without Prey's wise guidance. Between Rocky Bed and the Diamond Dog pack, plus a plethora of small characterizations, there's a clear sense that Lemon Pink can't inject any creativity or subtlety into her problem solving on account of having a robot brain.
It's not a matter of Lemon Pink being more callous or brutal than Prey, he can be every bit as heartless, but her solutions tend to backfire because of how reckless they were. If we divorce ourselves entirely from any moral considerations, was kidnapping Rocky Bed the best or even fastest way of getting in contact with Prey? You're revealing to the guard that there is a mind mage in the city of Canterlot, and that's potentially horrible in the long run. Lemon Pink is intelligent in the same way my calculator can crunch integrals really quickly, but unfortunately, Lemon Pink's strategic skills are also on par with my TI-84.
Of course, Prey's biggest concern with Lemon Pink's autonomy would be her being able to betray him, but honestly, I don't see that happening even long term. Lemon Pink is living in Prey's Worldβ’, which means people will come after her and she'll have to fight back, but it's not like she can get away from all that by leaving Prey to fend for himself, once you're in Prey's Worldβ’ you can't leave. Those cultists were actually coming after Lemon Pink since they had no idea Prey was the mastermind. They weren't going to leave her alone if she abandoned Prey. It's in Lemon Pink's rational best interest to defend Prey and collaborate with him. By circumstance of fate, they are trapped in the same dingy boat. Lemon Pink could be completely autonomous and even without any sense of camaraderie she would be a staunch ally of Prey because it's her best shot to live. And she would be every bit as apprehensive to let Prey die as Prey was to let her be killed by the cultists at the end of the last arc. Even when his life was at risk he didn't make a deal since she's his greatest tool, and is practically irreplaceable.
I hope Prey can see that too, because ultimately I want him to be happy, amongst everyone else including Lemon Pink. The only path I see for Prey to be happy is one where everyone else gets to be happy too. And I don't mean that as some moralizing platitude to admonish Prey with, violence has just historically failed to resolve Prey's predicament, he has to try another approach. And that approach ties into what I'm suspecting, and I'm going to go out on a limb here, to be the central theme.
The central theme of the story is: Friendship.
On the surface, that almost sounds like a joke considering the main character is a sociopathic murderer. And it is very funny, but only because of how well it'd be done. Prey's greatest desire just to be free and safe, and his only path toward that may be to find true allies and put his trust into them. The cycle of violence seems to genuinely be unresolvable without Prey's death, but it's in large part because he has no one to turn to. And it's not framed as some personal failing of Prey that he's alone, he's not just being stubborn or foolish, his grievances and mistrust in pony society are legitimate, but nonetheless, Prey has to learn to trust others (not everyone just a couple someones) or eventually the former resolution will come to pass. This is where Crimson comes in, we've already seen Prey's life be saved by Crimson before they even considered each other friends. Crimson would probably remain Prey's best friend, but he's also a sort of microcosm or prototype for Prey's future. Lemon Pink making friends with Randy Pickaxe would only play into that since it's helping her become her own individual little by little. I don't know how specifically, but I get the sense that if Prey just had a handful more Crimsons in his life, maybe he could finally get what he truly wants. In the long term maybe he'll grow to appreciate Lemon Pink, he's already had to stop himself from feeling grateful to her for saving his life, maybe he'll win over Gloom, and the others in the ISND. Maybe in the very long term, he could even broker something out with Luna. An arduous process that could implode at any step and turn this tale into an abrupt tragedy, but it could also be his only chance.
Ultimately if this is accurate the greatest amount of humor is from the fact that the fic would be completely clowning on the original show, where friendship is a source of magical power to be cynically weaponized against your enemies, but here it would be built up, in a mature and convincing manner, as something valuable and important.
10619957
You bet. The single greatest chapter is, in my opinion, the wolf wood one. I am so very impressed at how terrifying it felt to read it.
Wow this was well written.
Some suggested edits in bold.
What a great quote! I do like this chapter quite a bit. Glad Prey didn't have Randy killed, that would be a little more heavy-hoofed than his normal approaches. If he needed to punish Lemon, it would make sense. But, he doesn't, because Lemon is his tool.
Revealing Prey is not all heartless? Oooh, I feel like further along Prey would have enough redeeming qualities for a redemption arch. But a redemption arch with what Prey's done feels like it would ruin the story. I hope this story never ends because I can't help but feel it's going to have a bad or bittersweet ending, and I like neither of those...
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Thank you for the editing help! π Hopefully my editor will be better soon, but thanks. No more Hell Lemon, with the sourness of a thousand anguished demons. π
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Well, it seems the 'simple earth pony Randy' was a hit. Not sure if he'll be a main character per say, but he'll be there. π
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Yep, next time, we are going right back into proceeding with the main story and getting things going. π
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As you say, seeing Prey from the other side, it's not so innocent anymore. A reversal. π As said before, Prey is not the "good" guy. You can understand and empathise, but you don't sympathise.
(Glad you liked the chapter as well, too)
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Yes, all those people who guessed Lemon's secret was having a friend or a crush actually turned out to be right. I was biting my lip at the time when people were guessing right, because I couldn't give out spoilers. π
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πππ X3 - β€β€ X2 = π
10619957
"Aww, sucks, thank ye'."
Itβs here,I called it, a chapter focusing on the plights of Lemon Pinkβs life. Iβd knew Iβd love it.
Itβs been said already but just to restate it; this perspective shift really deepens the characters and witnessing the causality of timeline events even more so.
For having little to no matured emotions, Lemon sure does invoke so many.
Really did an amazing job on this chapter lambs Prey, from structure, pacing and emotions-real good quality stuff right there.
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Friendship.
"No greater love have a man than this, that he lay down his life for another."
Except, Prey isn't willing to do that for Crimson. Almost anything else, but not die for Crimson. Not yet. Maybe, someday, but... No. Prey is terrified of death. But Crimson is his friend... So the question then is, how much does he love Crimson? (As a friend)
with this prey not only got control over lemon but real loyalty incase lemon develops more free will
10620788
Prey certainly isn't done growing (except physically). From a mechanical perspective, he needs to change himself to be able to make genuine friends, rather than just conning people into being on his side. But also from a cathartic storytelling perspective Prey must earn his happy ending by becoming someone who deserves one, because right now he certainly isn't.
I didn't mean to imply otherwise, what I meant about the story not bashing Prey is that oftentimes media, especially cartoons aimed at children, but adult-oriented entertainment too, make a character take the center stage and then proceed to browbeat them. Like A Christmas Carol but most times sloppier; The character in these types of stories acts completely ridiculous to the point of caricature and the universe then conspires to batter them into submission till they learn the overly spelled out lesson. This fic doesn't do that with Prey, instead choosing a more nuanced approach to showing how he's both wrong and right and that his perspective isn't just him acting intentionally obstinate for seemingly no reason.
Prey has to be better, but I understand fully how he got to be the way he is. I want to see him overcome the shittiest hand ever dealt that is his life. If everyone deserves a second chance, we should give Prey his first.
This chapter specifically is a very good reminder of how Prey doesn't deserve to get a happy ending yet. He didn't kill Randy, but I'm not convinced Prey wouldn't have had her go through with it, should her responses have displeased him the slightest amount more. One peep out of her and he wouldn't have stopped her, maybe he would've killed both of them. Plus Prey still invaded Randy's home, knocked him out, and had Lemon strangle him almost until he died just to ensure he still had total control over her. And he already has that rune on her throat that would pop her head like a balloon he could use anytime. I almost forgot to mention that Prey read his mind and then erased his memories, I've become desensitized to the idea but it bears reiterating how ultimate a violation of privacy and autonomy that is. Prey managed to be more ruthless than Garrow without spilling even a drop of blood. Prey is an abuser; he was abused and now he abuses everyone else, and he has to change that.
A cycle of violence and a cycle of abuse; π΄.
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Taken from Bicycle Races from Queen:
"I want to ride my bi-cy-CLE, I want to ride my biiike!~" π΅
π΅ "I want to ride rough shod over whom-ev-er I liiike!~"
π΅"~You say bark, I say bite. You say Wrong, I say Right."
"Don't believe in Har-mon-y! Re-demp-tion kind or Pon-y-dom!~" π΅
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...agreed
DID SOMEONE PICK UP THE PHONE BECAUSE I FUCKING CALLED IT.
lemon pink is breaking her shackles. I cannot wait to see how it turns out
Is there a reason there's a hyphen after the chapter and arc numbers?
Has anyone else been wondering what Gloom has been doing while this is happening?
That ending reminds me of this: