This is a story about a sheep. A little sheep, locked deep in prison, put there by ponies. He doesn't want to be there, but then he's had to do a lot of things he doesn't want to. It's a shame he deserves to be in there.
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let hope twilight sparkle doesn't find it then she obsesse about cracking it
sweet chapter!
Cekestia
Great chapter! I hope the action starts coming soon.
9577851
I really hope she does.
9577851
Why would she be in canterlot?
9577996
If there’s a magic mystery, a certain purple unicorn is near by
9577936
That's on me. I'm the proofreader, I'm supposed to catch these things. Obviously, I failed
I do my best & I like to think that I get MOST of the mistakes, but I'm not perfect
9577936
Hello, thank you for pointing out that mistake. It is a great help.
9578725
Oh, it’s alright!
9578756
Your welcome
9578396
MAYBE
This story is going by 1 season on the show = about 1 year
This means that Lesson Zero is during year 2.
This in turn means that Twilight sent at least 1 letter a week until then.
This STRONGLY implies that there were at least a few adventures not seen on the show
(As does the number of scrolls sent to Spike during Return of Harmony)
Lambs Prey has his plans, although he does say in the story description that the Mane 6 will mostly be off stage
I hope you are happy with this. I lost a great deal of sleep binge reading.
Really great story so far. I'm looking forward to the 'town by the everfree' that you hinted at.
9582818
Well, it is encouraging to know that you would trade sleep for reading enjoyment (I think?) So thanks 😅
As for the Everfree Village hints, well, I've hinted at lots and lots of things. All in good time, it shall be revealed.
Finally caught up.
I expected some edgy stuff with an OC that goes way too angry before getting hit by a friendship rainbow that would make a 180 for his personality.
I never expected material of this quality.
I'll give you my undivided attention.
9593176
Well thanks, it's nice to hear you enjoyed the story so far and that it's good. 😊 (EvenIfIDoSaySoMySelf) But I may be a wee bit biased.
I did try when starting out writing this to Not do what I disliked in all the other FiM:Fictions I'd read.
Thanks 🍍
9593235
More please
I think you mean "misnomer", a misdemeanor is a minor crime.
10054097
Ah, yeah that's probably what I meant. Thanks 😆
10054279
Isn't it more of an oxymoron?
Edits in b-b-b-bold.
Depot has a t thanks to its French/latin heritage.
10177965
As always, once again, many thanks. 👍
Is that you, Scotsman?
it's odd that I've been in this story for this long and I dont know where its headed
I'm starting to get really tired of seeing things from preys perspective im ngl.
The dude is so smug and arrogant about shit that other people had no reasonable way to even consider. This story needs someone kicking his ass ASAP because an asshole marty stu is what he's starting to come off as.
I hope he displays at least one redeeming characteristic in the next handful of chapters or I'll have to give the rest of this a hard pass.
I genuinely fucking hate this character rn. So smug, so arrogant, so cocky, so hateful towards people who are literally nothing but nice to him. And i get its "in character" but you're writing a dickhead.
Edit: ALSO HE LITERALLY KEEPS SAYING THE SAME THREE THINGS OVER AND OVER AGAIN and not even applying logic to any of the situations he's in.
Second edit: also your pacing is way too slow, this story is going NOWHERE.
I'm sure you're interested in the day to day mundanities of a sociopaths life, but I'd rather events occur in the stories i read
sheep do have a sensitive sense of smell but there is no precedent suggesting the level of physical capabilities prey displays outside of his hearing.
Are his senses runically enhanced? he normally shouldnt be able to "smell poison" in his food.
I get the character of it, but its not logical
10591716
Well, if it's too slow for you, perhaps this story isn't the one for you. It is over 800K long. It's about slow Character and World development, so, yeah... Might want to seriously consider whether or not you want to quit now. It's up to you, but don't read something if you don't enjoy it. That's a waste of time.
Minor spoilers: There isn't a lot of sudden action that doesn't have build up and set up before hand. It happens, but it is at the pace I wrote it as. *Shrug* Long stories are not eveyone's cup of tea. ☕
As a sort of disclaimer, I wrote this story for fun, and how I felt like writing it. I like to think I've improved and learnt a lot, (first story), but it is a learning experience. *Shrugs again*
10591716
I'm actually enjoying this story because he's a sociopath with a superiority complex and borderline narcissistic personality disorder. He thinks he has Luna fooled, and he may very well for now, all she has to do read one report from his time in Dreverton or a single report from the Solar Guard or Celestia tell her sister about his war crimes and this house of cards he's building will come crashing down. I want his secret to get out. Yes, we are dealing a bit with an unreliable narrator concerning his past. Remember, sociopaths don't just start carving people up, they have something that pushes them from being mildly manipulative into violence first, even if it's not much of a push. I don't want him to get reformed, I want him to become the outlaw he's been for decades, I want him to hunted and hounded across the land by every military and law enforcement force, I want his last stand to be him standing on top of a burning building and scream to the sky "Look at me ma! Top of the world!".
10591737
I get that his honed sense of smell when regarding poisons is his time making all the various poisons. When you spend enough time making all the ways to kill someone horrifically with chemicals, you kinda understand how they smell in food.
10721733
Also some poisons like night shade can give you hives if touches skin or if anof to kill breathed in.
Ah, a reference from the Hobbit. A person of great taste in stories, I see.
10591757
Too right man. It sounds like this fella is impatient as hell and doesn't know the concept of slow character development or world building or this is how a villain character thinks and feels.
I swear people who get upset over this sort of thing. Are the people that pissed me off to no end. Especially if they don't read the description of what kind of story they're reading and what they're getting themselves into. It's so asinine.
Besides they think this story is slow going. Try reading the original Lord of the Rings or The Last Unicorn novels. This story is light when compared to those works of classic literature. That's for damn sure.
yea. if they were still alive, but you dont know that.
Chills <3
11005238
😈😈😈
I've honestly noticed many very small mistakes but have been just devouring this instead of sharing. (And I didn't want to sound hella nitpicky each time I found something =\ )
I will share two, however, before I go to bed:
In this chapter, you switched from "timber wolves" to "timberwolves". It maintained consistency after the switch, barring once or twice.
Randomly you'll have "we'll" instead of "well", or the other way around. Same with "were" and "we're".
He wrote his code in Gnomish? Not a bad idea actually. Artemis Fowl would approve.
While I'm finally taking the time to comment, I dismissed this story initially due to the description and cover art, figuring it was just another "ponies are racist dickheads to the MC- who's not really a bad guy, just misunderstood. Basically fanfiction junk food.
I did not account for an unreliable narrator.
He seems like a cross between Tanya Degurachaff, and Light Yagami, with a side of paranoid delusion. I love it.
11874118
😅