This is a story about a sheep. A little sheep, locked deep in prison, put there by ponies. He doesn't want to be there, but then he's had to do a lot of things he doesn't want to. It's a shame he deserves to be in there.
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Teeth are bad for your arms.
I wonder what this new Arc is going to bring to the table. so excited : D
interesting that prey own agenda is moving forward, also the rivalry between the guard units could be to his advantage later, i really want prey at some point to meet the element of harmony, espically pinky pie she freak him out as much as luna
Things are getting spicy awesome chapter
Nice chapter, as always.
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Arc's probably going to bring something darker
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Slice of Life is one of the Tags of this story, and it is very much a part of this. Other people aside from Prey exist, with their own agendas. Like the two different Guard units who are growing increasingly standoffish. Where will it end though? Or break? π
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the question i say is what will prey do to break it :p
Zoma'Gricka? Thats new, what is it?
A few things that have been puzzling me about the story so far are,
1) Is Preyβs grimdark view of the world correct and the ponies are just too blind and naive to see it. Or is his biased opinion of the world influencing how he sees and reads other peopleβs actions and body language. Because at the moment the narrative weβre portrays the Princess in a very unflattering light. If this is a case of his own world view warping how he views other people intentions or just him not having all the information, then this is probably the best story narrative from a characters point of view I have ever read. The immersion of it is amazing.
2) What would happen to Prey if he was hit with the Elements of Harmony?
3) How will he react to the traditional villains of the show, ex. Discord, Chrysalis, Tirek, especially Grogar.
4) I wonder what his opinion on Cadence would be?
Iβm honestly not expecting an answer anytime soon, Iβm enjoying the ride and hope it doesnβt end to soon. Great chapter.
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Well, I always look forward to reading you insightful breakdowns, it makes for an interesting read. π
As you said, for most of those questions, you will have to wait and see as it is revealed. I do intend to answer 3 if not all 4 of those questions at some point in the stories future, so I guess there is that! Hmm, Cadence and Discord....π Currently, I don't think Prey even knows Cadence exists. She was kinda' kept very quiet until she suddenly appeared for the wedding arc.
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Thank you for the compliment. It sometimes feels like I go on a rant whenever I talk about something I find interesting. My family tell me I am prone to over analyzing and over thinking the tiniest of details in a story. Though this means I often lose sight of the big picture, I have sometimes correctly predicted foreshadowed knowledge the writer has put in.
I really do enjoy reading this story everything from the morally grey protagonist, the setting, the special detective/indentured servant plot thatβs on going. My favorite part is just reading how Prey interacts with the other characters.
The βPeopleβ vs βPoniesβ argument between Prey and Gloom is both humorous and interesting. An argument could be made in favor of Prey that by using the words Pony and Ponies in conversation when talking about other people, a misconception is made that the person/people that are being discussed are themselves Ponies. In this latest chapter for example when they were talking about the report on Wheat Field having employed others to spy on his competition I noticed that since they used pony and ponies in their vocabulary instead of people and person, Gloom and anyone else that would have read that report would automatically assumed the spies were of the Pony race.
This seems like a very noticeable broken telephone effect, criminals could use. If a goat robbed someone and the person he robbed didnβt get a good look at him, then the victim would tell the authorities a pony was the one who did the crime. This would immediately throw suspicion off the actual culprit.
I've run out of story and am now sad ;_;. Wish I could upvote it more than once. This story is one of my favorites out of all I've ever read on the site.
Prey's problem is thus: Societies are groups of people that gather and organize in order to improve their lives. He always whines about ponies having it better, but they got what they have by working hard yet all he does is killing and brain-frying anyone that pisses him off as he bumbles around in a world his betters created. Prey and his family were living in a more primitive style, but is it a bad life? The dad was 'not a great guy' and the mom was sweet but stupid (typical ewe). If hard working people elsewhere eat better food, Prey has to blame only himself and the society his ancestors were responsible for creating. Not a bunch of others living far away. If he's got any character development in his future, he's going to have to learn to stop thinking like a warrior-tribe animal and pick up a high-trust civilized mindset. Or go back to the jungle where his attitude might actually work.
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As I've commented before (somewhere), Prey is not a nice person. Or sheep I suppose.
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Have you ever read Charlotte's Web? If you think about it, that world is pretty damn Grimdark.
What do spiders eat? In this world, bugs are intelligent & Charlotte is a vampire (or at least a ghoul) who lives by murder.
Charlotte lays eggs. Where is Mr. Charlotte? Given spider biology, I think we all KNOW where Mr. Charlotte went, don't we?
Wilbur is a prisoner under sentence of death by those who intend to EAT him after he is murdered
And yet, it's a children's book!? Why, how? Because Wilbur is a very naΓ―ve & rather self centered person.
He just doesn't think very deeply about motives & he doesn't connect things.
To him, Charlotte wants to help him so Charlotte is good & never mind why (IMO, guilt?) or what she eats.
IMO, in this verse, Equestria is like the farm (much going on under the surface) and the ponies are like Wilbur
.Prey is more like the rats (been awhile since I read this & ICR the head rat's name), more aware of the under currents
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I think the Rats name was Temple or Templeton? Something like that.
Prey will be in for a surprise if he's still a conscript when Discord is freed...actually, scratch that. He'll probably never have reason to acknowledge the Elements until Tirek shows up. Discord was dealt with in Ponyville, the Changelings were repelled by the power of Love (although I really can't wait for him to learn about Cadence, and his reaction to learning Celestia was defeated), the Crystal Empire was saved thanks to the Crystal Heart, Twilight's ascension is notable but he'll immediately connect that with Unicorns being crazy powerful (this will shake up his belief that alicorns are immortal goddesses, though, and perhaps he'll pull a Sunset Shimmer and try to become the sheep equivalent), and the Tree of Harmony is in the Everfree (if he learns of the diarchs being subdued, though, he will have even more reason to question their power). But even then...Tirek was also defeated in Ponyville. Maybe he'll see the girls when they go Rainbow, but...unless he's ever in Ponyville during an event or he sees proof through someone's memory, he will always have reason to believe the Elements of Harmony are just a ruse.
What have you done to get on the List, Big Fields?!
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π Yeah, Prey is a very paranoid little sheep. With a ribbon. Don't forget the ribbon!
But again, Prey's biased in his views. Just because he'd never tell the truth about the elements if he were in Celestia's horse shoes, doesn't mean it isn't the truth. He just doesn't understand that. Prey's character lies all the time, it's a defence mechanism by now.
As for Changelings, Cadance, Twilight ascension, and all that.... It'll come. It'll happen. But probably not in the way you expect! "I have plans..."
All will be revealed in time. Including Big Fields. (Pity the poor Big Fields)
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If you thought Prey was paranoid NOW, just wait until he knows of the changelings. Alternatively, a changeling will fuck up and send him off the deep end by turning into his mother or brother. In the end, it was never mentioned whether or not changelings feed off of romantic or familial love, or any type of love. Also, he may just be straight up poison to the changelings, or the first to notice their infiltration due to mind reading.
Personally, I enjoy the fact that you actually never get to see what Celestia is really like in this fic. Is she what Prey thinks she is? Is she what the ponies think of her? Or maybe she's neither of those and just wants what's best for everyone, but ponies just get stuck up because two confirmed goddesses look like them and not, say, a dragon or a sheep.
I don't hate Celestia in this fic, and I like it.
More suggestions for your perusement.
A note here, that traditionally, drill commands are prounounced differently then they are spelled. For example, attention is prounounced as "tench-hut!" and forward march (really just the word march) is pronounced "Forward, harch!" My personal favorite is tothe rear, which is prounounced "to the rip, harch!" Interestingly, in calling cadence, one, two, three, and four are actually prounced "hup, twoop, threep, fourp" with a light p sound on the end. For some reason.
Also, traditionally, the command to salute, with or without weapons would be "pre-sent, arms!"
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π Thank you for the suggestions, (and also the correction in bold), and I do appreciate suggestions, but I don't think I'll change the written pronunciation of the Guards orders this time. Simply because, to you (and now me since I've read your explanation), we know what it means, but to someone whose just reading, without any sort of military knowledge, they'll be confused by what I've written.
"Aten'hut" is similar enough to "Attention" That someone everyone can subconsciously read the connection without interrupting their rhythm.
"Present Arms" and then they all salute would require a tacked on explanation for why, since they haven't got any weapons.
But I will bear it in mind for the future and writing any Guard scenes, and thanks for the suggestions anyway, even if they weren't used this time. Sorry. π
Err, what?
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Oops.
Error Report: Gloom had little patience for though, "Hurry up." (multiple possible fixes, adding 'him' or 'this' as well as removing 'for though)
This line right here made me realize how small-time prey actually is.
Considering Celestia is mostly a jobber in the actual show
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Yep, it goes something like this:
πPrey fears Celestia.
πCelestia doesn't even know Prey exists.
I wonder, is he going to make Big Fields commit suicide, turn him into a drooling vegetable or hollow his mind out and make another slave?
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Well, that question might take a while in the story to answer. You've got a ways to go yet. π
Hey!!!, why does the narrator discriminate me? jajaja <3
jajajajaja nice one Luna!!; poor Gloom xd
uffff Brutal!!!!!!
you're genius!!!! how i love you
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I always thought the Mane 6 were absurdly lucky to not die horribly twenty different ways with how unprepared and just plain dumb they were in all their decision making. Of course, that is because it's a cartoon and that is the story-verse logic.
jajajajaja ;)
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Amen on that. Especially during The Movie or Crystal Empire. The latter would have even been directly Celestia's fault for how unprepared she sent Twilight. With orders that would have caused failure if she'd followed them to the letter.
Would you still like feedback about typos and such? Let me know for chapters I still haven't read, but for now:
was needed
tons, and the whole phrase is "tons of work to do."
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Why yes I still do, thank you. If you come across anything like that, please do let me know. π
"gravest thee". *Giggle.* That tripped me up a bit.
"element barer's" should be "Element bearer's".
"were oh so clean" is properly formatted as "oh-so clean".
"sadistic murderer's" doesn't need an apostrophe. Something about ownership. I best remember it as changing it to "is", "was", or whatever the apostrophe brings in.
I really like how this chapter ended!
And gods Prey has so much more patience than I give him credit for. Topaz had that coming for a long time now.
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Thanks once again for those corrections that; "Thou gravest me". π Now implemented them. Have a good day.