Paul's Thursday Reviews CCCXLVII · 4:59pm Dec 28th, 2023
A belated Merry Christmas and an early Happy New Year!
We’re going to be hosting a party at my parents’ place in a few hours. See, when my niece Evangeline had her birthday a couple months back, she couldn’t really have a party or anything. My dad, feeling that needed correcting, informed her that his birthday is on Christmas, so when she came to visit they could have a joint birthday party with all the cousins. And that’s today. She is appropriately excited.
I’ve taken on a sort of playful villain role when Evy’s around. Uncle Jeremy doesn’t like to share; Uncle Jeremy wants to keep Evy all to himself; Uncle Jeremy wants to eat Evy’s dessert. Silly things like that. She always gives me little lectures about why I’m wrong and I need to behave myself. But then she’ll turn around and let me have a necklace (“It’s okay, Evy can give Uncle Jeremy a gift he doesn’t have to share.”), or spend more time with me (“Uncle Jeremy can keep me all for himself for a little while.”), or gives me a bite of her cookie (“You can have some!”). It is disgustingly cute.
It’s also a win all around; I get to play the “bad guy”, she gets to prove she’s a good kid, and my sister and parents get a break. The latter is the most important, because Evy is an active kid that never stops talking. You forget that when you haven’t had her around for a while (My sister, in utter exhaustion: “I never get to forget.”)
(I pause this blog to inform you that Evy has informed me that our dog Buster is sniffing a snail and her hands are sticky from eating pancakes.)
The house is quite full at the moment. My sister is taking my room and Evy’s got the guest room. My grandmother has taken to sleeping in her chair in the living room. That leaves me sleeping on a blow-up mattress in the study. I don’t mind, that thing’s surprisingly comfortable. No windows though as it is the center room of the house. I like not having to worry about light, but it’s odd when it’s totally dark and you check your phone to discover it’s 9:30 in the morning.
(Update: Buster has magnanimously decided not to eat the snail.)
I haven’t done much writing this month. Partially because I’m being lazy this holiday season, but also because it’s kind of hard to do when you’ve got a five-year-old who wants attention all the time. I don’t mind though, because I got so far ahead with my writing schedule in November that if I didn’t write another word I’d end the year still ahead.
(Update: The hands are washed. I repeat, the hands are no longer sticky.)
Speaking of: I’ve written over 400,000 words this year. That’s more than 140k greater than last year and 50k more than 2021. I’m feeling pretty good about it. Here’s hoping I can keep up that momentum next year and hit, say, 500k. At this rate I see no reason to believe the Guppy Love originalfication won’t be out next year.
(Update: Uncle Jeremy is a silly dodo.)
I’m still debating what to do next. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I might put it up to a vote. Let the public decide. Normally I’m opposed to this kind of thing, but when I’m genuinely interested in all the potential stories I can see no reason not to let someone else make the choice for once. If I did do it, I’d probably limit it to some shorts that have been on my mind.
(Update: Evy-chan is now Rapunzel. Her much-protesting mother is apparently Mother Gothel.)
That’s all I’ve got for this blog, and this year! Maybe next time I’ll do a proper “by the numbers” review, but I dunno. Depends on where I’m at then. See you all in 2024. Let’s get to the reviews!
Stories for This Week:
Do Your Research by Moproblems Moharmoney
The Lady Killer Killers by SwordTune
Twilight Sparkle Vs. The Equestrian Cutie Mark Constellation Registry by Estee
Seneschal by Kris Overstreet
Long-Distance by Bicyclette
Winter Bells by Pen Stroke
The Jump by Glimglam
A&E: The Case of the Obsessive Compulsive Disorderer by Doccular42
Fallout: Equestria - Echoes of the Ministries by Banjo64
Dawn by Arcelia
Total Word Count: 211,801
Rating System
Why Haven't You Read These Yet?: 2
Pretty Good: 5
Worth It: 3
Needs Work: 0
None: 0
Do Your Research
1,145 Words
By Moproblems Moharmoney
Best Bug Mom feels as though she’s won the day at last. So why are the cocooned Celestia and Luna laughing?
I was hoping for some great comedic but intelligent reveal. What I got was… not that.
This entire story is based on the premise that Chrysalis could not possibly control the sun, and thus all her plans for conquest are flawed by default. I find this to be a nonsense argument; plenty of creatures over the seasons have demonstrated an ability to control the sun and moon. There’s clearly nothing technical about it, you just have to be magically capable enough to do it. And since Chrysalis was strong enough in love magic to defeat Celestia, it stands to reason that moving the sun and moon would pose no difficulty for her.
In Moproblems Moharmony’s defense, this is labeled as an AU and there are clearly some significant creative licenses being utilized here. For example, this is clearly meant to take place at the Canterlot Wedding, but Luna is present and cocooned (which never happened in-show).
Chrysalis also repeatedly refers to Celestia and Luna as twin siblings, which is… You know, I don’t think there’s anything canon to say otherwise? I mean, sure, it’s openly declared that Celestia is the older sister, but that could still technically be true with twins so long as you’re counting the seconds. So that one doesn’t bug me as much in retrospect as I at first thought. After all:
Also, Chrysalis gets Orbital Rainbow Cannoned to the face in this story, so yeah, absolutely AU territory.
And since it’s AU territory, I suppose we can also apply that to the concept of how controlling the sun works, i.e. it’s not as simple as having “da magicks!”. And that being the case, I suppose the determining factor here is whether or not you’re able to accept this at surface value and ignore the copious changes from established canon necessary to make the joke work. I’m sorry to say that I was not able to. But the story did get featured for a while, so that’s clearly a subjective issue. I’m willing to put it in the middle ground for my rating in light of that.
If you want to watch Chrysalis get schooled in a way that doesn’t make any sense in terms of show canon, then give this a shot. You may just be entertained.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
The Lady Killer Killers
8,886 Words
By SwordTune
A mentally unstable serial killer is targeting girls who have come to possess Equestrian magic. Sunset Shimmer is out to stop him. Seeing as his next target appears to be the Sirens, it only makes sense to join forces with her old enemies.
When I first decided to read this story, I was very curious as to why it had such a high downvote ratio. Then the first scene depicts Wallflower Blush getting her brain skewered with a knife and I’m like “Oh, that’s why.” If there’s anything that will turn off a lot of readers immediately, it’s the violent murder of a beloved character.
For those of us who don’t immediately downvote a story based on first impressions or our emotional attachments to characters, this story is quite the read. Set ten years after the events of the show, we find ourselves in a world where genius inventor Twilight Sparkle and her assistant Sunset Shimmer have been hard at work with her new company creating improvements to people’s lives, including such things as flying cars and hoverbikes. Also on the checklist: medical procedures. But toying with magic and science in relation to patients with psychological disorders? That can net you some pretty bad results.
Thus: Sunset Shimmer chasing down a murderous supervillain who has a Deadpool-style healing factor.
If you’re looking for a noir-style mystery thriller then you’ll be disappointed. This is more like indie grindhouse, focusing much more on the gritty, unpleasant lives of the Sirens and bloody violence. I find it extremely curious that Aria and Sonata work at a sleazy nightclub while Adagio is serving breakfast at an all-night diner. In some ways, the nature of the Siren’s ongoing lives is a major element of the story, second only to the actual killer hunting.
In case it’s not clear, this is a grim and dark story with little in the way of sunshine and rainbows. From the setting to the mood to the ongoing situations, SwordTune was aiming for something gritty and bleak. It does end on something resembling a lighter note, but only after the murder of potentially dozens of people (to identify only a small part of it). People looking for happier stories will want to steer clear.
I for one enjoyed it, even if I raised my eyebrows once or twice at the nonsensical bits (the nightclub body count in particular felt over the top). I wouldn’t be opposed to seeing this expanded into a proper series, one where Adagio and Sunset regularly work together to help clean up Twilight Sparkle’s recurring messes. Don’t let the poor upvote ratio deter you if you’re into these sorts of grim tales.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
Twilight Sparkle Vs. The Equestrian Cutie Mark Constellation Registry
16,026 Words
By Estee
Sequel to Blessing
Rainbow Dash decides to give all of her friends a special gift: their very own constellations! She invites Twilight Sparkle to help her, figuring the egghead and “amateur astronomer” (with published astronomical papers) can help make the whole thing just right. Twilight quickly realizes the truth: Rainbow Dash got conned. But she’s going to do something about it…
I should note that I am very pleased that Rainbow Dash thought to include Spike in the overall deal. It’s so rare to not see him overlooked in anything involving the Mane Six.
This story takes on a rather complex topic, one that goes beyond mere copyright law and false stars. Twilight is convinced that this business, the Equestrian Cutie Mark Constellation Registry, is a giant sham based on lies and deception that should be rooted out and destroyed. But problems abound, not least on account of how they are not, technically, doing anything illegal, and have the many court case transcriptions to back that up.
It is apparent that Twilight – and indeed, the author – considers the business to be inherently, fundamentally corrupt and morally repugnant. Personally, I don’t find anything particularly wrong about the underlying business. And one of the best parts about this story is that Estee, despite their clear negative view of the practice (itself inspired by a similar real-life business), goes out of the way to point out that there are two sides of this coin. The problem isn’t as black and white as Twilight wants it to be.
I genuinely love this particular line from Luna:
Fiction is nothing more than dream crystallized in ink, and so it falls under my dominion -- along with copyright law.
That’s an awesome angle and I wish I’d thought of it myself. But one thing I also appreciated:
Am I to pass a law banning belief? [...] I cannot legislate thinking, Twilight Sparkle. There is no law to bring on rationality.
With this, Estee reminds us just how challenging these subjects can be, and why there are limits to what a government can and should be allowed to do. Also, Luna is being awesome again, as she does. For some things, the best we can responsibly do is spread awareness and fight in the arena of public perception.
I greatly enjoyed this story. Even taken from the perspective of a character with a firm opinion, written by an author who shares that opinion, there is great care to remind us that there are other opinions, that there are flaws on all sides, and there is no easy, perfect solution. That for any one side to “win”, others have to lose, and some of them in painful ways that could weigh heavily on the winner’s conscience.
“But wait!”, I hear some of you saying, “What does it have to do with Blessing, to which it is supposedly a sequel?”
The answer is at once “not much” and “certainly not nothing”. Blessing was a story about the weight of the common pony’s ‘faith’ in Celestia and Luna, and how ponies will believe so very hard in a lie. Shattering that lie might take a lot of burden off the believee, but at what cost? Thematically, there is a direct and strong link between the two stories. There is also some direct correlation, as we meet a pony from the prior story who, stuck in a state of despair, found his peace through a new belief. Yes, that belief is technically a scam. But as Luna points out, if that scam allowed him to better himself, help others, and overall lead a fulfilling and positive life, is it really a bad thing?
So yes, this story is most certainly connected to its predecessor. Perhaps not in the most direct sense, but in a deeper way that isn’t typically done with these kinds of things. So Estee gets my wholehearted approval there too.
This is a complex story that provides no easy answers, but ends on a high note where Twilight and Rainbow can make peace with what they’ve learned. It is, without a doubt, one of Estee’s better works and one I am very glad to have gotten to.
Bookshelf: Why Haven’t You Read These Yet?
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
The Hypocrisy Of Tolerance — WHYRTY?
Post Negative Comments Only — WHYRTY?
Blessing — Pretty Good
Twilight's Escort Service — Pretty Good
Pony Go Boom — Pretty Good
Seneschal
9,530 Words
By Kris Overstreet
Requested by LH45
Banishing Luna to the moon crushed Celestia’s spirit, and so for the last quarter-century she’s been hiding in her room, mourning. She only comes out in public when her prime minister, Prince Pyrite of the Platinum lineage, needs her to make an appearance for one reason or another. But then a mere earth pony scribe knocks on her door, unannounced and unexpected. Young Pigeonhole has seen exactly how Prince Pyrite runs Equestria. She would like to know why Celestia is letting him get away with it.
In other words: meet the original Raven Inkwell.
Told entirely from Celestia’s perspective, this follows a princess still in deep mourning. So much so that she’s lost track of time, keeps having visions, and regularly hears Luna’s voice in her head. Pigeonhole, despite being absolutely terrified of the consequences of her actions, shows Celestia how her oh-so trusted prime minister has been fleecing the working classes for all they’re worth and then some.
The end result is a crisis of confidence for Celestia herself. She feels she isn’t ready to return to the throne, but she also feels responsible for the plight of “her little ponies”. There’s also this not-so-small fear of going down the same road Luna did in her righteous fury at her chosen minister’s actions. It is, in a sense, a story of self-examination and healing.
I rather liked it. Celestia’s methods – both her issues and her ultimate solutions – felt very “Celestia”. I also like how the characters at play are clearly intended to be ancestors to modern players, such as Prince Pyrite to Prince Blueblood or dear Pigeonhole to Raven Inkwell (I really liked Pigeonhole for reasons I’m not sure about). We’ve also got the origins of Nightmare Night, Manehattan, and Las Pegasus to boot. Equestrian historians will want to take note.
A solid overall story for fans of Celestia and, perhaps, for those looking for a little lorebuilding. Kris Overstreet entertains yet again.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Chrysalis Saves Hearth's Warming — WHYRTY?
Changeling Space Program — WHYRTY?
Rarity Dreams of Non-Electric Sheep — Pretty Good
I Don't Want to Be a Tree Anymore — Worth It
Long-Distance
13,886 Words
By Bicyclette
Requested by bobbananaville
Terrible news forces Sunset Shimmer to leave everything behind. Her school. Her apartment. Her friends. Even her girlfriend. But they’ve still got a journal and twenty years. Wallflower will do her best to make the most of them.
This has one of the most unusual pitches ever, in that the story’s front page has no description at all. The only thing it has is a quote from a review claiming it’s a great story. It seems any potential readers will have to either take the risk or rely on the words of others.
So what is the story about? Bicyclette takes great pains to avoid being direct and using Tell, so it takes a few chapters for the facts to come to light. At first all we know is that Sunset had to head back to Equestria for some unknown emergency and Wallflower couldn’t come with. But eventually, through conversations and observations, the truth unfolds: the Equestria Girls universe is a false one, and when the magic that created it runs out it and everything within it will disappear. It is heavily implied that Sunset’s presence in the human world is accelerating the process, and so she returns to Equestria to buy humanity more time. Twenty years, to be a little more specific. Why humans can’t go to Equestria and why this entire process can’t be fixed is never explained.
One has to wonder about other Equestrian visitors. Like, say, the Dazzlings.
Told entirely from the perspective of Wallflower Blush, the story follows her as she tries to go on with life while maintaining communication with Sunset via Sunset’s journal. It is entirely character-focused, with special attention paid to Wallflower’s gradual evolution as a woman under these unusual and trying circumstances. There will be highlights. There will be lowlights. Moments of sorrow and fear will come just as often as those of joy and love. It is helped immensely by the Twilights’ collaborative efforts to improve communication between the worlds without, y’know, accelerating the demise of the one.
The timeline is a critical element of the story. From the very first chapter, we are clearly told how long humanity has. The way this is described feels very intentional. It starts off as a sort of passive “oh, it’s been this long,” giving the passage of time a less demanding aspect. But then the language shifts and becomes “this is how long we have left.” It feels like a gradual thing, but when you notice it the tone of the entire story seems to subtly shift, like everyone’s now aware of the sword dangling above their heads.
Yet despite the weight of her imminent demise, Wallflower finds ways to stay positive. It’s honestly remarkable how she went from being an ever-anxious wreck at the start of the story to a confident, more assertive woman by the end.
The result was an emotional tale of making the best out of a bad situation through inevitability and – if you’ll pardon the title drop – long distance. Bicyclette’s work is a delightful story that exemplifies how to Show a hard-hitting story through meaningful dialogue, contextual narrative clues, vivid scene setting, and a firm grasp of the characters and their struggles.
And it only made fourth in its contest. I have to wonder about the qualities of whatever beat this.
Bookshelf: Why Haven’t You Read These Yet?
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Timescales — Pretty Good
Winter Bells
94,647 Words
By Pen Stroke
Sequel to Past Sins
Hearth’s Warming has come, and Celestia and Luna have decided to hold a big pageant. Twilight, all her friends, and all their families are invited! Which means it’s finally time for her adopted daughter to meet the rest of her family. This might go well. It might also be a total disaster.
I wanted a Hearth’s Warming-themed story for this week, and oh look, by sheer coinky-dink, this sequel to Past Sins was in line to be read soon! It’s a tip-tap, toe-tap, coinky-dink world, it is.
Although the story never seems to focus on any one perspective for too long, Nyx appears to be the primary protagonist. It has her meeting her “grandparents”, Night Light and Twilight Velvet, who don’t agree with Twilight raising Nyx. Not because of any objection ot Nyx herself, but out of a feeling that Twilight is too young and not yet mature enough to raise a daughter. Even so, the two of them roll with the concept quite nicely in the spirit of the holidays.
No, the real problem is Shining Armor, who is suffering severely from his past experience with the filly as Nightmare Moon. His relationship with Nyx is in many ways the driving force of the tale and gives it the majority of its drama.
And there is, of course, the villains of the piece: Column and Quick Snap. The latter is a photographer. The former is his partner and leader, who works as a living embodiment of corruption (also known as a journalist). Column is convinced that Nyx is still evil and intent on conquering Equestria and will stop at nothing to prove it. Poor Quick Snap is just sort of bumbling along with it, at least at first. While Shining provides the main drama of the tale, these two act as catalysts to make everything exponentially worse.
The story jumps perspectives a lot, though it usually keeps them contained to a scene-by-scene basis, which is fine. While I still say Nyx is the primary protagonist, the story shifts constantly towards other characters and their issues, from Twilight Velvet struggling with her career to Shining Armor struggling with his trust issues. Nothing felt too out of place, but it did feel like Pen Stroke was shining spotlights on things that didn’t necessarily need it, such as Discord appearing at the end of the story to have a showing of character growth despite his having absolutely nothing to do with the story at large.
Despite these criticisms, I have to say I consider this a better story than Past Sins itself. It felt more… “grounded”, for lack of a better word. And while it does have its tangents, I felt Pen Stroke kept things much closer to the story's target purpose and theme than its predecessor. It doesn’t hurt that Nyx is adorable and ever-fun to watch, be it at her highs or lows and especially now that the whole Nightmare Moon thing is (mostly) behind her. I especially appreciated the recurring theme of trauma recovery and familial bonds, and the whole “winter bells” thing played out nicely from start to finish.
Overall, I get the definite sense that Pen Stroke was improving as a writer with this one. I am, yet again, looking forward to the next sequel… whenever I can get to it.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Morsel of Truth — WHYRTY?
Past Sins — WHYRTY?
First Hours — Pretty Good
Nightmare or Nyx? — Pretty Good
Trinkets — Worth It
Everything is fine. Perfectly fine. Octavia just woke up this morning with a shark’s tail and dorsal fin, plus some rather menacing teeth. That’s all. Nothing to panic about. After all, it’s just a dream. Just a dream. Just a dream…
I have to wonder if the story’s title is a reference to jumping the shark.
So yeah. This is about Octavia becoming a shark-pony overnight. Under normal circumstances, the sheer stupidity of the concept would earn the story my utter disdain. But Glimglam avoids this fate by writing the story as straight as one can without sacrificing the inherent silliness of the idea. And considering this story goes in some pretty silly directions, that takes work.
In the end, I was amused. There’s actually an explanation for Octavia’s situation, it’s totally whack and nonsensical, but because Glimglam treats it like a perfectly normal thing not to get too worked up over it… somehow… works? I can’t explain it, all I can say is that it entertained me. I especially appreciated how everyone in Ponyville took the change in stride. Just another Tuesday for them, amiright?
Despite this being about Octavia gaining shark features and trying to make sense of that, my attention ended up focused quite a bit on Vinyl. For the first several chapters, Vinyl says nothing at all. Oddly, this was treated less like Vinyl was mute than it was that she could never get a word in because Octavia keeps talking over her. This miffed me. I don’t mind if Vinyl can talk, as it is a common thing in fanfiction. I really like when writers don’t have her talk at all, if only because it adds a certain extra challenge to writing her. But this whole ‘not speaking because nopony lets her’ thing? That’s Big Mac’s gimmick, thank you very much.
She does start getting lines in the latter half of the story though. I guess Glimglam thought the gimmick was getting old.
Anyway, this is a very silly story that is somehow played straight, and that dichotomy unexpectedly works for me. Give it a go if that sounds like it might for you too.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Love Countdown — Pretty Good
Machina — Pretty Good
[untitled] — Worth It
Amethyst Breeze and Ember are private investigators from Canterlot who just opened for business in Ponyville. After their first case goes… “poorly”, they’re broke and struggling for work. Then Roseluck comes by to ask for a special investigation. Somepony out there has been literally turning Ponyville upside down.
I am entertained. The story mostly follows Amethyst and Ember as they struggle to find and capture the pony responsible for nightly bouts of upside-down chaos taking over the town. The humor comes largely from the interaction between the two of them, with Amethyst being the serious and grouchy head detective with possibly Twilight Sparkle levels of organization issues and Ember the happy-go-lucky prankster with an eye for the mares. It’s almost like if Pinkie Pie and Twilight teamed up to solve mysteries, only not quite. Then there is, of course, the villain of the piece: the OCDer. You’ll know who this is almost as soon as she shows up, but that’s fine; Doccular42 clearly isn’t even trying to disguise the fact.
The interactions are very Season 1 MLP, as in filled to the brim with silliness and goofy behavior all around. In one scene Ember and the OCDer spend several minutes “countering” one another, by flipping an apple. In another the OCDer casually sits aside and listens in amusement to Amethyst’s and Ember’s “soap opera” antics, apparently having forgotten she’s supposed to be running away. And Ember is so worried about Amethyst’s interpretation of her “not-date” with Roseluck that even in the midst of a chase she has to belt out desperate arguments for why she so totally should noit be in trouble for breaking company policy regarding dating clients.
In short, this is show-style silliness. If that’s what you’re looking for, you can’t go wrong.
And then the epilogue comes up. Here we get a complete 180 tonal shift as we learn about Amethyst’s potentially criminal dealings and Ember’s traumatic history. Gone are the silly “balancing a statue on its horn” shenanigans and in are the real-world struggles of ponies who aren’t as put together as they’ve appeared throughout the story.
Is this a good thing? I’m not sure. The tonal whiplash might rub some readers the wrong way, especially if they’re just here for the fun. I wouldn’t blame them in the slightest.
There’s also a bit of humanizing going on. Just for example, Doccular42 regular refers to the ponies as having hands. Not in that accidental ‘common phrasing’ manner like a pony saying “unhand me!” (although that does happen) but rather in the “shoved a spear back into his hands” kind of direct mistake. There may have been other issues, but this was the only one that really stood out to me.
Overall, I enjoyed this. It’s a lot of fun, especially when a certain princess gets involved in the chase. As long as you’re okay with the sudden bout of grim seriousness that is the epilogue I see no reason people shouldn’t go into this for the sake of amusement.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Vinyl Scratch is in a Tree and Refuses to Come Down — Pretty Good
Fallout: Equestria - Echoes of the Ministries
26,342 Words
By Banjo64
Velvet Remedy receives a letter and some memory orbs intended for a very specific, very troubled pony. Voices of the past have come to help their last surviving friend.
This story stars a mare named Silent Cry, who has the unique ability to see and speak to dead ponies. Born several decades before the events of Fallout: Equestria, she devotes her life to acting as a sort of paranormal psychologist, helping the deceased get over their misgivings and traumas. Among her ephemeral clientele are none other than the Ministry Mares, also known as the Mane Six. Minus one, of course. She ain’t dead yet.
Despite the timing of this review’s release, I just so happened to be a little over halfway through my re-read of Fo:E when it came time to read this. It was fortuitous timing, since it allowed me to have the events of the story fresh in my mind. But I’d already read Fo:E once ages past, so I also wasn’t worried about spoilers. If you are… eh, might wanna read Fo:E before reading this. Just sayin’.
I immediately noticed a mistake on Banjo64’s part with this. The intended narrative perspective of the story is through the direct memories of Silent Cry using memory orbs. For those of you uninitiated with Fo:E lore, memory orbs are magical constructs that contain the direct recollections of a creature as they saw it. Which begs the question: if this entire story is meant to be told through memory orbs, why is the narration set in a third person format, describing Silent Cry’s physical appearance and manner as if from an outside perspective? That’s not how memory orbs work, Banjo64. Most people might be willing to let this slide, but if there are any true Fo:E aficionados out there I can see them raising a stink.
But that’s the only major problem I had with the story (except perhaps an overreliance on saidisms).
Now, some of you might be thinking: “Ghosts, in Fallout: Equestra? The story’s already whack enough for some made-up new mechanic.” Ah, but it’s hardly made up. While I can’t recall any instances of ghosts in the story, the story is a thematic crossover with the Fallout series, and I feel obligated to point out that ghosts are a canon thing to the games. Hell, there’s a lot more in the lore than mere ghosts; the Fallout franchise goes all-out Lovecraftian if you do enough exploring. From that perspective, this isn’t far-fetched at all.
The story, told chronologically, shows Silent Cry as she gets older and her major encounters with the Mane Six nearly two centuries after their deaths (or otherwise incapacitation). We get the CMC as a bonus and even a brief (and curiously one-sided) encounter with royalty. Perhaps the strangest element of all this is how we never get to meet the one pony this entire story was intended to help.
Banjo64 also goes out of their way to offer an explanation or two of certain issues with the overarching Fo:E storyline. Most notable is the severe lack of wendigos in an AU where they would absolutely be a prominent threat under the rules of the show.
This story touched me more than I expected it to. A lot more. You’d think I’d have been indifferent to what is, on its face, an obvious and easy concept, but it was not so. Perhaps it is because I was in the midst of reading the original, which I also react quite strongly to. Whatever the reason, I thoroughly enjoyed this. It combines references galore to really showcase Banjo64’s knowledge of Fo:E without sacrificing the intended purpose, often using those references to build the arguments needed by Silent Cry to get through to her ‘patients.’
Which may be the best thing about this story: it feels like an Fo:E tale. Plenty of authors attempt to write stories set in the universe, but it’s not often someone manages to capture the same feeling as Kkat’s epic post-apocalyptic yarn.
If you’re a fan of Fo:E – and especially if you’ve read it recently – then you should definitely give this one a go.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good!
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Undead Robot Bug Crusaders — Pretty Good
Undead and Unconcerned — Worth It
Celestia takes her first day off in a thousand years.
Specifically, the day before the 1,000th Summer Sun Celebration.
Arcelia describes this as a “mood piece”, and that fits. There’s no conflict, no character growth, no great revelations. It’s just Celestia taking a day off before the Big Event. From that angle, it does its job decently. The catch is that Arcelia was struggling a bit with grammar. Mostly, this involved punctuation: commas where they don’t belong, run-on sentences, that sort of thing. It’s not like every sentence is off, but it’s just common enough to be a distraction.
If you’re into Celestia in general, or just want a short read that’s meant to be relaxing, this may do it for you.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Monsoon — Pretty Good
All The Bitter Remains — Needs Work
Tea Party With a Draconequus — Needs Work
Stories for Next Time:
"I Wish To Register An Official COMPLAINT!!" by deadpansnarker
Pitfalls by heartlessons
Mechanical Aptitude by Estee
Cosmological by Bicyclette
After Glow by TheDriderPony
Anonymity by Shrink Laureate
Trixcord by RTStephens
The Center of Her World by SaintChoc
The Things I Do For Love by brokenimage321
The Bug in The Cave by Skijarama
Recent Review Map:
Paul's Thursday Reviews CCCXLII - Spooktober Edition
Paul's Thursday Reviews CCCXLIII
Paul's Thursday Reviews CCCXLIV
Paul's Thursday Reviews CCCXLV
Paul's Thursday Reviews CCCXLVI
You Are Here
Paul's Thursday Reviews CCCXLVIII
Paul's Thursday Reviews CCCXLIX
Paul's Thursday Reviews CCCL
Paul's Thursday Reviews CCCLI
Paul's Thursday Reviews CCCLII – Cynewulf Edition
Need some editing done? Working on a story and not sure how it’s shaping up? I’m now doing editing and critique commissions! Check here for more information and PM me if interested.
After the tales you told earlier this year when she last visited, this isn't a surprise. What a weird yet delightful family you have. And as you note, you get the benefits of having a kid for short bursts while her folks get a break. Everyone's a winner!
If we get a Marble moment on this page, might as well get a Limestone one.
Ooh, playing with fire, eh? But if anyone can't handle that, it'd be you.
Egad, you're always reminding me of things! Gotta get cracking on that too.
Freaky – this story is the next novel on my schedule to read! Granted, that means the review for it probably wouldn't come out until February at the earliest, and more likely March. But still, freakishly close, no?
Love the dynamic you have with your niece. She sounds adorable, and you sound like a great uncle. Itʼs very heartwarming.
Of all the stories on todayʼs list, Iʼve only read Seneschal and itʼs absolutely beautiful. But:
No true. The majority is her POV, but we do get one little surprise towards the end where Pyrite takes over.
In any rate, Seneschal is a wonderful treat and everyone should read it.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I count only four instances where someone other than Celestia pulls that flaming ball across the sky: by Discord who can be count as omnipotent; by the amulet enchanted by the Sisters themselves; by the Staff of Sacanas by Storm King after he drained the Sisters of their power; and finally it was alluded in the play to how a number of unicorns did it all by themselves in ancient Equestria, losing their powers in the process.
Like, only the last one have a concrete point to that assumption
This certainly wouldn't be the first time I looked at a slate of contest winners and thought, "Really? That won?" Sometimes judges are just not looking for what you expect them to, and in a few rare occasions, the judges just aren't qualified. I even remember an instance of a winner being pretty blatantly plagiarized...
I've read "A&E" and found it cute and charming. Or, I should say, I read part of it. When I got to it, only 2 of the eventual 5 chapters had been published, so that's all of it I've read, but I did find that much of it very entertaining with good character work.
I haven't read that story by SwordTune, but I have read one of their earlier ones. While I liked it, the writing style had a lot of oddities, like really strange decisions of how to phrase things and not sticking to perspective, but that's the kind of thing you usually comment on, so I take this as a good sign that the author grew out of it.
Glad you enjoyed Seneschal. It's nice when my muse puts aside the comedy and gives me an idea that stretches my range.
ahh, welcome to Sharktavia! :D please leave your brain by the pool
Funnily enough, I consider "Do your research" one of my weaker pieces in all honesty. Not surprising considering it was my second fanfiction after returning to writing prose and had little planning placed into it. People *really* liked it though.
All hail Queen Evy, treasure of this earth. And her silly dodo uncle.
Thanks for the review!
The third person perspective was mostly due to me being absolutely terrified of stepping on Kkat’s toes. I really, really didn’t want to write anything directly involving the original fic’s characters. Same for why there’s no scene with that certain pony, as we see from their perspective in the epilogue of the original.
But you really thought I managed to hit the feel of the original? Wow… I’m actually speechless at that. Thank you so much for your kind words.
5761187
Ah, right. Forgot about his little PoV scene.
5761181
I would like to suggest that all families are weird to anyone outside said family. Alas, we are not all here; my brother-in-law couldn't show. Christmas is not a holiday in Japan the same way it is here, and he couldn't get the same time off as my sister, so he's stuck in Japan. Or, as my sister put it: "Oh, no, he gets two weeks to do whatever he wants to do with no extra-employment responsibilities whatsoever! I'm sure he's just traumatized."
And what an entertaining Limestone moment it is! Also: made that change you asked for.
I dunno if I'll actually do it or not. I wouldn't call it "playing with fire" though. If they were big stories where the audience got to vote on the way it went, yes, that would be "playing with fire". But we're talking about choosing amongst a set of short stories (by my definition of "short"), all of which I want to write anyway and just can't seem to prioritize. Doesn't seem near as dangerous.
Ah, beat you to this one, did I? Then I shall look forward to seeing if your opinion on it diverges from my own.
5761189
I'm not sure what you're referring to with the amulet. Is that a comic thing? At any rate, if a bunch of regular ol' unicorns can do it, there's zero reason to believe that Chrysalis power-drunk on love couldn't do it too. We know Luna can do it, because how could she prevent the sun from rising if she can't control it in the first place (and apparently better than her sister can, if she can stop Celestia from doing so too). We never saw Tirek try it, but it stands to reason he could if he'd bothered to try. Ahuizotl apparently had a means of doing so via a temple without having to use any power of his own (although we never got to see if the thing actually worked, Daring treated it seriously enough to suggest it would have). Twilight was able to do it after Celestia, Luna, and Cadance gave her their powers in Twilight's Kingdom, and it was never stated this was specifically because of Celestia's powers.
Point is, it's never been specified that Celestia is unique in her ability to control the sun. There's plenty of openings available to suggest that anyone with sufficient power and know-how could do it.
Another example: In "A Royal Problem", when Celestia and Luna trade places, it is explicitly revealed that Luna gets her dreamweaving powers from having a special talent for it. At no point is it shown that raising the sun and moon are specific to their special talents; rather, Celestia's real talent seems to have more to do with being a politician in general.
5761196
I seem to recall SwordTune's story having some of those awkward phrasings. Maybe? I'm not sure. If it did, clearly they didn't bother me enough to warrant mention.
5761230
It's always the ones you aren't crazy about that do the best, isn't it?
5761318
Fwiw, the amulet referred to is what Celestia gives to Twilight upon her retirement so that Twilight can move the sun and moon. It's unclear whether it's just to tide Twilight over (pun intended) until she gets the hang of it on her own or if it'll be necessary to use it indefinitely (in which case Twilight had better learn how to repair/rebuild it before Celestia dies/goes senile).
5761318
On screen Luna caused an eclipse with the moon that covered the sun when she transformed into Nightmare Moon, and it is far more plausible (and visually stimulating) interpretation of her 'eternal night' shtick, than what (in my opinion) highly dubious parallel universes later went with.
In the pilot episode Celestia couldn't be raising her sun for different unspecified reasons. She is suspiciously absent overall, I'd interpret that as something more mystical in nature, personally
The amulet is this thing from the show (in the final scenes)
Anyway, in the end of the day it is still a vague enough subject that show cleverly decided not to over-explain. Idea that anyone can try to manipulate celestial objects if they are powerful enough kinda flies in the face of the common sense of the setting. It shouldn't be designed that way, and it makes both Princesses more mundane than they ought to be, if you look at it strictly from a worldbuilding standpoint
Chrysalis shouldn't have any ability to move things on the sky, but that's what I am rolling with. Vagueness of lorebuilding of MLP is more like a feature, after all ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
5761321
Ah, right. Forgot about that dumb thing.
5761323
The show creators were absolutely devoted to making Celestia and Luna "more mundane than they ought to be". By Season Four it really felt like they had no respect for them and what Faust originally intended them to be.
5761316
Itʼs okay. Itʼs a fun, unexpected surprise towards the end. Also happens to be the first and only time Pyrite appears in the story.
5761325
Screw the show creators. As far as things aren't directly stated and do not brazenly contradict portrayal up to S4, everything is still interpretable, I'll say. The Princesses are salvageable
Happy holidays!
5761320
God yes, I poured my guts into Recurring Symmetry and no-one gave a single fuck. A tad depressing, even if I got what I wanted from it.
thank you so much for the review! "Long-Distance" was the very first fic i published under the external deadline of a contest, and it is the very first draft of the story that was barely finished on time, so i couldn't help but feel that what i produced was rushed and sloppy and so very far from the vision i had in my head, which is why i initially pulled it after the contest results were out, in order to do a rewrite that never came. but rereading it after all this time, i am finding myself liking it a lot more than i did at the time.
well, now it also has a quote from this review! i've also added the fic's shortdesc, so now someone finding it through the longdesc will also have that to go off of.
i did have a reason! it was that humans existing in Equestria would eventually lead to the same process taking place there as well, and before the story even began there was already an exchange of Equestrian stragglers in the EG world being deported to Equestria and vice versa, but i never found a place for that in the story. it was something that i would probably have figured out in a second draft. as for why they couldn't stop the process in the EG world, well, it's hard to reverse the laws of physics being eaten hollow from the inside!
all of these things are things that i was very sure i had not successfully pulled off, so it is gratifying to hear this. perhaps i will never be satisfied with how vivid a scene or how meaningful a dialogue can be? scenes and dialogues always seem so much more vivid and meaningful in stories by other authors i love than in mine
5761196
for the record, i thought that this was an excellently run contest. relevantly:
i stand by Tending to the Heart's Forgotten Garden winning over my story. PaulAsaran, if i can request a review, i do so for this one.
5761810
Nice to know the reason! But while I did raise the question, I'm not sure it's fully necessary to know. After all, the story's not so much about that and Wallflower's situation is more than interesting enough without having it shoehorned in somehow.
Oh, pshaw and pish posh! We've got the brains of two Twilight Sparkles, one of whom is the final word on all things Magic, studying a world created via magic. If you want them to solve the problem, by Celestia, they will solve the problem!
...
But in this case, them not being able to solve the problem gives the story its value, so...
"We are our own worst critics" is the one truth in the creator's universe.
Consider it done. ...eventually.