Paul's Thursday Reviews CCCLI · 9:19pm February 22nd
Whelp, message received. It seems public interest in a reimagined-from-scratch Rainbow Factory is pretty low, to put it lightly. Now knowing this and coupling it with how long it has been taking to complete the story, I’m now questioning if my time wouldn’t be better spent on other projects. With this in mind I think I’ll shelve the concept for a little while.
This isn’t necessarily bad news. I might revisit the project at a later time, and maybe I can retool it to something more… “original fiction”. Writing a horror series someday based on the ideas I’ve already developed could be cool. And besides, I’ve already got a lot of other material I could be writing. The only hard part about any of this is actually deciding what to do next!
I’m still working on the edits for the Guppy Love originalfication. It’s going a little slower than it could, but only because I keep stopping myself mid-edit to do some research or further develop merfolk culture for my own knowledge. For example, in the original writing the story was set on some island located randomly off the east coast with no specifics chosen. For the editing phase I decided to give it a set location and thus did a lot of research one day trying to find a somewhat reasonable place to put it (I ultimately placed it off North Carolina’s Outer Banks, just east of Hatteras Island, which I would like to visit sometime soon just to get a ‘feel’ for the place). I’ve also been developing a spoken language for the merfolk, which I’m constantly updating with new words and colloquialisms, which in turn forces me to consider cultural topics such as how merfolk track time, their perspective on personal property, how that relates to gift-giving, and so on and so forth. I swear coming up with this stuff takes up half the time devoted to the story right now (I’m considering procuring the help of a linguist to refine the language).
I’m only working on it every other day though, so half my time is spent working on new projects (which, let’s face it, is where the fun is with this business). I’ve got a throwaway pony story I’ll be releasing sometime soon, the draft having been completed just yesterday; it’s nothing special, won’t wow anybody, but it gets the idea out of my head so I can stop thinking about it. So now I have to ponder: what next? Maybe I can finally get to that science fiction one I’ve had bouncing around in my head for the last couple years…
(Pre-Post Edit: You ever have that moment where a concept pops into your head and you’re just dying to make it into a story? That happened to me this morning. I’ll give it a few days to stew, see if it lingers and remains interesting, but this may end up being my next pony project.)
How ‘bout some reviews?
Stories for This Week:
Watch in Awe by flying_whimsy
Atomic Number by WritingSpirit
Ladybugs Awake by Uz Naimat
The Witless by Reviewfilly
Hinterlands by Rambling Writer
Angel Bunny Plots Murder by TGM
Recursive Affection Disorder by HapHazred
Vice Principal Luna and the Curious Case of Female-Presenting Nipples by Fuzzyfurvert
Sunset Shimmer's Guide to Pissing Off Your In-Laws by Dubs Rewatcher
Loved, but Not Remembered by Ponky
Total Word Count: 163,452
Rating System
Why Haven't You Read These Yet?: 2
Pretty Good: 4
Worth It: 4
Needs Work: 0
None: 0
Watch in Awe
5,656 Words
By flying_whimsy
Noway Diggler is the first unicorn born to the Diggler earth pony family in four generations. Which is a terrible thing, because magic is nothing more than an excuse to be lazy. So ashamed are the Digglers that Noway is considered the family’s shame, and she is kept hidden from guests and family as if she didn’t exist. But Noway is a unicorn, and she needs to practice her magic.
This 2013 story tells the tale of how Noway became Trixie. Half the story involves her childhood as a pariah, unable to leave the family farm or meet anyone besides her parents. When their attempts to prevent Noway from practicing magic backfire, we get the second half of the story where they hire a magician named Cherry Cobbler to teach her how to use magic, but only insomuch as it can help on the farm, and Cherry is forbidden from telling Noway anything about the outside world.
Of all the things to like about this story, my favorite is Noway’s parents. There’s a level of nuance to them. They know what they’re doing to their daughter is wrong, and there are distinct signs that they feel a lot of shame and guilt over their own behavior. Yet they are so set in their ways and so terrified of the potential consequences of Noway’s very existence that they commit to the abuse anyway. I don’t blame anyone for loathing them, but at the same time I feel flying_whimsy did an excellent job depicting them as people ponies rather than monsters.
The story is generally good, depicting Trixie’s struggle to overcome her upbringing and everything holding her back with the help of her magician predecessor. I do have a few things to point out, however. For starters, the climax begins when it is announced that Trixie wants to attend Celestia’s School of Gifted Unicorns. Then Trixie escapes the farm and, uh… no school? This was supposed to be the end goal, and yet it seems to have been dropped entirely without explanation and we’re headed straight to Boast Busters.
There’s also the vague nature of the actiony bits. The story’s final moment is a magic duel, but flying_whimsy skips it via a paragraph of handwaving. After an entire story of being confined and limited, this was the opportunity to really show what Trixie can do, and we’re skipping it?
Also, one must wonder what happened to Cherry Cobbler at the end.
Despite these issues, I enjoyed the story overall. I felt like it could have done more with its concept, but what we got is already a great “rise against” story. Highly recommended if you’re interested in seeing an interpretation of the GPT when she was still a fairly new character.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
Atomic Number
4,406 Words
By WritingSpirit
Requested by GBThundaII
Alone in her not-quite tranquility, Princess Twilight Sparkle sails down a river to lands forgotten and lost to time. Her purpose? To deliver an important package.
This is a story steeped in visuals. WritingSpirit spends copious amounts of time describing the sights and sounds of nature untouched by ponies, creating vivid scenes of a great wilderness. There is very little dialogue, and most of that is Twilight stating the scientific names of the assorted trees she sees on the journey.
The story is only 4,400 words long, and yet it feels so much longer than that. This is owed to the casual, almost lazy pacing. If you’re trying to get through this quickly, I would argue you’re reading it wrong. The tags call this an ‘adventure’, and I suppose from a certain angle it is, but it’s not the kind you’d generally associate with the word.
At the start, I found the story curious and basked in WritingSpirit’s prose. Just when I started questioning where it was going, the author throws in a quiet hint to let us no that this isn’t some mere vacation. Still, you have to wonder what it’s all about. Then I finally, finally get to the ending, and it suddenly hits me: this story is about a specific FIMFiction trope. I won’t say what the trope is, but I will say it’s a nice, original direction that is perhaps the most fitting I’ve ever seen for it.
I am pleased. This was a nice, quiet journey, one that I wouldn’t mind reading next time I’m close to the water. I highly recommend it, but I must emphasize that it is indeed a slow story that requires patience if you want to get the full effect. It’s worth it though.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good!
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
On The Transience Of Adelasters — WHYRTY?
Cascade! Clouds Above, Obfuscate! — Pretty Good
A Copper Cicada, Underground — Worth It
Ladybugs Awake
2,806 Words
By Uz Naimat
Requested by Uz Naimat
Chrysalis’s attack at the wedding did more damage than the physical. Twilight Sparkle, plagued by nightmares, spends a sleepless night in the castle kitchens with her up-and-coming sister-in-law.
This has Twilight and Cadance discuss the psychological impact the wedding invasion had on each of them. Short and simple, but touching upon some dark realities like PTSD, guilt, and the phantom pains. Shining Armor eventually joins the pity party.
I’ve seen most of these topics brought up before, but I’m not sure I’ve seen a story handle it in quite this manner. Which is kind of surprising. I don’t want to call the story “pleasant”, because the topics are anything but, and yet it never really descends into melodrama, nor is it a deep examination of the trio’s trauma. I don’t know how to explain it beyond the fact that they deal with potential severe underlying issues via a quick talk and hugging it out.
Like treating a broken bone with a band-aid.
I don’t have a problem with this. If Uz Naimat wanted to maintain that E rating, it’s not like they could show the fight realistically. And besides, they’re in Equestria, where villains who destroy the world multiple times in a matter of minutes can be reformed with a heartfelt speech. This kind of stuff just works there.
Not a bad story by any means, especially if you’re looking for some expansion of the mental impact Chrysalis’s original invasion had on Twilight and Cadance.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Pinkie's Pies — Pretty Good
The Witless
50,874 Words
By Reviewfilly
Requested by Reviewfilly
All Applejack wanted was to eat an apple. Now she finds herself in prison for stealing from the public. But a certain pink pony is determined to ensure that Applejack gets all that she deserves, provided she do one teensy, tiny little thing.
Based on the 1969 Hungarian comedic tragedy a Tanú (English: The Witness), this story is set in an AU where Nightmare Moon has ruled Equestria for the last fifteen years. At first I thought it was the NMM timeline from The Cutie Re-Mark, but the more I read the more convinced I became that this is entirely unrelated to that. This Equestria is also apparently communist in nature, given how Sweet Apple Acres is not legally permitted to keep any of the apples harvested there; it is bought by the government to be distributed as mandated by bean counters in said government, and the corruption involved is rampant.
The story moves in all sorts of wild directions, but the gist is that Applejack, after being caught hoarding apples for her family’s personal use, is thrown in prison. But Applejack is also a known friend of one Twilight Sparkle, ex-Royal Advisor now accused of being a traitor. Colonel Pinkie Pie – head of Equestria’s secret police and arguably the story’s villain – wants Applejack to act as a witness in Twilight’s upcoming, already decided trial, and is willing to make all of Applejack’s problems go away and even give her big, important government positions. But Applejack is a naive, (mostly) innocent, terminally honest farmer, and Pinkie has no idea how she ticks.
The story is comedic in how incompetent the communist government under Nightmare Moon is, to such a degree that Big Meanie herself can personally order Applejack arrested multiple times without realizing she’s doing it to the same pony. It’s also a tragedy in that it starkly reveals how readily ponies are willing to play along with this hideous government system in the name of fear. Applejack is constantly either confused by the idiocy going on around her or terrified of the consequences of failure. Every new twist puts her a little more on edge, whether she’s stuck in a cell with a Celestia acolyte and her arch nemeses (you know the pair) or trying to run a theme park she’s not the least qualified to run. And all of it leading up to the trial of Twilight Sparkle, in which Applejack is expected to boldly lie in court and accuse one of her best friends of being a Sun Cultist spy in cahoots with changelings.
The one and only point of hesitation I have for this story is that I’ve not seen the movie it is based on and thus cannot say if it is a direct 1-for-1 recreation of the movie’s plot. If it were that would be a serious point against it. I don’t think it is though, if only on account of the changes necessary to make it work in an Equestrian setting.
I greatly enjoyed it. It can feel like it’s going nowhere for a while – especially since for the first half of it we don’t know why Pinkie is treating Applejack the way she is. Pinkie herself is an interesting character here, complex and at times confusing in ways only Pinkie can be. It was particularly eye-opening when Pinkie Pie feels like she’s going to die in one scene and starts praying for salvation, especially when you realize who she’s praying to (hint: she’d probably be accused of treason).
The rest of the Mane Six have their cameos. Twilight a few times as the target of the trial, Rainbow as a speech counselor (of all things), Fluttershy as a veterinarian with a peculiar side-hustle that might qualify as brainwashing, and Rarity as a delightfully overdramatic speech writer. But Applejack and Pinkie are the stars of this show, and they play their roles to perfection.
Oh, and Trixie. Her appearance was great. I do hope they let her out of that stuffy office eventually.
Overall, this was a fun story that reveals the utter farce of a Soviet-style house-of-cards government via a comedy of errors, building up gradually to a climax of brutal (and treasonous) honesty. I really want to see a Tanú now; my love of foreign films helps. Give this a go if you want to see Applejack bumbling her way through a precarious system of government intrigue and politics while just wanting to get back to her farm.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good!
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Morningstar — Pretty Good
Hinterlands
75,434 Words
By Rambling Writer
Requested by Rambling Writer
Bitterroot the pegasus bounty hunter was supposed to be on vacation in the rural regions of the Frozen North. But then a few other bounty hunters appear, inviting her to join in on the hunt of a lifetime. Together they will pursue the notorious necromancer Amanita. But it might be that they have more to worry about from one another than their quarry.
At once a mystery and an adventure, this is a story that hits the ground running and doesn’t stop until the very end. It opens with cold-blooded murder, letting you know right off the bat that this isn’t going to be a pleasant ride. The star of the show – and indeed, the perspective character for much of it – is Bitterroot, an experienced bounty hunter with a cool head and knack for keeping the peace.
Which is invaluable in this case, because her new partners leave something to be desired. Earth pony Artemis, the one who drew them all together in the first place, is a narcissist, and not the fun kind like a certain showmare we’re all familiar with. She’s haughty, domineering, manipulative, hypocritical, and expects to be the main character at all times. From the moment she first walks onto the scene, she’s unlikable. Coming along is unicorn Trace, a professional tracker who sort of crashes the bounty hunter party. Trace is a bit full of herself, but in her defense she’s earned the right through talent, experience, and the fact that she genuinely knows exactly what to do and why. She’s also vastly more reasonable than Artemis, but stubborn enough that she can’t resist butting heads with the mare.
Then there’s Gale. Just Gale. Pegasus with a crippled wing. Insomniac. Mute. Honestly, I kinda liked Gale.
Together, these four track the necromancer Amanita through the frigid mountains, through forest and cliffs and blizzards. And they clash. They clash a lot. It’s a good thing Bitterroot got invited, because without her Artemis and Trace would have killed one another by the first night.
The characters are one of the two main draws of the story. They’re complex, with clashing personalities, and they all feel so very “alive”. And I’ve only spoken of the protagonists. Amanita herself gets plenty of screentime, as well as the ponies she runs into while trying to escape her trackers.
The second major draw is the mystery. Amanita is an interesting pony to watch, at times perfectly friendly and at others deadly. There’s actually a lot of confusion behind her character, because for much of the story it’s hard to get a read on whether she’s supposed to be the villain of the piece or is just misunderstood. It’s so easy to watch her get along with, say, the ranger she bumps into in the woods for a few days. Why, she almost seems to be the model of a harmonious pony! But then you remember that scene introducing her and you realize, wait, this pony does not mesh with that one.
Things are not making sense. It’s the drive to make sense of things that kept me so attentive and interested, seeking out clues. And there are many clues to be had. Enough so that by around Chapter 4 I had a theory of what was really happening. I ended up correct, though I didn’t have all the details right, and it wasn’t until late in the story when things were finally spelled out that I was able to declare “Ah-ha, I knew it!” It was a fun mystery, to be sure.
This was about as solid an adventure you could hope for. It’s got a constant urgency, great action scenes, moments of lingering tension, and increasingly desperate situations, all wrapped around deception and necromantic trickery. It’s a dense piece of literature. On top of that, plot armor is pretty much not a thing in this story; characters will die, some of them brutally, and that includes some of the ones you’ve been following for the past 60k words. Rambling Writer throws no punches with this one. If you’re into high-risk adventure, absolutely read this.
And what luck! It just so happens that I’d been wanting to read the sequel before Rambling Writer even requested this review. Now I’m looking forward to it all the more. Here’s hoping it’s half as good as this.
Bookshelf: Why Haven’t You Read These Yet?
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
The Black Between the Stars — WHYRTY?
Before Closing — Pretty Good
Rigid — Pretty Good
Before Dark — Pretty Good
A Break in the Clouds — Pretty Good
Angel Bunny Plots Murder
1,098 Words
By TGM
Literal title is literal: when Rainbow Dash snatches Fluttershy away for an emergency at lunchtime, Angel Bunny decides she needs to be introduced to the grim reaper. Thus does he pull out a pencil and paper and starts plotting the best way to finish off the flying menace to lunchtime.
This plays the concept straight. How funny that will be to the individual reader, I couldn’t say. It banks on the ridiculous nature of the base premise for its humor rather than, say, a quirky narrative style or comedic timing (although it could be argued that Angel’s perspective as a potentially homicidal rabbit makes the narrative quirky all on its own).
Not my cup of tea, but not bad by any means. Give it a go if the concept alone is enough to get a chuckle out of you.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Wither — WHYRTY?
Sleeping Your Way to the Top — Pretty Good
"You Do Know She Wrestles Bears, Right?" — Worth It
Six Followed by Nine — Worth It
Recursive Affection Disorder
8,325 Words
By HapHazred
Okay! No big deal. All Starlight has to do is resolve the moral, emotional and personal conundrum that millions of ponies before her have done with relative ease. It’s not like she can’t figure this out with logical thinking and a bit of magic. She can do this!
In short: Starlight has magically secluded herself in her own mind so as to answer the most troubling question she’s ever known: should she or should she not ask Trixie out on a date?
I love this idea. It encapsulates all the anxiety and mental flailing that goes on with people when they have a crush and don’t know what to do about it. And of course Starlight, being Starlight, resorts to magic to solve her problems instead of properly confronting them like a rational pony. I also like that she decided to make a semi-independent mental construct for her subconsciousness to bounce ideas off of, and she made it Twilight Sparkle. The best part about this is that it brings back the Twilight we all loved from the first three seasons, i.e. with the snark (because we all know that Starlight is really just Seasons 1 through 3 Twilight brought back to the show without the creators having to admit to/retroactively fix their mistake 
).
Also, “I am famously distracting!” might be one of the best lines I’ve seen for Trixie. Trixie herself is delightfully depicted here, having a mild panic attack while Starburst tries to thaumologize (?) an explanation of what Starlight is going through. Starburst is nicely depicted too, but Trixie will always steal the show when handled well.
I shall say no more, because this is one of those stories better experienced. It’s fun, creative, and loaded to the brim with excellent characterizations for the Friendship School’s premier faculty members. Haphazred strikes again!
Bookshelf: Why Haven’t You Read These Yet?
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Fancy That? — Pretty Good
Unexpected Turbulence, Remain Calm and Don't Murder Anypony — Pretty Good
I know, I know, I thought the same thing the moment I saw this story: “What in Discord’s cherry-flavored piss does ‘female-presenting nipples’ even mean?” That’s kind of why I was so curious to read this in the first place.
The PTA hath spoken: Anything at Canterlot High School that could even be imagined as potentially maybe if-you-squint looks or sounds like nudity must be culled from school grounds. This includes – indeed, is all about – the student art gallery. Since Vice-Principal Luna skipped out on that meeting with the PTA, Principal Celestia has assigned her to this ignoble task.
I’m reasonably sure PTAs don’t have that kind of pull in a school system. But hey, this is set in the EqG world, so I guess there’s room for interpretation. I’m also reasonably sure this isn’t a direct response to the ongoing public school debates regarding what can and can’t be shown in said schools, as I believe the story predates that becoming a mainstream talking point. Plus the story doesn’t touch upon the actual arguments being made in that modern debate at all.
Ultimately, the story is a comedy about the value of free expression and ways to circumvent what the story depicts as an oppressive system. I particularly love how Luna is going around with a literal pitchfork and using it to catch and throw artwork into a figurative (?) dumpster fire. That’s just a fun image.
I liked the story in general, even if I strongly suspect Fuzzyfurvert never bothered to do any proofreading before hitting the ol’ Publish button. Give it a go if you want to watch VP Luna breaking ranks somewhat to help her students maintain their freedom of self-expression.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
The Violin Maker's Daughter — Pretty Good
Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, and Sunset has every expectation and intention of spending it alone. But then her girlfriend decides to invite her over for dinner on a whim. The good news: spending more time with Twilight. The bad news: Twilight’s parents hate her.
In this rendition of EqG, Twilight’s parents are overprotective and feel that Sunset is not a good fit for their daughter, seeing her as a negative influence and potentially dangerous. How unsurprising then that Sunset’s opinion of them is equally low, viewing them as overprotective, manipulative snobs. Caught in the middle like some sort of referee is Twilight Sparkle, trying to keep the peace and make sure both sides understand that the other isn’t bad… or at least keep them from killing one another.
The fascinating thing about this story to me is in what might be considered a limited perspective. Sunset doesn’t like Twilight’s parents, and the story is told from her perspective, so said parents come out looking like the villains. But Twilight is there to indirectly remind Sunset that they are her parents, they raised her, and they love her. Yes, they’re overprotective, and yes, they have unfortunately judged Sunset without bothering to get to know her. And no, Sunset won’t come out of this story with some new outlook regarding them. And personally, I don’t think I could accept having a bedroom with no lock on it, and it rubs me wrong that Twilight Velvet openly demonstrates a complete lack of respect for Twilight’s privacy. But Twilight, even when frustrated by her parents’ behavior, is always ready to remind us that, while not perfect, they aren’t all bad either.
There’s a lot of that kind of interpersonal conflict going on. Twilight and Sunset have a number of arguments throughout the story, but they always set their disagreements aside to move on. In many ways, their relationship feels natural, and the fact that the fiery Sunset Shimmer can be coaxed down from her fire-and-brimstone fury with little more than a hand held and a quick word from Twilight really says something about the relationship.
Also, Twilight’s cousins are adorable.
This was a pleasantly nuanced piece. It feels more like an analysis of the potential relationship between Sunset and Twilight than anything else, but that works in its favor. I enjoyed it, even when Twilight’s parents were being… unpleasant (seriously, Velvet, let Twilight have a lock on her door! And learn to knock, for Celestia’s sake.). I think I’d like to see a sequel where Sunset mind-melds with Twilight Velvet, just to see how that conversation might turn out.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Something Like Laughter — WHYRTY?
Dinky vs. the Moon — Worth It
Loved, but Not Remembered
3,754 Words
By Ponky
Ponky, unwilling to let anything remain sacred, reduces the glorious tragedy that is Background Pony into a bad joke.
Set immediately after Hoodie Lyra’s death, this story follows what happens when ponies discover a dead body they can’t recall for more than ten seconds. Much of it involves adult Snips and Snails being stuck on the same hilltop forever as they keep finding and forgetting poor Lyra’s body. It culminates in a confusing media firestorm and the end of the world.
Needless to say, I didn’t find any of it funny. Borderline offensive, if I’m honest.
But given the like/dislike ratio, I’m clearly just a curmudgeon who takes things too seriously. And I gotta admit, I liked the song at the end.
Stupid and not meant to be taken seriously, so stick-in-the-muds like me should steer clear. It’ll probably work well for everyone else. It pays to have a general idea of the overarching concept of Background Pony to get the jokes, although a thorough read probably isn’t necessary.
I’ll rate this on the middle ground, because while I didn’t like it at all I think that’s more my fault than the author’s.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
If Horses Had Gods — Pretty Good
Mantles — Pretty Good
The Sisters Doo — Pretty Good
The Daughter Doo: Honorary Cutie Mark Crusader — Pretty Good
Through the Looking-glass and What Pinkie Found There — Worth It
Bonus Review: Brave Story
816 Pages
By Miyuki Miyabe
Translated by Alexander O. Smith
Eleven-year-old Wataru Mitani thought life was great. Sure, his father was always off at work so it was mostly him and his mother all the time, but his only real worries were his grades and saving up enough money to buy the latest RPG. Then he finds out that his father isn’t coming home – has chosen not to come home. Day by day, things grow worse, and all Wataru can do is flail and drown in an ever raging sea of uncertainty. Then a portal opens. Then he learns of Vision. Wataru has a chance to change his destiny. He’ll only have to go on an epic, deadly adventure to do so.
The first thing you might think upon seeing the whimsical cover and hearing that Wataru is eleven is that this is a kid’s story. Let me assure you, it is anything but. Most kid’s stories don’t involve ritual sacrifices, attempted suicide, cold-blooded murder, and the wholesale slaughter of entire cities. Make no mistake, this is a heavy tale.
The first 1/4 of the story (by the numbers) chronicles the downfall of Wataru’s typical Tokyo childhood. That might seem like a long time to get to the central point, but it’s not without reason. We get to watch as our protagonist, only a child, watches his world crumble and struggle to do something about it, often in ways that are no less childish for their desperation. It also sets the tone of the story well, revealing people who are by no means black and white. Even his father, who appears like the villain in many ways, is a complicated shade of gray put in a very uncomfortable position.
In the midst of all this, Wataru meets Mitsuru, a cold and mysterious boy of similar age. When he saves Mitsuru from a local gang, Mitsuru repays him by giving him the knowledge necessary to enter and remain in Vision. Vision, it turns out, is a fantasy world created from the collected imaginations of the human race. The passage between the two worlds opens only once every ten years. Humans who have been deemed worthy – Travelers, as they are called – may enter Vision and seek the Tower of Destiny, where the Goddess of Destiny will grant them a single wish. This, Wataru understands, is an opportunity to fix his broken home.
The first thing of note for me is how this is a story of growing up. When Wataru first comes to Vision, he constantly thinks of it like a video game. He faces challenges and puzzles and thinks of them as one might when traversing an RPG world. He meets a wizard and compares him to the character type found in his games. He meets someone on the road and thinks of him as a potential party member. Even though he is aware that there are dangers, his eleven-year-old mind struggles to acknowledge the seriousness of his situation.
But gradually, this goes away. The RPG and video game references become fewer and fewer as Wataru stops thinking of Vision as a simple adventure game and more like a real, breathing world with real culture and great dangers. By the end of the story, Wataru feels less like a happy-go-lucky eleven-year-old and more like an adult taking things with the grave seriousness they warrant. This alone would make the story worthy of attention.
But that’s not the end of the interesting bits. Wataru meets many unique individuals, and while few of them grow with him they add great flavor to the events. There’s Kee Keema, the burly lizard man and trader who joins Wataru on his quest due to his firm faith in the Goddess of Destiny and the honor of being his companion. There’s also Meena, the graceful and gleeful cat girl who travels with Wataru in repayment for him saving her life. These two follow Wataru practically everywhere. There are others though, such as Kutz the tough-as-nails and whip-wielding commander of the Highlanders, or her honorable ex-boyfriend Commander Ronmel of the Knights of Stengel (the Knights and the Highlanders are opposing police forces in Vision with very different perspectives of how to do their jobs). There’s Lady Zophie, princess of the hyper-racist Northern Kingdom who tries to befriend Mitsuru and has to grow up fast as a result. Or Jovo the dragon, who helps Wataru when he needs to get somewhere fast.
Let us not forget Mitsuru, the other Traveler. In many ways, Mitsuru exemplifies the underlying themes of the story, which is heavily laced with dualities. Everything has a pair; maybe not a direct opposite, but certainly an opposition. The real world and Vision are, themselves, dualities of one another. The Mirror of Truth that lets Wataru travel home occasionally is opposed by the Mirror of Shadow. Wataru and his constant desire to help and befriend and make things better is directly at odds with Mitsuru’s total lack of empathy or sympathy for Vision, the latter perfectly willing to destroy even whole cities if it means achieving his destiny. There are “other” versions of Wataru and Mitsuru wandering the world, existing as their opposition. Even in the real world, Wataru witnesses duality in the form of his mother and his father’s mistress, who we discover both have equally powerful reasons for their actions that pull his father in drastically opposing directions.
Yet these oppositions aren’t always black and white. Often, they are highlighted as necessities. Other times they are confounding moral conundrums. A great example is the disagreement between Kutz and Ronmel. Kutz and the Highlanders are an organic organization of well-meaning individuals intent on safeguarding the people. Ronmel and the Knights of Stengel were formed directly by the Southern government and, despite wanting to do good by the people, are perfectly willing to act against the people’s best interest if said government declares (as all governments eventually do) that what is best for the politicians is what’s best for the people. This argument, purely academic for much of the story, takes center stage later when something akin to a civil war breaks out over it, forcing Wataru to choose sides despite his immense respect for both commanders.
Dualities of this nature make up the core of Brave Story and appear everywhere. It all builds up to the truth that Wataru must learn if he is to reach the Tower of Destiny and earn his wish: that all things have good and bad elements, and if we are to achieve any sort of peace with ourselves we must embrace both aspects. Which leads to the further point: life is full of sad, unfortunate, or downright bad events. To avoid them is impossible, to ignore them won’t change anything, and many of them simply can’t be fixed. Instead, we must face them, weather them, and emerge stronger on the other side.
That’s a good message, I think.
I suppose if I had to take issue with anything in the story, it would be its winding nature. Wataru travels all over Vision, and it can feel like it’s taking him forever to achieve anything. I’m reasonably sure this was an intentional aspect of the story, owing to how Mitsuru is shown to be marching relentlessly and directly for his goal while Wataru idles the time away going on separate, seemingly unrelated sidequests (there’s that duality again). The good news is that while Wataru is going slowly towards his stated goal, it’s not like he’s doing nothing. Every sidequest and unexpected detour introduces him to new people and different cultures, helping him come to better comprehend Vision and its people and how they relate to his quest. In many ways, it is because of this thoroughness on his part that he is able to achieve so much despite being in many ways inferior to Mitsuru. Yet even with that being the case, I can see some readers watching Wataru completing the second of his five mandatory quests and going “God, why did that take so long?”
Another point of interest is the copious worldbuilding. The fascinating element is that said worldbuilding isn’t concrete. It’s stated outright, by many different people, that Vision is different for every person who visits it. These worlds may overlap in many ways – as evidenced by Wataru and Mitsuru meeting on their separate adventures on numerous occasions – but they are still different. To make things even stranger, Vision is supposed to be a reflection of everything that is Wataru. When he meets different people in different cultures of the world, they will tell him different theories and ideas about how the world works, some of which directly conflict with one another. As such, we learn a lot about Vision as a world, but we’re learning it all from biased sources and, like Wataru, have no way to know who is right or not. Much like the real world, Wataru has to decide for himself what is and isn’t truth. But if Vision is a reflection of Wataru’s very being, does that mean that what he chooses to believe becomes Vision’s reality? Or maybe not, considering that in most cases Wataru wanting something to be doesn’t mean it will, ultimately, be. And yet there are clear signs that his expectations and interests have shaped at least some of the world and his interactions in it. Miyuki Miyabe’s methods here have created something fascinating and I applaud her for pulling it off so effectively.
I could go on, but this review needs to end eventually. Suffice to say that this is an excellent story that I’m glad I tried. It’s epic, has surprisingly complex and deep underpinnings, features fun and engaging characters, comes with a powerful theme, and possesses one of the most fascinating worldbuilding concepts I’ve seen in a while. If you can take the massive size of it, definitely give it a go.
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Firstly, very glad you enjoyed Recursive! I actually really like Starlight, and that one is one of my preferred stories I've written featuring her; she's a very fun excuse to use slightly uncomfortable magic in stories with her, since she seems to have a bit of a predilection towards using magic that takes away others autonomy.
Secondly though, as much as I'd like to take credit for The Donutier, the light on The Other Side of the river,and Red Meat, as you seem to have enjoyed them, alas I am not, despite what my name might imply, Hap. Hap is in fact someone else entirely, and whilst I lament their steadfast refusal to invest in the additional letters that would make them a fully grown HapHazred, they are not related to me at all and just so happen to be a different person who by coincidence has a similar name, also writes MLP fanfiction, and has a slightly grey-ish horse avatar, and I wouldn't want anyone to mistakenly think that their work is mine.
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Now I'll need to go into my archives and correct the naming conventions retroactively.
ORLY? All this time I thought you'd changed your name at some point. This is what I get for not doing a bit of research.
5769512 Nah, sorry. I remember finding Hap a few years ago and thinking 'ah what a coincidence' but since they've been inactive for a while I think I didn't think much of it until now. It doesn't help that, for short, I do also sometimes refer to myself as Hap here as well.
I read the title 'donutier' and saw an picture of Twilight in front of a donut shop and thought 'well that looks like a thing I might have written but my memory can't be that bad'. That said by the review I should probably give it a read!
RIP the archives!
Blame Tumblr.
I'm going to give Hinterlands a read. That sounds right up my alley. I've read some of Rambling Writer's other stuff and I believe you on the brutality. As another famous Reggie once said, "My body is ready!"
If it weren't for the length (yes, I know, but even 70K novels are a tight squeeze on my review schedule more than monthly), Hinterlands would grab me to read it quite easily. Helps that I've read enough of Rambling Writer's work to expect quality, including one or two pulp adventure fics. Maybe I'll try to not hold off on it too long…
Your assessment of Ladybugs Awake is curious, in that we have similar ratings, and you make a lot of the same observations as myself, of how sanded down it feels in breezing past the dark topics in TV-Y mode. But you seem to shrug and say "I guess the approach works, it's a fine fic", where I found it rather a liability. But we reach similar conclusive point of it being a passable diversion, so this feels like we're on the save wavelength, you're just being more outwardly positive about it.
Which probably says more about me than you, being honest, doesn't it?
Also, I haven't read Background Pony, but I don't think you should have felt you had to give Loved, But Not Remembered a passing grade just because most other folks really liked in. The trap of "enough other folks liked it that I must be wrong/be too caught up in my own tastes" is a tricky one, but I've seen you give Needs Work for less. If a story plain and simple doesn't work for you, that'll do – anyone who actually reads the review and doesn't just glance at the rating will see why.
Ooh, another surprise in store, eh? Could be another Author Spotlight, could be something else altogether. I'll stay tuned!
While I'm not sure Hinterlands is my best work (although I'm still very fond of it and would personally rate it highly), I do think it's the story where I did the most with the least. If you take a step back, it's surprisingly minimalist: the setup is pretty bare-bones, only seven characters appear for more than one chapter (one of whom is the opening murder and another who's mute), the bulk of the setting is snowy wilderness with nobody around, most of the characters didn't even know each other before the fic started... But even within those limits, thanks to character interactions, dramatic irony, and the mystery, I was still able to do things like write the same fight scene from two different perspectives and squeeze out what you called "a dense piece of literature". I'm glad you enjoyed it.
I was about halfway through writing the fic when I realized that some of the truth would probably be easy for a reader to guess. I considered making it harder to guess, but decided that someone paying enough attention to guess accurately probably deserved to have that attention rewarded. The feeling of "Called it!" can be very satisfying.
Ponky wrote a parody of Background Pony? c_c I gotta read that.
I preread the rainbow factory fic for you, and I recall that I thought it was good, or at least decent. Certainly could work as an original horror story with some revisions.
Female Presenting etc has been on my to-read list for years and I need to get to it. Antics with the principals is entirely in my interests.
It’s always interesting to me how people react to Twilight’s door not having a lock. I absolutely get why people find it over the top, but to me when writing, it didn’t seem extreme at all — mostly because, growing up, my bedroom barely even had a door! And it opened up into the living room!!
Thank you for the review!
Thought for sure I'd read Dubs's story, but naw, one that's similar.
Thank you very so much for the kind words.
I confess - youʼre not the first reviewer that said that the story was surface-level with the issues it talked about. There are several reasons, chief among which I have no ideas how to talk about these issues deeply.
Perhaps one day, I might write something a little more deep.
As it stands, thank you for the review and Iʼm glad you enjoyed it. Itʼs my best work and I remain proud of it.
I'd only take public interest so far. There are times where you should gauge public interest, but for the most part, you want to sell the public things they don't know they need. If the idea is really bugging you, you should just run with it. But, since you've been fighting the idea for so long, maybe it should take a new angle. Hard to say.
I started on another short story the other day. I wanted to set up exactly what I was doing and spent about an hour researching the location and developing a character. When I went to work on it the next day, I put a line break and saved what I wrote in another document so I could actually start the story now that I had a character developed. It's like a thousand words of stuff just to be shuffled away never to be seen by another person. This is how you get the "author did his homework" achievement, but man does it suck to write all and not use any of it.
Thank you very much for the review!
This feels very nice to read. Comrade Virág (Pinkie's equivalent) in the original movie is a really cool character, but because of the gov's influence, the director was never allowed to make him as evil as he wanted (and the character deserved). He ended up much more comedic than sinister, which (while hilarious) kinda undersells the fact that he's meant to be the deviously charismatic leader of the same secret service (the ÁVH) who committed so much extrajudicial murder and torture.
So here, unconstrained by such things, I wanted to make my own antagonist both sadistically powerful and a coward with no true convictions. Someone who you can never quite read and never be quite sure about their honesty. Pinkie serves the system, because it serves her and that's all there is to it. It's a notion one can find in many-many recounts of the IRL historical era. And so, when the system stops serving her, her existence is completely destroyed.
I was also inspired by Good Trooper Gilda's depiction of the character. I immensely enjoyed how Mitch H crafted a Pinkie who pats you on the back with a smile and a cheer while still threatening your life and wanted to recapture that, if only a little bit.
I'm so happy you brought this scene up, because this one is purely my own. The original has a kinda awkward timeskip here and I found that'd show even more in writing, so I went and filled the gap.
Depending on what your definition for a "direct 1-for-1" is, it might be or it might be not. Let me elaborate:
Does the fic follow the movie's main beats? Sure does, not to a T, but maybe like a t. AJ follows the same route of ending haplessly in a political play with a man of the government trying to compel them to be a false witness against an old friend who reached too high and now needs to fall, just as Tanú's protagonist Pelikán. Much of the setpieces are same-ish and many of the original jokes appear too, obviously adapted for the setting.
For example: In the original Pelikán kills Dezső, the family pig, and gets locked up for illegal butchery (during the Socialist-era, people weren't allowed to raise livestock for themselves, only collectives), this unfortunate event kickstarts the rest of the story. Ponies don't eat meat, so I substituted with something that would have the similar worth and value in a pony family's eyes as an illegally raised pig.
However, many of the jokes, stuff like the Trixie scene (and the Canterlot part that precedes it), the white-room torture, the uncertainty whether Cellie is dead or simply in hiding, Pinkie's characterization, how and why AJ decides enough is enough, etc. are wholly my own.
I personally consider the story a "generous adaptation". I wouldn't dream to claim much of why the story works isn't because it is based on an already legendary original, but it was regardless a three-month work of a three-person team and we've spent a lot of time to "make it pony" and more than a simple copy.
The intent was to create something that can be both enjoyed without watching the movie, while simultaneously enticing the reader to look into the original (and seeing how even you say you want to watch the original now, I think we succeeded). Previous readers who've experienced both movie and fic said the two differs enough to have their own merit, hell I've had one guy say he enjoyed Witless because he could resonate more with ponies.
The movie sadly never received an English dub, but if you're fine with subs, you can find it here. If you ever get to it, please don't forget about me, I'd love to hear what someone with so many stories under his belt would think.
And thanks again for reading it!
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I do, in fact, believe that my dislike for Loved, but Not Remembered is a matter of taste. I know for absolute certain that there are things I look at jovially that other people take with grim seriousness. It's happened enough times that I can, occasionally at least, recognize when I'm on the other end of that spectrum. I've been doing this long enough that I like to think I know the difference between a story which is bad and a story that isn't bad so much as I just didn't appreciate it as presented. And since I've read enough Ponky material to know that they know how to write a good story...
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It was, indeed, very satisfying. I'd say you made the right call.
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Funny, all I recall is the criticisms. I guess that's the "own worst critic" element at play. Anyway, I haven't yet given serious consideration as to what would be necessary to make the story an original fiction, but given how far removed it is from canon I imagine it wouldn't be as hard as most stories.
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In my case, I was always a very private individual. I'd leave my bedroom door open most of the time, but if I'm, say, asleep? I want that thing closed and locked. I can't sleep if the bedroom door is open. Ditto for a window without blinds/curtains.
I don't want people to know my business. I'm so bad about this that I can't write if I suspect somebody is watching me do so.
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I have always and ever promoted and lived by the creed of writing for myself and not the public interest. But I've been trying to figure out Absentia for years now, and there comes a point where you have to decide if the work is worth doing. Public interest has to play at least some part in that. I don't think I'm finished with the concept, but I do believe it's time to de-prioritize it so other ideas I've been stewing on for a while can finally see the light of day.
Besides, if I did decide to retool it into an original fiction, I'll need to stew on exactly how.
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RE: Pinkie Pie, I'd say you definitely pulled off your aim. I was constantly trying to figure her out and just as constantly finding myself a little flummoxed. It's a tricky thing to make a character so mysterious and weird without making it a turn off.
RE: 1-to-1, going by your description of what went into it, it certainly sounds like you did more than enough to make the story unique from the movie. I thus don't regret my rating choice.
RE: the movie, I asked a Hungarian friend of mine about it and he also highly recommended it (right after recommending Kontroll, which I have indeed seen). I will hopefully get a chance to see it soon. Having an otaku/weeb for an elder sister, I practically grew up on subs and generally prefer them anyway, so that's right up my alley.
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Ah, yes, the ol "wait, I have to do more than replace every mention of hoof with hand?" The curse of writing fanfiction making it impossible to share it online with any sort of credibility. Very much dealing that a lot lately. Star Overhead is nice, but one book series alone does not a portfolio make.
I too have followed this for all my time writing, (I mean, who wants to read an MLP flavored retelling of Paranoia Agent, of all things?) but I find that it bites me in the ass a lot, especially when it comes to trying to branch out like I am now.
I cannot confirm, nor deny, if I did any significant proofreading before hitting publish. It was a while ago, and I was not in a great place... by several metrics... so I have almost no active memory of the creation of this fic OTHER than it was specifically spurring into being by the (now infamous) Tumblr Purge.
"Female Presenting Nipples" was one of the many bonkers sounding things in the new policies that were being throw around by Tumblr at the time. The debate over just what that was supposed to mean managed to drag me out of an extended depression and failing health fueled fugue state enough to write this.
Looking back over it, I can see it's very rough by my standards. So your speculation on the lack of proofreading feels right to me. Either way, Paul, thank you for the review! I almost never touch the site anymore but I'm glad to see my pony words still provide some entertainment.
I guess I should've said something but I couldn't get anything much more nuanced than a "nice idea" out of my head to text. Felt like I should have tried harder than that. Sorry. I would be interested reading a kind of horror story like that. I did enjoy Rainbow Factory.