Paul's Thursday Reviews CCXLI · 10:02pm Mar 4th, 2021
As of now, my review schedule is under a lot of strain. For the next several weeks, stories will be completed and reviews written the day before they are actually due to release. This is due to several factors, but mostly stems from my decision to release a “long story” review every blog, which is clogging up the works. It’s also the reason I decided to limit the story wordcounts for these blogs. It’s important that I not fall behind even a single day, at least until the end of the month, and every day I’m reading a little more than I normally would. Especially this week.
So of course my parents have decided this weekend is the absolute best time to come for a visit. 
In keeping with my decision to talk about something other than horsewords: anyone play Factorio?
A lot of this probably won’t make sense to anyone not familiar with the game. I’ve been mildly obsessed with it this past week or so. This is my – fourth time? – playing it, but the first time since it left Early Access to be officially released. It’s always a highly enjoyable experience, my favorite part being finding ways to make what I need fit in a small space. I also derive great pleasure in zooming out and seeing a massive rail system with dozens of trains all functioning without any bottlenecks or hiccups.
But I’ve never actually won the game. I’ve also never gotten the build limits achievement, even though I go for it every time. Last time I played I got as far as unlocking the tech for launching the rocket. Then I saw the build requirements for it and I was like “nope.”
The problem is that I’m a “slow and steady wins the race” type of person. I don’t care to rush… anything, really. This is why I favor games with a more relaxed mood. In Factorio, this translates into me being unconcerned with things like production efficiency. You see how, in that trailer, stuff is constantly moving in a never-ending wave of production? Yeah, my factories never look like that. I haven’t researched mining-to-production ratios and exactly how many drills I need for exactly this many red circuit assemblies or whatever. As a direct result, it takes me for-flippin-ever to get very far in the game. So when I’d already spent a few weeks just trying to get the tech for the rocket and saw how much more I’d have to do to build the damn thing, I concluded I didn’t want to keep going. Hopefully this time, being aware of it, I can be better prepared.
I also tend to miss certain negative consequences of my designs. For instance, I have one mini-factory that produces all the early and mid-tier electric inserts. I call it a mini-factory, but it’s actually pretty big, with no less than fifteen assembly plants for the basic insert alone – because all the other inserts require it as a construction base. But I also need that basic insert to do research on new tech. My solution was to have any basic insert that wasn’t gobbled up by the other plants go to a train that supplied the research factory. The problem: because the other assemblies are prioritized and there are fifteen of them, none of the base inserts ever actually get to the train, so my research is dead.
...and it just dawned upon me that the best solution is not to build a whole new mini-factory based solely on those low-tier inserts but instead to expand upon that part of the existing factory. Assuming I have room, that is. Might not.
If anyone out there is an efficiency freak and has, like, a table of production-to-usage ratios or blueprints or whatnot, feel free to share. It’s probably far too late for my current game, but the info would be nice to have so I can get some of those trickier achievements like getting trains in under an hour.
Okay, I’ve entertained my little obsession long enough. To the reviews!
Stories for This Week:
Waiting For You by Rainb0wDashie
Stargazing by alexmagnet
Diamond Ring by DemonBrightSpirit
An Academy Record by Darksonickiller
The Dusk Guard Saga: Hunter/Hunted by Viking ZX
The Talk by Dreadnought
On The Transience Of Adelasters by WritingSpirit
The Bombed Audition: A Ponies Protecting Ponies Tale by Venates
Sunsplit by Masterweaver
The Company We Keep by Ice Star
Total Word Count: 366,699
Rating System
Why Haven't You Read These Yet?: 1
Pretty Good: 4
Worth It: 4
Needs Work: 1
None: 0
Waiting For You
40,936 Words
By Rainb0wDashie
Rainbow Dash is being plagued by nightmares. Nightmares of war, of being alone, of an orphanage. She’s afraid to fall asleep. Perhaps her friends can help.
This is a slow burn mystery in which Rainbow Dash tries to figure out the real-world cause of her nightmares. It’s honestly kind of frustrating, because the mystery isn’t hard to solve. At all. If you don’t understand most of what is going on within four or five chapters, you really need to work on your reading comprehension. And yet, somehow, Rainbow just can’t put the pieces together. Makes you want to whack her on the back of the head with an idiot stick.
This is a story with a conflict between its conceptual value and the specifics in its delivery. Some aspects of it are great, but others are… uh… meh? Like, Gilda is there for the first half of the story, begrudgingly helping Rainbow out. This is fine in general, and I have no complaints about most of it. But why is Gilda there? She lives in Griffonstone, which is confirmed in-story. I can get if she decided to visit, but the story acts like Griffonstone is twenty minutes away and Gilda pops into to visit town regularly, and she happens to do regular fly-bies of the Everfree Forest which conveniently allows her to know about some abandoned building that Rainbow happens to have seen in her dream. ...and then Gilda disappears from the story entirely.
Come on, Rainb0wDashie. There’s a better, more believable way to make that happen.
Then there’s Rainbow lying in her friends’ faces. “Sure, Gilda, I’ll help you get that tapestry later so you can sell it or do something else with it. No problem.” “Hey, Twilight? I hear you’re looking for a tapestry to fill up space in the Castle of Friendship.”
Or how about Rainbow telling Gilda all about her dream in one chapter, then in the next chapter Gilda asks for details about the dream as if Rainbow didn’t just offer them up a few hours ago.
Oh, hey, Twilight came up with this theory regarding the building they were investigating, and it’s the most likely answer given all the facts. So why, when she talks to Luna about it, does she give completely different theories without giving the “most likely answer” even a passing mention?
Here’s a pony who knew Luna before she became Nightmare Moon! Let’s lie to him and pretend Luna isn’t back, just to make him miserable.
Seriously, a lot of the decisions made in this story are terrible. They’re compounded by consistent grammatical problems, such as how Rainb0wDashie doesn’t seem to know what semicolons are meant for. On top of those are some strange word choices that look like the author is trying to sound complex and advanced when it really looks like they’re trying too hard.
Despite all that, I can safely say this: Waiting for You is a good story. Yes, the delivery is rough, but the tale underneath is a strong one. Likely derived from the Luna-centric Come Little Children video, the story is mostly mystery and drama but delves into some worldbuilding relating to a great war (not that one) and how it affected the foals of Equestria and Princess Luna. I don’t buy Rainb0wDashie’s depiction of Luna in terms of her role in Equestria’s leadership, but I’m willing to give that a pass on account of it being headcanon. I must admit that the story’s ending, despite feeling a little rushed, was effective and emotional.
I look upon this one with overarching approval, despite my misgivings on the details. I’d recommend it for lovers of Rainbow Dash, mysteries, and perhaps ghost stories. Those who like Luna may also get something out of it, despite her only becoming prominent as a character in the last two chapters. But if you’re a grammar nazi or someone who really cares about how a story is written, you’ll want to steer clear.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
Stargazing
4,429 Words
By alexmagnet
Twilight stumbles upon a stargazing Trixie one night. She decides to show Trixie what stargazing is like for alicorns.
This was a strange one. It’s tagged as “Slice-of-Life”, and it’s true that there’s no overt romance, and yet at the same time the characters behave in ways that suggest it. Twilight approaching Trixie like a nervous schoolfilly, Trixie greeting her like a fond friend rather than a respected rival, the two sharing private stories without prompting. It felt less like two acquaintances trying to be friends and more like two nervous fillies trying to admit to crushes on one another, even though such a topic is never even hinted at.
Then there’s the real meat of the story, which is alexmagnet stretching their descriptive muscles through cosmic sightseeing. I’m pretty sure that is the real purpose behind this story, and the whole friendshipping bit is just the excuse. Not that I blame the author for this. Not at all. It’d be hypocritical of me to do so.
In this regard, I think my only complaint is how quickly the author runs through the scenes. alexmagnet doesn’t bother to let any one epic moment linger, and I can’t help but think it dulls the overarching effect. Still, the author did well with what they gave us, offering sweeping imagery of amazing sights on a grand scale.
While I was never able to buy into the relationship between Twilight and Trixie as presented here – neither of them were treating one another in a way that makes much sense given canon behavior – I think I’m okay with that. After all, it’s not the primary point of the story. Regarding what alexmagnet was trying to do, I approve.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Featured on 08/31/1014! — Pretty Good
Legality Abnormality — Pretty Good
Letters from a Friend at the End of the World — Worth It
Diamond Ring
3,091 words
By DemonBrightSpirit
Prepping to do what will hopefully be some epic stunts, Scootaloo hangs out by the playground after school. While there, she discovers a diamond-encrusted ring. It must be worth a fortune, and Scootaloo can’t stop thinking about all the stuff she could do with the money when she sells it. But then Diamond Tiara comes searching for a ring. A ring that is so very important to her…
Written before Spoiled Rich was a *ahem* thing, this story demonstrates Scootaloo’s good character. It largely involves her facing the decision of whether to do a solid for the meanest filly in school by returning the lost ring, which happened to belong to Diamond’s mother.
DemonBrightSpirit regularly demonstrates that they are no average author, and this is more of that, as it does things that aren’t normal for stories of this sort. Your average author would have turned this into a friendshipping story where two fillies bond over memories and mementoes. While Diamond Tiara does show great appreciation for her ring being found, there is no big change in character or adjustment in perspective. She’s still mean, Scootaloo still thinks she’s a jerk. Heck, Scoots doesn’t even get a reward for her good deed (well, not of the variety she appreciates, at any rate).
This was interesting. I might go so far as to say “realistic”. It reminds us that one good deed does not necessarily mean instant friendship. Looked at by a pessimist, it may even suggest that no, the mere act of doing good for someone else isn’t worth it. I doubt that’s what DBS intended, but it’s certainly an interpretation I can see people taking from it.
Overall, I enjoyed it. It was different in a way that left me thoughtful. Sadly, the author appears to have abandoned the fandom last year; I would have loved to have had a conversation about their intentions with this one. So instead, I invite you all to give it a read and decide for yourselves. It’s certainly an unusual read.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
The Cold Streets of Baltimare — WHYRTY?
Inferno — Worth It
Schrödinger's Pony — Worth It
The End of Immortality — Worth It
Descent Into Hell — Needs Work
An Academy Record
4,963 Words
By EdgelordDarksonickiller
Requested by Darksonickiller
Spitfire knew there was something wrong with the Dizzitron. She could see it behaving oddly. But she let Rainbow Dash use it anyway. Now she has to find some way to tell her friends and the princesses that a bearer of an Element of Harmony is dead… because of her.
Darksonickiller has a ‘thing’ for funerals, it seems. I’m three-out-of-three reading their stories that centers around somepony dying – or at least believed to be dead. I get that sadfics tend to be interesting, but come on, author, let’s have a little variety!
In this case, we follow Spitfire immediately after the death of wonderbolt trainee Rainbow Dash due to malfunctioning equipment. The story plays out as essentially a long sob story where Spits assumes full responsibility and beats herself up over the fatality. Which, y’know, is perfectly understandable given the circumstances. There are a few odd things, such as the revelation that Rainbow had been hanging out regularly with the Wonderbolts and Spitfire in particular for some time at that point. Is this from the comics? Because it sure as heck isn’t from the show. I hope the author didn’t make it up entirely just to try and milk more misery out of Spitfire.
Because the author’s already on the edge of milking it too much. Seriously, they could have set this story solely on the day of the death and done fine. Exemplary, even. But instead they had to stretch it out into a whole year of misery. We get it. Spitfire’s sad. Did we really need a funeral and some speeches and Spitfire abandoning her career for a year? Or having Rainbow’s friends showing up on the same day she died – which is horribly convenient and suggests more unnecessary milking. I will acknowledge I haven’t seen the episode in years; maybe they really did show up the same day, or perhaps it’s up to interpretation. But you’d think that this isn’t feasible, what with several weeks of training to be done, the Dizzitron being literally the first thing they do for that training, and Rainbow’s friends appearing canonically after they’re already separated into pairs and started advanced training. So… yeah. Feels like milking.
Don’t get me wrong, the idea works. It works well. Spitfire’s reaction makes plenty of sense, the author’s writing is decent if fast-paced, and the ending is as solid as can be hoped. It just felt like Darksonickiller was trying to squeeze way too much angst and sorrow out of the topic than was called for. This is supposed to be a story about Spitfire growing from this tragedy, so why the heck are we wasting time with the rest of the Mane 6 and Scootaloo? Soarin makes sense. Fleetfoot makes sense. Lightning especially makes sense. Stick to these characters. They’re the ones that matter to Spitfire, so they’re the ones we should be dealing with. If you are going to get others involved, you should make them important to the plot somehow, rather than mere tools to try and poke at the readers’ hearts.
I’m sure the more emotionally frail readers will get something out of this. A few people I know come to mind. If you’re a sadficcionado, you might get something out of this. Given that this story was featured, my feelings towards it are probably in the minority. But to be frank, I think Power Ponies: The Storm Unleashed handled the topic of death far better than this did. I’m putting this on the middle shelf, because I’ve no complaints about the writing or the character behavior in general; it’s just the direction that bugs me.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
No More Magic — Worth It
Power Ponies: The Storm Unleashed — Worth It
The Dusk Guard Saga: Hunter/Hunted
267,064 Words
By Viking ZX
Sequel to The Dusk Guard Saga: Beyond the Borderlands
The Crystal Empire is coming back. Celestia and Luna know it. They need to be prepared. In this case, that means sending the Dusk Guard to the Frozen North to wait for the Empire’s return. More specifically, it will be their job to find King Sombra and stop him from getting back to the Empire by any means necessary. Even knowing they don’t stand a chance.
At last we return to what we all really want to see in a Dusk Guard sequel: Steel, Hunter, Dawn, Nova, Sabra, and Sky doing Dusk Guard things. Blade who?
I kid, I kid. The last story was great. It’s just not what I had been hoping for when I started it. This story is about what I thought the last was going to be about, namely the Dusk Guard dealing with Sombra.
The catch, as Celestia and Luna emphasize to Steel in the mission briefing, is that the Dusk Guard don’t stand a chance in Tartarus of actually defeating Sombra. No, their job is twofold: first, to get rid of any of Sombra’s loyalists that may remain in the Empire, and second, to pester Sombra and lure him away from the Empire until the Element Bearers arrive to finish him off. It sounds like an annoying side job, but it ends up being far more difficult than they ever expected.
To my mild surprise, this story doesn’t focus on all the Dusk Guard. Rather, it is told strictly from the perspectives of Lieutenant Hunter and Specialist Sabra. The former leads Sky Bolt and Nova Beam in hunting down and being a general pain in Sombra’s smokey flank, while also surviving a brutal Frozen North blizzard and the local wildlife. The latter joins Steel Song and Dawn Triage in a no holds barred, vicious battle against powerful unicorn supremacists determined to hold the Crystal Empire until their inglorious leader returns.
In truth, I enjoyed Sabra’s part far more. It’s a nonstop battle of wits, physique, and magic, all told from a zebra with expert training but zero practical experience in what is, for all intents and purposes, a war. And I do mean war: this is a kill-or-be-killed situation, and Sabra has to deal with the emotional impact of taking lives. He’s not as prepared for it as he thinks, and the story is as much about his emotional turmoil as it is the physical struggle.
That’s not to say Hunter’s side of the story wasn’t interesting in its own right. He and Nova face a continuous struggle, following and badgering Sombra as he gradually grows stronger and more dangerous. When their hunt begins, Sombra is little more than a wisp of fog trying to keep ahead. By the end of it, he’s a storm unto himself, a fear-inducing beast of a foe who will rip them and Sky Bolt’s precious airship to pieces if they make the wrong move.
With ever-excellent action sequences, steady and effective character growth for our two leads, and constantly high stakes, the viking once again delivers an exciting and memorable adventure. It was a pleasure watching Sabra grow into his own and discover what matters most to him. Seeing Hunter use this mission to heal age-old wounds and move on was a treat. And getting to witness the Dusk Guard finally get some recognition from canon characters other than the princesses was great, even if it was only Shining Armor (no offence intended towards him, mind).
And then there is, of course, the regular hints of what’s coming, hints that only add to what has already been brought up in the prior stories. I seriously doubt Viking added that note about “anti-army tactics and strategies” for nothing. It may be a decade before the Dusk Guard show up again, but I’ll be looking forward to it. Maybe they’ll even get to work with the Element Bearers for a change. Wouldn’t that be cool?
Not crossing my fingers, though.
This is in some ways more of the same from Viking, and that’s not a bad thing in any way. If you’re not reading this series, I strongly encourage you to give it a go, because it’s worth it.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good!
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Carry On — WHYRTY?
Discord Day Care — WHYRTY?
The Dusk Guard: Beyond the Borderlands — WHYRTY?
The Dusk Guard: Rise — WHYRTY?
Why Me? — Pretty Good
The Talk
2,752 Words
By Dreadnought
Sequel to Rainbow Dash Comes Out of the Closet
Rainbow Dash and Big Mac have been dating for months, but now the Apple Clan knows it. Luring the flighty pegasus in with cider, Applejack is ready to have “The Talk”.
Despite what the cover art might suggest, Dreadnought plays this straight. It largely involves Applejack and RD having a proper, grown-up conversation about Rainbow’s relationship with AJ’s big brother. There’s a little innuendo, a bit of heart-to-heart, and friendshipping all around. Dreadnought enlivens things a little by making sure to include show references in the process, including Big Mac’s past with Cheerilee and Applejack’s overprotective nature regarding her kin.
Overall, I am pleased. It’s not an amazing story, but it does everything it needs to do given the subject matter.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Rainbow Dash Comes Out of the Closet — Worth It
On The Transience Of Adelasters
8,240 Words
By WritingSpirit
Sequel to Cascade! Clouds Above, Obfuscate!
Octavia has arranged for herself and Vinyl to spend a week’s vacation at a cabin in the woods. It’s an unexpected surprise, but not one Vinyl’s going to say no to. A week alone with her marefriend in peace and quiet? Yes, please! Now if only she could get away from this… ‘other’ mare.
Just like Cascade! Clouds Above, Obfuscate!, this story doesn’t seem to have anything whatsoever to do with its predecessors. Different characters, different setting, different dangers, the works. However, I’m starting to get the impression that the stories are all set in the same AU. Which intrigues me, and makes me all the sadder that the author stopped developing stories for it. Not that I can blame them, considering this series has garnered frustratingly low interest for its quality.
And this story is easily the best quality of the series so far. Its tone is more akin to that of A Copper Cicada, Underground: creepy and ominous and dark. Told entirely from Vinyl’s perspective, it relates her struggle to deal with a ghost(?) that appears to have developed an obsession with her. Alternating between pleasant days with her marefriend and chilling moments of the supernatural, it’s a surprisingly capable tour de force.
I’ve read a great many stories of this nature. Where WritingSpirit stands above is in their strong use of visuals to Show us Vinyl’s encounters with the Adelaster, regularly engaging the imagination with effective atmosphere and tone. The story may not be anything you haven’t seen before, but the writing alone more than makes up for it.
This is my favorite of the series so far. It’s also the last of the series, to my disappointment. I guess I’ll have to settle for other options within this author’s catalogue. As for this one, if you’re looking for something a bit darker than the usual fare, it’ll do the job.
Bookshelf: Why Haven’t You Read These Yet?
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Cascade! Clouds Above, Obfuscate! — Pretty Good
A Copper Cicada, Underground — Worth It
The Bombed Audition: A Ponies Protecting Ponies Tale
2,373 Words
By Venates
Prequel to Ponies Protecting Ponies
Lyra is determined to live her dream as an orchestral lyrist. Even if her stuffy, aristocratic, asshole parents look upon that dream and her with disdain. Today she gets to try out for the Canterlot Symphony. Not the orchestra, but it’s a start. This would have been a lot easier if a bunch of goons didn’t decide to invade the audition in order to attack one of the judges.
Luckily, Lyra’s reputation for bare-hoof brawling isn’t without merit.
In this underappreciated and incorrectly linked prequel, we finally get to see Best Background Pony in action as a secret agent. The story is extremely brief and the plot basic: Lyra’s parents suck, her dreams are unlikely to be achieved even if she does everything right, and here comes the PPP with a potential new direction for her. That it features Octavia being a badass is the icing on the cake.
I’m still fretful over what may have happened to her at the Grand Galloping Gala, though.
Neither complicated nor uninteresting. I’d say it’s a decent introduction for people new to the PPP AU and wanting to get an idea of what’s coming. Despite the cool reception the public has had for this story, I do hope Venates will give us more someday.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Ponies Protecting Ponies: The Return of Chaos — WHYRTY?
Pinkie Pie and the Quest for Missing Smiles — Pretty Good
The Longevity Theory — Pretty Good
Ponies Protecting Ponies — Pretty Good
Early in the Horn: A Ponies Protecting Ponies Tale — Pretty Good
Sunsplit
2,219 Words
By Masterweaver
Prequel to Sunshipped
Not actually a prequel, but I read Sunshipped first, so… yeah.
Anyway, in this story it is revealed that Sunburst created Sunset Shimmer as a clone of himself. Why? Because he was young, unpopular, and wanted a date. Yeah, you read that right, Sunburst tried to date a female clone of himself. But that was then, and this is now. Specifically, this is when Twilight discovers the fact through sheer curiosity and somehow having her EqG journal with her wherever she goes.
This was the missing puzzle piece, and I’m glad I got to read it. It entertained me from beginning to end. Sunburst is in a constant state of humiliation and anxiety, Twilight is both confused and perhaps even amused, and Sunset is hilariously teasing. This was my kind of humor.
I’m looking forward to the sequel, which looks like it will explain how Sunset came into existence with far more detail. My only regret so far is that I read Sunshipped first.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Psychadelic — WHYRTY?
Cadance's Educational Video — Pretty Good
Floral Embrace — Pretty Good
Sunshipped — Worth It
The Company We Keep
30,636 Words
By Ice Star
Sequel to Tomb of Magic
While talking to one of the deity-esque beings that lives in the Crystal Heart, Cadence discovers that the Crystal Heart is dying. The being then informs her, vaguely, what needs to be done to save it. Cadence decides the best way to solve the problem is to kick everypony out of the palace, go goth, and hunt ghosts. Apparently.
Having read so many of Ice Star’s stories, I’m starting to think that this series warrants a dedicated theory channel on YouTube. Hello, Internet, welcome to Ice Theory!
This author seems to love being as obtuse as possible. The characters make inexplicable decisions that are never explained, say things in conversations that feel wholly random and unrelated to the topic at hand, and achieve their goals in ways that seem entirely removed from the goals themselves. It’s a densely packed mix of mystery and confusion, and I’m beginning to think that the only way to get the barest grasp of what’s happening in the overarching series is to read every story back-to-back while taking careful, encyclopedic notes of every seemingly nonsensical decision and sentence that rises from the pages in hopes of putting it all together like a massive jigsaw puzzle with half the pieces missing.
The Company We Keep follows this formula thoroughly. Cadence is told that there are “Eyes”, a pair of magical relics, that can help heal the Crystal Heart. She is not told where they are, what they do, or how they work. Yet somehow she instantly concludes that they must still be in the Crystal Palace. Instead of doing the intelligent thing and getting some help, she promptly puts every single palace employee – and presumably government employees, as well – on a paid vacation so that she can dress like a goth and chase after a ghost that supposedly haunts the place. True to Ice Star’s usual methods, why Cadance thinks this ghost can help her find the Eyes is never explained. Oh, and Shining Armor is in Canterlot getting a broken bone healed, because apparently the Crystal Empire has no hospitals.
Then we have a Clone Sombra showing up. Because Ice Star can’t write a story without Sombra at least getting mentioned.
On the plus side, the epilogue finally answers a question in the kind of direct way I wasn’t sure Ice Star was capable of at this time in his writing career.
On top of all this confusion, we have the writing, which is… Ick. Homophones galore, run on sentences, and zero awareness of semicolon use. I’m not sure Ice Star understood what a comma was at this point, much less what they were used for, and periods are also sketchy at times. Then there’s the many, many instances of choosing one phrase oop no we’re using a different one but let’s leave the old one in there too nobody will notice moving on. And while we’re at it, let’s throw in random scene breaks for no reason, seeing as the scene we’re supposedly breaking from is continuing exactly in the same spot afterwards.
This was supposed to be a horror story and thriller. Alas, at no point did I feel anything resembling horror or suspense. I wasn’t invested in any of the characters or their motivations and none of the threats bothered me. I was too busy trying to figure out the strange writing style and its errors, thinking about some of the seemingly nonsensical bits of conversation, or being exasperated by decisions made with no apparent reasoning in mind. “I have one relic and know where the other one is! So instead of going to grab the other Eye I’m… going to… go talk to the ghost that wants to kill me and submit to its power? I guess.”
Having read some of Ice Star’s more recent works, I know they’ve improved a lot since the time they wrote this. I also won’t be the least surprised if they include The Company We Keep in their proposed, potentially coming rewrite of the early stories. At least, I hope so; out of the first three stories of this series, this is the one I think needs it the most. If Ice Star ever does get around to those rewrites, I’d be happy to re-read this one to see if it makes any more sense and better uses its setting and characters.
I’ll be continuing this series, as at this point I’m fairly devoted to getting through it all, but I may feel obligated at some point to start writing up some kind of plot summary in order to keep all the tangled, knotted, confounding elements straight in my head.
Bookshelf: Needs Work
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Autophobia — Pretty Good
Tear the Sky Asunder — Pretty Good
Tomb of Magic — Worth It
All That Lingers — Worth It
Bathophobia — Worth It
Stories for Next Week:
Arrow 18 Mission Logs: Lone Ranger by AdmiralTigerclaw
Fallout Equestria: Pink Eyes by mimezinga
Needle and Thread by Storm Butt
Negotiations by Rated Ponystar
Odds Are. by Overlord-Flinx
Horn Marrow by Sapidus3
Old Times Sake by thatonecoffeemachine
Walk in the Darkness by Rose Quill
In Her Shadow by LuminoZero
Freeport Venture: Blood and Iron by Chengar Qordath
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Thanks for the review! Always fun to see you tackle a Dusk Guard adventure!
EDIT: And I really hope it isn't a decade until the next one drops. It hasn't even been two years since Hunter/Hunted dropped!
Ooh, factorio is a nice game.
And I fully understand taking things slow. 
He likes it! Yay! Sounds like it had exactly the tone I was going for
I was really worried that the years-long absence would have seriously rusted my writing... Now to get to a point I can sit down and hammer out the next one lol
I haven't verified it, but I wouldn't think Dash's friends had shown up at the Wonderbolts Academy the same day, since one of the running gags was Pinkie waiting by the mailbox days on end for Dash to write her a letter.
I've read those first two. "Waiting for You" was alright, and I gather that it underwent some revision since the last time I saw it. I checked back on it, and some things have improved, some haven't. One of the things that bugged me the most was the way the resolution largely happened off camera, but maybe that's changed as well.
"Stargazing" was also alright, but it let the perspective wander around. The plot was fine enough, and I agree it had strong shipping notes despite supposedly not being a shipping story.
I welcome fan labor in all forms.
When it comes to stuff that isn't stand-alone, I don't really do the dead weight that are recaps. The dialogue and objects in the series are the best clues you'll get for solving any of the mysteries and the like. As for what came before this bit: yes... the things you noticed are largely a fault of my early writing needing polishing. Same goes for some of the other parts you highlighted.
These two actually do have some explanation:
Cadance always presumes the least horrible thing has happened. She's sweet and optimistic, even when it is lethal to be so because Equestria and her general mindset/temperament. She hears that the ghost is a pony. She knows who the ghost is. Clearly, the ghost being a pony who was the previous ruler is something that will mean it can't be evil, and so on. This part likely wasn't conveyed that well, and was another early reach for indirect characterization that I just didn't have down to pat yet.
He needed a healer which would be a unicorn. The Crystal Empire has hospitals, but obviously, ones that are still being modernized after one thousand years. What they don't have is a (magic) healer, which is because the Crystal Empire is filled with... crystal ponies. The Crystal Empire is also one citadel and the surrounding countryside, pulled straight out of time, and having previously dealt with slavery and the like. They don't have the best resources at the moment. It felt abnormal and redundant to specify that the healer would be a unicorn because that would be the norm for that society. If he was just seeing a general doctor, I'd have said doctor, not a healer.
Paul, I have an image to maintain, and it is Sombra okay gosh jeez darn dangit.
Can I take this as a compliment? 'Cause it doesn't really feel like one.
Yeah... a lot of this was common in my early writing because prior to writing horsewords, I had a lot of learning disability-related stuff that was going on and just wasn't very practiced at the keyboard. The Company We Keep and Divine Move had this the most because they also hadn't gone through many other editors and such. It's... kind of a lot, and I feel incredibly guilty I can't whip it into shape instantly.
I mean, I try. My longer stuff has all my favorite stories, and I know they need the TLC so it is awkward not seeing too much you seemed to enjoy in any of the reviews, and each time a sequel is added to the reading shelf of yours.
Believe me, I'd love to. And all of them, from Crystalline through Favorable Alignment, and even the earlier chapters of Enemy of Mine will be getting the polishing and improved text treatment. It's just that I have two undergrad degrees in progress, and these are really long stories that require a lot of dedication and time. I don't want to start with them until I've cleared the shorter stories I've been working on revising and improving, and most importantly, these need a lot of time and effort to be put into them. I take notes here and there from time to time, and I know where I can locate all your reviews again. But there's a lot more that needs to be done, and it's not currently time I have right now.
Plus, I have new projects (although they're coming along much slower now due to the revisions) and updates to existing ones too.
I'd be interested in seeing what you come up with!
I picked up Factorio a while back, once I got frustrated with trying to mod time zones into Minecraft. Sadly, I also thought it was a little too game-like and not enough factory-like, for instance the pollution and resource-exhaustion mechanics.
My ideal factory game would basically just be a complete automation/manufacturing sandbox:
I realize this is in a lot of ways similar to Minecraft with a few popular mods, but it's also not quite Minecraft with any combination of mods I've been able to discover.
Hmm. Oh, right, fanfiction about technicolor horses. Hmm. Never really been a fan of pure SoL or character-study 'fics, so not a lot here grabs me, although I might take a look at the Dusk Guard 'fic. Been meaning to catch up on that series.
Actually, I believe WritingSpirit has two more stories in that series that you haven’t reviewed yet. I haven’t gotten to all of those myself, but I agree—WritingSpirit has a talent for this stuff, and they’re quite enjoyable.
I liked Cascade more than Adelasters, but they're both quite good regardless. :)
I am really interested to find out what an author named Storm Butt does. <.<
It's funny, I was actually handed a print copy of Waiting For You directly by the author at a con I attended years back. I, too, had mixed feelings about it, and left a similar review with constructive criticism in the comments. However, he apparently didn't take it well, and just deleted the comment entirely. So, fair warning, he, uh, might not take this well.
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Yeah, there's this one:
- MLP: FiM
- Dark
- Horror
- Mystery
✽ Tale V of XXXIII ✽Oh man, I'm really looking forward to several on this next set of reviews.
Jesus there is no pleasing you. please refrain from giving me any further reviews thank you.
It's late, or I might have more to say. Re: Factorio:
There's a factory planner mod, IIRC by the name Factory Planner, that can calculate eveything you want (that is exactly what it's for) in-game, which you could use as a shortcut through the math. That and main-bus design factories (which do require a fair bit of knowledge regarding the final form of the factory to pull off the best, but can be somewhat flexible regardless) should be able to get you pretty far if all you're aiming to do is win the game.
Efficiency =/= speed.
I have -- let's call it "some" -- experience, and feel free to poke me if you want to talk more about it.
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Good luck with that. I know how hard it can be to get back into the grove after an absence.
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Waiting For You's resolution was definitely on-camera when I read it. The catch is that the resolution focuses entirely on Luna instead of Rainbow, who is basically just watching it happen.
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There are still a ton of issues with this interpretation, including:
I'll think of this as my warning for Divine Move, which I do intend to read eventually. Though it may be a while. But yeah, don't feel too bad. I know how hard it can be to go back and fix old issues.
Going back to the whole theory/plot summary thing, I dunno. It would be a lot of dedicated work where I go through everything I've already read (which is a ton) and try to form some kind of timeline and in which I'd be making (probably pointless) attempts to connect nebulous and unclear statements as short as a single sentence to other events from other stories completely removed from where the sentence was uttered and... yeah, lot of work. I'd need the time.
Try not to be discouraged. I know it's a lot trying to clean up all of the early works and you've already got a lot on your plate. I know those feels, bro.
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Wow. Sounds like some of my ideas for other game types, particularly war strategies. I always wanted to try my hand at making something, but I just don't have the skills for it, y'know? And if I tried to get a group together to start on one of my ideas, it would probably kill all my other, non-game-related projects, like reading/writing/reviewing. Gotta have my priorities.
But yeah, definitely keep going with the Dusk Guard. The viking keeps things interesting.
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I believe you guys (or someone, at least) brought this to my attention the last time I reviewed one of WritingSpirit's stories, but I keep forgetting because they aren't linked together like the others are. I'll have to keep it in mind next time. Sure I probably said that last time,too, but still...
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I've already reviewed a couple of SB's stories, but Needle and Thread will be the first one I review that isn't written for a laugh.
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Eh, it's the risk one takes as a reviewer.
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I might have to try that. Any chance it kills achievements? I kinda-sorta like hunting those down. But even if it did, it could help me improve my designs so that I can have a better chance at getting them in the future.
It's odd my post was downvoted.
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Again, it's newly returned and I wanted that to be reflected in the story: it is under-resourced and not a prime location to immigrate to at all right now.
I've depicted her doing basic healing magic (ie. like flesh wounds), and always had broken bones as advanced.
It's so hard oh my goodness. The reviews are always incredibly helpful, though. It's just holy cow do I have my work cut out for me.
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Yeah, I was wondering where those downvotes were coming from.
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I guess not being offended offends people?
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In this day and age, I find that wholly believable.
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I've had the outline done for a while, which really helps. There's just been a certain spark that's been missing to get me pumped and ready to bring it into the world, you know? Not sure if it's purely motivation or if there's a certain umph the story still needs. For Return of Chaos it was this sudden idea that I could combine two characters, and somehow that led to this "YES" moment that said the story was ready to be told. I am excited to bring the trilogy home, as I've had plans for this story and have planted seeds for it since the first one. I just want to make sure I do it right, you know? Or I could always do another short one-off, if just to keep the juices flowing and the characters alive in my head, haha
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It’s always hilarious to see what gets downvoted now and what gets lauded.
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Sadly, yes. With any mods achievements are tracked in-game, but no longer carry over to Steam. It is unsurprising, though a bit disappointing given that I just like to have a handful of simple mods that improve QoL more than break/change gameplay.
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A shame. Perhaps I can start a new game for the sake of experimenting and bring the designs over to the real one after.
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I know those feels. I've been sort of stuck in them for the last six months. I just can't seem to write as much as I used to.
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It's the pits, am I right? Caught between saying you just gotta power through it and not wanting to force it. The muse acts on its own mysterious whim
Ahhhh, I love the Factorio trailer. If only that music was in the game somewhere.....
I've also never finished a game, and it sounds like you've gotten farther than me in total. I like to build my whole factory the way I please, then look at and go "wait, this doesn't do what I need at all!" and tear whole pieces of it down to rebuild them more efficiently. Then I lose motivation to do that and quit
But I guess some of the early-game efficiency can be done by hand. The speed for each machine is listed ingame, so it's just a matter of going "ok, if an assembly machine takes 0.5 seconds to make 2 iron wheels from 1 iron plate, then I need to supply it with 1 iron wheel per 0.5 seconds, and if I need 8 iron plates per second elsewhere, then I need 2 of these assembly machines and 1 iron plate per second to keep that part of the factory running." That gets real complicated real quick though, and unfortunately I don't have a list or anything of how much of each thing to build at once. Still, good luck on your current run!
Eyy thanks for taking the time to review my story, I appreciate what you had to say about the story construction (the good and the bad) and will keep it in mind moving forward
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It is indeed a lot to keep track of. I keep trying and it always frustrates me into giving up. Which says something coming from me, I'd like to think.