Paul's Thursday Reviews CXCIX · 8:13pm Mar 26th, 2020
And I’m back! Computer’s got a new motherboard and is running fine. No more weird formatting, and for that I am very happy.
But I face the reality that this has been an expensive month. From charitable donations to computer repairs to other issues, I’ve spent close to $900 I normally wouldn’t have. To make matters worse, my company just announced they’re cutting everyone’s pay by 20% until the economy settles down. I don’t mind this decision. I mean, they could have done layoffs instead, and I hear one of our rivals is doing 50% salary cuts. I still have a job, and it still pays enough to meet my needs – barely. It does mean that my hunt for a house is officially on hold though, and I’ll have to ‘tighten my belt’ for a little while, as my dad likes to say.
But hey, I’m not sick. Counting my blessings.
In the meantime, I must give a hearty thank you to anonpencil for starting The Barcast’s Halloween in April contest. I haven’t touched horror in a while, and I was suddenly inspired to work on some. As a result, I punched out two short stories in four days and have at least two more in the works. Taking a break from my other works, I aim to bombard the next few weeks with horrors. I forgot how much I enjoy this genre.
Still need to finish that wizard-based original fiction. Mustn't forget that.
Without further ado, let’s get back to our regular, properly formatted reviews!
Stories for This Week:
Thirty Minutes Shy by Esle Ynopemos
Sleeping Habits by Redric Carrun
The Wealth of the World by very trustworthy rodent
Accidents by Dusk Melody
A Copper Cicada, Underground by WritingSpirit
Crusaders by chief maximus
A Flutter of Wings on a Cloudy Day by Scout Feather
Cross The Amazon by Chatoyance
Before Dark by Rambling Writer
Early in the Horn: A Ponies Protecting Ponies Tale by Venates
Total Word Count: 165,463
Rating System
Why Haven't You Read These Yet?: 2
Pretty Good: 4
Worth It: 3
Needs Work: 1
None: 0
Thirty Minutes Shy
23,178 Words
By Esle Ynopemos
This isn’t so much a story as it is a collection of shorts, all featuring Fluttershy in at least some capacity and each written in thirty minutes or less. The topics are extensive and the stories never have anything to do with one another, so much so that it can be safely stated each is in its own separate little AU. We’ve got Assassinshy, Ninjashy (there’s a fine difference, I assure you (also, apparently “Ninjashy” is a word according to GDocs), Lonelyshy, Cloneshy, and so many more Shys. There are stories shipping Fluttershy with assorted friends. One where she’s a magical girl. One about her mother. One about her father. One about changelings.
I think you get the idea. My personal favorite was the Surreal Tragedy, but nearly all of them have something worth paying attention to. I had fun watching Fluttershy engaged in all sorts of shenanigans of varying levels of seriousness and silliness. Just about the only thing that surprises me in all of this is the lack of Discord.
Due to the nature of the story, I’ll have to grade this on an average. Regardless, I’m willing to give it a high result. Any fan of Fluttershy will love this, but it’s also great reading material for anyone with an interest in writing interesting short stories.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good!
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author! (Wait, really? I was so sure…)
Sleeping Habits
8,504 Words
By Redric Carrun
This one instantly had my attention when it first released and started making the Featured rounds back in 2017 (and that should be an indication to all of you how long it takes me to get to stories). It begins with a pony at a bar accusing Rainbow of being a lazy bum with no job, only for an offended Rainbow to immediately head out and start doing…. Well, her job. As it turns out, being Weather Pony Captain is as demanding a task as they come, and Rainbow is at it practically all day.
There’s a reason she’s known for taking naps.
Set before the events of the show, this is a pleasant story that is something akin to a character study of everyone’s favorite blue pegasus. The narration shifts are a little… chaotic? You never know from whose perspective you’ll be seeing things at any given moment. But I’m okay with this overall, as it gives us a view of what various characters think of Rainbow, from the barkeep’s misinformed idea of her laziness to Applejack’s firm, if fretful, belief that Rainbow is the hardest worker that ever lived.
Fans of Rainbow Dash will likely really enjoy this. It’s a bit of slice-of-life… well, really, that’s all it is. It’s a brief look into the everyday goings on of Rainbow Dash, with no higher purpose involved. If that sounds like something you’re interested in, then by all means, try it.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
The Wealth of the World
7,850 Words
By very trustworthy rodent
Due to their petty perspective of a government and princess that has supposedly abandoned them through corruption and indifference, a band of radicals leave Equestria to start their own nation. They soon land in a place known only as The Island, where they begin their new lives as reformed, ‘good’ ponies. ‘Good’, of course, means an entire rework of civilization: the end of property, of currency, of history, and anything fundamental to the ‘old ways’. And yet, one member of their expedition thinks they haven’t gone far enough…
Intended as an homage to Nathaniel Hawthorne, this story is a powerful look at a society’s collapse. Despite being told in that less evocative form of ‘retelling after the fact’, very trustworthy rodent does an excellent job maintaining interest in The Island’s rise as a utopia and fall as a dystopia.
I think that the most interesting, and perhaps most fundamental, aspect of the story is that there isn’t a single, unified march towards destruction. Rather, while all the islanders are radical, some are more radical than others. The former have at least some semblance of reason and, as a result, perhaps stood a chance of surviving as a society. The latter are intent on seeing that society – indeed, all society – destroyed as fundamentally evil. The tragic results for all are beyond predictable.
With a style that is distinct (I can tell the author worked hard to channel the source of their inspiration) and a story that is ceaselessly fascinating, The Wealth of the World is as strong as I could have hoped. It’s one flaw, the unoriginality of the concept in its most basic form, is a minor thing compared to just how well done this homage is. I thoroughly enjoyed it. My only regret is my lack of awareness of Hawthorne’s overarching works, as I’d be curious to know if very trustworthy rodent had any references for the aware to delight over.
Bookshelf: Why Haven’t You Read These Yet?
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
After the Races — WHYRTY?
Accidents
9,326 Words
By Dusk Melody
Applejack’s wife, Fluttershy, is halfway through her pregnancy, and the couple couldn’t be happier. But then there’s an… accident.
To be blunt, this is a story in which a mistake on both their parts leads to Fluttershy miscarrying. It is apparently a very personal story, as the author has some personal experience with the subject. I’m not one to fault anybody for wanting to write something that is so personal to them, and the concept is indeed quite tragic. By context alone, it’s hard not to feel bad for the couple.
The problem with the story is that context is all we get. Oh, we see what happens and witness their pain, but I’m sorry to say Dusk Melody’s writing skills aren’t on par with the subject matter:
Fluttershy slumped back into the bed, she was exhausted, she wanted to sleep.
See what I mean? The author doesn’t seem to understand the basic usage of commas, and a large percentage of the story runs like this. Other grammar issues pop up with great frequency. Then there’s the sheer Tell present in that quote alone. The combination of poor grammar and writing style kills immersion and chokes out the potential emotion so that we are, as stated before, relying purely on the ‘what’ of the events to derive any.
Then there’s the unnecessary information:
The earth pony wasn't aware the Pegasi weather team had scheduled rain fall later that evening.
Ignoring that it’s “rainfall”, there’s nothing wrong with this sentence by itself. Then you realize this sentence has nothing to do whatsoever with what is happening in the story at the moment. Oh, yes, it starts to rain near the end of the chapter, but that’s long removed from when the statement is made. Indeed, the observation is entirely pointless; it could have been left out and nothing would have changed in our comprehension of the overall story. These are the kinds of distracting things that further ruin immersion.
Yes, this is heartbreaking in subject matter. Yes, we should all feel bad for Applejack and Fluttershy. Dusk Melody’s intentions are laudable. But good intentions don’t lead to passing grades. Perhaps with the assistance of an editor to get the grammar right and some pre-readers to aid in the directing this could have been a solid sadfic. As is?
Bookshelf: Needs Work
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
A Copper Cicada, Underground
4,671 Words
By WritingSpirit
Limestone goes to find her youngest sister Marble, who is out unusually far from home considering the time. She finds her in an abandoned mineshaft, listening to some strange, ringing sound in the earth. Is it mesmerizing or terrifying?
Easily qualifying as a Weird Tale through its unanswered questions, the story revolves around Limestone and Marble dealing with the strange noise and the unnatural effect it is having on them both. Things gradually change from odd to creepy, which is effectively handled by WritingSpirit’s literary style. Even when the problem is resolved, though, it is unclear exactly what happened. I’m only glad that they aren’t the first to face this… whatever it is.
What I didn’t know upon selecting this story is that it is apparently part of a series of shorts. Will things be explained in the overarching franchise, or will each story be unrelated to the other, with nothing ever truly explained? This story, while pretty tame for its genre, has caught my interest enough to make me want to read more and find out.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
Crusaders
2,915 Words
By chief maximus
Nobody took the rumors of the changelings and the griffons forging an alliance seriously. At least, not until the Princesses and the bearers of the Elements of Harmony got captured and the nation fell overnight. Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo lucked out and escaped capture. Now they have to find a way to fight back.
The premise here is nothing new. It’s just Apple Bloom recounting the first two days of a war which we will never get to see written out. That makes this the most disappointing class of story: the broken promise of an epic. It’s a beginning, and no more. Want to know what happens? Too bad.
That doesn’t relegate the story to negativity though. Despite being told in that far off “this is something I experienced” style rather than letting us experience it ourselves, chief maximus manages to convey a surprisingly moody and emotional piece. As they say, clichés exist for a reason. There’s an excellent awareness of atmosphere in this piece that is very hard to convey given the author’s choice of presentation.
I’m putting this on the middle ground. The delivery is about as good as I could hope for given the style, but if chief maximus wants my unfettered endorsement he’ll have to provide something more than a teaser trailer.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Everything You've Ever Wanted To Know About Wings (But Were Afraid To Ask) — Pretty Good
Putting The 'Harm' In Harmony — Pretty Good
A Flutter of Wings on a Cloudy Day
2,628 Words
By Scout Feather
Flitter’s idea of a nice Friday night is sitting at home reading and enjoying some tea. Cloudchaser’s idea is going out partying with a nice stallion. But when Cloudchaser comes home one night in a mess because of a crappy date, her little sister is prepared to give up her book and tea in favor of being… well, a good sister.
This is a simple, sweet story about two sisters bonding and cheering one another up. It caught my interest particularly due to being about a pair of background ponies I’ve never read about before. There’s not a whole lot to the story. As I said, it’s simple. It lacks narrative creativity, but makes up for it with its pleasant theme and decent characterization.
If seeing a pair of sisters bonding over ice cream and crummy TV shows interests you, there’s no reason not to give it a go.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Late Night Reading Buddy — Pretty Good
Adolescence — Needs Work
Cross The Amazon
86,407 words
By Chatoyance
I saw that cover and was reminded of an old movie, maybe from the 50’s or 60’s, about a British safari tour guide who has to flee alone on foot from tribals in Africa intent on killing him. A shame I can’t remember the name or who starred in it, it was a very good film. Anyway, those little flashbacks told me I had to give this one a look.
This is set in a version of The Conversion Bureau universe. I have never read anything Conversion Bureau before, so I have no idea if Chatoyance tried to be true to the original or came up with their own variant of the idea (although they seem to have a ton of CB-centric stories, so I’m betting there’s a lot of consistency there). The story begins with Equestrian native Dropspindle, who has been visiting Earth to study South American weaving techniques before it disappears forever. There’s a giant dome of literal Equestria expanding across Earth and turning all things there into more Equestria, and it is coming fast. When Dropspindle learns that there’s a lone human named Calloway living in ignorant bliss of the danger a few miles away, she sacrifices her chance to go home to alert him. Because of complexities I won’t go into, this leads to Dropspindle and Calloway fleeing from the coming Equestria by any means they can, because ponies always help and that dome? It’s gonna kill Calloway.
Let’s just get the elephant in the room out of the way now. Yes, this is that Chatoyance, who has apparently been at the center of much controversy that, frankly, I don’t care to know about. Something about brony politics and misanthropy or whatever. It is likely because of this controversy that the story has such an extremely high downvote count. I am rating this story on its own qualities with zero concern for any of that. Frankly, I hate that I feel I have to say this every time this author comes up. A writer’s personal beliefs and politics should be of no consequence in rating the quality of the stories they produce. Now, with that out of the way…
This story has a lot of different facets, and all work nicely to form a cohesive whole. The first and most obvious is the endless fleeing. Basically, there’s a giant magic barrier spreading across wasteland South America at roughly 14 km/h, and if it hits out main man Calloway he will instantly die. It’s not so lethal for Dropspindle, but the nature of the dome means that if she gets caught in it then she’ll likely be lost and alone in the Equestrian wilderness for the rest of her natural life. As such, the majority of the story focuses on them doing everything possible with every resource they can get their hands/hooves on to stay ahead of this thing. It makes for quite the thrilling ride, but in turn that leads to…
Culture clashes. Dropspindle comes from Equestria, where ponies swear in pastry and can’t imagine willingly hurting another living creature. Calloway is a bitter man who is not afraid to fling about expletives and resort to violence if it means staying alive. Their methods and actions are constantly at odds with one another, which in turn makes for some top tier characterization and growth for both. Dropspindle gradually comes to understand the harsh realities of this near-apocalyptic Earth and struggles constantly to maintain her psychological innocence, whereas Calloway comes to recognize and appreciate that innocence even as he takes steps in defiance of it to keep the both of them alive. Naturally, there are times when they really don’t get along. Watching the two of them try to put up with one another despite everything is certainly one of the more endearing elements of this story.
Then, naturally, you have the sheer action involved. Be it jumping onto an airship in hurricane-like weather or fleeing modern barbarians Mad Max-style in a giant tanker truck, there’s some excellent moments to take in. Chatoyance accentuates this by not making the story nonstop struggle, but occasionally giving our protagonists the chance to sit down, think, and absorb the last few days of conflict. This constant alternation of hectic and calm is nicely balanced and ensures that no chapter feels stale.
I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention the setting, which is a character unto itself. Chatoyance envisions a future Earth in which humanity has essentially wasted every precious resource and doomed itself to a slow, wasting extinction. The manner of this is more fun than anything, with talk of “hamburger lords” chopping down rainforests for cow pastures, dead seas rendered irreparably poisonous through human waste, insatiably greedy megacorporations, a globe-encompassing smog (I had to wonder how the frequently mentioned solar panels are functioning at all), and an all-controlling world government. The whole thing is so over the top that it felt more satirical than anything, taking every potential “humans destroy earth” possibility and cranking it up to 9,000, and I took great amusement from that.
The whole story seems to run on a theme of “humans are trash”, which I understand is a common theme for this author (and likely a major part of the controversy). But for all the story’s bashing on humans as a species, it also goes out of its way to demonstrate the good side of them. This is one of the story’s more subtle elements, shown particularly in Calloway as he fights to protect Dropspindle’s ‘pony-ness’ and works to become a better person and treat her well, especially when their cultures clash in seemingly insurmountable ways. It’s this ever-present complexity within the main characters that gives the story a lot of its effectiveness and keeps things running when the action has died down for a few chapters.
All in all, I enjoyed this. It’s a romp set in an exaggerated, near-apocalyptic world that has its moments of seriousness and its moments of amusement. I was ever-engrossed in the mercurial, ever-developing relationship of Dropspindle and Calloway and always keeping an eye out for the next pop cultural reference. It’s sometimes fun, sometimes exciting, sometimes downright silly, holds strong on its pacing throughout, never neglects the perspectives of its two protagonists, and treats the dangers with the seriousness they deserve.
So long as you’re not hung up on whatever politics this author has become enmeshed in, you should find something to enjoy in this.
Bookshelf: Why Haven’t You Read These Yet?
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
I.D. - That Indestructible Something — WHYRTY?
Around The Bend — Pretty Good
Before Dark
14,966 Words
By Rambling Writer
Requested by Heartshine
Sequel to Before Closing
Five years ago, Bluebelle and Welded Aegis met randomly at a carnival and spent a night of quiet, pleasant romance together. They agreed to meet for the carnival next year, and Bluebelle dutifully waited at the train station. He never showed up.
So when Aegis appears at her market stand out of nowhere hoping to catch up, she’s not exactly enthusiastic.
This story continues the tradition of its predecessor. It’s got the same format, the same style, everything. It is, for the most part, two pseudo-strangers walking around and talking about whatever comes to mind. Topics range from the dangers of altruism to the nature of beauty to when it’s okay to risk diabetes through far too much junk food. Oh, and they might eventually get around to how they feel about one another this time. Maybe.
On the one hand, this story suffers from the curse of the sequel. The topics discussed aren’t as interesting, perhaps because they involve more real-world issues than Equestrian concepts, which was a big part of what held my attention before. It also suffers from “more of the same” symptoms, which for some will be great and for others will be less so.
Where the story differentiates itself from its predecessor is the ending. Rambling Writer approached it in a way that still feels strangely realistic, despite what happens not being realistic at all. A curious achievement, that. I’m willing to accept it on that quirkiness alone.
Yet the story retains its excellent writing style and focus on two characters who are genuinely interesting in their own right. I heavily debate where this story belongs in my bookshelves, but I think it’s just good enough to warrant a higher grade.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Before Closing — Pretty Good
Brittle — Pretty Good
Rigid — Pretty Good
Early in the Horn: A Ponies Protecting Ponies Tale
5,006 Words
By Venates
Sequel to Ponies Protecting Ponies
Amethyst Star is a secret agent assigned to Ponyville to watch over Celestia’s personal protege, Twilight Sparkle. Sounds cushy. Of course, her first day on the job is also the day Nightmare Moon shows up. But that was all yesterday. Now Amethyst just wants to get some sleep, and thus crashes at fellow agent Derpy’s place. When she comes to, it’s to discover that Derpy has a little foal. This wouldn’t be so bad if Derpy wasn’t about to go on shift, leaving Amethyst with what may be the biggest challenge of her life: foalsitting.
This is little more than some fluffy slice of life. You don’t need to know anything about the prior story to read it either. As long as you can accept the base premise of Amethyst and Derpy being secret agents on assignment to keep an eye on Twilight, you’re good. The first half of the story is largely setup and the second half is, as the cover art suggests, Amethyst trying to convince Dinky to brush her teeth. As is the way with foals, Dinky is appropriately adorable.
There’s nothing particularly new or unexpected with this story, but it’s well written enough to make up for that. It’s a brief bit of d’aww and fluff, which is all it needs to be. If that’s what you’re looking for in a story, there’s no reason not to give it a go.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Pinkie Pie and The Quest for Missing Smiles — Pretty Good
The Longevity Theory — Pretty Good
Ponies Protecting Ponies — Pretty Good
Twilight Sparkle's School of Harmony — Worth It
Stories for Next Week:
Mother Fluffer by TheVClaw
What About Twilight? by alarajrogers
A Smile Only For You by Never2muchpinkie
Lamppost by Lapis-Lazuli and Stitch
Labor of Love by JackRipper
Night Mares by ObabScribbler
Princess Diamond Tiara by ABagOVicodin
Apple Shampoo by Titanium Dragon
Shoeshine and the Khaki Maniac by FanOfMostEverything
Venenum Iocus by kudzuhaiku
Recent Review Map:
Paul's Thursday Reviews CXCIV
Paul's Thursday Reviews CXCV
Paul's Thursday Reviews CXCVI
Paul's Thursday Reviews CXCVII
Paul's Thursday Reviews CXCVIII
You Are Here
Paul's Thursday Reviews CC
Paul's Thursday Reviews CCI
Paul's Thursday Reviews CCII
Paul's Thursday Reviews CCIII
Paul's Thursday Reviews CCIV
upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/4/4c/Nakedprey_poster.jpg
The Naked Prey?
5229233
Yes, that's the one. Thanks!
I can confirm that Copper Cicada has nothing to do with the story before it and, so far, nothing to do with the story after it. (Though that one is really cool, a few chapters in. The first story I'm not as enthused about.) I'm assuming the series is thematic in nature, but I've yet to stumble upon just what links any of them beyond the soundtrack being used as inspiration.
Dropspindle is such an unusual name for a pony. I would love it except I hate the symmetry of the two d's and the "psp" in the middle. I wish she'd made it two words. >.> Weird comment, but there it is.
5229343
Aww, that's kind of disappointing. I was really hoping the stories would feed off one another. Oh, well. I'll still read them.
5229707
I mean, it's possible I'm either missing the connections or the payoff is way down the line. There's supposed to be
1333 stories in the series. But in either case, it seems you can take each story at face value.