• Member Since 10th Mar, 2014
  • offline last seen 12 hours ago

Scout Feather

Comments ( 318 )

Adding character depth is always a good thing. I think it's a positive direction for the story but I do recommend focusing a little more on the growing up part so the clop doesn't overwhelm what's really important. As for seeing more of, whatever your heart tells you, darling! :raritywink: But, I would like to see Scootaloo talk about some of her issues with the girls and mmmaayybbee another pony besides Rainbow Dash.

I really like your writing style. You are to the point and concise and your descriptions are very detailed and correct. I enjoyed reading this immensely. I think this is going to be a very interesting story and a big adventure for Scootaloo.

I believe you have a few editors to credit, my friend. That is proper etiquette, after all.

Ah, and there is it already! And I thought you will wait a bit longer, after you asked me for advice!
Ah, and I can't read it immediately, because I have to finish my own fanfiction and then there's already the next one that I have to write with a deadline!
Such a pain to endure this wait until I can read it! :pinkiesad2:

I love Scootabella. I hope it works out for her.

That's definitely where I wanted to take this story. I'm glad it seems to be shifting that way.
Not only is it about growing up, but it's about sexuality as well.

Sorry! This is only my second story on fimfic after all.

I hope you get to read it soon, and that it lives up to expectations!
I'll have to read your story when it comes out! Maybe we can collaborate on something?

Not a bad idea. We'll have to see what happens!

Um...umm...well...ok:fluttershysad: good wrighting i guess

I'm glad my wrighting lived up to your sexpectations.

Ahhhh I see what you did there:ajsmug:

this managed to make me laugh legitimately for the first time in a good while and its adorable thank you :pinkiesmile:

Aww! Well I'm certainly glad that it did that for you. To entertain or impact at least one person is to have achieved success. So thank you!

4074297 i apreciate the story sooooo much THANK YOU SO MUCH:pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy:

:scootangel: :scootangel: :scootangel:

Your comments made my day! :heart:

Ok buck my life. THIS FEELS SO FUCKING WRING BUCKKKKZ but anyways good writing I suppose... I iz so confooze with my life :applejackconfused::applejackconfused:

You're like the fourth person I've made question themselves.
I must be doing something right.

Will do!

Made a few minor edits, rewrote a sentence or two, and added a paragraph. At the recommendation of an editor.



This is pretty good. It's well written and seems to be taking a good, mature look at the subject matter. Quite cute as well which is a nice bonus.

Descriptive sexual scenes are always appreciated, remember to put lots of feeling and emotion into your work and don't forget about the senses, the feel of a touch, the sounds of a moaning lover, the smell of musk or perfume, the taste of your lover, the sight of them in an erotic position, etc. All of this will bring your reader deeper into the scene. Keep in mind that you don't need to have a sexual scene in every chapter, but when you do have them, put lots of effort into it. A short, clipped, badly described sex scene, or one where you just list action after action without feeling, description, or other senses, can actually hurt your story considerably more than having no sexual scene at all. The Erotic Thesaurus can be a great tool for getting ideas and keeping your writing fresh & varied.

You’re mother doesn’t seem to think so.

Personal pet peeve of mine, sorry.:twilightsheepish:

I think you captured the awkwardness of the situation perfectly, dear lord I can STILL remember the day my mom found my magazines. Oh, and I'm looking forward to the building relationship between Sweetie and Scootaloo, its gonna be adorable.

Thanks for the review! That thesaurus will certainly come in handy!

I know better than that 'you''re' mistake. I can't believe it slipped past me and three editors.

Excellent! I was kind of worried if I had achieved that or not. Good to know I can!

Just noticed I've been featured! Wow!!! :pinkiehappy:

must not let my views on the talent vacuum that is green day keep me from reading.
seriously though if you want real punk thats fun listen to nofx or dead milkmen straight punk rollins band or bad religion.
loved the first story and very much looking forward to checking this out.

I am not about to suggest Green Day is a good punk band. They're pop punk at best. If I wanted to listen to punk, I'd pick the Ramones or Misfits.

However, the thing about Dookie is that it encapsulates the awkwardness of Adolescence, something that album is famous for. Longview in particular is about Masturbation. So I stick to ny choice of music.


this is a nice read, looking forward to more

How reading this story goes "read, smile at the truthful representation, attempt to thumb up again. Denied, so try again, and one again denied. Click the up vote button for three minutes in the vain hope it will let another vote.

But honestly, I love this story! Keep it up.

Stop making me hate my life .-.

Thank you!

Your appraisal is enough, I assure you!

I'm afraid I don't understand.

4080404 I have problems... *facehoof* :P

This story is definitely going in the right direction, and I hope it works out for Sweetie and Scootaloo! The pillow scene! Hahaha. Scootaloo = :scootangel: I want moar of this fic! I'd like to see a dominant Sweetie Belle when the romance comes along. Also them wrestling for dominance would be cute to see~

You're right!

You have a problem with good fiction.

The tree-house, secluded, empty, perfect.

Ah the memories, last chapter you captured the awkwardness and this one you caught the terror. Nothing can put fear in your heart quite like confessing to your first crush. :eeyup:

Not only that, it's a symbol of safety and innocence!

Except, she doesn't know it's a crush yet.
Because fillies don't like fillies that way. Obviously. Duh.


4080432 Wat no I just Celestia dammit why do I have to post shitty comments? It's good but I feel awkward as buck etc. So YAY! I'm not insulting you or something, if that's what you're asking .-.

I know what you mean. No worries!

We'll have to see what happens.

Cute as ever, with some realistic feelings and you're keeping the story moving at a good pace without feeling too rushed. You've got some skill there Scout. :twilightsmile:

I swear I don't know how this is happening.
Seriously though, three days ago I was convinced I was a shit writer and it wasn't worth the effort. Now, at least I know I'm decent enough to write about any ideas that might come to might and people will read it, and it won't necessarily be terrible. It's pretty overwhelmed.

At least now I have the opportunity to keep writing, which I will, and over time with experience I get better.

I intend to study journalism in college pretty soon.

So, I read the first chapter and will soon start to read the second, but first some words on that one:

Well, what should I say? There is not even much that I can say to it. At least nothing negative. This turned out way better than I had expected it from you!
I already liked "Scootaloo and the Pillow", even though it was a bit short on description and came to the point very fast (which I consider more as a good thing than a bad one), but this chapter blew my mind!
Scootaloo's inner conflict, her feelings, her thoughts, the way her father approached her in her room and how he explained her that everything is fine, that all was written just completely realistic! And the same with the second masturbation also!
You portrayed that all so realistic that you can't wish for more!
I especially liked it how she thought on Applebloom, Sweetie and then on Rainbow Dash while masturbating and how she asked herself if they do that too.
A perfectly realistic thought, since that was just the second time she masturbated, and the first time with her hooves and after she was informed what this all means.
And her curiosity in the bathroom, about how she tastes down there, was also described well, with a bit of hesitation first, even with feeling gross about it that she even thought about that, and then giving in to the curiosity and carefully taking a lick of it, with realizing that it tasted good, but not immediately admitting that she likes the taste.
And very emotional scene with her father, after she had practically told him that she likes fillies, that was really heartwarming to read. :twilightsmile:
You have a good sense for delivering emotions and feelings too!

I just found two things that seem like mistakes to me:

In the scene in which she stands at the door and hears her father talking you first wrote:

Creeping to her doorway in the dark room, she peeked out.

And then:

Placing her ear to the door, the filly managed to pick out a few fractured statements

That sounds like she is eavesdropping at the closed door, which is later confirmed when her father knocks on it, but just some seconds before the door had to be open because she peeked outside and saw her mother and her father.
I suppose she opened the door silently, peeked our for some seconds and then closed the door silently again, but it would read itself better when you would describe that.

And there's something I didn't understand:

Seeing herself for the first time in the mirror that night, she turned around and got a look at herself.

Her fur was obviously wet and not a little sticky. Her privates, which had once been hidden behind her fur and tail, was enlarged and exposed. It still appeared to be dripping a little.

Did she turn round? Or has she looked between her legs?
She can see her privates, which sounds like she had bent her head down and looked between her front legs, which is the only way how she could see them properly while standing, but you wrote that she simply turned round and in that way, she couldn't see them.
You should describe her movements here a bit better.
Also, what did you mean with "not a little sticky"? When her privates are even still dripping her fur should be sticky.

Just some minor mistakes. But this is something you should look over.

And now, onward to the second chapter!
Her father is very understandable, though, her mother seems to be a bit hysterical, I hope she doesn't give her a hard time on the next morning!

Edit: Oh, and about the fate of the pillow, well, I would have liked it more, when she had kept it. :scootangel:
But since her mother caught her and they would have asked her anyway where the pillow is when she would have managed it to smuggle it into her room, that's a good solution.
Also, getting rid of it opened her the way to try something new, deepening her sexual experiences, so, that's a good thing.

Oh! I'm glad you caught me just before I'm about to go to bed.

I'm glad you liked the further character development, and see it as an improvement to before. I was very worried it would't live up to the original.

I want to correct something though, as it's important later in the story. Scootaloo doesn't know she likes fillies yet. She had the experience with the pillow before, reflecting on her kiss with Sweetie, and imagined the pillow was Sweetie. As her father explained the Birds and the Bees to her, he talked about colts. Immediately, these thoughts about Sweetie, her experiences and new feelings towards fillies suddenly conflict with what she's been told. She doesn't realize the gravity of the question, but it was just something that came to mind. After asking it, she understands, but not fully.

Her fathers reaction...well, let's just say that that was based on personal experience, and we'll leave it at that :scootangel:

If I changed 'placing her ear to the door' to 'placing her ear to the crack', would it make more sense? That way it is implied that the door is slightly ajar, and her father simply pushed it open.

I struggled with the bathroom bit. See, the idea was that she turned around and looked back at a mirror to see herself. I did this without explaining the layout of the bathroom, which would of complicated things, but it's not unbelievable that there would be such a thing as a floor mirror so that ponies can admire themselves.

There's a term for my usage of 'not a little sticky', but it's not coming to mind, but basically it infers the opposite of 'a little'. It's not even a little sticky, it's a lot sticky.

If you're intending another reply for the second chapter, I'm going to hit the hay, so I'll see it tomorrow!

So, finished chapter two!

Gosh, Sweetie hugging Scootaloo, the remembrance on their kiss and then Scootaloo giving her a kiss on the check, causing her to blush......
The cuteness meter is already over 9000! :scootangel:

Hmm, it's interesting, her mother doesn't seem to know that Scootaloo is into fillies. Apparently, her father hasn't told her that and kept her confession as a secret.
Will be interesting to see how she react when she will find out. And even more interesting how Sweetie Belle reacts now.
I'm looking forward to the next chapter. :scootangel:

Oh, and Scootaloo not touching herself in this chapter is not bad. This must not necessarily be in every chapter, don't worry. :pinkiesmile:

Edit: Oh, and a little mistake at the end:

hand-drawn hearts at the bottom.

Should be changed into "hoof-drawn".

Btw on the cover art, Sweetie's face is broken, shouldn't her mouth be on the front of her muzzle? :P

Like others have been saying, you downplay yourself too much, I personally thought this was awesome! And that bit of hinting at her dad's experiences certainly has me intrigued! :rainbowwild: And also.... 120'th like!

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