She didn't have a name anymore, she was only referred to as U-1746, the pin number on her uniform.
Your name didn't matter in the war, only how you performed. If you did well enough, you'd have a name that ponies would remember when Equestria won... if Equestria won.
She would make that her goal. She would matter. Her name is Rarity, and this is her story.
Proofread by Lightwavers.
Edited by Dreams of Ponies.
This story takes place during the Great Crystal War AU.
Cover art by Featherfell on Deviantart.
Now with an audio reading!
An entry in the Barcast's Second Writing Contest.
Chapters (1)
Bittersweet tale of being true to yourself.
I really enjoyed reading it. Even with the war, Rarity hasn't changed her kind and generous ways.
This is great
But also bitter sweet
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Thank you.
Another one? You make me happy
Gonna be looking forward to reading this tonight
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Short and sweet, Jack. Fantastic work. I think I might have to get in on the contest action...
Cheers
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First place is a plushie!
That was really nice. Definitely bittersweet, but nice. I'm even omitting my usual comment starter.
8407071
How kind of you.
Noice.
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👌
Wow... really sad, but at the same time heartwarming.
To be honest, from the description I expected to see more of Rarity chasing a higher post in the war-driven society, a post that does not conceal ponies under numbers.
However, what I found was much more beautiful. It's great to see that even in the nearly apocalyptic world, torn by the needs of war and basic survival, there is still place—if not need—for kindness and generosity. Thank you for this read. It gave me a few sad smiles and a lot to think about.
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Glad to hear it.
War? War never changes. But neither do ponies... Good show sir!
Extraordinary good work again.
I got a challenge you will not be able to beat : post a story i don't love to pieces
So, just like with your previous release, let me get into detail why i liked this one so much.
First of all, you did an amazing job at setting up the atmosphere. There was just enough exposition to make the situation clear, but it didn't reach the point of being obnoxious or feeling like an exposition dumb. Enough details to tell the story, but you left the reader to fill out the blanks with their imagination whenever it was appropriate. You painted the picture of the world this story is set in.
And what a picture it was. Bleak, gritty and downright depressing. They already went way further with the war scenario in the show than i thought they would, but this story perfectly describes just how gruesome a war can be. Dirty and worn-down surroundings and citizen's that not only have to suffer through hunger, loss and more hardships, but also have to sacrifice basically their entire existence for the cause. The idea with names being replaced by numbers was brilliant. it really emphasized just how desperate things really were in Equestria. Not only because, well, names are being replaced by numbers, but also because it's such a stark contrast to the actual show, which just helps to elevate the effect.
What was really impressing to me however ( even though the presentation of this universe and the way you handled exposition was basically flawless already ), was how you wrote Rarity. The contest wants you to not only to write a perfectly canonical Rarity, but also make her character appealing , even to Rarity haters. I would say you passed with flying colours, even in such a somber setting.
The hints of her wanting to create something much more than simple uniforms, her desire to stand out as a mare and the immense display of generosity, coupled with the way she handled herself in these situations actually made me feel like i was watching a scene from the actual show ( well, in written form that is...).
I could drag on and on about every little detail in the story that you depicted perfectly and that added to absoloutely amazing package this story is, but then this comment would turn out longer than the story itself, so i will cut it here :rainbowlaugh.
TL;DR : Amazing work, your writing never ceases to amaze me ever since i joined this site ( which isn't that long ago, but still ).
If you keep up this level of quality ( which i am certain you will not, you will exceed it ), then i might just be forced to leave comments like this on every story to come in order to express just how much i enjoyed reading them
..Well, as long as you don't mind this huge text dumb that is....
This was a beautiful story. Even in the darkest of times, acts of kindness can do a lot of good. Even something as small as sharing your food with someone who needs it more can make the world brighter.
There is nothing I can say that hasn't been said, but again well done a true gem of a story.
I do have one question, what did happen to Sweetie Belle?
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Thank you.
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While I have a definitive answer in mind while I was writing the story, I'll leave you to figure out what happened to her.
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Look forward to reading them with every story submission, as a matter of fact.
This left me wanting more details, very nice! I actually started looking for side stories on this thinking there was some kind of verse group.
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I've done quite a bit regarding the Season 5 finale, though I haven't started a series.
8407635
Alright then
I'm a bit conflicted: the story was good, but I found the "replaces names with numbers" thing silly: yet at the same time it's too central to the story to get rid of. I guess I'll just give it a thumbs up and try not to think about it.
"She did not dream that night."
Something about that first line is really intriguing to me. It drew me in and I can't explain why. I really enjoyed the whole story, but that first line is what grabbed my attention and kept me reading, like all good first lines should. Congratulations, dear sir or madam, on creating a work of art.
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I have an explanation as to why I chose that particular line as a hook if you're interested.
And thank you.
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I'm very interested. Please share.
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Alright, this might be a bit of a read.
Generally, when people don't dream, it's for a number of reasons. An easy assumption is that she didn't dream because she's sleep deprived, which is evident later in the story. Though, it's symbolic as well. She didn't dream because her world is a place where she can't dream, because her aspirations have been shattered due to the war.
I wanted to convey Rarity's depression in a way that didn't make her seem helpless. The easiest way to do that was to alter her mannerisms, how she acted within her environment. She was methodical, but you could clearly see the strain that was put on her throughout the story. She is a strong mare despite her tendency to complain. I wanted to show the strength of her resolve without putting too much emphasis on the bleakness of her life.
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Wowza. You put an impressive amount of thought into this. I hope my fanfics turn out as good as yours!
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All it takes is practice. Best of luck to you.
Review posted: https://www.fimfiction.net/group/212612/hidden-gems/thread/333677/labor-of-love
"others worked day and night to produce clothes for Equestrian soldiers to wear, which required her full"
This was my favorite part! <3
I still have a hard time imagining Celestia allowing her ponies to be relegated to a mere numerical categorization. Regardless, this was a good read and depressing as hell. Now where was that bottle...
s4.scoopwhoop.com/anj/WhiskyOTR/277481822.jpg
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No, she wouldn't allow it. But she can't micromanage her entire country, unfortunately.
8437192 Preoccupation? Makes sense.
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The war has captivated her attention, which means the lesser folk can get away with more.
This reminds me of a less intense version of 1984
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I didn't really think my story would relate back to Orwell, but it's an interesting comparison nonetheless.
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I dunno, it just kinda reminds me of what it would be like before people got used to Big Brother. Either that, or I just love Orwell way too much and I try and find comparisons because why not
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Shall we gather for Whiskey and Cigars tonight?
Life in the trenches.
Damn, that was good! We need more warfics about not soldiers.
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Glad you enjoyed.
You can has review!
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I will consider anything above a “Needs Work” a success.