Paul's Monday Reviews VIII · 8:39pm Apr 13th, 2015
Have some reviews while I struggle to finish some of my projects while looking for a new job. This stuff is getting tricky.
Stories for This Week:
"I want to be an uncle... THAT'S AN ORDER, PRIVATE!" by Dr Atlas
Everything You've Ever Wanted to Know About Wings (But Were Too Afraid to Ask) by mr maximus
RUN, LUNA! RUUUN! by Pony With A Hat
Discussions With A Defeated Queen by TheExhaustedBrony
Late Night Reading Buddy by Scout Feather
Rating System
Why Haven't You Read These Yet?: 0
Pretty Good: 2
Worth It: 1
Not Bad: 2
None: 0
This was about as dumb as I expected, but the way Flash Sentry knows it’s dumb sold it for me. There’s nothing flashy or new in this story (pun not intended), and it’s pretty much exactly what you might expect. Shining thinks he has too many responsibilities to add being a father to them, but still wants to see a ‘next generation,’ and so he orders Flash to get it on with his sister. Flash is appropriately horrified, but also mystified by Shining’s logic. The only point where he begins to crack is when Shining mentions the benefits of marrying a princess – and bribes him with a Second-in-Command position. Even then, Flash finds the entire situation ridiculous.
Oh, and he seems to think Twilight hates him for some reason. Not sure what that’s about.
Okay, so this amused me. It’s laid back and pointless, which means I can ignore the copious grammatical mistakes that litter it. I am left with the impression that Dr Atlas never bothered with a proper editing run. Doesn’t matter, really; I read it for the humor. It had enough intelligence behind it to keep me from branding it as ‘stupid funny,’ and therefor earns positive marks, but in the end it’s just a dumbfic.
Read it, chuckle and move on.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Sometimes we see an image and we just have to form a story around it. This is precisely what mr maximum did with this story, to such an extent that he actually incorporated each individual part of the cover art into the story… except the stretching for some reason. The end result is a sweet little record of Rainbow attempting to turn Twilight into a bona fide ‘Flying Buddy’ and Fluttershy dealing with the results.
The thing I most liked about this story was that it was made to be like the show, and does it well. Most stories that attempt to do this just can’t seem to pull it off, looking like the literary equivalent of an oval peg trying to fit into a circular hole (yes, that makes sense, now shut up!). This story threads the needle nicely, keeping just the right amounts of silly nonsense with real issues (the killer bees were a nice touch).
The only thing that bugged me in the entire story is the opener, which was essentially a ‘set up the situation’ wall of exposition. It did what it was meant to do, but I feel it could have been handled far better. Still, for being a nice (if a touch pointless) piece of ‘like-the-show’ fanfiction, I approve.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
I came into this looking for something cute and silly. Technically, that’s what I got. The story earns its random tag by being rather nonsensical, which in and of itself isn’t bad. The problem I had with this story is that there was nothing to it. No central theme, topic or idea presented itself, unless you count ‘written just to be cute.’ The story meanders in a way that is outright rambling.
I understand what Pony With A Hat was trying to do. The story is written from the perspective of a filly, and he wanted to capture a filly mindset. I think that, at least in terms of Luna’s attention, that was achieved, but in terms of dialogue and narrative description it felt very off.
Conceptually, the story’s adorable. In literary terms, it feels like a mess. In some instances (see above) I’m willing to accept some writing style issues to enjoy the story, but they were far too prevalent with this one.
Bookshelf: Not Bad
I wanted to take this story seriously. Really, I did, especially considering it’s meant to be taken seriously. But… I… just… can’t. It’s not that the concept is bad, or the general topic presented. It’s not poorly written. No, the issue that makes this story fail to me is the way it unfolds.
We begin with the night of the wedding, after the celebrations are completed and everypony’s gone home. Doughnut Joe is finally getting the chance to close up the shop when who should walk through his door but the (former) changeling queen herself, Chrysalis. Right there, my appreciation for this story collapses. I’m expected to believe that Chrysalis – one of the most reviled individuals in Equestria – just decided to waltz through the middle of Canterlot and step into a random doughnut shop? I’ll grant it’s 3:00 AM, but there are still going to be guards at the city gates and wandering the streets looking for any remaining changelings.
Okay, so maybe she slipped through.
"You can do whatever you want. You can summon the authorities to take me away, deliver your own justice, or whatever you feel I deserve. Nothing would be too much for me. I have no reason to go on and I deserve whatever punishment is given to me." Chrysalis rested her cheek on the counter and tears began streaming down her face.
Oh, so she’s miserable and given up and doesn’t care what happens? Well then she certainly didn’t try to get past those guards, did she? So somehow she slipped through Canterlot’s defenses, undisguised, probably not even paying any attention, and not a single soul spotted her. I knew Equestria’s defenses were lax, but damn.
Okay, Doughnut Joe wins a few points for reacting to her initial presence appropriately: “Holy shit! Changeling queen! Please don’t kill me!” Then he immediately – and I mean immediately – pulls a 180: “Oh, poor changeling queen, have a doughnut and tell me your woes.” Apparently Joe is the kind of stallion who sees a girl tear up and immediately forgives them for kidnapping a princess, brainwashing the Captain of the Guard and coming to within a hair’s breadth of enslaving all of Equestria.
Oh, and apparently the entire conversation of this 1.2k tale took up several hours of time, despite there being absolutely no indication of such.
This concept has a lot of potential, but the rapidfire resolution and poor setup ruined it for me. This story needs to be around 4-5k, not a measly 1k. It says what it wants to, but does so in a hamfisted manner that is grating to my eyes.
Bookshelf: Not Bad
Despite the lack of a comedy tag, I half-expected this to be a humorous story. Late Night Reading Buddy involves Rainbow going to Twilight’s place late in the night and asking if they can read together. That’s it, really.
One of the things I really liked about this story is that it showcases a side of Rainbow that isn’t often seen, and yet is entirely believable. In essence, Rainbow has been working unusually hard in the past few weeks, which has kept her from spending any time with her friends, and so she’s getting lonely. This in mind, she reacts to Twilight in a way that is more openly affectionate than would be her norm, and it works well. It’s nice to see Rainbow not trying to put on airs every now and then.
Also, apparently Rainbow has broken so many of the library’s windows that Twilight doesn’t even bother to get angry over it anymore. What is it with RD and windows, anyway?
The story does have its issues. Most prominent is that the narrative is very telly. The way Scout Feather handled this made it more than tolerable for me, and I even enjoyed it, but if you’re one of those ‘Show or Die!’ types it’ll ruin your enjoyment of the story.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Stories for Next Week
"Princes Is Wincest," It Said by cleverpun
Her Final Flight by palaikai
The Perfect Day by Majin Syeekoh
The Crystal Emperor by Ekhidna
How a Pie became a Cake by Never2muchpinkie
That first one sounds fun. :D Not sure how I missed it, I have to imagine it was featured at some point.
Does "I want to be an uncle... THAT'S AN ORDER, PRIVATE!" explain why Shining can't just get Cadence pregnant?
2981359 What's your next big project?
3032593
Read the review again, man.