See the way the ink bleeds through the back of the page. (she/they)
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Cherry Jubilee’s lived in Dodge Junction her whole life. She knows the ropes—she’s tied them twenty times over.
Somepony comes into the shop with pretty makeup running all down her face. It's no hard decision of what to do next.
Written for the New Blood Contest, where it tied for third place. Uses the bonus "an unusual matchup."
Review by Loganberry. Review by PaulAsaran.
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10/10. I always enjoy stories with Coloratura as the main character.
This was amazing! I love the tone, the way everything kept flowing. It was such a nicely put together story, each character growing. I loved the conclusion, the journey it took to get there.
Why don’t we have a Rara emote
Love that line.
A very compact story, and in a good way. The way how every sentence revealed and showed more, and not just what happened to these two ponies, but with all the implications and what the fic wants to tell as a whole. I don't know either of these two characters, so I can't tell if they act like that in the show, but I liked your characterisation of them.
The portrayel of city life vs town life—despite the town being more an "tourist trap"—the different weights each jobs brings in, all done in such a great and at the same time almost unnoticeable way one could easily miss.
All in all, a very well done fic!
Great story!
Oh boy, i loveeeee the repetition of this line throughout the story. I think it clicked for me a bit halfway down, and then i i had to scroll back up to see how youd last used this hook lol, it's super cool!!
This is a lovely bit of description here, the last part in particular rlly stands out with its comparison and emphasizes her heavy makeup in a way that says a lot abt who she is as a pony
One of my personal peeves in reading is when the author describes unnecessary stuff while trying to transition, and imo youve absolutely nailed this one--we dont need to see Cherry making the ice cream, and instead we kind of go in Cherry's head a bit (her thoughts on Rara) to imply that's what she's thinking while she's *making* the icecream, without explicitly saying that, and ahhhh its soooo good!!
again, this is a real natural transition, introducing the ice cream and then setting up as a reason for her to decline it that allows her to open up to Cherry a bit more, getting the convo flowing and such. it's rlly well done
i think this is my fav tourist trap line in this
...but also tied with this one, which is a wonderful way to tie everything back together. all the "ifs" addressing the "who when whys" if Rara would want to come back, it wraps up the whole fic in a nice and complete way even if it's implying things may happen later on. i honestly never paid rara or cherry much attention, but this fic gave them a lot of character and had a rlly sweet dynamic (reading was almost like a break at a tourist trap of my own in the middle of life lol). another banger fic as always, thanks for writing it!
Beautiful work.
Your prose, voice, narration and style are all so engaging and dynamic. I love it. I especially loved the constant mentions of “The thing about tourist traps”.
On a side note, I love your cover arts. Dunno what makes ‘em, but I love the simplistic, yet visually striking designs.
And with that, heartlesssons, you have earned your 29th follower!
Here's your New Blood Contest feedback!
My original judgement of this (as the first contest story I judged, coincidentally) came through in my result blurb:
On a second reading, months later, I still stand by that, cryptic as it may be. Only deserving for a story I thought was excellently written and borderline poetic.
And it's still technically perfect, by my proofreader's eye. Only thing I spotted that could kinda-sorta be considered a mistake was the following:
Could be a horn blared, or something else to establish the horn as a countable subject rather than something uncountable like wind. But maybe that was the idea. I dunno.
Narratively, it is very evocative and efficient with its wordcount, especially as it stayed far clear of the contest limit. Reading it really gives you a sense of the town as revealed through sparse rays of attention. The squealing train tracks, the acres of cherry trees, the disused restaurant tables and the lonely souls occupying or waiting them. The dialogue coming out of Cherry Jubilee felt unrealistic compared to Coloratura, but in a way that was somewhat lampshaded, and otherwise fitting for the moods they expressed. And, while slice of life romance isn't exactly my genre, I can't say no to that lovely ending.
I kind of wish I had anything substantial to criticize about this story, but it just is what it is, nothing more or less, and that works.
Thanks for writing it! And I hope to read more from you in the future!
Hello! Have a review. I know you've already seen said review, but nevertheless I apologise for the lateness of this courtesy note: partly down to Covid, partly down to disorganisation. For anyone wandering by this comments section: this is a great example of efficient storytelling with very satisfying characterisation.
You can has review!