Paul's Thursday Reviews CCCII · 1:57pm Jul 14th, 2022
That Airdyne exercise bike my parents gave me back in June has got to be cursed. As you’ll all recall, I caught Shingles shortly after using it for the first time. It was quite the miserable experience. This past Monday, I finally felt good enough to try the bike again. I only went half the usual distance, just to be safe. It was barely enough to work up a sweat.
The symptoms started that night while I was in bed. The next morning, they’d gotten worse. By about noon I felt like a train had run me over. Fever, cold flashes, alternating stuffed up or running nose (seems to depend on time of day), occasional headaches (sinus-related?), coughing, sore throat, breathlessness, loss of balance, loss of appetite…
Wednesday I took a sick day for the first time in the six years I’ve worked at the company. Luckily, my laid back boss was very understanding. When I left for the doctor’s office I was startled to discover that the mere act of closing the car door was a bit of a struggle.
Results came back. I have Covid.
When I got home I had lunch. That’s when I realized my senses of taste and smell were also gone.
That AirDyne is cursed, I tell you.
Oh, and Tuesday night my thermostat started acting up. Now it can’t stay on long enough to properly cool my house down. I’ve already put in a request with the warranty folks to send someone out, as it appears to be an electrical problem rather than a problem with the thermostat itself.
The one bit of solace I can take in all of this is that it happened on a Vacation Week, i.e. that once-every-ten-weeks time period where I don’t schedule anything to read at all. So at least I’m not falling behind on my reading. Frankly, I’m amazed this blog is coherent. I keep having to stop every couple sentences to think about words and… and words.
Ugh. Thank Luna the reviews are all done weeks in advance. Have some. I’m going to go lay down. On top of my sheets.
Stories for This Week:
The Haunting of Carousel Boutique by mushroompone
The Luna Cypher by iisaw
Trinkets by Pen Stroke
Fluttershy, Royal Game Warden (?) by JimmySlimmy
End by Pav Feira
Total Word Count: 173,900
Rating System
Why Haven't You Read These Yet?: 1
Pretty Good: 1
Worth It: 3
Needs Work: 0
None: 0
The Haunting of Carousel Boutique
33,431 Words
By mushroompone
Alternative Title: Practice Makes Perfect
When was the last time Applejack spent time with Rarity? It seems like forever. Now, with the CMC moved out and their friends spread far and wide, Applejack and Rarity have only each other, and yet they’ve grown so distant. Applejack decides to rectify that. What she finds at the Carousel Boutique, however, is something darker and deeper than she could have imagined.
My favorite ship and my favorite genre. No way I wasn’t taking a look. Alas, this is one of those stories that should not be spoiled. To discuss what’s really going on would ruin the impact for new readers, and I’d hate to do that to you guys.
That still leaves a lot to praise. mushroompone has crafted an atmospheric, heavy piece, loaded with vivid imagery and haunting visuals. Even better, they manage to tap into something many horrors fail to grasp: the unknown. You see a ‘ghost story’ and you know it’s a ghost. Ghosts are an ancient concept. We know how they work, the tropes, the methodology, the intent. The Haunting of Carousel Boutique hits us instead with something alien and odd, with whiffs of the familiar and yet no comprehension of its true nature.
This is a story about pain, loss, and above all, loneliness, told using powerful scenes and the unspoken affection that drives two ponies both apart and together at the same time. It’s the kind of horror that moves beyond mere scares and tries to produce a theme and purpose – truly the best kind – and is written with care.
I’m sure it’s obvious by now, but I loved it. It’s a bit of a slow burn, but the creep factor is strong, the writing excellent, and the conclusion elegant. This isn’t a story written solely for horror fans. Don’t miss this one, folks.
Bookshelf: Why Haven’t You Read These Yet?
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Radiowaves — WHYRTY?
The Luna Cypher
105,988 Words
By iisaw
Sequel to The Celestia Code
Word reaches Princess Twilight Sparkle that the dark creatures she encountered in the Badlands have somehow returned. She promptly organizes an armed expedition to deal with the threat, and Princess Luna soon arrives to lend her considerable aid. Twilight is appreciative of this, completely unaware that the Moon Princess has designs to conquer her heart.
For reasons I am unaware of, iisaw removed this story from FIMFiction sometime after I added it to my reading lists. Luckily, FIMFetch.net has my back. I’m still curious as to why the story was taken down, though. I mean, The Celestia Code is still up, so why take down its sequels?
The Luna Cypher is an entirely different story from its predecessor. Aside from references to past events, it doesn’t seem to have much of anything in common with The Celestia Code. The main underlying element is Twilight’s ever-shifting relationship with Luna, which ranges from blissful ignorance to lovey-dovey to complete confusion and even betrayal. At the forefront, however, is a chaotic stream of events that make the story seem unfocused as Twilight leaps from one big situation to another continuously.
I’m not sure how I feel about the directing of this one. One minute we’re fighting monsters in the desert, another we’re having emotional arguments with Celestia, another we’re trapped in a sub-world, and in another we’re dealing with a situation bordering on civil war. There’s so much going on that you’d be forgiven for wondering where iisaw is going with it all.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that it’s confusing. Quite the opposite; the story is easy to follow. It’s just that it packs a whole lot into a mere 100,000 words. Had I wrote a story with all these seemingly disparate events, it probably would have taken me three times as many words. Fortunately, iisaw manages to do it all in ways that work, with effective character growth, strong pacing, and atmosphere that might not wow you but which certainly gets the job done.
The end result is a story of a naïve Twilight coming to recognize said naïveté and struggling to keep up with all the bombshells dropping on her pointy purple person. Such revelations include the blatant corruption of Equestria’s governing body, the sacrifices Celestia has made for the good of Equestria (and I don’t mean personal ones, although those exist), and the less obvious challenges she will have to make as Equestria’s latest monarch. Add in a side-quest involving Chrysalis and the eternal pestering of a Nightmare Moon who has more to do with current events that might be expected and you wind up with a story full of twists and surprises.
Oh, and Celestia’s and Luna’s mother makes an appearance. You may be pleased to know that iisaw is original enough to not use Faust for this role.
I enjoyed this story quite a bit, but I could never quite get over this impression of a certain… disconnect from its predecessor. It may merely be that it’s been 1 ⅔’s years (at the time of writing) since I read/reviewed The Celestia Code, but I couldn’t escape the sense that there was something fundamentally different between the stories. I wish I could say what that something was, but it eludes me.
Regardless, this was a fun story that moves along at a breakneck pace despite its length. I think the writing could have been more ‘gripping’, per se, yet interesting characters, difficult decisions galore, and a never-ending sense of consequence kept me interested from start to finish. At times it felt like a sequel in name only, and it feels a bit unfocused at times, but it’s still worth the read for those familiar with the original.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
The Celestia Code — WHYRTY?
Hooves of Clay — Pretty Good
Trinkets
7,192 Words
By Pen Stroke
Sequel to Past Sins
It’s a short time after the events of Past Sins, and Twilight is helping get the last of the junk out of Nightmare Moon’s now-abandoned castle. In the process, she comes across Nightmare Moon’s personal belongings. She and the mayor decide this stuff still belongs to Nyx, so she brings it back to her library. This leads to a few curious discoveries.
Or: Nyx and Twilight bond over one another’s trinkets. Mostly Nyx’s, but Smarty Pants and the Mare-Do-Well costume also come into play eventually. Nyx explains a number of things that went on while Twilight was stuck in a dungeon, such as her encounter with Trixie, her secret book stash, and the Twilight doll.
I like Pen Stroke’s approach. It revisits some memorable moments in both Past Sins and the show without (much) exposition, and uses those events to further the bond between the two characters. Nicely done on the whole, although it will only make sense to people who have read Past Sins. I was also mildly annoyed that the lesson Nyx took from the Smarty Pants incident wasn’t the point of the episode at all, although I suppose it’s good she got something out of it.
A good read for fans of the original story. Everyone else? Mileage may vary.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Morsel of Truth — WHYRTY?
Past Sins — WHYRTY?
Fluttershy, Royal Game Warden (?)
25,543 Words
By JimmySlimmy
Requested by NumberFifth
A griffon ambassador wants to go hunting on Equestrian lands, but the only official, legal hunting grounds remaining in the entire country happens to be the Everfree Forest. Luckily, Luna has found that there is an official warden in the region. Fluttershy is not pleased with the discovery.
Or, to summarize: This is a story about criminal ponies (and a griffon who is not Gustave, you foul, lying piece of cover art![/sarcasm]) doing criminal things.
I expected something stupid. And I was… both right and wrong. I mean, the plot is stupid, involving such things as a foul-mouthed Fluttershy, murder both attempted and achieved, Luna living like a pauper because her sister is a bitch, Twilight eternally passed out due to drug use, and Rarity taking the concept of fiery fury to a literal extent. At the same time, we’ve got a narrative that is straightforward and some very real struggles for survival. The juxtaposition is, perhaps, the story’s biggest draw. Assuming you’re into that kind of thing, that is.
I don’t think I’d go so far as to call it a black comedy, although it certainly qualifies in some ways. After all, one character does end up dead by the end and no one, not even royalty, seems to care. Every character in the story commits multiple crimes, some of them egregious, but it’s all treated in a sort of laissez-faire attitude. I’m sure that many people will find this hilarious.
As for me? I neither condone nor condemn this style of humor. I like black comedy – a lot – and enjoyed the story from beginning to end. But there was something about it, some unclear element, that kept me thinking that it could have been better. Was it the continuous typos and grammatical issues? The lack of narrative flare? The general nonsense and nonstop OOC behavior? I’m not sure, but something kept me from enjoying this as I felt I should have.
Is this an entertaining story? Sure. As long as you’re into your beloved ponies being blatantly OOC and unrepentant criminals. If that sounds like fun to you, then by all means take a gander. Just make sure not to piss off the unicorn sniper.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
For an endless eternity, the white alicorn and the purple alicorn have remained together. Even when there was no more rock with milling creatures, even when the stars faded, even when the other two alicorns departed to know what else might exist in the void. In this togetherness, they have been content. Until now, when the purple alicorn realizes a desire that cannot be achieved in tandem with that togetherness.
This is a quiet, moody piece. In it we meet a Twilight and Celestia who have continued to exist long after the known universe has become nothing. Cadance and Luna have moved on, but Twi and Tia have remained. But now Twilight realizes that she wants to do as Luna and Cadance have done. So she does the one thing left: ask Celestia to give her a reason not to go.
It is a curious irony that a story presumably set where there is no atmosphere manages to produce oodles of it. This is a gentle drama of loss and inevitability. It does leave some curiosities open, questions that can appear to be plot holes, and I won’t try to defend them. Your appreciation of the story will depend heavily on how much you appreciate its tone and depth over its logic.
I for one enjoyed it, and think of it as a fine finale to Pav Feira’s time as a FIMFiction author. If you have an interest in sadfics, I’d suggest trying it out.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
A Fork in Time — WHYRTY?
All of It, for Her — Pretty Good
K-I-S-S-I-N-G! — Worth It
Stories for Next Week:
Diplomat at Large by Evilhumour
A Beautiful Night by MrNumbers
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Wasn’t there a game show called ‘spin it to win it’? Or was that ‘minute to win it’?
There’s a lot of “spin that wheel!” gameshows I don’t know all their names. Maybe you could send that bike to be on one of them?
Not sure it matters--might be more trivia/gossip than anything--but I found The Luna Cypher on... I think AO3, and iisaw mentioned that they had some personal disagreements with knighty, or something like that (I think it might've been something about site polices, IIRC, but it's been several months) which is why they took down some stories.
I'm so glad you enjoyed Haunting! It was a year ago this month that I wrote it as part of a secret santa-style fic exchange with a few friends. The beautiful piece I received in return has still not found its way into the site.... (@seer post Sacred Blossom this is a threat). In any case, it was a blast to work, even if I had to do so largely in secret. It's probably about time I tried my hand at another longform horror story, actually!
Speaking of, it's great to know you're a horror fan!! I'll need to check out your other recommendations in the genre :) definitely a tough thing to find on here for as many authors who are trying! I'm honored to have made the list.
I hope you're feeling better soon! Loss of taste and smell is something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy... Hang in there!
Yeah, JimmySlimmy’s stuff isn’t for everyone—heck, even I take issue with his limp-wristed portrayal of Luna—but his stories are incredible fun if you’re willing to pay the price of admission.
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I think it was more the harassment campaign from certain portions of Fimfic, including getting iisaw’s stories pulled from Lulu.
You know, that's some perfectly cromulent criticism. But I'm a classicist, so, in the spirit of the Athenian Academy, I'm going to have to know your deadlift rep weight before I accept your comments as valid.
But yeah, think you got it all pretty much right. I will freely admit that my writing, and the writing on that one especially, isn't really up to the big leagues on here. As such, when I saw that some nice fella had put my fic in the queue I was frankly terrified that I was about to just get utterly smacked. So hey! I think I came out all right!
And yeah, I think I you pretty much nailed it. Outside of the general abject stupidity of everything I put to virtual paper, the prevailing thread of my stuff, and especially that story and its little "universe," is playing an absurd initial situation with absolute sincerity, which you hit 100% on the head. I fully agree about the lack of flair, too; if I could go back in time, I'd probably stretch it out another 7-10k words or so, because, frankly, things move a little too fast for their own good and there's plenty of narrative room to give things a little more character. (The errors come with the territory, I'm afraid.) All that being said, I still think it's a worthwhile read, and I'm glad to see you more or less agree, especially because I have a feeling it isn't quite the kind of story you tend to roll with. In that regard, my most heartfelt thanks - I really, really appreciate that you spent the time to make a review. You've been doing these so long that it feels mundane, just "oh look it's Thursday let's check up on ol' Paul" but these are legitimately awesome acts of community involvement, and that's sick.
Hope you get over the latest flavor of the rona without too much trouble; took me about a week last time. And I also wanted to give a hearty thanks to you for your rant last Thursday about how to write Applejack's accent; as a fellow dweller of the Deep South, nothing infuriates me like someone writing what they believe to be an "authentic" accent and instead making something utterly incomprehensible. It's my biggest pet peeve.
Again, thanks!
My covid diet was bananas and Gatorade (to keep up my electrolytes) I lost like 20 pounds over two weeks, but I found it again later. It was hiding in the refrigerator. (Dangerous when your appetite comes back before you start moving again)
Ah, rip. In all this time, I don't think I've ever had covid, though both my brothers did. And I took zero precautions about it even back in March 2020. Hope you recover soon. My older brother's sense of taste took months to come back.
For what it's worth, The Luna Cypher is my least favourite of the four big Alicorn Adventures fics, though I'd probably put it in "Pretty Good" using your rating system. I enjoyed the next instalment (The Twilight Enigma) a lot, though.
Side note: iisaw's Alicorn Adventure stories are still accessible on AO3. So they're not gone, just not here. (Well, AO3 and Offprint, but that's still in closed alpha after what feels like about a billion years so sadly looks unlikely ever to get very far.)
Sorry to hear about the Covid. Get well soon!
Get well soon!
Oof on the Covid. Picked it up myself in early May, though it was basically symptomless bar a little cough/cold. Get well soon!
I already had The Haunting of Carousel Boutique on the list and, well, I guess I'm going to have to push it up a bit now, aren't I? Can't argue against praise that heavy, nor those by reviews from groups.
Sadly, I don't remember many specifics of The Luna Cypher, though it doing a lot of different things proportional to its length, doing some things with the TwiLuna pairing I wasn't so hot on, and being a vastly different stylistic sequel stuck in my mind. In particular, that last point stuck with me in a kind of "this is very different from The Celestia Code and the opposite of lazy and repetitive, but… I dunno". I suppose sequels that different from their precursors aren't an exact science, are they? Still a cracking adventure read all the same, mind, that goes without saying.
Thank you for the review, and thanks for going to the extra trouble of looking it up on FIMFetch! I've removed my stories here because of a mixture of harassment, doxxing, site policy, and moderator attitude. The Celestia Code remains as a signpost making people aware of my work and pointing them over to AO3, where the rest of my stories can be found. (BTW, you will/may be relieved to know that, stylistic experiments aside, I return to pretty much straight adventure for the rest of the series.)
Take care of yourself! I hope your bout of the 'rona is brief and without complications. Don't be reluctant to go to the hospital/urgent care if you're having significant trouble breathing.
Yikes on Covid diagnosis - take care of yourself. I was lucky enough that my experience with it was just 2 days of severe fatigue and heart palpitations - though the latter made sleep nearly impossible. Maybe eating an entire bag of mandarin oranges the first day made it dissipate faster, I dunno. Can't imagine what a more severe case might be like. I hope you recover speedily.
As I mentioned last week, despite being a fun romp, I did find The Luna Cypher a lot muddier plot-wise than its predecessor. I have yet to read the third and fourth in the series (I have physical copies, I'll get to them eventually), but the thing I found most confusing about the first two were their romantic subplots. In The Celestia Code, I really enjoyed the dynamic between Jigsaw and Twilight, and it honestly seemed like it was building up to Twi realizing she could be into mares and giving the relationship a shot. When the story ended and nothing had come of that, it felt like a very loose strand that served no purpose in the story, especially when the sequel has Twilight crushing on Luna right out the gate. Seemed like a missed opportunity to have Twilight properly explore her orientation. Also disappointed that Jigsaw had such a small role in the sequel. Wasted potential for such an awesome character.
Then with TwiLuna showing up... my general burnout of the ship doesn't help, but with how hard and fast they rush into a romance and with how little time is spent establishing why they work and what they see in each other, I was fully expecting some complicated breakup by the end. But despite all the false premises the relationship is founded upon, they... stay together anyway? Feels weird. Really wish we could have seen more Chryssi too, her new role in society and relationship with Blueblood were one of the most fascinating parts of the whole story, but nothing seemed to come out of it either. Maybe there'll be more exploration of these concepts in the next two. I'm a slow reader, though, and prone to reading 20 different stories at once, so you might get to them before me.
Thanks for taking the time to read the JimmySlimmy fic! Much of his stuff is in a similar style, and I was curious to get your thoughts on his kind of humour. His style definitely isn't for everyone, and I think largely different from your usual fare. I wasn't expecting it to be for me either, but was continually surprised by how much I got out of his stuff. Maybe because instead of making beloved fuzzy ponies swear and murder in a comedic fashion purely for the sake of shock and absurdity, much of his stuff feels more genuine, like all the ponies have just been placed in a slightly different world in which things such as profanity and game hunting are much more common. If that makes sense. Not sure where the comedic aspect fits into that. Maybe I just find Jimmy's comedic timing and punchlines to be absolutely brilliant, as macabre and over-the-top as they may often be. Again, though, definitely not for everyone. And yeah, having an editor wouldn't hurt either.
The characters are definitely OOC, no argument there. But I also like this piece because among all the OOC-ness, there is some genuine underlying understanding of the attitudes and motivations of many of the characters - Rarity especially. I suppose it's OOC in a more vague way - more of a "ponies don't act this way" than a "this specific character would never do this specific action in any universe". It's the core of the characters put in absurd situations, cranked up to an almost uncomfortable degree, with a bunch of elements thrown in to stretch the character's limits for some bizarre kind of exhilarating, exhausting, but comedic affect for the audience. But with integrity, or something. AJ shrug emoji.
There's a beautiful side piece to this story that is literally just Rarity setting up for and practicing her marksmareship, devoid of any comedic elements, but it acts as a really solid character study into Rarity as well as a slow-paced examination of the appeal of owning and using a firearm.
Nonsensical Ramble over. Thanks for reading and reviewing. Beat that bug into submission. See you next week.
Always good to see a Pav fic getting attention.
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Thanks for the thoughtful comment, as well as the submission in the first place! Reader interaction is the best part of this website (except for all the porn, natch), and it's so revealing having someone elucidate what they like about my stuff. I think you hit the nail on the head as regards to characterization, etc. I'm pretty sure the first long-form story I read on here was one of ol' Estavo's "Triptych" tales, either the eponymous door-stop itself or that spin off story where that one horse has the power to give people THE HORNY, but whatever the case that story really shaped how I thought about writing fanfiction.
I dunno if you've ever read Triptych, but I've always found its best feature to be how it drives character development and hence canon divergence largely with setting and lore; put another way, sure, the characters we know and love end up as quite different ponies by the end of the story, but fundamentally they're the ponies we know. It's like, yeah, Twilight ends up as a broken-hearted wreck whose faith in the world is completely shattered, but the fundamental core of the character holds strong; it's just that her exposure to, like, horse-Mengele has understandably diverged the character from canon. But, again, the core of the character remains, and her changes are the result of experience.
I loved that, and I really took that that to heart when I set out to write my first multi-chapter work. Now, look, imma be real wichu, I ain't as smart as ol' Estavus Adolphus, so I tend to play it a little faster and louder, but fundamentally i try to do the same thing. There's going to be some essential conceits, of course - why does Rarity practice marksmanship? Just does, simple as - but I want them to be fundamentally the same character, maybe amplified, but the same core identity, just shaped by the considerably shittier world around them. Yeah, okay, so Fluttershy's a little sterner, but she's still Fluttershy, she's still a fundamentally good pony who loves her friends and the world; it's just that the world kinda sucks. But you'd still look at her and be like "nah yeah that's butterhorse." It's OOC by process, not a fundamental change to our characters. That's why the stories are played so seriously too, because that process should feel natural and deserved. When Rara Simo Hayha's some idiot over a hill, I want it to be like "yeah Rarity would do that if put in such an outrageous situation." And that's where I think the funny is - putting our characters in terrible, terrible situations and seeing how the ponies we know are changed by and react to those situations, whether that be an artillery piece in a war, a doomed hunting party in the Everfree, or, worst of all, Italy.