• Member Since 15th May, 2018
  • offline last seen 4 hours ago

mushroompone


Enjoying a coffee in every South Jersey diner simultaneously

T

Rarity has been keeping to herself lately.

Applejack is determined to find out why.


This fic is a gift for the incredible rice, edited by the brilliant Silent, the talented Zontan, and the effervescent Otter.

Beware: comments contain spoilers!

Chapters (7)
Comments ( 41 )

oh my gosh, THIS FIC. It is STUNNING, it is BEAUTIFUL... it made me feel things unexpectedly! Your prose is incredible, you made me consider a ship I'd never really thought about before, and the ending is everything I could possibly want for a fic. Can't wait to get there!

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Thank you so much, Silent!! It wouldn't be here without your editing work and cheerleading :) I'm super excited to get to the ending, too!

Oh, I like this. This is both creepy and sad. Can't wait to see more.

Well, that's not good. Something's gone awry. Here's hoping AJ can help.

The atmosphere here was very well done. Looking forward to seeing more.

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Thank you both! I hope you enjoy what's in store down the line ;)

This is incredible. I was on the edge of my seat the whole time. Consider me hooked.

This is a very interesting read so far. I do feel like that whole monologue about love at the beginning feels tonally out of place for a horror story. A bit on the nose too. But I’ll have to see if opinion on that changes as this goes on.

"The first few times, I thought it was Opal." Rarity laughed at that. "Can you imagine? Thinking my dead cat was wandering about in the night and being comforted by that. Just a… a reflex."

What? Applejack mentioned Opal making noise last chapter and there was no mention of her being dead.

I can't wait for more of this.

Okay, something really creepy and unsettling going on here; the way Rarity is, the things Applejack is seeing; and as well, an odd, ominous undertone/atmosphere throughout... I love it!

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It also gives the story away along with the fact that all of the spooks and apparitions have a blue tint to them. That is, if I am right, and Rarity's hidden and unrequited love for Applejack has manifested an out of control tulpa made of unicorn magic that has been stealing little things from the orchard in order to make itself more like Applejack while Rarity has been steadily losing her mind in a fantasy turned nightmare.

This is getting good

What is going oooooon!

Incredible, really. I can't stop reading this.

And then

it opened.

And there stood Rarity

her color intact

her eyes alive in the darkness.

Breaking the rules of conventional formatting for dramatic effect? Awesome! Reminds me of House of leaves.
Also if this ends with Applejack accidently killing Rarity I'm gonna be so mad at you.

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Yeah if this doesn't have a happy ending or atleast a bitter sweat ending for rarijack then imma be mad and depressed at the same time, hopefully that doesn't happen though

Okay, I'm getting a few more theories about what's haunting Rares, and I can't wait to see if I'm right.

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"This reminds me of House of Leaves" is just. The highest honor. Thank you so much.

I hope you enjoy the ending! I think you'll agree it's the only way a story like this could have ended ;)

And Applejack, honest Applejack, knew that was the truth.

I am in shambles. This is great and I can't wait for more.

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Honestly, I'm excited to see the ending... by which I mean I'm completely terrified.

Oh my god somehow for me "mirror horror" is the worst; so damn creepy!

Okay, that last bit has all but confirmed what I suspected was going on. But, lets see if I'm right.

The atmosphere of this is just so delightfully morose and tragic. Well done.

Anyone else reminded of the Teen Titans episode where Raven's fear released itself through her powers?

I had a feeling that the manifestations were a phantasmagoria created by Rarity's magic and lonliness. While I wasn't sure of the exact mechanics, you've laid down the trail well enough to let us connect the dots. Well done.

Now, we need to see if the phantasmagoria can be dispelled.

Gorgeous.

I loved the way you described how she created the 'ghost', and why. I think this has been my favourite chapter so far and I simply can't wait for tomorrow.

Hikkomori Rarity went full /r9k/. Never go full /r9k/.

Bravo, Mushroom. Honestly, this was a fantastic journey from start to finish. I loved it, simply put.

The way you handled Applejack's views on love and how Rarity handled her own fears and insecurities. The way they both noticed and how it ended.

Loved it, from start to finish, straight into faves.

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Thank you so much, Silver Mint!! I'm so glad you enjoyed it, and I appreciate your comments so so so much. So so much. You're awesome :heart:

That was beautifully executed. Well done.

You said I would like the ending. You were wrong.

I loved it. The horror was genuinely gripping, Rarity pushing everyone else away due to her fears of abandonment felt real, and the romance was very well executed. I also give you this: the idea of magically creating a companion only for it to all go wrong makes perfect sense yet I don't think I've seen it before.

Anyways, well done. You get a follow.

Thank you, so very much for sharing this with us all.

Welp, that brought me to tears. Beautifully written, thank you.

Just

And there stood Rarity

there was more but that's what I wanted to point out.

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Ah, I'm sorry that didn't work for you! Those sections are an intentional stylistic choice—not a typo—mimicking poetic meter and form. I knew it was a gamble when I did it, but I've seen it used to great success in works like House of Leaves, so I went for it. Sometimes that's what writing is all about: taking chances!

One of the biggest pieces of advice any author can give is: read. Read and learn from other works as much as you can, because it can help form a mental blueprint for forming your own style. And by the dark gods have I learned a lot from this story!

You have done magnificent work here, from all the little details about body language and physical appearance, particularly when something isn't quite right. I love the irony of Rarity's own loneliness spiralling out into a toxic form of self-love, pushing everyone away, and how the magic system reacts to the wielder's emotions.

The prose can be a little disjointed at times, though you are clearly going for a poetic feel, and much of the time, it works to great effect. The short, snappy sentences up the feeling of horror, and it makes the dialogue feel natural. SUPER natural, if you will :P.

It's a crime this story doesn't have more views. This is a story deserving of a full cast audio drama, and easily one of my favourite MLP horror stories of all time. This story is going straight onto both my favourites and recommended reads hall of fame bookshelves. It's that good. Well done!

Hello, a review to your story has been posted. I hope you find it helpful. :raritywink:

Pretty unsettling story! Featured it on episode 315 of my podcast, Pony 411.

What a beautiful story! Written horror is hard to get right and you did an amazing job. But not only that - you weaved an emotional journey into it as well. One of my new favorite stories on here!

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Wow!! Thank so much to the both of you! I will definitely be tuning into your podcast more often - you both have great energy and are very well-spoken. I'm sure it was a tough task to sell this fic without dropping major spoilers, but you did an amazing job! Thanks again :twilightsmile:

So this is the second story of yours I’ve read. Amusing to start with your first story Threshold and now come to one of your latest. (Poor Rarity can’t seem to catch a break!)

That said, I really enjoyed this one! Threshold had some good description, though an unconventional narrative which might cover it up some. Here where it’s more straightforward your prose really shines. Not to say unconventional narratives are bad or for you to stop them, just noticing your skill!

The mystery was good and I liked the slow build of tension and horror. It made the romance side of the equation all the better!

Seeing how Rarity knitted her golem/spirit was very interesting too. A creature made from her very own loneliness. Something so bittersweet about her needing to be hugged.

I absolutely enjoyed the ending and the emotions there. For all the horror this is a very romantic fic and it plays well to a nice adult view of love. Plus your Applejack is great. I like her a lot and the ending is great in so many ways.

Another excellent story! Horror and romance are a tough mixture to get right, and I did feel they conflicted a bit. Horror requiring a little mystery, which is suddenly negated by the very thorough flashback; and romance requiring lots of development of how they feel for eachother and importantly why, which is tough to fit in when you have to get through so much spooky stuff. But I love your work, keep it up!

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