• Member Since 10th Jun, 2014
  • offline last seen 5 minutes ago

HapHazred


It's called garbage can, not garbage can't.

T

Six months ago, Rainbow Dash moved to Griffonstone to be a flying instructor. During the cold winter holidays, she returns to Ponyville to reunite with Applejack and Rarity. Feelings she left unresolved come flooding back to her.

Coming home is easy; the problem is that she might never want to leave again.


Rated teen for ponies snuggling

Valuable editing help provided by Speccer and Vis-a-Viscera. Art done by myself. An entry to Krazy's Warm And Fuzzy Feelings event.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 16 )

What the deuce? No comments and its four hours?

Well let ol' Vis-A-Vis help out with that.

This story's was magnificent, most importantly in how it properly portioned everything. Pacing, descriptions, even the back-and-forth almost followed this unseen rhythm and I'm glad for it, even if I wasn't necessarily sure at first who the attention was proportioned to - Dash and Rarity, mostly - were necessarily the best. But I'm okay with the end result here.

The sex in here? Also good, if mostly implied.

Finally, the characterization is top notch, especially in how it spoils t he end with how upbeat Dash is back in Griffonstone.

Seriously, Hap, thank you for a fantastic FIMFic.

It’s always nice to see you post a new story.

I really enjoy stories about Rainbow’s career progressing. I was actually considering writing a story for the same event with pretty much the same concept as this one. I’m glad you beat me to it, it’s undoubtedly better than mine would’ve turned out.

I hope you’ve had a good day, and I look forward to your reviews of the other stories from the event.

I do love me a good AppleDash fic. This one didn't disappoint. I especially loved the banter between AJ and RD; good stuff right there!

10401811 It's probably a more elegant form to limit oneself to one perspective, but I confess I love breaking up stories often with Rarity's perspective. I actually really like writing Rarity; I write her a surprising amount considering that she's only been the main character in I think one of my stories.

Cheers for the comment! It's much appreciated.

10401840 I also like thinking about Dash's career. I like the vibe that it'd have ups and downs and is a bit more complex than the usual simplistic 'Dash is the best flyer and does everything great', which doesn't really track with what we see her do in the show. In the show there were little things like her teaching others in a class and making a big fuss over breaking a single record, which all gave it a lot of nuance that I liked a lot.

That said, you've still got five days left! I'm sure you could publish something if you strapped yourself in! : )

10402039 Banter is good, ye. I had to go back in and rework some banter in the story properly, since originally it was largely more reserved, which I desperately wanted to change.

Couple of quibbles about usage: you've got two characters, neither one of whom is Rarity, using the construction "I've not," which comes across as stilted and mid-Atlantic or British. Also Rarity says "adore to meet you," which I'm not sure is technically wrong but would sound more natural as "adore meeting you" or "adore the opportunity to meet you."

Good on Tank for managing to stay up long enough to see Rainbow. He really ought to be hibernating by now.

All in all I approve heartily. Usually I don't go to the effort to post editorial feedback--too many years doing it professionally--so if I do, it usually means that what I mentioned is everything I saw. So, yeah. This is good.

10402719 Aye-aye, I'll review the bits you mentioned! I am british myself, so it occasionally leaks out.

There was actually a bit I wanted to mention about tank waking up specifically to say hello to RD but I appear to have cut it out... may work it back in when I have a moment. Glad you enjoyed it nonetheless!

Aww, that was sweet.

It's a good story, though I doubt AJ would ever leave the farm long-term, even with the reasons you stated.

Also, Tank should be hibernating in winter.

And Gabby should be wondering where Spike is. In fact, as much as I liked having Gabby in this story (and in general), you could've done it without her and the story would've been pretty much the same.

But still, a good story and nice character emotions.

10403410 10403443 Cheers, glad you enjoyed it.

I don't necessarily know about her never leaving it long term. Obviously leaving for two years isn't permanent, so I always envisioned her returning after Dash's stint as an instructor came to a close (she does return if the implications at the end of s9 are to be believed), but it's pretty standard for a lot folk to leave home eventually, and it's not necessarily that big of a deal. Applejack is undeniably a homebody, but what is central for her character is providing for her family, not staying at home. I don't think it's outrageous to think that she might want to step back, particularly when the choice isn't choosing between her family and leaving but choosing between her family and a different kind of family.

This has actually been something I've been thinking about a lot as TWG has been rewatching the episodes weekly. I was trying to figure out Applejack's consistent character conflict, and the one thing that keeps coming back is her being overly attached, overly responsible, and overly protective. A disproportionate amount of the episodes she's in involve her usually stepping back and calming down, and I believe that being confident enough to leave the farm could very well be the culmination of all those experiences. It's also kind of poetic, in a way. She got her cutie mark for realising where she belonged, but as an adult she's also confident and strong enough to know it's always waiting for her even if she isn't there.

It seems nice to me.

An interesting twist on where appledash yesterday goes. Usually Rainbow sacrifices or comprises to stay with Applejack not the other way around. Her having the dark always seems like a massive obstruction for a lot of stories, I like how you handled it.

10406141 Cheers. That was a vibe I was trying to aim for.

Glad you enjoyed it! : )

I agree with Nate, it's a nice change of pace where AJ is the one who moves on from what she viewed as important. And while I'm certainly not averse to the tasteful inclusion of carnal activities in my fiction (which this was, by the way, just to be clear), I always feel as if there's something lost because of it. Innocence, perhaps, or the purity of the relationship itself? It's hard to describe.

The prose can do with a little touching up, in my opinion, and the story could've been told just as effectively from Rainbow's perspective only, but I'd rather not get into the nitty-gritty. It's a solid story, because once I started I found it difficult to stop, but it didn't really make me feel a whole lot.

I think there was more that could've been explored between AJ and RD, if given the time and space to do so, particularly if there was some lasting tension from Rainbow's departure for Griffonstone. It would've been the perfect opportunity to flesh out the problems their relationship had while also acknowledging how strong their bond is, and how deeply they care for one another, even if they occsionally butt heads.

Anyway, that's just my two cents.

Aww, like being wrapped up in a warm fuzzy blanket in winter. :heart:

Really enjoyed the whole story, but I especially liked the way rarity was worked in, and the fact you never made her feel like a third wheel. That snippet of her and Rainbow walking back to the farm was nicely done, and gave a great sense that they were friends individually, too, rather than just as a group, which is one of those things I always love to see.

Sweet story!

A familiar name, lovely. I actually kept yours in memory, even though I haven't been reading for a couple of years and this story effortlessly proves why. You have a way of writing that just makes it... flow. I love that. Once started, it's incredibly hard to just... stop before it ended properly.
I read some of the other comments and what stuck out to me: Tortoises don't necessarily go into hibernation. Speaking from first-hand experience. If it doesn't get cold enough, they'll just... stay awake. Usually isn't the most healthy lifestyle for them, but yeah. So the story's actually just fine in that regard.
And I really want to praise it more, but it's hard to find the right words. I could praise characters being spot-on and all that, but that would be... like staring at a painting and praising 'yeah, really nice blue in there'. And every attempt to think of how I could go about this leads me back to: It flows. And it's great.
And it's heartwarming.

Thank you.

11098710 Glad you enjoyed it, you're very welcome. : )

I'm not a big tortoise expert to be perfectly honest with you; I'm more of a cat & dog person, but I don't lecture cartoon horses on their choice of pets.

This is a nice story to revisit; it was part of an event Krazy ran for 'heartwarming' stories, so if you have time maybe check out a few of the other entries. I'm sure there's a list somewhere... : )

11098774
I will. Come to think of it, maybe I even have, already. But I'll look into it.

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