• Member Since 10th Jun, 2014
  • offline last seen 1 hour ago

HapHazred


It's called garbage can, not garbage can't.

T

When the weather factory in Cloudsdale suffers a catastrophic failure, weatherponies and Wonderbolts alike are scrambling to salvage the situation. Among them is a weatherpony whose special talent, her very reason to be, is to control and harness the weather's power, and she might well be Cloudsdale's best and last hope.

Her name is Windy Weathertop, and she is the only Earth pony in the weatherpony corps.

Credit to Xadrow for the terrific coverart provided, and Apple Cinnamon and Mac Edgy Edgelord for proofreading and editing services.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 61 )

So as a meteorologist and phd student in atmospheric science I had to comment that seeing this in the latest stories got my attention. So I'm going to read it now and see what happens.

I may comment on the weather aspects

6999799 You uh... Might have issues with the weather.

I didn't exactly aim for scientific accuracy. :twilightsheepish:

Good story, few Grammer errors I saw but otherwise a really interesting take on a weatherpony. I think this is the first time I heard of a earth pony in cloudsdale. Keep writing her she's unique.

6999821 Could you point to the errors you found? I'd love to correct them if possible.

I'm glad you liked it though!

Will this story get a sequel?

7000037 I doubt it'll get a direct sequel, but I am rather fond of Windy Weathertop, so it's entirely possible I might feature her in other stories, like some of her adventures in Fillydelphia or how she came to learn many of her tricks. I'm not sure at present.

Okay, this was a fun ride. I thought that Windy's ability to "see" the weather was a rather creative touch.

Windy almost looks kinda like White Lightning in the coverart.

Thanks for writing! :rainbowdetermined2:

7000202 She does look similar, doesn't she?

The artist would never have caught onto that, though, especially if I didn't. He doesn't actually watch mlp. In fact, the only reason he knows about as much as the average brony is because I yammer on about fanfiction to him constantly. Honestly, the guy must have a limitless supply of patience for obnoxious bronies.

Oh, wait, he doesn't. I just buy him drinks now and then to make up for it.

Windy is a nicely crafted character and done in only six thousand some words?
Impressive.

7002885 I had a word limit to work with. Actually, GDocs (the program I use to write and edit the story) said I was around 500 words less than my current count, which is a tad over. I think it's 5817, but I'm not sure.

Long story short, there are a few less words than the story says there is, too.

I'm glad you like her. I've become a bit fond of her myself.

7004753 Cheers! I hope you enjoyed it.

-like a catapult-shot disrupted a picket fence.

Now that sounds like how Rainbow Dash does work. Good show, mate, sorry it took me so long to get around to reading this!

7005044 No probs. I was really fond of that line! Would you believe Z actually wasn't too keen on it?

Glad you enjoyed it. Means a lot!

7005047
You know full-well I enjoy your stories without exception. Cheers, and good luck in Scribblefest!

7005072 Thanks! Sorry you didn't have time to participate yourself.

7005047 I just wasn't keen of where it was.

7005075 Ha! Nah, I get that. I figured we resolved it after our skype call, though.

Very neat story. I don't typically see you write many OC-centric stories, but this one was cool. I have an affinity for ponies playing against their given race too, so that helps.

I did notice one minor error:

The factory workers would have been so caught up thinking how the factory was supposed to work to exercise this kind of control.

I think you meant:

The factory workers would have been too caught up in thinking how the factory was supposed to work to exercise this kind of control.

Or at least I think that makes more sense. Just a suggestion.

In any case, it was a fun, action movie-style tale. :coolphoto:

7005106 I guess I'll go and fix that! To be honest, it's the sort of thing that goes completely over my head. Would you believe I've not actually had a formal English class since I was around nine?

Although, I'm not sure if it needs the 'in' or not. I don't suppose you could elaborate? My grammar skills are failing me.

7005119 The "in" may or may not be strictly necessary, but it makes the meaning clearer. Typically one is "caught up in" something or "caught up with" something to mean they are preoccupied with or focused on the details (as opposed to the big picture). When you say you're "caught up doing something" that means you're either up to speed or delayed in doing it.

Thus "caught up thinking" might imply that they were delayed by thinking about it. But "caught up in thinking" means they were wrapped up in the details. Both sort of work in this context, but I think you meant the second one a little more.

7005186 Fair play, I can get behind that.

Fixed!

Glad you liked the story! Thanks for the grammar assist.

7005190 I certainly did, and you are welcome!

7005214 I always try and respond to grammar comments. To be honest, I'm one of those annoying people who can get by really easily grammatically by just plain writing things the way they should sound without understanding any of the rules behind them.

I also try to never change things blindly, so that's why I sometimes ask for clarification.

I'll have to get to yours sooner or later. I'm in the middle of reading this story about a pony named Deepthroat Cockslut (ah, thank you, fandom) for The Goodfic Bin, then I have this one that's been recommended to be endlessly by other blokes. I actually had the intention of getting to the Iron Horse as soon as I returned to looking at self-submissions. You'll probably see me do the odd review of Everfree stories, since I really like going out of my way to read some good ole contest entries, especially since they're often so much shorter than others (I have a really lethargic reading speed of around 160 words per minute).

7005225 No problem, my friend. You've got a lot on your plate, and it'd be selfish of me to ask you to set all that aside. Whenever you have the time or will to tackle that beast, I appreciate it and hope you like it.

And I find that a lot of people who are good at grammar are much the same way. I know it because of my profession, but before I had to learn it, I had decent grammar by sheer convention. I wonder if ponies have grammar-themed cutie marks?

7005283 Pfft, please. I respect selfish behaviour. Makes the world go round, and if anything can get a mass that big rolling, I'm all for it.

After all, if you're not selfish, you're shellfish. I made that up.

Yeah, I did a whole lot of reading when I was younger (mostly Terry Pratchett with some Angie Sage here and there, with a soupcon of Chris Riddel) but never had a proper English class that went further than 'Brian is in the kitchen'. It's why most of the classic authors I'm familiar with are French: they're just what I learned off in la belle France.

What profession do you have, again? I think you told me once, but I can't seem to recall.

7005298 English as a Second Language teacher, mostly focused on English for Academic Purposes (basically I help kids learn to speak and write English well enough to enter a university).

And I absolutely love Terry Pratchett. I literally cried when I found out he'd passed away.

But as for literature, and education in general, I'm a firm believer in the idea of education being a more fluid thing with lots of room for individual paths of learning. If that's all the English class you had and you're as involved in writing as you are now, I'd say it was enough. :raritywink:

7005320 Terry Pratchett was brilliant. The biggest praise I think I ever got was a few commenter saying I wrote a bit like him, and it's something I'm supremely proud of. In fact, one of the only comments the russian translation of one of my stories got was that it felt like a Pratchett story. I personally don't think I deserved it, but I still loved the compliment.

I think the main reason I'm as involved in writing as I am is a bit out of three reasons.

The first is it's therapeutic, because ponies are cool. This is something I didn't think I'd need but I spend a massive amount of time very stressed because of university, likely because I nearly failed my first year. I've since become awesome, of course, but writing is a great way to get a load off.

The second is ego. I started because I got a bit bored by a lot of very same-y AppleDash stories, so naturally my first thought was that I could do better. I couldn't at first, but wanting to be the best kind of got me stuck here. Essentially, I won't be able to leave until I win. Which will likely never happen, since being the best at writing is like trying to be the best orange at a pineapple convention.

The third is that I became fascinated by the similarities between writing and engineering. It's really quite amazing. As soon as you start writing with a set purpose in mind, for me it stopped being pure art and started being something you could design, which is both weird and amazing. The words are the nuts and bolts, and the rest of the story, concept, and method of storytelling relates to pure engineering method, which I've come to really love. It's very difficult to express with words.

7005348 My story isn't too different. I write fanfiction because it helps me unwind and because the creative process is itself invigorating. And way back in the day, in another fandom, I took a look at the state of fanfics that were being written and I thought, "My god, most of these are absolute crap. I could write a much better story than this!" And I think I did, for the time, though those early pieces kind of embarrass me now.

I tend to think that the MLP fandom tends to have a lot more in the way of good stories than the olden days, but I still find little niches I can fill. Like robot stories that aren't about Sweetie Bot, for example. :trixieshiftleft:

7005495 I attribute that to the fact that there's just so bloody many of the little buggers now that you kinda need to be pretty competitive to actually get noticed, not to mention damn persistent. It's not really an environment where you can pop out a fanfic without much effort and expect it to get noticed. It needs to fight to the death with all these other fanfics written by some blokes who have been writing since they were twelve.

Which ain't easy. I'm actually rather glad for this, since writing, despite the fact that it isn't easy, is very simply to just try. All you need is an internet connection and a keyboard, and it's not like, say, animation where you have to spend an ungodly amount of effort to learn how to make a cat lift its paw. That means that a lot of people who don't know how it works can give it a go without learning how it works (which is what I did!).

Naturally, I find that kind of atmosphere relaxing.

MLP is actually the first thing I ever wrote for. Believe it or not the first story I ever wrote and published is the first story I have on my FimFic profile, meaning I've only been writing for about a year and three quarters.

Brilliant and as with all good stories, too short for me.

7010044 The word count for Scribblefest might think otherwise!

Glad you enjoyed the story.

7010196 Sorry I'm in Oz, I don't know what scribblefest is but I guess it's a competition in the U.S. at some sort of Bronycon?

7010269 Pretty much, although it's not for Bronycon, but for Everfree Northwest.

Last year, one of my stories got an honourable mention, so I'm pretty excited about this year. The story in question was about Celestia taking a cab to Earth. I also often do small recommendations on my blog for stories that entered that I read and liked, so if you're interested, keep an eye out for those!

7010293 OK will do, hope you used a London cab, seems fitting somehow.

7010332 I don't think I specified what kind of cab she used!

The idea was to poke fun at Pony on Earth stories where the pony's arrival is made into such a big deal. By comparison, the inhabitants of the little town she visited didn't really mind. Maybe not 100% realistic, but bloody fun to write.

7010425 It was just an odd thought, must be the Pie family rubbing off on me a little.

The cover art and main character gives me a slight steampunk vibe... maybe I just need to lay off the steampunk stuff, who knows?
vintage.ponychan.net/chan/files/src/131941432089.jpg

7012987 The artist is actually a big steampunk fan. It was part of the reason I was able to wrangle him into producing a pony picture.

Howdy, Hap! So, just so you know, I did a review of this story. You can find it here. I think you'll be happy to know it's a positive one. :twilightsmile:

Since you honored my story with both reading it and giving a review, I figured it's only right that I return the favor.

Having followed your blog posts about the contest entries, I can see that your focus was on pointing out the flaws in stories rather than fawning over everything they did right. Not that I disapprove, I myself prefer to focus on giving feedback on negatives than just handing out pats on the back, and I'd be happy to do the same here as well now. :raritywink:

Just to not come across as a negative douchebag, I'll list off what I did like: the story has a nice arc to it, squeezes itself into the word limit without either being too short, too long, or being shameless sequel-bait. The premise and the action are nicely executed, it does come close to the vibe of the show in that sense, and the humor is decent as well. And above all, it's not Slice of Life, as almost everyone wrote SoL for this contest.

Now let's move onto not so nice things. Right off the bat, the names aren't very appealing. I was never a fan of extremely telling names, the only possible exception being a blatant parody fic (but even then it feels forced), and names like "Weathersmith", "Darter Distress" (geddit because she's in distress ololol), and "Windy Weathertop" are just... come on. It's like naming a blacksmith pony "Black Smith" or something. Even worse, the story clearly tries to tell us that Windy's mom doesn't approve of her career choice. Even so, she decided to call her kid something that fits a weatherpony? I guess Fate came along and told her to do so...

Speaking of Windy, she's a borderline Mary Sue. I get that this was kinda the point, the part where we learn she's a ponified MacGyver was a dead giveaway that this story places emphasis on being bombastic rather than realistic. I enjoy that, but at the same time I enjoy having tension in the story as well, and tension rarely came up in this case. Windy is said multiple times to be the best of the best, so why should I at all feel worried when she has to give up on her wings and use a grappling hook? She jumps around, shoots at clouds, and disables a power plant without breaking a sweat, so what's the point? And yes, we get it. Gravity is her enemy. You point it out like a hundred times. Gravity stopped being an interesting enemy when it stopped ever being a threat in the first place, as Windy never manages to slip up.

If the story were about the factory exploding, and a bunch of average joe weatherponies scrambling to fix it, with one of them being an average earth pony joe, that would be intense. We would see someone who is both at the mercy of the elements and handicapped by not having real wings.

This also makes the "competition" between her and RD fall flat, by the way. It's one thing to see RD taken down a peg by showing someone who's better at being a weatherpony than her, but another to basically make RD look bad in comparison (she feels outright bitchy and bossy in some parts).

Also, the "Power Plant". It was moderately funny and taking it a bit too far at the same time. I'd let it slide, but it drew attention to just how little sense the premise makes. So Cloudsdale has been making weather for all of Equestria for centuries, yet its weather factory can turn into a giant timebomb in less than an afternoon? It's fine if you give a clear reason for it, but currently it feels like the whole place is held together by rotting string and cardboard walls.

The sound effects are not very appealing. They let you cut down on words needed to describe what's going on, but seeing it every 2-3 paragraphs is a bit of an eyesore. It works in a comic book, but not so well in prose.

Overall, I give this a 7/10. Fun story, but doesn't balance tension and flashiness quite as well as it could.

Good luck in the contest!

7041595 I think that's pretty decent, actually. After all, if one of the, what, three not-nice-things you found were simply name choices, I think that says something pretty nice about the story.

I'm actually well aware of my tendency to focus on the negative, which is one of the reasons I tried to summarize my thoughts into the 'recommended to:' bit, to sort of reiterate the draw of the story. I suspect it's easier to talk about things you found negative. One of the funny things I noticed in my degree was that looking at a machine that worked was very dull, but as soon as something breaks everyone is ooh-ing and ah-ing over it for hours.

Obviously, that's not so great when you're at least trying to recommend stories to people.

I just realized something. Windy is quite similar to Gordon Freeman in Half Life. She's an earth pony leading a rescue mission in the sky, he's a scientist leading a flippin' war (with a crowbar, of all things!). Yet somehow, Windy irks me. Not really Windy, though. More the other characters who seem to be there to a) get rescued b) fawn over how awesome she is (whilst doing nothing) or c) provide occasional assistance. It feels like, while Freeman is a hero who inspires the citizens of City 17 to action, Windy is a hero who merely inspires awe. Freeman is a flag to rally to, the one who will lead us to freedom. Windy is a protecting demigod, who will save us. And probably the worst part is, Windy seems to be the only one who realizes she can die. I'm probably being over-critical, though. Other than her high pedestal, I really enjoyed this.

7049474 I don't know enough about Gordon Freemen to comment on that aspect, but you're not far off a rather subtle thing I was aiming for. Windy was always supposed to have a high pedestal (since she's supposed to be the 'best' weatherpony') but the fact she's very good at what she does kinda makes people forget her limitations at the same time.

In the end, she's not meant to inspire anyone else: she's there to be a weatherpony. It's her job. That's pretty much all she's good at. The thing is, because she's so adept at it due to her being able to creatively adapt to her situations, I wanted to play with the idea that everypony else forgot she had to adapt to her situation, and forgets how difficult it'd be for someone with her 'handicap', no matter how efficient she otherwise is.

"Nopony else gets it. They just see what I can do, not what I’m risking."

It's something I wanted to approach for a while, and reminded me a fair bit of my martial arts instructor. He was super-badass. So badass, in fact, that every now and then when he reminded people he was in his sixties and more or less falling apart, it tended to take people by surprise, because all we saw was just a guy who moved too quickly for us to follow.

I reviewed this story as part of Read It Later #45.

You can find my review here.

As if by magic, Windy sliced her ‘wing’ through the tornado in just the right place, crippling the flow of air within.

this brings to mind.....

`The only feasible methodology for neutralizing that vortex is to establish a countervading projector at the perimeter.`
`Uh... what`d he say?`
`We have to spin the other way.`

7125072 Uh, what's that from? I can't seem to remember what quote that is...

This story was pretty damn awesome!
it had all the right elements, and it`s a one-shot wonder that i can easily see ,yself recommending to others.

10\10 on the :yay: itude meter!!!

7125101 Why thank you! I'm pretty fond of this one too. I'm very glad you enjoyed it. A lot of work went into this one.

And by all means, go forth! Recommend away! Don't let little old me stop you!

This story was amazing. Have a like. :pinkiesmile:

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