• Member Since 10th Jun, 2014
  • offline last seen 1 hour ago

HapHazred


I don't have a drinking problem. I have a sobriety solution.


T

In this day and age, who has time to be a God? Prayers come in 24/7 and fancy dress is compulsory. Rainbow Dash certainly doesn't have time. She's got bills to pay and things to do. Besides, she isn't qualified for Godhood, surely.

The ponies who say her control of the weather is divine disagree, unfortunately. They've given her a funny spear and a robe that doesn't quite fit. They've got their own temple and they take church seriously.

And it turns out she's not the only pony recently undergone apotheosis...

Teen for immature jokes.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 215 )

:rainbowderp: Poor Rainbow.

I REALLY hope this gets a sequel, or even more chapters. This is just an amazing concept.

We need the rest of the gods or a sequel or snippet

Wait, if Fan Arctic gave her the brandistock, then who gave her the helmet and the robes? And how did they get them on Rainbow without her noticing? :rainbowderp:

7553901 I actually don't know.

I actually don't know how the majority of belief works. I assume it's a very organised and efficient system that caters for its own needs,

7553730 DEATH TO THE FALSE EMPEROR! PRAISE BE THE CHAOS GODS!

... I'll show myself out.

7553924 Is it only making fun of how some people can become over zealous? Or is it making fun of religion in general like Sausage Party? Calling religion stupid and anyone who believes in a higher power is an unreasonable idiot.

I wanna know more about the Lumberjack guy.
He seems like he has it all figured out.

7553932 Never watched Sausage Party.

I think I was making fun of how some things are sillier than people think they are. I believe this is applicable to a lot of things, not merely religion.

Then again, who knows what I was thinking of when I wrote this. Alcohol does strange things to a mind, after all.

7553938 I wish I knew more about him too.

He seems like a wise individual. A true bastion of knowledge.

7553940 Dude, first rule of alchahol, don't do anything that requires attention while you're drunk.:pinkiegasp:

7553940

Then again, who knows what I was thinking of when I wrote this. Alcohol does strange things to a mind, after all.

Wait...you were drunk when writing this? Wow. :rainbowderp:

7554006 To be fair, I'm drunk when I do 90% of my life. I've become really, really good at it.

Was chuckling the whole way through.

Loved every second of it, man.

~Skeeter The Lurker

7554031 7554030 Sweet, glad you enjoyed it. I did too.

I wonder if perchance I might try continuing this vein of religious blasphemy, but at present I'm not sure what I'd have to say. 'Rainbow Dash kept on being a goddess. It was awesome'.

Who knows what might happen!

7554054

Who said you needed to only do Dash?

Why not someone else?

~Skeeter The Lurker

From what I can tell, not too bad. A couple of parts I disagree with, but otherwise, okay.

Surprisingly, it's a very accurate portrayal of Greek gods and goddesses with how they're just normal ponies with extraordinary abilities. Seriously, when you get right down to it, the Greek gods acted a lot like regular people with all of their failings. The myths about Zeus, for instance make him sound dumb and horny. Seriously, he cheats on his wife in almost every myth he's in.

There's also the fact that Celestia mentioned depictions of herself with only a leaf covering her privates. Much like how a lot of statues of Greek characters were made and especially depictions of Aphrodite.

What a blessing of a story, and so full of inspiration! Truly praiseworthy, indeed. :scootangel:

7554054 I havent seen a premise quite like this so far, so this ray of sunshine is in your court to where you take it after all. And all our honking is only going to goose a few folks feathers. But well, with net speed as they are, we always would get a new delivery of in this vein on time.

I may have giggled to death, resurrected, and died giggling again. Well done!

Actually kind of hilarious, not to mention an interesting idea. The closest thing the ponies have to divine figures are the princesses of equestria, Hell is apparently within walking distance, and their demonic figures have all been redeemed over the course of the past couple of years (Nightmare Moon and Discord respectively, I doubt anybody aside from maybe a few specific historians remembered Tirek or Sombra). I can also buy the idea of the power of belief being a thing in Equestria, heck, the power of love certainly is. In an odd way, I can actually kind of see something like this happening, and that just makes it funnier.

"Honestly, some religions were more out-of-control barbecue enthusiasts than proper believers."

Is it funny or sad that that's true?

Normally sainthood is reserved for dead people because part of being a saint is being dead and in heaven, so we assume the pony that read the commandments was brutally murdered immediately. This story put a smile on my face with its absurdity.

I am reminded of Terry Practite Diskworld books. This is how Gods came to be in his world. Seeing that is what tickled my mind. I am not offended at this. Just amused with it. Not sure if it needs a sequel as it works fine on its own.

Although I do worry that the other Mane Six might get this treatment. I think Fluttershy would be scared of this.... Unless it is the animals doing the worship. Still a fun and silly story. A good read.

How is Pinkie Pie not at that party at the end? It's a party. Besides, Pinkie Pie totally has a following. re: Pinkie's Pride.

I'm usually not nitpicky, but it's warrior, not warrier.
With that said, amazing story! There are few things that you mentioned that are real problems in many -almost all- religions, and it's nice seeing that other people realize it, and it gives me hope.

Interesting idea you've got here, and executed really well.
Thanks for sharing this great story!
Praise!

This is amazing!!!! And so much fun!!!

So Rainbow now is the inmortal boss of the weather officer from poniville or from all Equestria???:rainbowderp: :rainbowhuh:

7554680

I'm usually not nitpicky, but it's warrior, not warrier.

I'm pretty sure that was intentional based on the following line:

“Sorry about the sign, we got the kids to do it, let ‘em take part and all that, but they messed up the spelling a bit…”

You know I rather enjoyed this one! Definitely creative. I would like to see more of this! <3

Many religions have more human like deities. The Greek Gods were ESPECIALLY very human like, once you took away all their god powers. Hell even Jesus cried over the death of Lazerous, despite knowing he was going to bring him back to life, which really shows off his Human side.

Personally I think RD makes for a GREAT goddess! Certainly well chosen. Though I am rather curious to know if anyone of the other Mane 6 will be becoming Goddesses as well o.o

Very amusing. I enjoyed that much more than I thought I would.

Don't do a sequel. The sequel will just get a lukewarm reception, and water down perception of the original. If it stays a solo piece, or otherwise becomes a single ongoing piece, it has that much more staying power.

7554801 Yes, she is the goddess of the weather team.

But not on week-ends and out of working hours. She also doesn't work on national holidays and now that she's a wonderbolt, she's arranged to leave the weather team when she's on tour.

It's all in her contract.

7554915 7554134 That was part of why I wanted to write this. The idea struck that since old pantheonish gods were already pretty humanised, the main difference between them and people was their magical powers.

Which ponies kind of have. In my mind, I guess that means that she qualifies.

7554556 I love the Terry Pratchett books, especially Discworld. I'm not surprised you noticed the similarities: I've read all but two of them.

Full disclosure: I accidentally added this to a bookshelf last night, then felt obligated to read it. That said, I'm glad I did. Sadly, my cell network cut out, and I couldn't get to a computer until now.

In any case, this was incredibly amusing, especially the way Dash grows into the role even as she tries to deny it. (And now I want to see a sequel where anxious test students start praying to Twilight...)

Thank you for this. :twilightsmile:

You can't just worship somepony real."

"As opposed to worshipping somepony who isn't real?"

:rainbowlaugh: Well, where they have point, they have a point.

"...And then," exclaimed the Berserker God of Lumberjacks, "I said I'd smite 'im, smite 'im is what I'd do, I swear on me mam, I said, I swear on me mam..."

:rainbowlaugh: And also divine patron of chavs, apparently.

I loved this. It's very Pratchett.

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