• Member Since 21st Jan, 2016
  • offline last seen 15 hours ago

Shortmane


Casual pony fan who's been meaning to write something down for way too long. I love friend-shipping, Rarijack, Sunset and gardening.


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Rarity just had a perfect date with a perfect colt! But something isn’t right.
She goes to her old childhood journal for inspiration. As she reads she notices a trend.
Hmm, she sure did write about Applejack a lot…

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 69 )

I adore this story.

Oh this was so cute!! I want a sequel!! Also.... was that a reference to Hypothermia of the Heart I saw!???? Omg that's amazing if it is!!!!

This was a really enjoyable story, it's really adorable! :heart:

Aww... yes I agree, needs a sequel where they get together.

... This was so precious.

I clicked because of the Rarijack, and was intrigued from there... the little things, such as purposeful spelling errors, made the story, in my opinion, but that's closely followed by the accurate characters.

Magnificent.

This... This was just really adorable. Nothing more to say really.

Well, you know what they say about the man who got everything he ever wanted.

"He lived happily ever after."

10/10 will read again. This is incredibly good!

Well, that was sweet. I don't usually say this, but I kinda want to know what happens next.

8481895
Thanks! I think the sequel is pretty much guaranteed at this point :twilightsmile:
And I haven't heard of that fic (although I did find it via google!). I'm curious what the reference was??

Hillbe #11 · 1 week ago · · 3 ·

:ajsmug: "Maybe what you're looking for isn't a Stallion at all"
:raritywink: "Oh Apple Jack.."
:applejackunsure: "Spike get your tail over here"
:raritystarry:
:twilightoops:
:moustache: What's up?
:facehoof:

Well done and absolutely adorable. I'll edit my comment in a bit because I found some errors, but this was fantastic.

I’ll leave the romancing to you.

My favorite line when I read this. Nice double entendre.
-----------------------------

time, brought a

*and brought

Then we went to one

Then, we went

After dessert we walked down the

After dessert, we walked

took me to my room he was the 

room, he was

When she arrived at her boutique it was already past dusk.

at her boutique, it was already

She wished she wasn’t out of ice cream, moping would have been nice.

ice cream; moping would have

fame, in fact it seemed

fame, in fact, it seemed

Once she was perfectly content she lifted the

perfectly content, she lifted

Hooves Day tomorrow so it was

tomorrow, so it was

I really enjoyed this story, which is weird because I'm usually into more sensual or darker ones but this one is definitely well done.
I kinda wish you would make more, you have successfully made me yearn for more chapters your story.:derpytongue2:

The good ship Rarijack just picked up more passengers.
The captain says we'll sail at dawn. We'll have to hurry- the Twijack and Appledash ships will be leaving with their cargo soon.

8482267
Glad you liked it! And it's a huge help knowing what parts of the story work (or don't!)
I imagine Rarity was a filly who wouldn't hesitate to use the dictionary to make sure a word was spelled right :raritywink:

Aw! This story made my heart feel nice

Rarijack is best ship ever, and this is a gorgeous story :)

8482721
You mentioning the legend of two mares who fell in love during the separation of the three tribes felt like a reference to Hypothermia of the Heart... the fic is here on fimfic. It's a Pinkiedash fic that takes place before the founding of Equestria and it's really good!!!

And yay for sequel!!!

This story is better than it has any right to be. It should be saccharine as a sugar cube and shallow as a first snow. It isn't supposed to be well-crafted or thought-provoking!

Your presentation of Rarity's psyche and diary is fantastic. It felt completely realistic to me. And somehow you didn't make it cliché!

You could have had Rarity run off to Applejack the next morning, proclaim her love, and, of course, Applejack always felt the same way! Tragically, she thought she wasn't what Rarity wanted, but it's all okay now! They kiss, it's magical, and they lived happily ever after...

Instead, you leave it at the revelation. And this, truly, was the central conflict. The story was about Rarity coming to terms with her feelings. Learning why she has been unsatisfied with her love life and exploring her own past. You kept that in focus, and the result is something rare and interesting.

Well done.

What a cute story.

The depth, pacing, exploration of Rarity and the lack of dialogue in most of the story is a nice refresher. Just before this, I had read a story of this same calibre and it just...

I love this. I love all of this. The way you handled it, the way you completed the "dream", the vision, really completes the story and acts as a kind of window to Rarity's thinking and a proxy for the problem itself.

Absolutely fantastic.

Dah, It's too cute. It's too cute!

Really good stuff. I enjoyed it a lot.

I adore this story and eagerly await the sequel hopefully you'll do the spa trip like you mentioned in the introduction where Rarity tells Applejack what she's been feeling.

8483102

The revelation was all we needed, I feel. If there's one thing we know about Rarity, it's that she always gets what she wants.

Rules of Rarity, darling.

8482769
Thank so much for the help! I already made the fixes, thanks for catching those :twilightsheepish:

(ooohh my gosh people are reading my story... aahhh!)
Thanks for all of the sweet comments!
I can definitely relate to Rarity through this...
When I was little I knew I would get married one day, but much more important to me was this idea of a platonic soul mate (aka my special somepony).
And, like Rarity, I often tried to imagine a future life with a man but it was also this... nothingness. A blank face. It was only when I tried picturing a girl I liked that it suddenly came into focus and I thought... oh. (except I think there was more swearing on my part)
So it was wonderful exploring not only my own past but Rarity's psyche as well.
Again- thank you everyone for reading :raritywink:

This is absolutely lovely. I appreciate the intimacy of the story.
I especially like how the diary ties in to the show: after their falling out, they didn't become friends again until "Look Before You Sleep".
I think the fic ends on a perfect note and doesn't require followup. Of course, if the author feels there's more to tell, I'll be sure to read it.

This was really sweet! Well done. :heart:

Wow, I'm so glad this story has been so popular! It deserves it. :)

Daww I wanted them to get together in the end. :(

8483049
Ooh, got it! So that little legend is actually another fic I'm writing at the moment (that I'll hopefully finish someday) and I already had it as headcanon that both AJ and Rarity could relate to it, so I included it in the diary entry.
That other fic sounds interesting, I'll have to check it out!
(PS love your profile pic!)

.....*does a slow clap* ....bravo. Bravo!

Oh my goodness, I LOVE this. Every time I read a Rarijack story, I fall more in love with their relationship. <3

Hjfsssssss
I'm supposed to be doing homework and instead came to FIMFiction.
Boy, am I glad I did.
This... amazing fic honestly brought me to tears or maybe I'm just tired and emotional, haha! :fluttercry:

This was amazingly well-written, and absolutely beautiful. I read the first few sentences and had to add it to my favorites immediately, because I loved the writing style and characterization. And the story... Ooffffff. It's just beautiful and full of heart. Thank you for writing this. :twilightsmile:

Oh my God, I'm so glad that our conversation helped inspire this fic. I'm actually internally screaming at how cute this is.

Sof Sophisticated

and Sweetie Belle being annoying.

Those made me laugh way more than they should have.

Fillies only fell in love with colts. Princesses married princes. There wasn’t another option. She had convinced herself it was the only way.

No. That couldn’t be right. Applejack was the opposite of her dream colt- opposite in every way. It wouldn’t be… appropriate.

She couldn’t fall in love with a mare, much less a simple farm pony, one who was stubborn and messy and blunt.

She is nothing like what I dreamed of.
And she’s absolutely perfect.

Haha, I'm getting flashbacks to the whole "antithesis" thing.

But she was also sweet and kind and wonderful and her smile…

Oh, and her smile. And the way she looked at her and made her feel safe and special. And the way her heart ached when she looked at her...

Oh.

I don't know why but I felt my heart ache a bit at that.

I was gonna nitpick a bit here because I found two typos but I appear to have lost them.:twilightsheepish: Maybe I'll look again later.

Just... wow. There's so much that I want to say about this story, it'd basically just be almost everyone else's comments combined, and then some.

Rarity's characterization was lovely, both when she was talking to Fluttershy and AJ, as well as when she was alone.

Though this would be great as just a standalone fic, I was going to ask about a sequel, but it looks like you've already got that covered.:raritywink:
Perhaps we'll be seeing how their spa date goes?

Anyway, I'm just so excited for you because of how well this story seems to have blown up in just over a single day. Congratulations on being featured. You deserve it.:pinkiehappy:

If the inspiration ever strikes, you should definitely write more Rarijack fics in the future, whether they'd be linked to this one or not.

Bravo. Just... bravo.

8483969
Well that's really cool too!! I can't wait for the accompanying AJ story to this one (assuming the sequel to this will follow her pov) and you should it's really good!

And PS: thank you!

Some Minor Editing Notes:

1. She was interrupted by a loud knock at the door and then it creaking open.

2. “Pfft, me? Not a chance. I’m plenty busy just keeping the farm going. I’ll leave the romancing to you.”

“Applejack, really! You’re always so busy. You need to take some time to yourself.”

I would replace one of these words with something else.

3. She heaved a great sigh and put her chin on the table with a pout. Everything was so much simpler when she was a filly.

This line seemed to be used as only a way to quickly move the plot along.

4. One day she may want to clean it out, she thought as she sifted through the old papers and photos, shoving aside a dried-out pen that once wrote in color-changing ink and peering under a flat stone with a smile painted on it.

A comma should be placed somewhere in there.

5. But she was looking for something in particular . . . With a slight twirl of magic she flicked through the pages before carefully setting the diary on the bed. It had been years since she had last opened it, she might as well enjoy it.

Wait, is this for fun, or is she looking for something?

6. A colt gave me a flower and told me he thought I was pretty. It was very cute. 

I don't think she would say this if she didn't 'like like' him.

7. I’ve been thinking about my special somepony a lot…
What if he’s not a stallion?
I read a legend in this old book about two mares who loved each other (even though they were a pegasus and earth pony and the tribes were still fighting) and it made me think. And maybe that’s what a special somepony is- a good friend who you love. But I like being friends with mares…
So I’ve decided that I’ll still get married and have a perfect life and family and all that, but I’ll also have a special somepony too. A really good friend, a pony I can trust and spend time with and we’ll understand each other. I’ll just do that.
Also- I don’t really need to marry a unicorn, I guess. I thought I did, but I don’t know anymore. Although I think all princes are unicorns, so maybe it has to be a unicorn… I don’t know.

This seems like just another way to move the story along.

8. She has a very cute laugh (I didn’t tell her that though!)

No punctuation.

9. Then a proud moment when Applejack had banged her shin and Rarity had taken it on herself to nurse her back to health. 

Another comma is needed here, I think.



Other than that, you story was perfect :pinkiehappy:! I :heart: it!

8483532
Good catch! When I first started writing I wasn't sure how I was going to make their relationship canon to the show (because they clearly weren't fans of each other at the start) but that whole diary scene kinda wrote itself. I loved writing it (it was kinda therapeutic) but still a bummer they had to go through that, but sometimes that happens in life.
And I totally agree- I'm very happy with where this story ends- any further and it would have been too much.
But I am looking forward for the next 'scene' and exploring Applejack's thoughts as well :applejackunsure:

8482763
:moustache: I MOUSTACHE you a quest-
:ajbemused: out
:facehoof:

(:rainbowlaugh:)

8484426
:duck: Princely Blueblood was such a bore
:ajsmug: cause we don't see him any more

:twilightsmile: You can thank Spike for that
:moustache: Bluey? No, He's not coming back

orig00.deviantart.net/43ec/f/2017/237/6/b/got_mine_too_by_hillbe-dblbxqj.jpg

:trollestia: Dragon relations haven't been better!

It is so easy to convince oneself that one doesn't feel a certain way, to simply leave no room for it in one's life. This captured that perfectly, and it's an experience that is a lot more common than people think. Bravo!

I haven't read it yet, but ooo that description sounds good! :raritywink:

8483433
Thank you for writing it

Okay this was positively lovely and now I kinda really want to know what happens next! I think you portrayed Rarity's thoughts and character elegantly, and it was a joy to go through the revelation by her side~

How did you manage to come out of seemingly nowhere and get featured so quickly? :rainbowhuh:

Fantastic story, i really enjoy it, thanks for writing it :)

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