• Member Since 15th May, 2018
  • offline last seen 3 hours ago

mushroompone


This is great. I’m going to get a good grade in horsefic, something that is both normal to want and possible to achieve,

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Starlight Glimmer and Applejack both know they should probably break up.


Silver medalist in the 1000 words contest (group / info). Category: angst

Inspired by the Bleachers song "Stop Making This Hurt" (spotify link) and its music video (youtube link). That's also where I got he cover image!

Thanks to The Sleepless Beholder, Emotion Nexus, and RDT for their feedback and editing!

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 21 )

Hmm odd pairing. This is very good though.

Very interesting :twilightsmile:

I like how the randomness of the pairing actually worked in its favor. There's just a tiny bit of affection there, but not as much as you'd suspect from an actual couple. Feels really believable.

Ow. Ow this hurts.

Mush why do you do this to me.

Somehow, this story manages to be great, and yet, it hurts too much to ever read again.

I could see it on her face. A little crinkle between her eyebrows that I used to think was cute.

This sentence is loaded, Mushroom, holy crap. It tells you everything you need to know and confirms what you already expect is going to happen. I love to see Starlight paired with the Mane Six and I think you did a fantastic job here. Now I want to write some Starlight, so I think I will. You can just feel the emotions coming from Applejack's little monologues and her inner thoughts. She loves Starlight, and the best thing she can do for her, is leaving her.

Great job.

they're horse divorced :(

Howdy, hi~!

Ugh, this was so bittersweet. You manage to sell the dynamic between the two characters so well, then write their break up perfectly. The imagery and metaphor on display here is honestly peak Mush, and the stale bread was just superb with how it was incoporated. Loved reading this little break up snippet, definitely a good one.

Thanks for the read~!

... Im also tempted to start a horse divorce bookshelf now

Oh, this is masterfully crafted heartache. It's impressive how many layers and angles you were able to stuff into just a thousand words. (And let's face it, Starjack is a pairing doomed to failure in most cases.) Excellent job. Best of luck in the judging.

oof, this has so much feeling in so few words

Wow, what an incredibly efficient, biting story. So much emotion and history and context explained in so few words, yet even the diversions and the scene dressings remain relevant.

No notes. Just plain excellent.

The end of the day must be nice for an almost-empty ketchup bottle.

ooh, what a lovely way to set the mood. deprivation, hurt, exhaustion, all in describing a ketchup bottle, augh great stuff

Mac and Sugar were still together enough to wanna say it all over again. Though, being honest, I always thought vow renewals were the first sign of trouble.

and augh, the way the cynicism colors everything here, love it

She scoffed. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Just what I said. You don't always like me to tell the truth, and you give me a look when you wish I'd lied to you."

The look again.

"I just know you, is all."

oof, this is so very much a dynamic i'd expect to occur in a less-than-perfect Applejack relationship

Granny once told me that restaurants use the stale bread for toast since you can't tell the difference anyways.

But I could tell.

This toast was stale.

and augh, that negativity again, and Applejack's worldview of being convinced that she can see the worm under every rock is just so on-point

I tried. I cooked her meals and did the chores she secretly hated and kissed her in the places she secretly liked and it never quite felt like enough.

oof, just love how this section just tells a whole romance story so compactly, and this sentence in particular, augh

Twilight says we have an old-fashioned romance, which I believe because all her romances are old fashioned. She's always going out dancing and reciting sonnets and bringing home roses.

But I think what Twilight meant is that our relationship just feels old. Like it's been in the works a long time. Or like it just ain't that sharp anymore.

i can see this so well and i love it

My Granny was the same way. Before she crossed some invisible threshold and became “old”, she was the one fighting to stay awake while bucking apple trees and washing dishes. Then, suddenly, she learned to say no and stop hurting.

oof, Applejack's stubbornness in this way being something she has in common with her family i can def see. and yeah, that invisible threshold is real!

I sat back in the booth. It let out its own sigh so I didn’t have to.

love this detail

“I was talkin’ to my little cousin Babs the other day, and she told me the worst part of meeting Apple Bloom and her friends was how hard they tried to stay friends. Even though they knew it was impossible.”

and oof, a lovely side of heartbreak to the main course of heartbreak

And that should have been sad.

But it didn’t hurt anymore.

First time in a while.

i loved this fic! every peak and valley and precious fractal little detail of a relationship packed so efficiently that it's no less impactful for being a thousand words instead of ten thousand. i am thoroughly sold on both why this relationship happened, and every little tinge of why they were not the right ponies for each other in the end. so much so that i even feel the "should have been sad" exactly. augh, it feels like i slipped into Applejack's boots so completely! it is sad, and i will miss this little slice of StarJack, but i am also happy for them both that they took this painful step toward what i hope will be a better life for each of them.

amazing stuff!

Oof. The hurt, the pain.

Loved how the 1000w limit gives both Applejack's narration and the piece as a whole this terse feeling, too much being said in too little, in a way that feels both true to Applejack, and foundational to the collapse of her relationship. Beautiful, constrained agony.

Hello! Have a review. Not at all surprised this won a Silver Medal (congrats!) as it's really good. I loved the bit about ketchup bottles near the beginning, but it never stopped being great. You don't see this kind of break-up ficified very often, and you did it so well here. An easy like and an easy fave. :twilightsmile:

wtf how did you do this in a thousand words

"Stop Making This Hurt!" is a poignant song by Bleachers that encapsulates emotional struggles and the complexities of relationships. Exploring themes of pain, longing, and the challenges of moving on, the song resonates with listeners through its raw lyrics and evocative melodies. When it comes to expressing emotions or storytelling through videos, creators often turn to editing tools like CapCut PRO to enhance the visual narrative. With its advanced features and editing capabilities, CapCut PRO allows users to infuse videos with impactful visual effects, precise editing cuts, and creative elements, potentially amplifying the emotional depth and resonance of storytelling within video content, aligning with the emotive essence of songs like "Stop Making This Hurt!" by Bleachers.

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"Cease Inducing This Pain!" stands out as a moving musical composition by Bleachers, delving into emotional struggles and the complexities of relationships. Addressing themes of anguish, yearning, and the challenges of moving forward, the song resonates with its audience through honest lyrics and stirring melodies.
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