• Member Since 18th Feb, 2015
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daOtterGuy


Open for Writing Commissions. I write gay romantic comedies with ponies now. Get off my back, MOM.

T

Flash Magnus and Flash Sentry find themselves in a competition to win Twilight Sparkle’s affections. As the competition escalates, Flash Magnus begins to realize that it might not be Twilight Sparkle he wants to win the affection of.


Story and Concept inspired by Shilic with assistance from Sir Fiddler
Preread by SockPuppet and Graymane Shadow
Editted by LuckyChaosHooves

T and Sex Tags is due to very suggestive themes especially in Chapter 4. Nothing explicit.

There are LGBT themes in this story.

Entry for the Pillars Shipping Contest.

First Place Winner of the Pillars Shipping Contest.

Chapters (5)
Comments ( 43 )

Oh good, it's up. This has been fun to discuss on discord and help preread.

This is absolutely going to turn out better than anything I could have done with this premise, I'm excited, and I apologize for nothing.

pretty gay, could use more slang

Ri2

Just f*ck already!

Looks like a lot of fun, will this turn M/M too realizing they grew respect for each other over their rivalry I wonder or will it be a threesome relationship?

Hmm, you know what I think this story could use?

That's right, more slang! It's still comprehensible, and that is a crime.

I think my favorite part of this is just how done Twilight is.

“Of course you are.” Twilight sighed. “Can I refuse?”

“No,” Magnus immediately replied, brokering no argument.

This is gold, I love it.

still needs more slang though, the poetry had none how could you

sounds like they are really starting to get along there this time, I wonder where that could lead to, probably disaster...

Seeing that Magnus has a heavy theme Greek theme to him, I wonder if his views on sexuality also reflect that?

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Hehehe. Let's just say that's going to come up next chapter immediately based on what Flash Sentry knows what a bathhouse is and what Flash Magnus *thinks* a bathhouse is.

I also get to talk about the ducks in Magnus' opening excerpt next chapter. Ive been waiting four chapters to talk about the ducks.

Loved the chapter, I wnder if Magnus' will really try to sabotage Sentry's effore of will he go all in try to keep sipporting him amd show that the Princess isn't interested or soewing doubt with in him, or will he trying to make sexual teasing while doing more macho show boating. Also if Centry is really 1200 pound, which is in draft horse size practicly, that would make him a full size horse at that weight class, as the bigist classed ponies are arount less then 800 pounds.

Before I read this, I must know: How did you come up with the chapter titles?

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Black Day and Spidery, You Ate My Ears, Do the Duck, and I Am an Open Book are all legitimate ancient Greek idioms. Struggle Buggy is 1920s slang.

Each chapter opens with an anecdote from Flash Magnus describing the pony version of the sayings or rather the overtop ridiculous story that leads to them. Except for the duck one. The duck one is actually close to real ancient greek ducks who were absolute savages.

less slang in this chapter 0/10 try again next time

For real though, this was great. I knew I could never do this idea justice, but you took it and ran with it for a country mile. A combination of linguistic worldbuilding, actual emotional depth, and Wacky Gay AnticsTM, with strong characters (Twilight, personally, was my highlight, which probably says something about me) and, of course, amazing slang. My god the slang, it was glorious.

Overall, I give this story nineteen flashbangs exploding right in my face all at once and permanently damaging my vision and hearing out of twenty, I am now mostly blind and deaf in one ear, whoops.

“WHO DARES DISTURB MY PRIVATE TIME FOR WRITING FANFICTION ABOUT- Oh, it's you two,” Twilight groaned, “I was hoping I wouldn’t need to see either of you anymore today, but evidently this farce is still ongoing.”

Well now I want to know who and what Twilight is writing fanfics about.

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I can neither confirm nor deny the potential allegations of knowing exactly what Twilight Sparkle may or may not have written in her bedroom and have chosen to be as unhelpful as possible in the upcoming investigation.

Flash Magnus is an ancient Greco-Roman looking soldier that speaks like a 1950s italian mobster. That's an...interesting visual

Thins had been a fun read, I hope hope you will keep on ritting more stories like this

Flash Magnus was assigned to Flash Sentry. Somepony clearly found the idea amusing.

Well, I did. Didn't you?

The first chapter was an absolute delight to read, and Magnus bringing out all those idioms/metaphors/whatever they are to bamboozle me. I have no idea what happened at the end to cause Twilight to be pinned to a bookshelf, and I don't want to know. Keep my innocence in there, please. Oh, and I'd also like to know why- nevermind. Might be too inappropriate.

What a damn maroon.

I still miss her.

Damn...maroon? Whua-

Anyways...the second chapter was much funnier than the first(at least to me, please make them fuck already for god's sake), and you just went all out on the bloody phrases and words, innit?

Show off the sex appeal.

No, no, no, do NOT show off the sex appeal that is not what Twilight wants-

Too late.

Twilight turned back to Magnus and quirked a single eyebrow. “That is a sentence that could be used to describe what just happened. I’ll try to refrain from saying how I would describe it.”

Very wise. You do not want to get involved in whatever shenanigans is happening right now, Twilight.

“Good luck trying to get that dense horse over there to clue in,” Twilight whispered.

Oh...I'm a dummy. Sentry has been hitting on Magnus!

“Did you know that Her Majesty uses the public co-ed bath?”

IIiiiiiiii am gonna show myself out here. This never ends well.

He needed to stop his bo from asking out that harlot.

He called Twilight a what now?! That's it, someone get me a magic portal to Equestria. I'm gonna pull out every tickling equipment I have and stick them up his-

“WHO DARES DISTURB MY PRIVATE TIME FOR WRITING FANFICTION ABOUT-

She writes fanfiction? To be honest, I'd read it just for the grammar.

They both felt their kiss was something akin to a bang.

...oh.

Anyways, final verdict. This was a really well written story, and I really loved the small blurbs at the start giving us some Magnus backstory stuff. And it's just hilarious how Twilight was helping Sentry all along to win the contest so he could admit his love to Magnus. Really good stuff there, I'd read it again.

ONTO THE FAVORITES LIST IT GOES

This was fantastic! You touched on so many corners and every single second of this was enjoyable. I was impressed how you managed to tie in incredible worldbuilding ideas while pushing forwards this story of two idiots pining for one another and being oblivious about it. The format of this story really paid off as well, having Flash Magnus clue us in to the terminology was a super creative approach. There was also a section where you used "maroon" to describe someone and I'm wondering if you meant moron? I did feel he sounded a bit Australian at times which was a little odd but hey. This was a great, great story! Thank you for participating!

I expected some great romance, but I wasn't prepared for amazing worldbuilding. Seriously, all the idiom origins were great, and they tied in perfectly with their respective chapters. I'm not going to forget the basin ducks anytime soon.

Great characterizations. The premise of competing for the princess' affection is wonderfully subverted. Twilight's attitude toward the whole thing was refreshing.

And the romance! I felt it in my bones. Flash and Magnus had great chemistry. It's not a pairing I would have thought of, but man am I glad someone did.

The pacing was spot on and kept me hooked the whole way through.

This story was delightful! Thanks for publishing it.

I, being Flash Magnus, always considered the phrase “Back in the Old Country” to be a stupid opener to anything anypony ever said. Saying it immediately told the listener that some old geezer was going to reminisce about some time from their childhood that they lost as the past moved forward into the present.

Can I just say that this is an amazing opener? 'Cause it is. I love it.

Your passages just oozes so much character that I find it difficult to pinpoint my favourite in this one. Great start!

It was sunny. Flash Magnus and Flash Sentry - or the Flash Disasters as their units liked to affectionately refer to them as

Hah, GAYYYYYYYYYY

“Could one of you come over here and mount me?” Sentry then mumbled under his breath, “That didn’t sound right.”

No, it certainly did not, but do go on.

I'm really liking the opening monologues, they're quite fun! And the serial escalation here was hilarious, heh, as is the end result and Twilight's utterly deadpan reaction.

Filocuse. Located southeast of the dragonlands, past a massive range of mountains, and a short glide over two rivers most notable for their crisscrossing figure eight pattern.
That was where home was.

MMmmmhm I do like myself some worldbuilding. Fascinating insight with the banshees, they're very interesting lil critters. I wonder how they're-

It made sense really that they became extinct shortly after Filocuse fell from the sky.

god damn it

“Of course you are.” Twilight sighed. “Can I refuse?”

She's so goddamn done with this lmao

“Good luck trying to get that dense horse over there to clue in,” Twilight whispered.
“Thank you, your Majesty,” Sentry whispered back with red cheeks.

OOoooo someone knows what's up, alright :ajsmug:

Love this. Good detail and worldbuilding with the different styles :twilightsmile:

Sentry knew bathhouses as what they were in modern times. Magnus knew bathhouses as a place one went to have open sex.

Well, well, well.

Spicy.

What more can I say? That's what this darn chapter is. It's great! And this-

He needed to stop his bo from asking out that harlot.

Perfect way to end it, alright.

I can’t give him my heart.
Because when I found my heart again, it was left in tatters on my bedside table.

Awww. Such a bittersweet fate.

Magnus kissed Sentry on the lips.

Hah, GAYYYYYY

What a lovely story. Such incredible worldbuilding woven with riveting characterisation. I wish I had more to say but argh, that was perfect. A well-earned win, alright :twilightsmile:

Definitely an interesting premise you have here. I never really thought about the connections between the two Flash's until now. But like the playful banter between the two of them is just adorable. The writing so far has me glued to the screen and I can't wait to see where this goes. I have a feeling it might be pretty gay though.

I'm totally in for it though.

Dawwwh. Poor Flash Sentry, he's just too innocent and wholesome for the boat load of trouble Flash Magnus is gonna get him into.
I can already see the direction your taking with all the playful banter and I like it. Keep up the great work.

Twilight massaged her forehead with her left wing. “Fine, hopefully this won’t be as bad as the first drafts of Rainbow Dash’s fanfiction or at least shorter. Let’s get this over with.” Twilight waved a hoof in the Flashes’ direction.

Hahaha. Oh my gosh, that is so brilliant.

“Well, you keep saying we should leverage our sex appeal.” Sentry leaned in close to Magnus with a sleazy grin on his face. “Did you know that Her Majesty uses the public co-ed bath?”

Princess Twilight! *Le Gasp* I never would have expected this of you. (No, I totally expected it.)

This continues to be cute, charming and really entertaining to read, kind of glad I decided to read this before my review. Gonna go all in. You sure are impressing this mare though. Keep up the great work!

First off, what the fuck. Why are you such a good writer? The hook for this is literally perfection. It introduces a major character, a major concept, and ends on a cliffhanger for the rest of the story. Speaking of, the whole idiom theme that permeates the entire story is fun, but also turns Flash Magnus into a giant puzzle. He explains the major idioms, but when it comes to the more casual ones, more often than not they're just thrown out as normal speech. Obviously, you can piece together what he's saying by context clues, but often not even the characters know what he's saying, which is exactly how Magnus communicates. Anecdotes and poems, that's how he connects with people. He is an open book. The story might as well be called Flashslang.

Twilight being completely aware of what's going on is hilarious. You can tell she's annoyed, but once she figures it out, she's annoyed not at them as a duo, but at Magnus for being a colossal idiot. Gives me just buck already vibes. The line where she nonchalantly offers her bed is golden.

I really like how you built up the Flashes also. Magnus as our perspective we get to know through interludes, which bleeds into his character. Sentry we learn about by how he acts, mostly again, from Magnus' perspective, but we can figure out what Sentry is thinking, while Magnus is dumb as a rock. The slow bonding is also lovely, Magnus unknowingly growing closer to Sentry until he starts giving him intimate nicknames and, again, slang.

I will also have to say, the world building on ancient Equestria is fucking fantastic. It's all so alive, and the way you present it is amazing. I don't even know you came up with this stuff, let alone implemented it into the story tangibly. The unique creatures, how the pegasi interacted with each other, Magnus' past lovers, it's all so interesting. I could read a story entirely about the past, it's that good.

Bravo!

I, being Flash Magnus, always considered the phrase “Back in the Old Country” to be a stupid opener to anything anypony ever said. Saying it immediately told the listener that some old geezer was going to reminisce about some time from their childhood that they lost as the past moved forward into the present.

love the meta opening line

That theory had only become more likely as the spiders began stealing armour, weapons, cooking utensils, hay bails, rooftops, and, I kid you not, the lettuce off of everypony’s sandwich.

that last bit feels especially MLP, just that slight bit of whimsy

Let me describe to you several of my most spidery, and most blackest days.

i love how much character you suffuse Flash with in this opening monologue. just the worldbuilding of his cultural background alone is a beauty to behold, much less how entertaining you make this explanation. a natural storyteller, this one.

“Ah, apologies to Your Majesty.” Magnus bowed. “This sheik over here hit some of the giggle water too hard and challenged me to a race.”

really loving the voice you have for Magnus here

“You know what?" Twilight said. "I don’t really care about the reason.” Sentry was wrapped in the magenta glow of her majesty’s magic as he was levitated out of the wreckage of the desk and placed upright on his hooves before them. “Just leave.”

“Right away, Princess!” Both Sentry and Magnus crisply saluted and left the room.

ugh i love "done with your shit" Twilight, thank you for this

“Awesome.” Sentry smirked at Magnus. “You wanna race back to the barracks?”

Magnus grinned. “You’re on.”

and now with the premise all set up, let's see how it unfolds!

What a damn maroon.

I still miss her.

a bit of black comedy, establishment of Flash Magnus's character, and possible foreshadowing all in one? love this tangent

Over time, the term moved from the chariot to the pony. A struggle buggy wasn’t a chariot used to pick up mares. No, it now applied to a stallion that only picked up mares. Badly. A struggle buggy had no skills outside of the most basic of charm and some limited sex appeal. Not the most promising traits on a potential squeeze.

as someone who loves both etymology and the effects of sexual and status competition on cultural evolution, you are really giving me a treasure here, otter! i really loved this bit

Sentry blinked. “Bees have knees?”

haha, perfect Flash Sentry reaction

Literally. Nopony wanted another lecture on proper scheduling from Her Majesty.

oof, yes. i am sure they are very, er, thorough.

Magnus massaged his forehead with a hoof. “I don’t even know what I was expecting from a peppy mug like you.” Magnus pulled Sentry closer to him as Sentry’s face flushed red from the contact. “Ritzy shebas like Her Majesty like a stallion that can work, right?”

i don't want to quote every Flash Magnus line to say how much i love the slang so i'll just do this one

The guard kept his blank expression before he shrugged. “Alright. Not the weirdest request I’ve been given from a superior.”

:twilightoops:

“Could one of you come over here and mount me?” Sentry then mumbled under his breath, “That didn’t sound right.”

gottem!

Twilight turned back to Magnus and quirked a single eyebrow. “That is a sentence that could be used to describe what just happened. I’ll try to refrain from saying how I would describe it.”

“Like what?” Magnus said, “The most exhilarating thing you’ve ever seen?”

Sentry covered his head with his wings.

“Sure,” Twilight replied dryly, “Let’s go with that.”

i just love your Twilight here, and the mental image of that swaying tower of stallions is hard to beat! and yes, the idiom introduced at the beginning thematically tying the chapter together is a thing, i see! a very fun structure

This hatchet stud with big teeth and a scaly hide crawled on up to the banshee dressed up in glad rags that it had swiped from a recent gooseberry lay. It thinks since it's a big bad predator it can take the banshee on, but that critter turned around, sized the croc up like a sheba judging a smoked drugstore cowpony and scoffed. Scoffed!

okay just when i think you can't one-up yourself on the slang you go ahead and do it. amazing how much feeling this oozes while still being easy to understand from context!

Pranks. They pulled pranks. Deadliest creature in the basin and they spent their time making fun of us.

between this and the spiders, seems to be a running theme here!

It made sense really that they became extinct shortly after Filocuse fell from the sky.

oof, all this fun worldbuilding and you hit me with this hammer of a line at the end! ugh, i felt this one. really well done.

Surrounding her was one of Her Majesty’s patented book forts. The columns were made from thick periodicals, the fundamentals of the world, and the roof made from fictitious romances, high out of anypony’s reach so as not to be tempted to read trash.

i love this paragraph so much

Magnus smirked. “Oh, skipping to the fun bits, eh? Showing the sugar is a good way to get the attention of a ripe tomato.”

i really need to incorporate this adage into my life

Sentry’s head shot up out from behind his wings. “We don’t wear clothes by default!” Sentry attempted to glare at Magnus, but turned away when he saw him in his suit again. “I know during your time period, everypony wore clothes, but nowadays ponies only wear anything for formal events.” Sentry mumbled under his breath, “And when two ponies are really intimate with each other.”

yes, cultural worldbuilding, yesssss! very near and dear to my heart and own worldbuilding here.

Magnus stared at Sentry perplexed for a moment then smiled warmly at him. “Alright, I don’t normally cave to demands, but I’ll make an exception for you, bo.”

Sentry’s wings fluttered excitedly at his side at Magnus’ use of his new nickname.

you love to see it!

Twilight looked up from reading a passage about multithreaded time loops and looked over the Flashes with a slightly peeved expression. She closed her eyes, counted to ten, opened them, and released a weary sigh when she found both of them still standing before her.

just imagining all these shenanigans from Twilight's perspective now, and yes, this is the response i would have as well!

“Of course you are.” Twilight sighed. “Can I refuse?”

“No,” Magnus immediately replied, brokering no argument.

Twilight massaged her forehead with her left wing. “Fine, hopefully this won’t be as bad as the first drafts of Rainbow Dash’s fanfiction or at least shorter. Let’s get this over with.” Twilight waved a hoof in the Flashes’ direction.

aww, poor Twilight!

Sentry stopped mid line. His eyes widened in shock as he caught up to what he had been reciting.

Twilight quirked a single eyebrow.

i love to see it

Twilight allowed her second eyebrow to join the first. She turned to address Magnus.

“Really?” Twilight stated dryly.

Magnus tilted his head in confusion, then perked up when he thought he had caught onto what Twilight was implying. “Oh, you think Sentry’s serenade was better than mine even though he flubbed the ending.” Magnus smirked. “Hey, I’m a big colt, your Majesty. I can take a loss.”

haha, Flash Magnus, you dingus!

Twilight acknowledged with a short nod and trotted forward towards the exit. She stopped next to Sentry and leaned in close to his ear.

“Good luck trying to get that dense horse over there to clue in,” Twilight whispered.

i love her

Both did so in freestyle because the Flashes would never follow such strict guidelines past two lines.

i love them


a very fun chapter all around! the dynamic between the three is just so very entertaining

However, worse than all of them combined were the basin ducks.

great use of rule of three, you are very good at these hooks!

Those goons would pull any graft they could if it meant they got to sate their cravings. No crime was too much if it meant an egg down their gullet.

there's a certain poetry in this line that i love

Basin ducks were just dumb. They saw ponies with wings, assumed they were some kind of bird, then reached the “logical” conclusion that they simply must lay eggs despite there being no proof of it.

something about this feels very Douglas Adamsian

One pegasus then wondered if we could use the eggs produced by the chickens as some form of scapegoat so the basin ducks would just steal those instead of attacking us. We started doing it the next day.

It worked.

just the combination of a hilariously told anecdote, a very whimsical bit of worldbuilding, and an idiom that descended through the latter tie together so well, i could read an entire book of nothing but these little things. it's all so very polished and fun.

“You could say there are some minor differences in application,” Magnus said.

yet another fantastic bit of worldbuilding, i presume drawing on the ancient greece-coded culture of the canon Flash Magnus?

Magnus forcibly removed the sludge from his brain. “Right, your back. That place that is hard to reach because of your wings and being-” Magnus gulped. “Really... big.”

you love to see it

Hopefully, washing up could help keep his mind clear.

i have a feeling it might have the opposite effect!

Magnus stared blankly at Sentry’s outstretched back as rivulets poured down it from an overhead showerhead.

well, that did not take long

“Oh, right, Her Majesty. That was the entire point of coming here. So, Sentry what’s-” Magnus stopped as Sentry trotted past him towards Her Majesty.

this part coming right after the previous (amazing!) sequence really did make me laugh out loud irl, thank you for this!

Magnus abruptly didn’t want Sentry to do this anymore. He was mad. It was the same feeling as when somepony stole food right from under him. He felt cheated. He felt his brow furrow and an overwhelming urge to sock every dumb mug in the room.

agh, feelings!

“That’s not fair, Magnus.” Sentry pouted and Magnus felt himself tense. “This was my only idea and we did all of yours.”

a moment of obliviousness to undercut the descending mood, i couldn't help but chuckle at this

Then why did he feel horrible at the mere thought of that? Why did ‘best bud’ have a sour tang attached to it?

ah, the feels. been there, buddy.

He needed to stop his bo from asking out that harlot.

noooooo Twilight isn't even involved in this, dummy!

LEWD.

Okay, serious comment. This chapter was full of genuine moments for each character but I really love the slow build up from not understanding his feelings to realizing who he really wants to woo. This is great.

Dawwwwwh. So fluffy and utterly adorable.
The build-up to this moment was perfectly on point, and despite it being predictable that it would happen, I enjoyed the ride all the way through. I'll have to see what else of yours I might enjoy because if this is the sample, this is gonna be an all I can read buffet.

Idioms are phrases adapted from silly happenings and used by ponies to describe similar situations. A way to bond with others. To have a knowing laugh with strangers and friends alike.

Black day and spidery. Struggle buggy. You ate my ears. Do the duck. Phrases that invoke strange times from a forgotten town that nopony remembers.

what stronger signal could there be that this is the last chapter? that there's nothing left to do but deconstruct the premise? perfectly fitting with the shift in mood at the end of the previous, just great work here.

Then I lost her to that stupid scheme. I missed her. I hated her. I loved her. I was mad, and lonely and wanted to do something, anything, to undo what had happened.

and the bits of dark in all these stories that were retold in a light-hearted tone before begin to come together.

I loved all of them. I missed all of them. It hurts everytime I think of them. I can still see the last moments I shared with them in my mind’s eye when I think of them.

Because when I found my heart again, it was left in tatters on my bedside table.

hauntingly beautiful, all the more resonant to me with the echoes i feel from having written similar themes in my work. i can really appreciate how well you did it here.

“WHO DARES DISTURB MY PRIVATE TIME FOR WRITING FANFICTION ABOUT- Oh, it's you two,” Twilight groaned, “I was hoping I wouldn’t need to see either of you anymore today, but evidently this farce is still ongoing.”

otter, i know rationally and logically that all that is going on here is your gift for drawing out fun characterizations for our canon friends and writing their interactions with great skill but i cannot help but feel as if you wrote this Twilight Sparkle with the intent to murder me in particular with how much she appeals to me.

“I agree to your date,” Twilight replied, “And to ensure this does not continue, I, as your ruling monarch, declare that Sentry is the winner of your contest.”

ugh so good

“Great,” Twilight her wings up in exasperation. “Now, if this has finally been dealt with there is an all you can eat salad bar in Ponyville and I need to destress with some casual conversation with friends.” Twilight gestured towards her bedroom with a wing. “My bedroom is empty, feel free to use it for whatever - just make sure the maids clean up after both of you before I get back. Later, Anserines.”

and the salad bar! i totally forgot you incorporated that into this! this is so great! ugh i just love that mental image of twilight eating a salad annoyedly

“You're the Flash Magnus. My parents told me bedtime stories about what an amazing hero you were. Are. You were my idol. I had stupid fantasies about going on adventures with you, being best friends, and eventually-” Sentry’s face flushed. “I heard you had joined the Canterlot Royal Guard, and when Shining asked for volunteers to transfer, I was the first in line.”

i do wonder what that feels like, unexpectedly getting to meet your hero from all the stories you read about them, which were supposed to be just stories, and then all of it leading to... this! how wonderful.

“I’m not a fairytale,” Magnus started, “I’m not as well put together as you think and I feel out of place more often than not, but if you can accept those parts of me… I’m yours.”

Sentry laughed happily as tears welled up in the corners of his eyes.

Sentry kissed Magnus back.

They both felt their kiss was something akin to a bang.

and such a great and positive ending, with that spine of realism to give it heft. i am really happy for these two dunderheads, dorks, and doras, though i have no idea if i'm using the last word correctly.


just a very well-crafted and entertaining tale all around otter, showcasing both your gift for worldbuilding and your talents in inventing vivid and fun characters and drawing the interactions between them. the slow buildup of the romance, the obliviousness of the Flashes, Flash Magnus's old-timey speaking style, your version of Twilight, every single bit of ancient Filocuse that you've shown us, i loved all of it.

So the judges for the Pillars contest have been telling me to read this since the results came out! Wish in particular has been singing this one's praises, so I definitely had to give it a read!
Absolutely cracking stuff mate. There's far too little mlm on fimfic, and the fics that are here don't get nearly the level of attention and acclaim they often deserve. This was a front to back stunner. The structuring, with each chapter's being an elaboration on a saying from Magnus' early days, was a wonderful addition, adding a lot of really fascinating worldbuilding onto the excellent character interactions.
Sentry and Magnus' romance was cute, humorous and well developed. Sentry was a particularly adorable character. Your Twilight was excellent too, and was applied sparingly enough for her to never lose her comedic, deadpan punch.
Super great stuff overall! Really glad to have read this, you've definitely got another interested follower now! :D

I enjoyed this very much! Brilliant wordplay, an engaging story.

Finally got around to knocking this off my reading list. I have no idea what my expectations were, but I can safely say you blew them out of the water.

Magnus talking like he's from the 1920's was certainly an interesting twist.

I think my favorite part about this story was how Sentry is played as the big dumb himbo, but he was four parallel universes ahead of Magnus the whole time. He knew exactly how to win the bet from the start, but played along anyway because he was having fun with his hero. And I enjoyed watching him have fun.

It's also fun seeing Twilight swear

This one was so much fun!

Gotta give you props to your skills in description and world building. I can tell you've put a lot of effort in crafting each one of these little origin stories if these phrases. I always find crafting the world around characters to be the most tedious part of the writing process, but these have character all of their own. That's worth a thumbs up in my book.

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