Celestia tries to stop Sunset from leaving.
Written for the A Thousand Words Contest II Contest in the Drama Category.
Preread by The Sleepless Beholder and TCC56.
Chapters (14)
- Member Since 18th Feb, 2015
- offline last seen 2 hours ago
daOtterGuy
Open for Art Commissions. I write gay romantic comedies with ponies now. Get off my back, MOM.
daOtterGuy
Joined 18th Feb, 2015 ·
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This was interesting. Thoughtful excuction, (how do you spell that word?) I liked the way you broke up the chapter's it created a very intriguing mood for me well, giving sway to a certain mystery.
The obscuring detail's (who's purple hoove...nice touch. Future Twilight. That other powerful unicorn?) really helped sold me on this piece though, I do wish that she gave her wing's to Sunset since...
I haven't seen that done yet and it alway's struck me that inspite of the numerous folk's that (insert author's reason here. Destiny. The way it has to be...what have you.) what (good) mother wouldn't trade her life for her child? Or wing's? And I just a (tiny. tiny.) bit bored with Sunset (must) go in mirror! Wow! I mean imagine the character interaction's if both Sunset and Celestia have to live with a new dynamic? Or what if Celestia gave Sunset her wing's but, didn't give up ruling so what Sunset thought would be a victory would in truth be a touch hollow?
What would Sunset do faced with a nation (not fillidelphia to rule? Would Sunset overcome those flaw's? Or...would like Twilight have to be (forced) to make friend's? Could said fictional story turn into a politcal intrigue as Sunset with what amount's to a temper and being teenager is thrust into a large scale political arena?
(I just really want a I can change Sunset!)
More over...
And what of a newly ascended (or what ever.) Cadance in the distance land of Hollow Shades? What intrigue would happen when these two newly made and born alicorn's navigate their lives in light of alicornhood?
Would Sunset come to dim on ruling and power? What does she want? What does Celestia want?
Does Celestia even have friend's?
Ultimately, it seem's more of a interesting road (personally and full of thing's that I haven't seen before which is a-ok in this reader's book! ) but, most writer's seem to really like canon event's? I guess? Though, I know from writing it is easier to write those hint's more...? Then folk's realize...
After rereading (to ensure I have something to say and that it's not malarky? How do you spell that? I think the last chapter would have worked better as this...
Vs. This...
It really culiminates into stark moment after all you didn't tell us her heart hurt's. It's been hurting and by the end...
(The spacing is important makes the reader slow (just a hare down and get that first punch of...shes alone then...
POW!
She had done what was needed.
(Also italic's...me likey extra emphasis! Carefully, mind!) Italic's can be scary! ;)
Beautifully written and executed. I loved every second reading.
Oof. I have a joke in mind, but honestly, it won't feel like honouring the fic…
But that won't stop me.
Celestia: I don't know how to stop it
Pinkie: You can't, it's a canon event
Alright, now more serious. Love the format, the execution, and the feeling of desparation it evokes. And the ending is also nice. Well done
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You know
Id totally break A canon event
That movie cant stop me!
Sad!
I thought she was going through different possible things she could have done differently in her head.. but this is cooler
That doesn't sound good
The pull of the mirror was just too strong, isn't it?
Gotta love it when chapter structure plays into the theme of the story in these sorts of fics. Very nicely done. Have a like and a fav, Otter.
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If EQG wasn't a thing they really could have explored the idea of a mirror that shows you your deepest desire and can also trap you in there, that would have been better than the shadow pony, coulda had twilight and co rescue sunset and found all the other great heroes who fell to the mirror's temptations
I'm not one for predetermined fate, both for philosophical and realistic reasons. Especially in this case, the implication of Sunset's definite path to failure is that Twilight was fated to become the princess. Not because of her efforts and what she'd done right, but because that was simply Twilight's destiny and not Sunset's, no matter what Celestia did, including encasing the mirror in concrete and throwing it into the sea.
Nevertheless, the fic was executed very well. The chapters were cut and strung together beautifully to create a haunting cycle that gave me thrills at times.
Absolutely heartwrenching. Started out as an interesting gimmick, but as it went on with Celestia repeating the cycle. you progressively hollowed out more and more of my chest.
Good inspiration as well. I'm currently working on a longfic that covers Sunset's past from her childhood to when she leaves the portal, and this has given me some ideas for their final confrontation, so thank you for that.
this is getting more and more heartwrenching
With so few words you have made me have all the feels. Take your like and favorite.
God, this was powerful.
There was something so let's get to the said that could have turned this around
Exceptionally powerful piece. Loved it.
Such an amazing fic!
You can feel the heartbreak, the desperation Celestia is feeling by the end of it
Stupid question, but why didn't Celestia just destroy the mirror? That's the common link to Sunset leaving. Destroy the portal and she has no way out. If destroying it isn't an option, then move it somewhere that Sunset would never find and keep the location strictly to Celestia herself only.
Celestia time looping in desperation is just so sad; some things are meant to be, and Starlight had to show her that.
aww the origin of how Sunset inflects this title as an insult
oh, interesting! a remix of the first chapter’s conversation
ah! Celestia going through the possible ways to convince Sunset to not go through, like in S7E1?
hehe knew it!
ahaha that is… certainly an attempt!
oh i kinda wish i could see this one!
and she would’ve been right, lol
aww! now i’m sad that this one didn’t work
oof, that instead of “Mom” makes this one extra sad this time. poor Celestia! i mean, i’d gladly do it for her if she wants someone to call her M—
hoowee things are gonna get weird
aww sad that the (i presume SunDance?) shipping route didn’t work
interesting that she is consistently going with the mom thing
oof! poor Celestia…
oh yeah, this did kind of happen to Celestia already in that way, huh?
augh my heart
the acceptance, and finding contentment in saying all one can say and leaving the other to respond as they will, and that indeed not staunching the heartbreak all the same. what a perfect way to end it.
such a fantastic use of the time loop premise, i absolutely loved it. thank you so much for writing
I do wonder if Celestia ever told Sunset how many times she reset the world to get her to stay. I wonder if she ever thought about why Sunset lost all trust in her. I wonder if she ever sat the filly down early and explained the ins and outs of alicornhood as best she understood them.
The answer to all of them is “Probably” (though given what she went for in the penultimate attempt, maybe not that last one.) Three hundred resets and more is enough to go through just about every conceivable idea that Celestia could live with, and probably some more besides. Great tale of a futile struggle and the pain of accepting inevitability. Exquisite work with negative space in the cover art as well. Thank you for this and congrats on the gold.
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Sunset would still leave Canterlot. She’d just go somewhere in the same world. (And given more than three hundred iterations the story skipped over, Celestia probably tried destroying the mirror in several. It’s possible the resulting paradox was worse than anything Sunset could ever do.)
Admittedly, I was a bit skeptical of this story when I saw the short chapter lengths, but I'm glad I gave this a try.
I do think each chapter could be fleshed out with a bit more descriptive text to add levity to the dialogue, but the story itself is sound.
It was a nice read, and I really like this concept.
Hello! Here's your courtesy note for my review of this. An unusual structure for an unusual situation. Time loops (insofar as this is one) aren't new, but I thought this turned a textual gimmick into something more profound. Liked and favourited.