//------------------------------// // You Ate My Ears // Story: Flashbang // by daOtterGuy //------------------------------// Filocuse. Located southeast of the dragonlands, past a massive range of mountains, and a short glide over two rivers most notable for their crisscrossing figure eight pattern.  That was where home was. The city was built above a basin surrounded by a jungle. Vapours harvested from the basin were used to form the cloud foundations from which the city was built. Structures that required ground access were kept on massive wood platforms built from hollowed out logs. We had no walls, but never needed them. The basin provided all we needed to form any weather condition we could conceive of and was our primary defense against raiders and their ilk. What was it like living there? Well, there was an animal native to the region that truly represented the spirit of the town.  Let me tell you about the banshees. They were small furry, bipedal creatures with long tails, small rounded ears, and huge eyes that took up half their face. Early banshees were coloured similar to the forest whilst generations closer to mine were similar in colour to ponies.  They were clever little bastards.  Those skid rogues would make a patsy out of any pegasus that was unlucky enough to be near them when they felt like stirring the pot. Every resident of Filocuse was a mark to them. A maroon. Somepony to grift, but not to earn hard spinach. Nah, Banshees were in it for one thing and one thing only: entertainment.  And every pony in Filocuse were their show ponies. They had a lot of different grifts but by far my favourite was the origin of another of my favourite idioms: you ate my ears. Before we get into that, let me tell you that banshees are loud. Like a broad dressed in her swankiest dress and ready to gold dig for some schlubs packing the bees. A banshee’s main defense against enemies was to scream their bloody conks off.  One time while on patrol, I witnessed a jungle croc decide to go after a banshee that had been gathering food on the jungle floor. I had cozied up into a nearby tree and covered my ears preemptively knowing what was bound to happen. This hatchet stud with big teeth and a scaly hide crawled on up to the banshee dressed up in glad rags that it had swiped from a recent gooseberry lay. It thinks since it's a big bad predator it can take the banshee on, but that critter turned around, sized the croc up like a sheba judging a smoked drugstore cowpony and scoffed. Scoffed!  The banshee is about to bluenose the wannabe pred when the croc lunges towards him. The banshee turned around, gave it the good ole stink eye and screamed. That croc dropped from the sheer vibrations of the banshee’s scream. The banshee stepped closer and the croc started shaking. Its eyes rolled in it’s sockets, and spit foamed out its mouth. Once the shaking stopped, the banshee nodded its head, bit the poor mugs’ ear holes and lammed off with a bounty of food.   I waited for the ringing in my own ears to die down before gliding down and confirming the croc’s death. The big baddy got bumped off by a screaming monkey a quarter of its size.  The important takeaway is to never make a banshee mad unless you got fast getaway sticks to back it up.  So, banshees are these shit disturbers that are able to scream loud enough to bop off a critter unfortunate enough to hear them. Now, what do you think they did to the residents of Filocuse? Pranks. They pulled pranks. Deadliest creature in the basin and they spent their time making fun of us. Alright, now picture this. You’re in the middle of a big move. New house, full cart of your belongings parked in the front yard. You sized up the boxes, stacked them one too many on your back, and are now regretting your ego halfway to the front door.   Enter the banshee. Little bastard sits just out of sight, sizes you up and decides on the perfect timing to mess with you. It sneaks in close, climbs along the boxes, and hangs just short of where your ears are located.  You’re close to your home. On your right is a nice flower garden. The banshee waits another moment then, while in mid step, screams right into your ear.  You stumble, and fall into the now crushed flower bed. Boxes fall to the ground. The banshee nicks your ear with its teeth, never enough to draw blood, then runs off cackling. You’re left cussing in a bush.  Damn near perfect sting. Thus was born the phrase ‘you ate my ears’ after that weird habit of the banshees biting the ears of anything they scream at. Ponies used it to describe some smo with a big set of pipes on them that would just bellow at a decibel no pony was comfortable with. The poor victims could only brace for when the nibbles came.  Despite their tomfoolery, they were beloved by the ponies of Filocuse. We chased off the predators that hunted them, and left them food during the harsher months. In times of danger, the banshees were the first to be on the frontlines. There wasn’t a single battle that happened where you wouldn’t see them perched on the backs of our soldiers with Tarturus in their eyes.  It made sense really that they became extinct shortly after Filocuse fell from the sky.  Both Flashes stood just outside of the Canterlot Royal Library, or, as many of the castle staff called it when she couldn’t hear them, Her Majesty’s personal book fund. Seated inside was Her Majesty Twilight Sparkle on a plush cushion with her nose buried in a book about theoretical magic.   Surrounding her was one of Her Majesty’s patented book forts. The columns were made from thick periodicals, the fundamentals of the world, and the roof made from fictitious romances, high out of anypony’s reach so as not to be tempted to read trash.  “Alright, struggle buggy.” Magnus leaned back from peeking through the door and turned to his compatriot. “Time to sing.” “You still haven’t explained what struggle buggy means to me.” Sentry had his head hung low and fidgeted in place with hooves tip tapping on the marble floors. “I also don’t understand why we’re dressed to the nines.” “Slick use of the phrase, Sentry. Also, I’ll tell you later. Right now we have to focus on the prize.” Magnus gave a wide toothy grin. “We’re dressed up all ritzy because we’re going for the clincher. Ain’t no broad alive that can resist a sheik in a suit.” Magnus struck a confident pose. His mane was gelled back into a red wave, he had rose bud studs in his ears, and he wore a red rose patterned suit over a black undershirt with a matching tie around his neck.   Sentry was dressed equally up to scale in a simplistic blue suit over a white undershirt with a matching wing patterned tie. His mane had been tamed into a loose pompadour, but was hard pressed to be seen with his wings covering his head.  Two maids trotted by, turned back to look at the Flashes as they passed and giggled to each other. Sentry attempted to hide more within his wings, but found some difficulty since he was approximately the size of a pull cart.  “I just don’t know why we’re so dressed up to serenade Her Majesty.” Sentry peeked at Magnus through his wings, blushed, and re-covered them. “I mean couldn’t we wear our guard armour or nothing? Nothing would actually be much preferable to this.” Magnus smirked. “Oh, skipping to the fun bits, eh? Showing the sugar is a good way to get the attention of a ripe tomato.” Sentry’s head shot up out from behind his wings. “We don’t wear clothes by default!” Sentry attempted to glare at Magnus, but turned away when he saw him in his suit again. “I know during your time period, everypony wore clothes, but nowadays ponies only wear anything for formal events.” Sentry mumbled under his breath, “And when two ponies are really intimate with each other.” “It’s fine, struggle buggy.” Magnus punched Sentry lightly in the leg. “Just think of this like a big bash with an audience of one swanky dame.” Magnus frowned. “Unless you really are uncomfortable. We can still run back to the barracks, swank down, and make it back in time to serenade Her Majesty.” “It’s not that I’m uncomfortable.” Sentry peered at Magnus through the corner of his eyes. “Or not okay dressing up like this. I guess I’m just not used to it.” Sentry took a deep breath and met Magnus’ gaze. “You know what? It’s fine.” Sentry grinned. “Gotta look swanky for the moll, right?” Magnus returned the grin. “That we do, bo.” “What’s that word?” Sentry asked. “Bo?” “Yeah. I’ve heard you use it before and been meaning to ask you what it means.” “Oh it's like, saying ‘bud’,” Magnus explained, “But you’re supposed to only use it for your ‘best’ bud. Don’t use it much since I find it to be a lot more intimate than what it's supposed to be used for.”  Sentry bounced on his hooves. “Can you use that as my nickname?” “What, ‘bo’?” Magnus asked. “Yeah,” Sentry said happily, “I prefer that over whatever struggle buggy is.” Magnus stared at Sentry perplexed for a moment then smiled warmly at him. “Alright, I don’t normally cave to demands, but I’ll make an exception for you, bo.” Sentry’s wings fluttered excitedly at his side at Magnus’ use of his new nickname. Magnus snorted at the antics of his companion. “Alright, now that that’s squared off, we got some words to serenade to Her Majesty.” Sentry stopped. “Oh, right. That.” “Yes, that. Ready?” “No.” “Perfect, let’s do this.” Magnus trotted through the open library doors with a reluctant Sentry following close behind. They both stopped short a respectable distance from Her Majesty and stood at attention.  “Well met, your Majesty,” Magnus greeted. Twilight looked up from reading a passage about multithreaded time loops and looked over the Flashes with a slightly peeved expression. She closed her eyes, counted to ten, opened them, and released a weary sigh when she found both of them still standing before her. “Flash Magnus, Flash Sentry.” Twilight nodded her head to both as she stated their names. “Considering your attire, I presume it is far too late to hope that you are here on guard business?” “We have come to serenade you, your Majesty. We have both personally written poetry for your enjoyment,” Magnus announced confidently. Sentry, instead of a verbal response, nodded quickly and shuffled in place.  “Of course you are.” Twilight sighed. “Can I refuse?” “No,” Magnus immediately replied, brokering no argument. Twilight massaged her forehead with her left wing. “Fine, hopefully this won’t be as bad as the first drafts of Rainbow Dash’s fanfiction or at least shorter. Let’s get this over with.” Twilight waved a hoof in the Flashes’ direction. Magnus grinned in response and turned to Sentry. “You wanna start us off?” “You first,” Sentry said, “Please.” Magnus nodded, stepped forward, planted his hooves firmly underneath him, and cleared his throat. He then sang out several verses in a deep timber. Her Majesty whom cares for those of our land, Majestic as the vapour that rises from the basin Thou are similar to that of the cloud, Floating through yonder blue skies Like the cloud you are a shelter A shelter against the harsh sun of the day, Against hardships that may befall your charges Comfort needed in times of stress An inspiration to all those that care to look up A bastion of safety in the open sky A caretaker of limitless compassion, Endless in their kindness In dark times, as storms roll in, You are the blessed water that falls from it You are like the rain Soothing to the touch, A chill against glaring sun Rejuvenation after hardship  We stand before majesty, before grace A mare like no other Twilight stared at Magnus with a shocked expression. Magnus, in turn, stood with his chest puffed out and a wide grin on his face.  “That wasn’t terrible.” Twilight blinked. “That was actually almost good. It was definitely looser than most odes I’ve read about before, but certainly better than what I was expecting.” Twilight gave a round of applause by stomping her hooves. “Well done, Flash Magnus.” “Thank you, Your Majesty.” Magnus gave a mock bow. “I’ve had plenty of time to refine my skill with the guys between waiting for raiders to appear and after they got chilled off.” “It shows and if that was the opener, I admittedly find myself excited for the second.” Twilight turned to Sentry. “Flash Sentry?” Sentry stared at Magnus. His ears were perked, his tail wagged ever so slightly behind him, and his wings fluttered happily at his sides. He had a starstruck expression on his face. “Sentry?” Twilight said.  Sentry jumped in surprise. “Sorry, I was really engrossed in the poem, your Majesty. Could you repeat what you just said?” “I presume you also have a poem to present or ‘serenade’ as it were.” “Oh, yes I do, your Majesty.” Sentry cleared his throat. “Just have to prep the tubes first.” “Pipes,” Magnus corrected and then with concern, “You okay, Sentry? You seem pretty distracted.” Magnus gave a mischievous grin. “You were that awestruck by the words rolling out of my kisser?” “No! I mean yes. I just really enjoyed your-” Sentry scrambled to remember what Twilight had said earlier. “Ode? Yeah, your ode. It was really good.” “Alright, long as you’re still good to go.” Magnus waved a hoof. “Whenever you’re ready, bo.” Sentry smiled at the use of Magnus’ nickname for him. He started his ode in a melodic tone. Higher in pitch than Magnus, but with more power behind his voice. A mare of the night and day Sparkling with the stars A splash of colour on display Shining beacon to us all Sentry looked at Magnus out of the corner of his eyes. He had Magnus’ rapt attention.  Fiery and sweet, a taste of no compare Pushing the limits with no care to the rest Eyes filled with heat, burning under their glare Unique, different, always the best Passionate speech, words never tiring Addicted to the rush of everyday running Can’t stop listening; Just too inspiring Can’t stop looking; Equally as stunning You don’t see me do you Waiting for you to see Take a plunge; Red mixed with Blue Hoping for you to be with- Sentry stopped mid line. His eyes widened in shock as he caught up to what he had been reciting.  Twilight quirked a single eyebrow.   Magnus grinned widely at Sentry’s display. “Wow, bo. That was some fine work, though you got a little jingle-brained at the end there. Also, I don’t remember those last verses from when we were practicing.” “I forgot the rest of it and improvised.” Sentry turned away from Magnus and rubbed his right leg with a wing nervously. “Just got lost in the words and found some inspiration.” “That's some impressive improvising. Didn’t realize you were an actual poet or I would have stepped up my game. What was your inspiration?” “My what?” Sentry replied. “Your inspiration,” Magnus repeated, “You said you became inspired by the second stanza.” Sentry went rigid. “I was thinking about Her Majesty’s previous heroic feats. She has a very fierce disposition.” “Huh,” Magnus said quizzically, “Seems square I guess.” Twilight allowed her second eyebrow to join the first. She turned to address Magnus.   “Really?” Twilight stated dryly. Magnus tilted his head in confusion, then perked up when he thought he had caught onto what Twilight was implying. “Oh, you think Sentry’s serenade was better than mine even though he flubbed the ending.” Magnus smirked. “Hey, I’m a big colt, your Majesty. I can take a loss.” Twilight shook her head. “Not what I was trying to imply, Magnus, however explaining why would be a disservice to the other involved party. Now, as it appears you are both finished, I will be taking my leave, as my allotted personal time has since run out.” A burst of Twilight’s magic teleported all of the displaced books back to their proper place including, if not begrudgingly, the romance novels. “Despite my initial reservations, I will admit that it was highly enjoyable.” “Anytime, your Majesty,” Magnus said, “Always content to provide you with a show.” Sentry simply settled for a nervous grin.  Twilight acknowledged with a short nod and trotted forward towards the exit. She stopped next to Sentry and leaned in close to his ear. “Good luck trying to get that dense horse over there to clue in,” Twilight whispered. “Thank you, your Majesty,” Sentry whispered back with red cheeks.  Her Majesty smiled gently and continued her trot out of the library.  Magnus approached Sentry with an excited gleam in his eyes. “Well, well, well, bo. Seems you’re getting ahead of this old darb.” Magnus jostled Sentry with a gentle rap of his wing. “Might be a sure victory for you yet.” “Right, a sure win for me.” Sentry chuckled awkwardly before perking up as a thought occurred to him. “Hey, Magnus? The winner can demand one thing from the loser, right?” “Those were the terms as agreed.” Sentry bounced lightly on his hooves as an idea formed. “And you said the winner could demand anything, right?” Magnus furrowed his brow in confusion. “Again, yes. That was the wager.” Sentry’s grin grew to manic proportions. “Perfect.” “Uh, everything jake, Sentry?” Magnus asked, “You seem a little goofy right now.” “Of course, everything’s jake, Magnus,” Sentry exclaimed excitedly, “Everything is super jake, fantastic jake even.” Magnus chuckled. “Well, glad you’re finally getting into the spirit of things.” Magnus put on a cocky grin. “So, anyways for our next plan I was thinking-” “My turn,” Sentry interrupted. “What?” “You picked the last two things we tried. I should get a chance to pick one.” “Oh, alright. Always happy to hoof over the reins,” Magnus said, “What do you have in mind, bo?” “Well, you keep saying we should leverage our sex appeal.” Sentry leaned in close to Magnus with a sleazy grin on his face. “Did you know that Her Majesty uses the public co-ed bath?”