• Member Since 1st Jun, 2015
  • offline last seen Dec 15th, 2018

La Samu-El


Here today, gone tomorrow.

E

Spike wants to get Twilight something really special, but he hasn't gotten a single clue what to give. To add to the pressure, somepony thinks that Spike shouldn't put any effort in the gift search at all.

What will Spike do?

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 12 )

that's awesome :rainbowkiss:

6888694 I'm glad you liked it. Thanks for the fave.

Great story! Very heart warming too.

Very cute and touching. I wonder if Discord was just jealous about not being invited to the party or if he just likes to stir up trouble. I enjoyed the scene with Starlight as well. I haven't seen many folks write her as of yet and I think you did a good job writing her.

The way you wrote the characters' speech was really good.

6894604 Thanks.


6890450 I did not mention Discord attending the party or not. But that's a great analysis.

this story puts Discord in a very bad light xD

6894736
Thank you. It was just a thought, considering how jealous he can be.

Yeah! Definitely liked this story. Liked the concept, the writing style, the overall tone, the characters coming together. I especially liked your role for Discord in this and more importantly Starlight as the shoulder to cry on and ear to hear with.

The only thing I would change however is the ending. It seemed too abrupt. You had all this buildup about Spike realizing Twilight's unconditional love for him, his writing a mysterious note, and her being surprised in front of him. Your ending was missing a heart-to-heart conversation. It would have been cute if in front of the rest of the mane6 Spike said "Happy Birthday Twilight. I hope I make you happy." And then Twilight "Oh, Spike. Of course you make me happy! You're everything to me." Then Spike again, "Really Twilight because well Discord said... yada-yada yada-yada" You get the idea. The ending as you have it now does seem a tad too abrupt for my taste. It's a picky thing to complain about I know. But you should take it as a compliment because it means you were able to provide interest for the reader all the way through until the ending. I wanted it to be fluffier. I wanted to hear Twilight say "Spike you'll always be my #1 everything. You're as family to me. Always." To which Spike might say "I love you too Twilight!" They hug. The rest of the ponies erupt in d'awwwwwwwws and boom there's your story.

It's good the way it is and I thoroughly liked it wholeheartedly mainly with your creative writing style, organic pacing, clarity of voice, and role for Starlight. But I just would have liked the ending to be different. I still gave you a like though. You definitely deserved it.^^

7836675 wow, Your comment was extremely helpful and informative. I will work on rewriting the ending.

Thank you so much for your feedback, I really appreciate it.

I'm not very good at endings if I'm honest really

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