This is great. I’m going to get a good grade in horsefic, something that is both normal to want and possible to achieve,
The planet Equus will be inhospitable in just a few short years. All the creatures on it are preparing to leave for greener pastures. All, that is, except Spitfire.
This fiction is canon compliant. It takes place several years after "The Last Problem".
Second place winner of Science Fiction Contest III.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Howdy, hi~!
NEW MUSH! NEW MUSH! NEW MUSH! Hell yeah!
Anygay, love the start of this. Love a super flawed protag with room to grow. Like the setting and world as well this idea of effectively carbon dioxide in the form of magic. Super cool concepts and loving the direction of this so far. I also like this counterbalance of individual freedom versus collective societal duty and the pain of just being forced into something that you never really had any control over.
Looking forward to more chapters!
Ooo I like where this is going. As a big Spitfire fan it hurts to see her like this but it does make sense. Super intrigued by the premise and this whole destiny counseling thing! It's crazy how you draw so much from little tiny aspects of the show and manage to expand them like this! Will definitely be following this closely!
I like the character driven parts of this so far. Spitfire just being a stubborn fool who refuses to change as the world evolves rapidly around her only to be forced to due to circumstance is compelling. But as an analogy for our current overuse of fossil fuels, it falls flat because in real life the world is also just as stubborn in that regard. We can mitigate and reverse the effects with enough effort and collaboration, but those in power are too selfish to let that happen.
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This story really isn't intended to be an analogy about fossil fuels and climate change. It is inspired by climate fiction, yes! But I'm not trying to "say something" about climate change. This worldbiilding is a backdrop for character-driven drama. The problems may be similar in some respects, but are very different in practice - that is the "what if?" question this story is built on.
Oh, I like this a lot.
I love the idea of Spitfire, and maybe some other people, trying to survive and adapt to a world without magic, creating a lot of Human-like technology to replace their lost magic.
Well written, word-smith!
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Ah, ok. I've just got too much politics on the brain, I guess, and I was reading into it too deeply. 😅
Really like this, excited for the remaining chapters
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It might not have been intended, but I think almost everyone is gonna read that into it
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I'm sure that they will! I mostly want readers to know that this is not the focus of the story, but rather the impetus of the plot. I'm not trying to make a statement about climate change - in fact, Thought Prism's grievances with the analogy are directly addressed in a later chapter. Just don't want anyone disappointed that I'm not tackling the problem directly! I also don't think MLP fanfiction is a supremely productive place to have a conversation about climate change anyway... Lol
Really hoping she fights back every step of the way and doesn’t let herself be bound
Fascinating way of putting Equus in a situation that fairly resembles Earth's troubles.
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On the one hand, yeah, don't expect deep conversations in a place like this necessarily.
On the other hand, fanfiction is art, and art is the greatest medium to say something political. Probably even better than politics itself.
While I do think that Spitfire is being rude and selfish, I sympathize with her. And I completely understand why she does not want to go with the counseling, and agree with her reasoning on that particular issue. Changing your cutiemark is literally changing your active skills and talents, your personality. It is like changing your very soul.
Ironic, that she ended up changing it herself.
I wonder how much magic gets burned flipping through hypotheticals of destiny like a rolodex. Mark-manifestation is big magic, divination is big magic, putting the whole entire population through a mulligan sounds like some pretty gorram big magic.
It would be hilarious if this lean magical economy scheme is accelerating the decline.
For that matter, I also appreciate the irony of Apple Bloom espousing an opinion of specific Marks not mattering because a different more convenient one can be gotten just like that. I wonder if she's shuffled her Mark...
mush entered the contest
everyone pack up. go home. it's over!
Mare Forced into Magic Chastity Cage by Intolerant Left!
*double checks the tags to see if self-harm is there*
Well ok then.
Oooooh, love this character focus. That throughline on the emotional resonance on inertia without the push to change is incredible. Loving this so far and looking forward to the next installment ~!
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Natural change isn't forced change, isn't therefore conversion therapy.
Love it as always. I really love how the counseling works, it is extremely interesting. Spitfire is just as lovable and stubborn as before.
I did hope we could get away with not shipping any of the main characters together, but it does not seem like it is going to take away from the main story, so it`s fine.
Great job, word-smith!
Ough, this hits. How Fleetfoot and all of them talk to Spitfire really reminds me of how old friends and family talk to addicts. Spitfire keeps just ignoring everything thats wrong and is just so willing to die, and its clear her old team still cares a lot about her, but they just dont know how to get through to her. They want to help her but she keeps ignoring them and they have to watch hopelessly as an old friend basically kills herself slowly by letting herself go
Hah, called it.
Just keep mulling, maybe you'll hit a winning hand before you end up with no hand at all.
I also wonder what happens if/when we hit the bricks of Spitfire not having a Talent/future that doesn't involve magically-intensive flying. Because behind all this fancy therapy-talk there's also the implicit demand that whatever the result is it needs to be socially useful. Low-magic too, but useful is the sticking point.
And it will stick too; after all, no pony is going to refuse their own Mark, so when you (Bloom) finds an acceptable Mark the pony who owned that Mark comes along for the ride. Hence the entire Wonderbolts squad being happy and fulfilled going from adrenaline jockeys to physicists.
Loving this so much. Can't wait to see how this all ties up. The different versions of spitfire were so much fun.
What I find really interesting is the one thing that all of these parallel worlds have in common.
None of them are dying of massive thaumaturgical buildup.
Which means that someone in this timeline specifically, kriffed something up. I blame Twilight.
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And Fleetfoot always around
For I adored this. It was so poetic in the end and I love love love that you ended this on such a hopeful message. I also love the resolution of spitfire joy just jumping the bandwagon but actually deciding to take responsibility and help clean the mess they made. This was just banger start to finish. Thanks for the read 😃
Now I have to wonder if in some future all the cutie marks are in a sort of superposition state and ponies just observe themselves a new talent anytime they need one...
This was a masterpiece. I feel privileged to have read it.
A reminder that I need to comment on your many other stories which I have enjoyed. Thank you.
Spoilers Ahead!!
Contrary to what other readers might think, I enjoyed the mild shipping in this story, and I think it really serves its part well. The contrast between what could have happened vs what actually happened is prevalent in both Spitfire's and Fleetfoot's relationship as well as the ponies' and their planet's relationship. They fucked it up but now they have the chance to restore it. At the end they decide to stay and fix their relationship and their planet :-)
I know my review is a little 'college board reply' but I really enjoyed the fic!!! And I'm always the biggest fucking sucker for love that never was but might be one day.......
Let me put it this way... if this was a movie, I would buy myself a Blu-ray copy and rewatch the heck out of it.
Hell, I'd even buy a Blu-ray player!
Oh, that was a good read!
Spitfire was a bit of an ass at the start, but that's understandable, considering the circumstances. I'm glad that her reason for staying was changed to one of taking responsibility for her home rather than her starting point of grim, fatalistic defiance.
Consider me thoroughly entertained
and intimidated!Hey there, Mushroom! It was great to see a buddy from Q&S also enter this contest, and it looks like you've given us some fierce competition! Here's my review:
The story does a masterful job of characterizing an older Spitfire and portraying a conflict where it's easy to sympathize with her but also to understand everyone else who blames her for not complying with mandates that are there for the good of everyone else. I like to think of myself as anti-authoritarian as well, and her resistance to what she's being asked to do really struck a chord with me, even if I also had to give credit to everyone else who pushed back against her for making a bad situation just that much worse. The story and the dialogue is incredibly engaging and makes use of some great characters that I didn't expect, Apple Bloom in particular, and had excellent pacing that made it so I didn't notice the pretty sizable length of this tale.
I do have a few minor points of criticism, however, if you'll indulge me. I think the last chapter was kind of unnecessary; the real climax of the story hits in the penultimate chapter and leaves the imagination open for a lot of possibilities. The final chapter doesn't really resolve the conflict or show where Spitfire is going to go next, and has a bit too much techno-babble for me. The image of Spitfire and Fleetfoot watching the great ships carrying the planet's population into space is stirring, but I somehow feel like the emotional climax didn't hit me as hard as it should have.
Still, that criticism doesn't keep this from being a real Sci-Fi Gem. You've got a pretty strong contender for the contest, my friend, so best wishes for it!
There's a lot of great stories in this contest, but I think Laws of Motion really stands out to me from the way that it keeps things firmly rooted in My Little Pony, with an all-pony cast of show characters that are now thrust into this grim (but not outright dark) new reality. Spitfire and Apple Bloom feel fully realized and make for quite the odd coupling, and the story absorbs us in its world without bogging us down with excessive details. It went in directions i was thoroughly not expecting but kept me hooked all the way through, and if the final chapter doesn't perfectly match the brilliant pacing of the others, it still makes for a fittingly bittersweet coda. First story I've added to my Favorites in a hot minute and a very worthy addition. Best of luck in the judging.
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I'm glad the piece still worked for you, despite the pacing hiccup!
Hi, my friend! Thank you so much for your kind words - there were a lot of things about this piece that I was uncertain about, but the response has been really lovely so far. As far as your criticism, I agree that there were probably better ways to wrap this story up, but I'm honestly just a lover of the time-skip epilogue
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Thank you so much for reading and sharing these kind words with me!
Thank you so much! I approached this contest with the desire to write a sci-fi story that was not and AU, just to prove to myself it could be done. I think the result was a really fun world! I already have some thoughts about how I might return to it in the future
Good job, Ashen One.
oh wow there is so much worldbuilding going on with so few sentences here i love it. i’m guessing it turns out magic usage is depleting a finite resource or accelerating a developing catastrophe or both, analogous to what carbon emissions are doing for us
and augh just love how strong Spitfire’s voice is in the narration
ahaha literally belting the wings to prevent accidentally using magic to fly, and of course that’s just such an on-the-nose visual metaphor (is it still a metaphor if so literal?), of course they’d be called “wing-belters” that is perfect
then again what are ponies but a civilization of walking too-literal visual metaphors
i love this i love them
oh no Spitfire drank the boomer juice
and augh just love this description. i’ve had the idea of analogizing magic use and carbon emissions in my head for a while and wow this makes it feel so real
oof! and fantastic use of the fun headcanon that Spitfire and Sunburst are cousins. it totally is him to tell her prematurely lol
ahaha love that this is becoming a catchphrase. also it is a little strange thinking about what age Spitfire is supposed to be! it seems like from flashbacks she’s the same age as Derpy and Rainbow and thus pretty much most characters, but she is also in a clearly senior position. she would def act like everyone the same age is half a generation younger
aww, typical Sunburst L
i mean that is insult to injury but also an accurate description
both Spitfire really drinking that boomer juice and great way to give us glimpses of how the other species are adjusting to the new world
love this way of showing how the currency of her old life cannot purchase what she wants in the new augh
and oof, what a thing to have to face in retrospect. that Spitfire can’t even see her career and achievements as worthless, but has to see them as a negative thing retroactively really has to be doing a lot to her brain
aww the gang getting back together, that’s nice!
ooh love this, is this based on a real thing?
gottem
ahaha i love them
augh i want to eat the pony eggs they always sound so good
ehehe im sure Spitfire remembers all of the foibles that the rookies got up to
ahaha
oh of course the CMC would be in charge of figuring out everyone else’s new cutie marks! that is perfect
yeah that is about the reaction i would expect lol. and yeah oof the existing reality is bad enough for Spitfire!
and oof, by holding out on adjusting to the new world for so long Spitfire has to face all of these role reversals at once, going from the top of her old world to like a foal in the new. love this arc
wonder what the earthponies have to do
ugh ultraminimalism!
ahaha yeah that is such a Spitfire thought
yay Apple Bloom!
augh i love this for her! and love that she keeps her rustic apple theming in this new job that is so perfect.
love that this keeps coming back
love it, go get ‘er Apple Bloom! (also great way to do some diegetic worldbuilding exposition)
and ooh really great way to think of how cutie marks might work and change. also makes them less of a scary ironclad thing. i guess also maybe makes this analogous to epigenetics?
love this
huh, so Spitfire was in her late thirties during the run of the show, interesting. math is fun!
oof. this Spitfire just feels so accurate as a person that exists
and augh yeah of course she is going to double down. this is such a person that exists! and it is nice that in Equestria such people are actually very rare and are Spitfire
and augh this whole exchange is so good. you make it so very easy to see what it looks like from both perspectives
well then. i wonder what this means!
oof, considering how ambiguous it is if cutie marks are on coats or skin or both, i would believe they go all the way to the bone. also, effective imagery!
aww glad High Winds is in this
i mean on one hoof that actually does seem to be what her new cutie mark is saying if read literally and that really sucks but on the other dang if she isn’t just leaning into her passive-aggressive schtick everyone is already beyond sick of!
symbolism! augh i love it every time
oh right they are both the same shade, i somehow never thought of it before but dang is that really good for the symbolism here haha
and augh love that Apple Bloom enthusiasm
hoowee
gay
aww, and yeah Spitfire recalling that moment of her adolescence earlier was really fitting, that is the stage of life she finds herself in again
love pony medical technology
you know Spitfire just needs to find her Statler to do a more mean-spirited Statler and Waldorf routine
love that this is just the “Spit Fire” thing again
skill issue
ahaha i can only imagine how many times she has already had to help Spitfire-equivalents over her short career
ooh, that is a cool way for how fording tributaries works! i can imagine that being very taxing on a pony, too
aww, very pessimistic! but that is def how Spitfire’s mind would be working right now
yay Apple Bloom!
ahaha i love their dynamic, i could watch an entire season of this
she guides ponies to where she cannot follow…
dang can’t believe just a little magically cramming an entire lifetime of experiences into her memories was all it took to make Spitfire a big ol’ nerd
so true bestie
i love that she failed to retain Rainbow Dash being mentioned ahaha
oof i guess Spitfire also definitely had reason to be so pessimistic! considering she spent the last four years the way she did, she’s probably had very negative encounters with all the ponies in her extended social circle by now
ahaha love that this just makes perfect sense within the story while letting us readers be surprised along with Spitfire
i love how this is just going through all of the careers whose vibe is exactly the same thing Spitfire had with the Wonderbolts, i wonder what’s next?
oh yeah that makes perfect sense to be what’s next!
ahaha oof, considering how much Spitfire hates change that really must be off-putting
though to be fair, i can easily see Dr. Bloom doing both of these things for her whole adult life, too!
oof! but she has to accept the permanence of change somehow!
aww, she is the constant!
i also love how these little vignettes are glimpses into the climaxes of movies we will never see
hehehe
aww!
gottem
oh daaaaaamn, making Apple Bloom’s words from earlier prophetic, i love it! and augh Spitfire finding her path with a synthesis between her old world and the new one is just so perfect
augh they are so cute
ehehe and i’m guessing Apple Bloom and the CMC are themselves a prime example
yeah that’s right Spitfire’s too cool to be a nerd!
oh dang i love this idea! it also just fits so very well with the themes of the world of the ponies themselves!
symbolism!
aww! and that closes out the parenthesis Apple Bloom opened earlier when she all but made it clear the only reason she hadn’t gone through the process herself was as a sacrifice for others
ahaha that is very cool, like a surgeon performing surgery on herself
ooh i love this it is so perfect!
ahahaha im glad she remembers the literal child that she physically shook while yelling at her, augh i love this
ooh and i also love the way this brings in all the other possible Apple Bloom destinies that the show teased us with, and also retroactively makes them all just as meaningful augh that is so good
pony boomer Spitfire has to ride again one more time before the story’s end!
ehehe perfect, and augh the contrast between Spitfire and Apple Bloom so far is so good. like they seem really random to put in a story together at first but wow you are drawing out so many great ways for them to contrast and parallel each other
thank you for making me feel at least a little better about my own rapidly advancing age Spitfire
and augh i love how full circle this all is! i never expected it to end this way but now that it did i cannot imagine anything else
aww love that Soarin’ gets this little moment of bein a silly lil’ sexagenarian guy
ehehe just love how you make these Wonderbolts come alive in so few words
and, oof. ponykind being physically split like this forever… augh what a bittersweet event to conclude the fic on
and augh what a great thing to bring back for the end
and this, and Spitfire and Fleetfoot getting to fly again to close it out, augh. just what a perfect way to stick the landing.
i’ve been bowled over by the brilliance of your work so many times, Mush, yet you somehow still find ways to reach new heights. the craftsmareship just oozes out of every pore with this one, and it is amazing just how much you fit into just 25kw. brilliant premise, perfectly crafted, and an absolute privilege to read. thank you so much for writing!