• Member Since 27th Aug, 2021
  • offline last seen Last Monday

Pen and Paper


You're no Steve Climber, but Steve Climber is.

T
Source

It's been six months since the erasure plundered the citizens of their memories. Few lost some, many lost all. Faced with impossible odds, Twilight Sparkle must decide if it's worth fighting for something she can't remember.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 10 )

I'm loving the vibe of this story! Keep up the good work, my brony!!

Brohoof, choom

Nice.

Also, is this 'good pony cyberpunk,' or 'really, really good pony cyberpunk?' Still deciding.

Sorry I'm not more articulate right now. Maybe when I have more free time. :twilightsmile:

My only complaint is that this story is too short, otherwise everything is amazing. The setting is bleak, interesting, and begs to be explored, Twilight's plight makes me want to see how it ends. But for what it is, it's a solid short story, keep it up!

Bandy #5 · May 14th · · ·

A metamorphosis only has one direction.

What a line!!! There's a lot of great worldbuilding beneath the surface. This is the kind of multi-layered story I really enjoy returning to. It's got an engaging plot with a ton of meat beneath. Great job!

FUCKING PREEM

HOW ARE YOU ONE OF THE BEST WRITERS I'VE EVER MET WAIT I KNOW THE ANSWER TO THAT IT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE FUCKING AWESOME

CONCEPT ON POINT, PROSE IS CREME OF THE FUCKING CROP, STRUCTURE UNDEFEATABLE

WinterPetalBday6.vdo I am her father and I am proud and tired as she blows out the candle on the cupcake that cost me two day’s wage in the dark of my coffin of an apartment. When I ask her what she wished for she only says “wings” and turns her back to me to show me the corroded remains of limbs that used to make me believe in angels now eaten by oxidization and poverty and my baby smiles a smile at me that breaks my heart into—

SUCH AN INSANE FIRST SENTENCE AND YOU DO THE STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESS SO INCREDIBLY WELL

LOVE YA POOKIE GOOD LUCK WITH THE CONTEST

Hey there, Papers!

Well, building off my private comments earlier, here's my public review!

What I like about this is how well it capitalizes on the concept introduced more in the description but is otherwise kept in the background. The story is strange and abstract, but the prose hits those good notes and creates some powerful emotions, particularly the sense of loss (and being lost). Folks are really digging the "cyberpunk" vibe, and I agree with them.

I'd say you've got a real gem here, Papers! :pinkiehappy:

This is pure cyberpunk, chummer. Excellent minimalist worldbuilding, strikes the perfect tone of high tech, low life. I know you wrote this in a rush and would love to see a longer version, but what's there is great.

It's been a while since I've read cyberpunk, but this is a good one! As a few other commenters have noted, I thought you did a great job with the minimalistic worldbuilding -- we don't know exactly what the erasure was or how it happened or what all the broader implications of it are or will be, but we know enough to wonder, and to understand Twilight's struggles, and that's enough. :)

And even though this works well as a one-shot imo, there's so much else going on in this world -- not the least of which being whether Twilight manages to find the rest of her friends, and what states they ended up in. And what they're even like, because while one was quite clearly Pinkie, the others are just different enough that I can only speculate -- that I'd happily read far more if you ever chose to continue it!

When I ask her what she wished for she only says “wings” and turns her back to me to show me the corroded remains of limbs that used to make me believe in angels now eaten by oxidization and poverty and my baby smiles a smile at me that breaks my heart into—

ooh what imagery to start with!

My coin is a worthless artifact reminiscent of a time of castles and princes.

oof

Back when I lived in the heart of New Canterlot, I spent my days scouring the Center of Hippology’s collection of ancient technology—SSDs, flash sticks, hard drives. I was content to cower in rooms that smelled like organized dust, sifting through archaic files of ponies who were alive long before this era of wastelands and neon sleeplessness. My life was dedicated to ghosts. The pain of solitude was anesthetized only by my ignorance.

and ooh yeah, that is what weirdo nerd hermit Twilight would have been in this very much less whimsical setting

One of them, a stallion with an ocular augmentation and a grafted beak, calls me a stiff bitch when I tell them they’re going to get someone killed.

Not like anyone's going to be at their funeral anyway, he says, and the rest of them laugh.

now this is gritty cyberpunk!

I didn’t know you still had one of those. I’m pretty sure we have one in the hippology museum wing.

gottem

I said do you still have the original memory files from when I was born.

I—no. No, I don’t.

Some things are worth looking for.

and oof! what is this world? what has happened to everyone’s memories?

IOne of them always fiddled with a small bit of pure iron that once belonged to her parents.

oh that is so good i love it. how is this so recognizably Applejack without any of the traditional Applejack characteristics?

Count on a miracle to bring us all back together. Accept that it was apparently good while it lasted.

really makes you think about how all of our memories of old friends and lives are ephemeral and we can never go back again or even hold on to what we have even without a dystopian cyberpunk setting

An acrobat, most likely, but he doesn’t remember that. He was one of many who entrusted Cerabank with everything, too poor to back up their memories on a personal storage device and too scared of a brain ransom to risk keeping their own VDOs safe.

oof, love this drip-feed of worldbuilding. and augh, yeah, i can even see this as an extrapolation of the trend towards non-local data storage being the default

I will find them.

I have to.

wonderfully bleak, made all the more bleaker because we already know just how the-only-thing-that-makes-one-feel-whole the thing she lost is (being the Mane Six). i really feel the grim atmosphere here, how the worldbuilding stitches itself together without holding your hoof, how vivid the imagery, how tight and necessary every word of every paragraph is. excellent work, thank you for writing!

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