• Member Since 11th May, 2019
  • offline last seen 5 hours ago

Melody Song

Fanfic writer who loves to sing!


Daring Do needs Rainbow's help uncovering a lead to a treasure she's been searching for since she first put on her pith helmet. The Crystal Sphere of Khumn. But when Daring finds Rainbow in Ponyville, she sees a lot of things around her house that are...almost familiar to her. Then, once they find the sphere, Daring is restless with strange dreams. But can the answer be more than she expected? And will it lead them to uncover something about their heritage that neither of them believed possible

Chapters (3)
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Comments ( 22 )

what will you do next

probably show them bonding, it's an important point that helps to progress the story

The premise has me intrigued, I've always wondered why Daring Do and Rainbow Dash look so similar ever since Daring Do was confirmed to be real.

will Rainbow's parents be in the story?

probably, but not until the two figure out the main mystery. I will include them because they matter in this plot.

So was I, which is why I came up with this, I just haven't shared it until now

9971371 Can't wait for them to explain the connection between Daring Do and Rainbow Dash, whatever it turns out to be.

You'll have to wait a little while, a bit more has to happen before they start questioning things. But it's still hinted at through the story.

Considering the title they kind of need to be, as one must assume Dareing's father isn't her biological dad Rainbow's dad is. I am curious if it's a case of infidelity or sperm donation. If it's the latter was it anonamous or a case of helping a friend?

Ravenhoof? Really? Daring Do: Ravenhoof. Indiana Jones: Ravenwood.

Don't look at me, it's in the official Daring Do books you can buy (I don't know where they're being sold now but I found my set at Barnes and Noble-word of warning, they only have three books in the set, so don't get too excited)

Huh. Subtle reference is canon and subtle.

Looking forward to more. Keep it up :heart:

Another one to add to my Tracking list. Keep up the good work.

This is good, but be careful with the pacing. The scenes in this chapter are pretty much just dialogue and you telling us that something happens. It feels like we’re being whipped from one thing to another.

Maybe try to pad out each scene a little more with thoughts and feelings from the characters; it might help to slow down the scene enough. Also, see if you can make the transitions between events smoother, instead of just suddenly “I’m tired and going to bed.”

Okay, unless Daring was adopted she and Rainbow Dash can't be sisters. :eeyup:

Be patient and all will be revealed

...Haven't even read it, dunno if I should, but, judging solely from the title and descriptions, I'd guess the two's fathers are either related or the same guy...

I tried to fix it, but I want to ask you one thing: in real life, is any normal, friendly conversation like RD's and Daring's ever very smooth? Most people, when communicating informally, won't try to smoothly transition into another subject. They'll say whatever they need to in order to get their point across. I'm trying to make this seem natural, not smooth.

I do appreciate your suggestions, really, I do. But in the end how I choose to write the story is up to me.

By transitions, I was referring to the things they don’t say. Instead of just suddenly having Daring say, “I’m tired and going to bed,” have her come to the conclusion that she’s tired. Something happens that makes her realize she’s tired. You wouldn’t just interrupt a conversation to go to bed would you? You would look at the time, or yawn, or something else would happen to make you come to the conclusion that it’s time for bed.

Also, I’m fully aware that you can write this story however you choose. The pacing just felt off to me, so I thought I’d give some suggestions to maybe help you improve.

Oh. See, that makes more sense. Yes, I will change that. But be aware that Daring has been seen to have had an uncomfortable night in the first chapter. I was hoping that the fact she hasn't had a good night's sleep in a while would imply to the reader that she was very tired.

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