Paul's Thursday Reviews XVI · 7:48pm Nov 19th, 2015
I won't be taking up too much time today. I've got a lot of things to get done and shooting the proverbial crap in a blog isn't one I have time for. The good news is that I may be able to keep up with my schedule after all, although that depends heavily on whether I can churn out a chapter of Order of Shadows within the next two days.
Challenge accepted!
Stories for This Week:
Mood Wings by Tchernobog
The AppleDash Project by bookplayer
Another Day by wYvern (Requested by Inquisitor M)
Appendage by Absolution (Re-Read)
Say Goodnight, Pinkie by scoots2 (Sequel to Good Morning, Beautiful)
Total Word Count: 61,728
Rating System
Why Haven't You Read These Yet?: 2
Pretty Good: 2
Worth It: 0
Not Bad: 1
None: 0
It’s clear to anyone who pays any attention whatsoever that a pegasus’ wings are often used for emotional display. Such things have always made for interesting discussion topics, theories, and no small number of dirty jokes. Every now and then, a writer will make an attempt to explain this in detail.
Tchernobog’s Mood Wings doesn’t go into detail for the most part, but it does broach the subject in a good way. In the story, Twilight discovers the titular tome in her library and decides to perform field research by travelling around Ponyville observing pegasi. Of course, Twilight being Twilight, she neglects to read the entire book before beginning this research, and so fails to realize that her study may have some unforeseen consequences.
This story was nice. Twilight was in-character the whole way and nothing short of adorkable in her manner. (Also, GDocs says ‘adorkable’ is an actual word now. I am amused.) The reactions of many of the pegasi regarding her study is entertaining. I was thrown off by Bulk Biceps, who was given the name Roid Rage and acted rather not like any other incarnation of him I’ve ever seen – although I can forgive that since this story was written long before he’d been given any real characterization in the show, much less an official name.
The story is remarkably clean, with no typos or errors that I could detect. Granted, I was enjoying myself, so I may have passed them up without noticing. Another thing to praise in the story is the body language, which is very fitting when you consider the subject matter. The author shows that they know how to indicate emotion with small actions. In a way, this cements Tchernobog’s right to write this kind of story.
Well written, cute, fun and perhaps even informative, I enjoyed this story from beginning to end. About the only thing it was missing was Rarity getting in on the drama – this kind of scenario screams for her involvement – but I can see why she was left out. In any case, I consider myself thoroughly entertained.
Bookshelf: Why Haven’t You Read These Yet?
We all know I like shipping, even if I haven’t done it a lot lately, and I’m not picky about who gets shipped so long as it’s written in a way that works. bookplayer, however, has decided to tackle something a bit larger than your average ship. Rather than just write something centered around an episode or completely free of the show, he chose to write a story following the continuous romance between Applejack and Rainbow Dash in the background of the actual show.
This works wonderfully, and I thoroughly enjoyed it. bookplayer managed to keep these two perfectly in character while displaying a very realistic romance, with all the hills and valleys that entails. He even delves a little into the psychology of the characters by bringing up topics that are unexpected, but make sense when one really thinks about it. There’s no rush, no instant love, no ‘everything’s going to be sunshine and rainbows.’ This story is just two ponies spending time together, sometimes romantically, sometimes fighting, but always ‘normal.’
We need more stories like that.
But I think one of my favorite things about this is the introduction of continuity, which the show’s creators tend to ignore when it’s convenient to do so. bookplayer took a look at the various episodes used (which isn’t every episode, just a few key ones) and found ways to make the consequences of each relate to one another. This is best displayed by an arc that smoothly went from Hearth’s Warming Eve to The Last Roundup (and may have started as early as The Mysterious Mare-Do-Well) and has a significant impact on the overall relationship. Being as continuity is one of those things I greatly care about, this was a treat.
I admit I was hesitant at the beginning of the story. I kept seeing little issues; needless extra stuff in the narrative, an awkward description every here and there. In the end, though, it was just me being nitpicky, and bookplayer fixed most of the issues very quickly as the story went on. The writing issues that did periodically pop up throughout the story were inconsequential enough to keep me from caring, especially in the face of such a well-crafted tale.
This was a great read all around, and there’s no way I’m not reading the sequel.
Bookshelf: Why Haven’t You Read These Yet?
Another Day
By wYvern
Requested by Inquisitor M
Applejack is eighty seven years old, and the only one of her mortal friends still inhabiting the land of the living. Now, thanks to Twilight’s insistence, she’s living in a nursing home in Manehattan.
And life there is terrible.
Another Day follows Applejack as she wallows in her own uselessness. While she’s still able to do things herself, she’s not allowed to, and this is driving her mad. On the one hand, it’s a distressing story that reminds us to the withering effects of age and how hard it can be to adjust. On the other, it provides a small hint of triumph as AJ ends the story on a high note and an upbeat view of her future.
The story is clean, Applejack feels real, and the atmosphere does a great job of showcasing exactly how she feels. When it comes down to it, this is a story about enjoying life to the fullest, even when well-meaning youths and creaking bones try to get in your way. I wholeheartedly approve of the message of the story.
About the only thing I didn’t care for is the conclusion, which felt short and clipped compared to the rest of the story. We spend all this time watching as Applejack struggles with her sense of uselessness, and then it’s gone, poof, just like that. I can’t help feeling her talk with Twilight at the end of the story could have been prolonged to provide a stronger effect.
But that’s just me. Otherwise, this was a nice little story.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Appendage
Absolution provided no cover art. Point and laugh.
Re-Read
As a pre-reader of mine, it felt wrong of me to make use of someone and not read their material. And so, despite Absolution’s pleas that I not do so, I chose to read his only published story: Appendage.
This story brings up a concept I seldom see. In it, Applejack reveals to the newly crowned princess that she feels shortchanged. Sure, Twilight spent the past three years studying friendship, and now she’s rewarded with wings. So why haven’t all her friends, who arguably went through just as many trials, received nothing?
I like the idea behind this story. It’s something that I think should be explored a bit more in depth. However, the presentation does have some issues.
First of all, almost a whole fourth of the story is just Twilight getting through the morning, accompanied by copious exposition on what she’s been up to since her coronation less than a week ago. It’s a slow, plodding opener with nothing in the way of a hook.
Then we have an extremely vague ending, in which Twilight declares that she’s going to prove something to Applejack and… that’s it. We don’t get to see what she’s planning. It’s not even hinted at. It felt like the story should have kept going, but for whatever reason Absolution decided to end it in the middle.
Next, there’s Applejack’s abrupt turnaround. She spends a good amount of time outlining her issues, and then when she sees how much her problem disturbs Twilight she immediately changes her mind. I’ll grant that it was probably just her trying to make her friend feel better about something that technically isn’t her fault, but it just seemed awkward.
Then we have stylistic problems. For example, the PoV changes frequently and without warning, which can be confusing if you’re not paying attention. There are some unusual lines that defy grammar, and while I’ll sometimes turn a blind eye to that if it seems to fit the atmosphere, this is not one of those times. Last but not least, a few of the sentences were just a tiny, teensy bit long:
Upon leaving her bedroom, Twilight immediately noticed Applejack browsing the shelves of the library, of course, Applejack wasn't interested in any of the books, it was just a trait Twilight had noticed about Applejack over the years that she always had to look busy, as if one of her teachers would berate her for wasting time.
And that example also displays the questionable grammar I mentioned.
All in all, the story and its concept are great, but the delivery needs a lot of polishing. I honestly think that, if Absolution focused more on writing and less on wringing his hands over his writing ability, he’d be able to deliver some great stories in time. As for this one… it’s a start.
Bookshelf: Not Bad
Say Goodnight, Pinkie
By scoots2
Sequel to Good Morning, Beautiful
And we’re back to scoots2’s series of CheesiePie. For those of you who have forgotten, this series starts with Goodbye, Boneless, in which Cheese Sandwich learns the fate of his original rubber chicken, and follows up with Good Morning, Beautiful, in which he visits Pinkie and comes to somewhat understand his love for her.
Say Goodnight, Pinkie immediately follows that by tackling the next substantial hurdle in their relationship; Cheese’s need to constantly travel. Along the way, we also finally get to the ‘castle-warming party’ for Twilight that was so heavily advertised in the previous story.
scoots2 made some interesting and unexpected decisions for this story, the biggest being to make almost half the story focus on Rarity instead of the stars of the series. While I question this decision, there’s no denying that the chapter in question was enjoyable overall and was a good way to get started on making the relationship public, even if they never outright say ‘we’re dating’ (because, due to their mutual uncertainty, they technically aren’t). The hardest part, of course, is saying goodbye when the Cheesie Sense starts pulling him away.
Overall, this was a decent and cute story. scoots2’s characterization of the party ponies is still great, and though it’s been some time since I read its predecessors I think the author is improving overall. We even get a promise for a final sequel, which I can assure you I will be reading.
The only thing that really bugs me about all of this is that Good Morning, Beautiful and Say Goodbye, Pinkie are so intertwined they would probably have been better overall as a single story. There’s also this strange, overarching feeling of ‘nothing happens,’ but if you’re okay with a slice of life for the sake of slice of life, that probably won’t bother you.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Stories for Next Week:
Dusk and Dawn by 2percent
A Solution to Shipping by Mooncalf
You've Gotta Stand Up Tall by Jioplip (Recommended by Cerulean Voice)
Mother of the Moon by Noble Thought (Re-Read)
Music to His Ears by Lady Froey (Completed Story)
Liked these reviews? Check out some others:
Paul's Thursday Reviews VI
Paul's Thursday Reviews VII
Paul's Thursday Reviews VIII
Paul's Thursday Reviews IX
Paul's Thursday Reviews X
Paul's Thursday Reviews XI
Paul's Thursday Reviews XII
Paul's Thursday Reviews XIII
Paul's Thursday Reviews XIV
Paul's Thursday Reviews XV
Want me to review your story? Send me a request! Check my profile page for rules.
Thank you for the review! :D
Bookplayer is a she, by the way~
I told you it was a waste of time... That it wasn't worth reading....
but NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
You just had to go and tell everyone else exactly what I told you...
bleh, good thing I'm not disappointed because it is exactly what I expected you to say...
Maybe if I could get the motivation I could go back and fix it all, actually have a structure instead of writing until I hit the wall again... That's why it finished so abruptly, I had no idea where they would go or what would happen...
Still, as much as I wish you hadn't re-read it...... Nope, there's no end to that thought, I still wish you hadn't... heh
Welp, looking forward to next week, Dusk and Dawn was one of the first pony fics I read.
Thanks for the review!
The ending was the really tough part for me. In the first few versions (did like 5 of them), AJ didn't break out of that situation. While in my opinion the more real-life realistic scenario, it was a very bleak ending, and therefore quite un-pony. It took me a lot of time and brain wreckage to come up with the end as it is now. I felt like tossing the whole thing in the bin more than once. When I'd finally finished the end in a way I liked it, I actually thought the rest of the story was too long. Now you say it ain't, but the ending's too short. I guess it depends on from which point of view you see it, but there's definitely a mismatch, I agree.
Speaking of tossing things in the bin: you might want to reconsider your RiL choice from my page. I consider it an early writing sin, as it is the most shamelessly manipulative tear jerker, and I actually cut my losses and moved on on that one after getting a scathing review from W.R.I.T.E.. I don't know if you renegotiate on RiL choices, but may I suggest one of my newer (and better) stories?