• Member Since 25th Nov, 2013
  • offline last seen 15 hours ago

evelili


didnt think id b back here but life finds a way

T
Source

Magic isn’t real. Twilight Sparkle abandoned that fantasy in her childhood, along with nonsense like pony princesses and myths of a monster in the moon. The only thing worth believing in is that which can be proved—scientifically, of course.

But then a series of un-scientific phenomena start happening at Canterlot High. The magic-obsessed transfer student won’t leave her alone, a vivid nightmare haunts her dreams with increasing intensity, and her benevolent mentor-slash-principal is clearly hiding something big. Everywhere she turns there’s talk and sight of magic; rumours of a thousand-year old prophecy and a monster returning to seek revenge. And worst of all? Twilight finds herself almost willing to believe it.

Almost. Good thing she’s smart enough not to, right?


An EQG-adjacent retelling of the season one opener. Sciset. Art by me!

Chapters (7)
Comments ( 78 )

I had the old one on my read later list untill it got canceled.
Looking forward to seeing what you do with this.

ok, I came to this platform not long ago and I had found the original story and despite being canceled I read it because it looked very interesting and left me wanting more


and now they are doing it again!!!! It makes me soooo happy, and I will say that this version did hook me a little more (although I will moiss a little the differences between names and appearances, but I understand the change) and I can't wait for what happens next!!!:pinkiehappy:


I wonder what the book replied..:trixieshiftright:

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Welcome! Thanks so much for commenting; I'm glad that you liked the original enough to stick around for the new version :twilightsmile:

11367643
You're welcome, the original story (along with this one) is a very interesting concept (and fun to read) that has left me very interested and paying attention to it (I read it until today because I wanted to wait at least two chapters but I can't stand it) and for Someone who reads more than eight stories at a time because they can't keep their attention on just one is quite an achievement.

Why is it that all sports teachers are morons and assholes?
Probably because they are too dumb and unliked to qualify for anything else.
Something like that happened at my school as well, when i still went there.
Not my class, but our parallel class which we usually shared the sporting stuff with.
And then the idiot tried to shake me into participating as well a year later.
I punched him and he ran straight for the principal to tattle on me, appearantly
forgetting that he himself was on thin ice already. I showed the bruise in the form
of his hand on my arm and he was gone the next day.

11368596
Ah, I'm sorry that happened! Glad it worked out for you at least. But yeah, it seems like it's a universal experience that gym teachers are... less than stellar, let's say :twilightsheepish:

Thanks for dropping a comment!

aaaah, gym teachers, how not to hate them? last year he put the whole class running in reverse wearing face masks relentlessly, it was not a pretty class.

Leaving aside that gym teachers are universal idiots, the chapter was incredible, I really thought that Twilight was going to faint, also she seems quite interested in sunset...:ajsmug:

i wonder why the book seems to meet twilight and where i found the sunset book :trixieshiftright:

11368703
Ahh your teacher sounds awful :fluttershysad: Hope you don't have to take that class very long. And I'm glad you liked the chapter! It was a fun one to write ^^

11368713
well, after every fourth year we denounced him (for that and other things) the director called him into his office and all the representatives lost respect for him, I think we won't see him for a while.

and yes, i guess it was fun writing this chapter

Woah this chapter is awesome, Twilight having sick nightmares for awhile is super intriguing and I wonder what it means for the future. Excited for the next chapter!

11385597
im glad you liked it! thanks so much for commenting, i hope you look forward to what's coming next :twilightsmile:

Interesting. Read the initial version of this a while back and, while I remember enjoying it, I also remember the pacing being far too fast - there was barely time to get accustomed to how things were before getting shoved face-first into the ninth circle of crazy.

This seems a bit more of a slow burn, focusing on the buildup and, in my opinion, all the better for it. Hoping it continues like this for a bit - focusing on the development of characters and bonds while keeping enough mystery that the payoff has impact. Definitely going to be watching this one.

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omg thanks for sticking with me so long haha, im definitely much happier with how the rewrite has turned out and i hope that you enjoy it as well!

Jeez Luna, calm the heck down she's your family too!

This was a good start. I liked the mental asides. Let's see where this goes.

Sometimes it's so hard to say the right thing. Also, love the artwork.

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Thank you! The drawings are the fun part of chapters haha, I’m glad you like them ^^

“I’m kidding . Don’t you know what a joke is?”

The one you did wasn't great. :ajbemused:

“Done.” Sunset clicked her pen triumphantly and passed back the paper. “It’s Twilight, right?”

Huh, for a second there I thought she was gonna copy Twilight's answers. :applejackunsure:

Sunset stayed quiet for a second, then sat up straight. “No, it’s my bad. I shouldn’t have taken it without asking.” She placed the pencil back on Twilight’s desk and pulled her legs out of the aisle so she was sitting properly again. “Hope I didn’t bother you much.”

Guess she really isn't that mean afterall in this story. Kinda thought she'd be over an earlier scene. :unsuresweetie:

Twilight sighed. The things I put up with. She reluctantly unfolded the second message and compared the two notes. The first one read, “Sit with me at lunch? —SS”, while the second had a doodle of a frowning face that was clearly meant to represent Sunset.

Ok then maybe a mix of both then? :twilightblush:

“You shouldn’t guess about something like that, silly. Either you are, or you aren’t!” Pinkie held one hand out in front of her and continued, “Nice to meetcha! I’m Pinkie Pie. Do you have any allergies?”

That was the last question I expected to come out of Pinkie Pie. :rainbowderp:

The bell rang, and the swarms of students started to disperse toward their classrooms. Twilight gave Sunset a wave over her shoulder before heading in the opposite direction to her next class: computer science. It wasn’t a required course, but she’d added it to her schedule for two reasons: she’d run out of science and math courses to take, and the computer science course had assignments in place of examinations. A ‘bird course’, as Shining called it.

Lol, bird course. :rainbowlaugh:

Twilight snuck another glance at their screens. “Um.” The two computers very clearly did not have spreadsheets on them, and instead displayed what looked suspiciously like a cool math game instead.

Good going you two. :facehoof:

“So how was your class?” Sunset asked. She stirred her soup with long, lazy strokes, as if she didn’t intend on eating it at all. “I slept through most of mine.”

Your so gonna fail that class Sunset. :duck:

Sunset groaned in frustration and tossed her spoon to the table with a clatter. “I shouldn’t have brought this up. Look. You asked why I got expelled, right? I’m changing my answer.” She snatched the book out of Twilight’s hands and said sharply, “Some bullies stole something that belonged to me, so I got in a fight and won. They went crying to the teachers and I got kicked out. End of story.”

Damn :fluttershysad:

At least, until the book wrote back.

Talk about quick the cliffhanger! :rainbowhuh:

“Nothing worked! ” Twilight snapped back. “What did you do? How did you set that up?” She grabbed her backpack and clutched it to her chest protectively. “You knew what I was going to write, didn’t you? And you had this prepared ahead of time, to play some sort of twisted prank!”

It wasn't a prank Twilight. :fluttercry:

The other tables in the cafeteria noticed the commotion, their heads turning toward the once-isolated corner. Slowly, the whispers started up, soft murmurs that grew into a constant and buzzing chatter. I should be nervous , Twilight thought, squeezing her backpack harder in an attempt to shrink behind it. Her face started to burn. Oh. Correction. I am nervous.

Good going Twi. :ajbemused:

“Hey, hey. I’ll be there. And you can always tell the teacher you aren’t feeling well; I’m sure they’ll believe you. Like, no offense, but...” She nudged Twilight’s shoe with the toe of her boot and teased, “You look like you just spent the last half-hour hyperventilating.”

You don't say! :pinkiecrazy:

“I’d never be able to run like that,” the other girl sighed. She tried to push some of her hair out of her face without success. “Rainbow used to wait for me in grade school, you know. But I could always tell how much she wanted to run at the front of the pack.” Then, as if just remembering Twilight was there, she added, “Um, you went to our school too, didn’t you, Twilight?”

Same, I'm a terrible runner. :fluttershysad:

“What happened in tenth grade?” she asked.

So then what grade are they currently in? 11th or 12th? :unsuresweetie:

“He’s a gym coach,” Twilight said, her voice dry as sand. “No one’s fond of him. Except maybe the jocks.”

Mhm. :duck:

They’re pretty good friends, I guess, Twilight thought to herself. She looked back at the field and spotted Sunset’s fiery mane amidst the sea of gym shirts. Is that what friends do, then? Braid each other's hair?

I feel they want. :ajsmug:

It’s the first day of my last year of school. My schedule this term is alright: advanced functions, then computer science, then physical education, and then English. I guess phys-ed is my least favourite of them all.

Question answered, they're seniors. :applejackunsure:

Twilight pursed her lips. Most of her journal had ended up being about Sunset, she realized. But that wasn’t too weird, right? It was only natural to want to write about other people.

Sounds like somebody has a crush. :raritywink:

11403661
wow, thanks for such a detailed reaction! I hope you’re enjoying the story ^^

“Hi,” Twilight said, trying not to squeak. The tension from the day seemed to lift off of her shoulders almost instantly. She could see Celestia’s office through the doorway, the same as ever—a plush red rug in front of her stately antique desk, a set of bookshelves along the right wall filled with books in tidy rows, some filing cabinets on the left side with decorative knick-knacks sitting on top of them, and Twilight’s favourite part: two honest-to-goodness suits of armour, one beside each curtain framing the massive window on the back wall.

The suits of armor were the last things I expected she'd have in her office. :applejackunsure:

“It’s not real, obviously,” Twilight tried to clarify. Was it just her, or had the temperature in the room dropped a few degrees? “But she was so insistent! She even went so far to set up this, um, this trick , where when I wrote in the book it somehow made these words appear, and I really don’t know how she managed to do that but—”

It wasn't a magic trick Twilight. :duck:

“How does that saying go, again?” A teasing grin joined the pride as Celestia said, “Something like, ‘take chances, make mistakes, and get messy’?”

Mhm, classic magic school bus reference. :ajsmug:

But... for some reason, I don’t know if these are ones we’ll keep.

Only time will tell for sure. :unsuresweetie:

“Fine. Mock me all you want. But know that I will do anything within my power to keep you away from her—even if it costs me everything .”

Wait what!? :pinkiegasp:

Even though she knew Celestia still used wired earbuds with the clunky adapter. Even though she knew Celestia’s phone was charging because it had died not even half an hour earlier. Even though she hadn’t seen any earbuds on Celestia’s desk or on her person at any point that day.

Remove 'person' in the last sentence. Makes so sense with it there. :applejackconfused:

“It’s not as bad as the man-bun though.”

There's something I dislike, man buns. :fluttershbad:

She dropped her bag by her desk and crossed the room to flop down on her bed. Somehow just being in her room hit like a truck—the day had been exhausting . Sighing, Twilight rolled onto her side and checked her phone. 5:44. Cadance will be here in a bit. She locked the screen and dropped it onto the carpet with a dull thud. Ugh. I just want to go to bed.

Was expecting Spike to appear, maybe he's somewhere else or just not in this story? 🤔

She tried to think back through her nightmare from the start. Celestia was expected; she was used to that. The blood sea was only a few months old, but it had definitely lost its shock value. The empty room, though, was a toss up. Sometimes Mom and Dad. Sometimes Shining. Her stomach churned. Sometimes Celestia again.

I wonder what the dreams are supposed to mean? :fluttershysad:

The doorbell rang—Cadance had arrived. Twilight flushed the toilet and washed her hands, forcing herself to take slow, even breaths. It took just a swig of mouthwash and a minute to fill out her dream journal for Twilight to feel her terror fade and her tiredness return. Her head felt foggy, like it was filled with cotton, and her bed was just as tempting as it had been twenty minutes ago.

Huh, and that's something I'd thought I've only seen and heard from Sharkboy and Lavagirl. :rainbowhuh:

11404662
ah, the “on her person” is actually correct! it’s not the most common phrase ill admit though haha. and yeah, no spike - hard to justify a talking dog when twilight’s so anti-magic xd

thanks again for the comment!

Sunset smiled—a genuine one, not the fake one from before—and leaned across the table to grab Twilight’s hands. “This is great! You don’t have to break your promise to Principal Celestia, and I get the chance to investigate another potential source of magic!” She let out a giddy laugh and gave Twilight’s fingers a squeeze. “You’re the best, Twilight. Just watch; I’ll definitely find proof to show you that magic is real. Promise!”

Now she's done it. :duck:

(She’d catch Twilight up later, of course, though perhaps with an abridged version that left out some less than flattering moments. A reliable narrator Sunset Shimmer was not.)

Was this supposed to be like some forth wall break? :applejackconfused:

“Oh, y’know, I’m just thinking out loud.” Sunset tried to play off what she’d said with a wave of her hand and a nervous laugh. “It’s nothing, really.” Yet.

What does she have planned. :rainbowhuh:

There’s a tension here, Sunset realized as she watched Twilight automatically shuffle over to the back of the left team. It felt like static electricity building in the air, an almost tangible emotion that no one seemed to want to acknowledge. Pity? She snuck a glance at Rainbow, who was pointedly looking anywhere besides Twilight. And... guilt?

Guilt*

And then she turned to Iron Will and chucked it as hard as she could at his head.

Of course. :facehoof:

“To catch you off guard.” At that, Sunset smirked openly and crossed her arms. Some of the intimidating look was lost without her jacket, but even in her gym uniform it sent a clear message of defiance.

Good going Sunset. :ajbemused:

“Again, I don’t quite know how to respond to that.” Celestia’s mask remained on, but Sunset could feel a few more cracks splinter through it: the edge to her voice, the slight tightening of her jaw. “And this isn’t the best time for idle chit-chat about imaginary concepts. I have things to attend to right now—a consequence of your chosen communication method.”

Why does it say mask remained on? :unsuresweetie:

Instead of responding Sunset just turned and walked away—out the end of the row, down the aisle, and across the space in front of the stage to the middle of the furthest, frontmost row. When she sat down all Twilight could see was the back of her head, and then when a group of boys took their seats one row back Twilight couldn’t see Sunset at all.

Happy now Twilight. :fluttercry:

Then it sank in: I think I fucked up .

Ya think! :flutterrage:

11406073
wow, thanks for another great comment! to address a few things, i believe it’s alright to have a lowercase after a trailing ellipse in this case, since the sentence without it would be “And guilt?” :twilightsmile: As for the mask part, it’s more of a metaphorical expression. Sunset can clearly tell that Celestia’s hiding something and putting up an icy “mask” over her emotions, if that makes sense. but it’s good to know if that wasn’t coming across clearly!

again, thanks so much for commenting, and i hope you’re enjoying the story ^^

11406742
I only said that stuff about the lowercase as I thought it was an error. Guess I still have a few things to learn. And your welcome, I like to do these things for just about all the stories I read on this site. You'll be getting many more of them in the future, so stay tuned for that. :raritywink:

THAT WAS SO COOL!!!
THE WAY YOU NIGHTMARE TOYED WITH THEM
THE REASONS THE MAIN 5 STAYED BACK
SUNSET USING A CURTAIN ROD TO PLAY WHACK A MOLE WITH NIGHTMARE
AND YOU ALSO BROUGHT UP THE ETYMOLOGY OF THEIR NAMES
ITS SO FREAKING FANTASTIC
I ABSOLUTELY LOVE YOUR WRITING AND ART

11409633
ahhh im so happy you liked it! thank you very much, it really made my evening to see such an enthusiastic comment :twilightsmile:

It wasn’t obvious, and she was sure that even students in the front row would miss it if they weren’t looking for it. But to Twilight it stuck out like a sore thumb—a single, crimson smear at the corner of Celestia’s mouth. Impossibly faint, yet incredibly obvious since she doesn’t wear that shade of lipstick, she never liked red, why else would there be—

She's definitely hiding something. :duck:

She couldn’t find a way to hide it, so she didn’t have a choice.

Probably. :applejackunsure:

“Students!” Celestia commanded the crowd’s attention once again, though this time with incredible urgency. “You must leave now! ” Another shudder wracked her body, and when no one moved to leave she grabbed the microphone stand and slammed it into the stage floor with a bang. “ LEAVE! ”

Ok? :unsuresweetie:

That finally did it. Students bolted from their seats toward the doors, their nervous murmurs twisting into shouts and screams. Twilight tried to follow the panicked mob but only managed to make it out of her seat and into the aisle before her knees buckled and set her tumbling to the floor.

sent*

The golden glow sputtered, then suddenly winked out. Twilight could only watch in horror as Celestia spat out a mouthful of blood and staggered backward, sweat dripping from her brow. “Leave,” she repeated weakly to the nearly-empty room.

Oh dear lord! :pinkiegasp:

Celestia tumbled into the side of the stage across the room with a crash, while at the same time Sunset flew backward like a ragdoll, slamming into the wall beside Twilight and collapsing to the floor. Her book landed a second later, face-down with its pages splayed and smoking.

Sunset! :raritycry:

Nightmare’s magic evaporated and Twilight dropped like a stone. Before she even registered falling she landed in a tangle of arms—caught just before her head smacked against the ground.

That was too close! :fluttershyouch:

That a star who believed in the arcane would be the one to inherit my destiny... When Celestia learned how fate would orchestrate my revenge, what choice did she have? It spread its arms wide as Sunset inched closer, nearly within reach. She thought that the only way to protect her beloved niece from my return was to prevent magic itself—and she actually succeeded! I cannot yet sway her star!

Oh shit! :raritydespair:

And before anyone could react it stabbed its arm through Sunset’s back and out her chest, directly through her heart.

https://m.

11409777
whoops, thanks for catching that typo!

and yea, with this chapter, things start to kick off - glad to have you comment again, really appreciate it :twilightsmile:

Holy hell! I was not expecting that to escalate so quickly. Stabbed through the chest. Yeesh, we are mean to Sunny sometimes.

11410218
she’s such a fun character, it’s hard not to be a liiiittle mean :twilightsheepish:

thanks for commenting!

Your art is phenomenal, and the quality of your writing certainly matches. I'm absolutely enthralled by this story and am very eager to see where it goes from here!

11417048
your comment is so nice omg, thank you so much!! i'm working very hard on this project, so please look forward to the rest of the story ^^

Good stuff! I like how AJ's element is first. It's a nice parallel to the first two eps of the series itself. Very excited to see how they all get through this.

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